Feedback on A Phantom of the Opera

[stardust47]

Read it here. When Cannon's got the lag sorted out, I'll actually get the cash for a Junker bomber and got to The Shrine. Or, can I do it in a CSV?

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[Ash]

Oh man, this is gonna hurt.

Rules state Nomad Trial ID can only be mounted onto a Morph or 'Trial' Nomad ship. Sorry dude, someone had to say it.

As for the story, it seems quite sudden and over simplified. In the third post you mentioned that she just shot the nomad until it was dead. Like she would react more towards a rat on the kitchen floor. Nomads are scary as hell man, and there's more to them than that. Personally I don't think a nomad would survive getting shot several times. It didn't seem to like getting shot just once by whoever it was in SP. Unless it's infected her in some kind of indirect way.

However, if you work on it and try and add a little more detail, I think you've got a good base for a decent story. It just seems to be like the skeleton of the thing at the moment if you know what i mean. Needs to have a bit more complexity and structure .

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[stardust47]

Oh man, this is gonna hurt.

Rules state Nomad Trial ID can only be mounted onto a Morph or 'Trial' Nomad ship. Sorry dude, someone had to say it.

Reading the story.....

I'm gonna get the money for a ship that can SURVIVE the trip to The Shrine, muppet.

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