Da Green Masheen!

[Jayce]

The location: The planet Golgotha, Ultima Segmentum

"Boss, da umiez is krumpin us!" yelled Globsnot, one of the younger members of the warband. The warband, lead by Grotblitz Gorsog, had been fighting on the god-forsaken planet for days, engaged in a bloody trench war with the Space Marine forces.

"Shut yer mouf, before I knocks ya teefs out myself!" retorted Grotblitz, before firing his Kustom Mega-Blasta once more, instantly vaporizing his target into a fine mist of blood, gore, and shrapnel.

"But boss, we iz losin!" shouted another Ork to Grotblitz' left, named Uzgrub.

"Maybe you iz right... Globsnot, call da Mekboy, get da Shokk Gun in 'ere!"

"Sure fing, boss!" shouted the Ork over the din of Heavy Bolter fire, as he turned and sprinted down the trench to find the Mekboy, an Ork named Boltzog. Mekboy! Get you and yer Grotz ova' 'ere, we need ta use da big gun!"

"Only if da boss sez so! Grotz, get da gun and follow me!" shouted the Mekboy to his Grots, already hefting the power supply and cage of Snotlings down the trench at a breakneck pace.

The Mekboy and the Shoota Boy soon arrived at the frontline trench, and set to work assembling the gun: first its mount, then the power core, and then the gun itself.


A little explanation of Da Shokk Attack Gun, before we move any further:

The gun itself is one of the most bizarre weapons produced by the Orks. No one knows exactly how it does it, but it projects a forcefield through the warp, beginning at the end of the barrel and ending roughly where the gun is aimed. The portals look like small spinning black holes. In this way it is possible for living creatures to travel through the warp towards the exit point, much like a temporary Webway portal. The journey is extremely frightening and both Orks and Gretchin have learned to avoid being fired. In addition, the gun is known to misfire, sucking the user of the weapon and anyone around it into the warp, and spitting them out at a random point in space and time.


"Uhg, dis is 'eavy!" grunted the Mekboy, hefting the final component of the Shokk gun into place, and flicking on the bright red switch clearly labelled "POWA." "Boss, da gun is ready!"

"Well den, shoot it! Da umies are krumpin' us!" shouted the warboss, his Kustom Mega-Blasta releasing gouts of plasma the size of a basketball.

"Okay, boss!" shouted the Boy, sighting through the weapon's oversized and crude aiming mechanism. In his haste, however, the Mekboy had failed to ensure a plug-lock had been secured, and it had come undone moments before he pressed the trigger, clearly labelled, as expected, "DA TRIGGA!"

With a whirr and a squeal, the gun revved up, and as quickly as it had started, went silent. Da boyz looked at one another, and their faces quickly turned to a pale, sickly green color, as a warp portal formed around them.

After what seemed like hours, which in actuality were mere seconds, of flying through twisted space and dimensions, they landed with a thunk, surrounded by more humans. These humans were different than those from the universe the Orks were from, however. They were smaller, looked weaker, and were generally less fit than the Space Marines the Orks had been fighting.

"Where is we..." muttered Da Boss, staring at a sign clearly labelled "Cocktails."

"P-planet New Berlin..." stammered out one of the bystanders.

"What? Where's dat!?" shouted da boss, sprinting over to the Humpback-class Freighter parked on the landing deck.

"New Berlin system, Rheinland s-space, Sirius Sector, 816 A-A.S... Who... What are you?"

"I'z Grotblitz Gorsog, leader ov Grotblitzez Goresheddas, and dis is my ship now! I's callin it... DA GREEN MASHEEN!" shouted the Boss, clambering into the open hatch of the vessel. "Come on boyz, let's fly!"

"Roight, boss!"
"Sure fing!"
"WAAAGH!"

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