Name:Jimmy Larkin is mah name! Age: 36 Height:5’ 9” and shrinkin’! Weight: The scale keeps breakin’ every time I use it! Hair Color: What hair? Eye Color:Brown I tink. Birth Place: Tah place in teh Colorado system… Denver! Current Status: Donut Eatin’! I mean err… LPI officer? Ya tats it!
“Oh rite, so I’m to start writing what I do ‘ere right? No way I’m doin’ that! EH MISSY! Cmere, write tis thing for meh! I give ya tis half a donut?”
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Jimmy Larkin was born and raised on Planet Denver within the Colorado system. His addiction for candy, sweets, and epically donuts started at the young age of three, when his mother would spoil him with tasty treats to ‘give him muscle’. Unfortunately, as Jimmy, his mother wasn’t quite to bright, and read the packaging of the candy wrong. She thought it would help him lose fat, her mistake.
Jimmy went through high school as the school mascot, a fat teddy bear, he was of course picked on constantly and never managed to meet a girl, though attempts to get one at any chance he may acquire, though his obvious size, smell, horrible appearance, and constant offering donuts tended to scare them off quite quickly.
After high school, Jimmy dropped out and tried to become a profession candy taster, trying out new products of candies and chocolates. He did it for years gaining weight quickly, the doctors amazed he could even stand up, let alone breathe. But after a serious disaster at the age of 28 testing an experiment type of strawberry jelly filled donuts, Jimmy lost his hair, and it never grew back causing him to be full bald.
Jimmy went for years without a job or carrier, living within his Mothers basement as he continued to feed him sweets. At 36, his Mothers supply for candies was cut entirely short, something about ‘going on a diet’. Jimmy couldn’t bare to think of eating anything healthy and ran off to the local donut shop.
Once inside, Jimmy heard word of the LPI giving free donuts and coffee during breaks. A smile came across Jimmys face, “Goin’ in to space and sittin’ there while eatin’ donuts? Wat could be bettah?!” he said to himself and rushed off to the LPI Recruitment office.
"Eh! Der be tat appli... Appli... Paper thingy dat I write in?"
The women at the desk looked overly disgusted while handing him an application and then ran to the back room. "Cmon missy! I don't smell tat bad!"
Jimmy looked at the paper trying to spell out the words as he read.
LPI Recruitment Appli… Appli… PAPER THINGY! Wrote:1. Do you like donuts? *drool stain* - Err, oops. Yus I like tem donuts, teh straberry jelly kind!
2. Do you like coffee?
How 'lse am I to wake up in teh mornin'?
3. Do you like paperwork?
I can barely read teh damn things!
4. Do you have any flight experience?
Wats tat?
5. What is the pay you expect to get from this?
I 'erd you had free donuts on break.
6. What hours do you expect/can you work?
Tem I'm not eatin' or drikin 'uff.
7. Do you have any objections to strapping yourself to a flimsy, piece o' crap Patriot, with downgraded weaponry and upgraded ejection seats? Furthermore, do you have any objections to taking said crappy Patriot, enforcing the law o' Liberty, God, and Chuck Norris, to a mass of people that don't care one way or the other what you do?
'Top askin big questions! I can'ts read em! I'mma just say yus!
8. Are you disgruntled?
Disgr... Disgrun... Wat tat word say!? ]
He sneezed after reading the last question, snot stains covered the paper. He wiped his nose on his sleeve and yelled;
"Eh Missy! I'm done!"
Matt Myers came running in hugging him, saying something about his long lost brother. He accepted his application and joined the ‘ranks’ of the LPI, having to have a custom ship built to have himself hit in the cockpit.
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“Eh! Tank ya Missy, sorry ‘bout teh donuts, but I eats it.”
The women fell to the ground, fainting from Jimmy’s horrible smell, weeks it must have been since he showered last. He looked and her and yelled down the halls. “Were are teh rest of dem donuts an' coffee!? Break time!”
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