*She sighs* I keep hearing these voices in my head when I sleep. No matter what I do, they always come. It feels like those voices try to send me a message. A message I am not able to understand... They make me crazy. I can't take it anymore. I really hope it ends soon...
Entry #2 - Date: 2nd July, Monday
*She rubs her head and takes a few seconds* Aaah... today... the voices in my dreams where more clearer. It sounded like they want me to do something for them. Some kind of... favor. All I can remember are these words:
"Souls"
"Ritual"
And a specific name "Elizabeth Ortega" including a location "Liberty - Manhatten"
Dear God... I wanted it to be gone, not to make it more crazier than it already is! I am starting to get a headache of all these dreams. Please, oh please, make it stop.
>>>Addendum to Entry #2
I wanted to forget about my last dream. I didn't even think about it anymore. But then! There was this person... Elizabeth Ortega... Yeeeeeeeees! The name mentioned in my dream! I was passing Manhatten unintentionally and saw her there. I planned to make a big circle around Manhatten to avoid her. But I couldn't for some reasons! It felt like I was controlled by something, something that decided to make these decisions. So I contacted Elizabeth, unwillingly and unintentionally.
I thought she might be able to help me. Maybe that's why I had this dream of her. Could it be, that she is my "angel" to help me out in this situation?
I talked with her, we introduced each other thoroughly. She was soooooo nice and polite. *She blushes a bit* She is also... beautiful and cuuute! However, it looks like she is unaware of certain aspects of life. She is, in general, unaware of her body and its functions... *She giggles slightly* It makes her even more attractive! We talked, talked, talked... no idea for how long! I kindaaa lost the track of time! *She giggles innocently* Later we went together to Lizzy's apartment. God, I was so excited! Weee had sooooooo much fun! And I... I think I have feelings for her... *She sighs* She is so amazing... I really need to find out more about her. Oooh! And of course about her sister. She mentioned something about a sister. I look forward to meet her, too! *She grins evilly* Yet I don't know how she is supposed to help me... *She sighs* I hope for the best.
Entry #3 - Date: 3rd July, Tuesday
*She opens the journal, obviously nervous and scared* M-my god... the dreams... they get more intense than ever before. Today I have seen Elizabeth again... and there was blood, so much blood... *She stops a moment*
Voices... I heard them again. I remember clear words... "Sacrifice" and "The End". I am so scared. I am lost, I don't know what I should do... It appears everytime I do what the dream is wanting from me I get involved into something I don't want to be part of. That's madness... why meeee!? Is it all because I rob rich traders?! They have enough. Those bloody greedy idiots can surely share a bit of their profit! God damn! N-no... there has to be more. It's related with Elizabeth. It clearly is. *She sighs* Maybe I should confront her with it, but I doubt she would understand anything. Hell, I don't even understand it. Jeeez... I guess we will see.
I have met Elizabeth today again. We went to her apartment as the day before. We talked and I wanted to let her know about my dreams. So I did, but I didn't tell her what those dreams were about. All I said was that I am having weird dreams. I didn't go into detail... I just couldn't. Theeeeeen... I saw this knife on the table... Jeeez, I looked at it without thinking of anything, I was totally distracted by it! I tried to look away, but not even that worked. It felt like I was being controlled by something and out of the sudden I had some kind of... day dream... oooor... maybe some kind of vision. Hell, I don't know... What I can remember is that I have killed Elizabeth in the dream or vision, whatever! *She sighs*
As soon as it was over, I took the knife without knowing what to do with it. I didn't want to take it, but I couldn't control myself. It was like I was a 'guest' in my own body and I could see everything, but without having the choice to act. I... I think... I threatened Lizzy with the knife... Ooooh maaaaaaaan... *She sniffs*
I do wonder sometimes if I am just a toy for an evil cause... *She sighs* Lastly, I managed to control myself again before something bad could happen. I ran towards the bathroom and locked myself in it to prevent to hurt Lizzy again. Once I was there I heard these voices again... they were in my head. All I heard was "BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD!" I wanted it to stop! I freaked out and threw things around the room, smashed my hands against the wall. But the voices just didn't stop! I tried to kill myself with the knife... I was so close to do it... buuuut... I cut my finger when I picked up the knife, it bled slightly and shortly afterwards the voices were gone...
Was that all? Did I satisfied these voices with my own blood? God damn! I can't believe it. It's terrible! Now I even get these dreams and hear those voices when I am not sleeping. There is no way I can hide from them... I need help... I need to explain it to Lizzy. Everything... maybe even my kind of job. Yeees... she is trustworthy. I trust her. I never trusted anyone as much as I have trusted her so far.
Oh... before I forget it... Lizzy appears to be... connected with... spirits. I asked her if these spirits were able to control her. She confirmed it... maybe it is related to my dreams... I guess we will see about it.
I was again together with Lizzy. We met in space when... the police and the navy were messing with me. I knew it was just a matter of time until they would open fire. *She sighs* I honestly don't know what happened... I was distracted... but suddenly they opened fire on Lizzy and I jumped in to defend her. In that progress I managed to destroy one ship of the police forces. It... felt good... for some reasons... We managed to push the other attacking ships away and we then meet up at Rochester at Liz's apartment. I realized, after this incident just now, it was time to tell her about myself and my work. I explained her everything in detail about my work as a pirate. She wasn't so much surprised by it and she said it was okay. It waaaaaaaas such a relief for me. I thought when she would understand that, then she would surely understand the thing about my dreams... these voices! So I explained that to her, too. She said I should warn her next time when I attempt to lose the control over myself. *She sighs in relief* I knew I could trust her and I am sooooooo glad I have told her these things. It's so much easier now!
Later then we went to get Liz a new ship. Apparently her previous ship, she used in the incident, wasn't made for such... encounters. In order to upgrade her vessel accordingly and with the best available technology I showed her Barrier Gate. The place where I start my operations... where I sleep and where I live most of my time. It was a really enjoyable time with her. Something that will never be forgotten! *She giggles* We ate and drank something at the bar on the station. There she asked me the meaning of a few words. One of these words was "love". *She rubs her head* Hell, that was not easy to explain. But I guess I made it clear for her. She should be aware of what love is now.
Afterwards, we went to my room on Barrier Gate. I told her beforehand that my room will be a disappointment, considering its size. But she liked the little room regardless. We spend the rest of the time there and I... *She giggles* Ahem... I showed her... romantic love. Aaah... I love her. I just hope she loves me, too.
It's a surprise... I woke up and saw Lizzy right beside me... there were no voices or dreams when I slept. Is it... over? Dear God, I hope it is over. However, I still wonder why I was so happy to kill this police officer... *She sighs* At least I managed to sleep without any problems!
Today, as Lizzy was still in bed, I went to rob some rich traders. It was... kinda successful. I earned a lot of cash... but... I destroyed the trade vessels that refused to pay up a certain amount of cash. Hell, it wasn't even much, but they were still greedy and refused to pay! Dear god, I enjoyed it to kill them. The explosions... it was like a firework. Thing is... I am not having any bad thoughts about it. What the hell is happening to me?! Ooohh... I forgot to mention that I nearly got killed by the Navy. They destroyed my ship but I managed to escape in my escape pod. But that wasn't too much of a problem. I earned enough credits to afford a new ship.
Later on, I met with Lizzy at Barrier Gate. We talked a bit and decided to fly a bit around. In California we witnessed a fight. The Navy forces fought against a lonely Reaver. We both considered to help him as it really looked bad for him. Unfortunately his ship exploded in the next few seconds. The Navy then turned against us and didn't waste any time to open fire at me and Lizzy. I was blind in rage. How could they dare to shoot at Lizzy?! These bastards nearly managed to kill Lizzy! God thanks she used her escape pod in time and I was able to tractor her in. *She sighs* I destroyed one of the Navy ships and fled right after that. It looked like the other Navy pilots were shocked and didn't realize I was trying to run. Too bad for them, huh... Lizzy appears to be fine. I will take care of her! And those Navy pilots. They will pay for that. Everyone! They will fall, one by one. I will make sure that NO ONE will hurt her!
*She stops for a moment*
The dreams were back today... but they weren't bad ones this time. There were these voices again, but they kinda congratulated me instead of babbling nonsense. I think I am starting to figure out what this all means. It is clearly related with Lizzy. I need to protect her!
I didn't feel so well yesterday... but I can remember that I have killed some people who either refused to pay or simply attacked me. I enjoyed it... it was such a joy to see them suffer! Even if I don't want to, it still gets to me and I can barely control myself...
Even the dreams are back. Voices who demand blood for sacrifices. What sacrifices?! For what? Moreover, I had dreams about really strange looking places. Maybe I find answers there? I guess, I shouldn't always stay at the same place over and over again. I have to stay on the move... I wonder, if I should take Lizzy with me. It would break my heart to leave her alone. So would Lizzy's... *She sighs* Maybe I should confront her.
Entry #8 - Date: 8th July, Sunday
I didn't confront her with it. I don't know why... but I was just too distracted. I spent the rest of the day with her. I don't want to leave her, there is nothing that will stop me from being together with her.
I have these dreams of those places again. They are beautiful... stunning... unbelievable to describe! I wonder, where these places are! I want to see them... I really hope to find answers there!
Entry #9 - Date: 9th July, Monday
Today I have finally met Lizzy's sister Paz! She is nice and beautiful just like her sister! I like her. I just wish Lizzy wasn't so open about her feelings towards me. That was quite embarrassing! *She giggles* I hope to see her again.
Entry #10 - Date: 10th July, Tuesday
Today I have confronted Lizzy with my plans to leave Liberty. She said she doesn't want to leave me and would do anything to stay with me. So she changed her reputation to match mine. I... was glad about that, but I am afraid that she might get hurt.
I also showed her a mysterious gate, not so far from Barrier Gate. I had dreams about the gate the day before. I still don't know why, but it seemed dangerous and I didn't want to hurt Lizzy because of my dreams.
So we dropped the idea to head to the other side of the gate and went back to my apartment.
Entry #11 - Date: 17th July, Tuesday
I am starting to lose myself. I keep running into trouble with the Police and Navy forces and I simply enjoy killing them. In fact, I love it! I am afraid I will turn into a monster and hurt Lizzy in the end... I don't want that. Maybe it is really the best idea to leave everything behind me and search for those places in my dreams. If I don't find any answers, I see no reason to carry on. God... I will miss her so much, in fact, I already do right now. I hope I will see her again.
Hope is only an illusion. I am going to end it here and now!
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