As to this matter of fleshiness: Names, sir! Bring me names! If it is one of our own, the Holy Hairbrush of Eris will just be the beginning.
And, while we do turn the "other cheek" in Baffin to certain traders and "entrepenuers", however distasteful; if I find that this is a growing trend among Zoners in general, I will direct Ambassador Holliday to bring the matter before the Alliance Council again, sir.
And finally, speaking of "our own", it has come to my attention that I have spoken a mistruth regarding our "fallen Pope's" resignation from the Flock. In short, I was trying to save him the embarrassment of being publicly denounced as a whiss-poor servant of Eris.
But, since I have now been accused of lying regarding his circumstances, I would like to recant, and formally announce that Jacob Chidington, pilot of the [TAZ]Roasted.Flatbread, was in fact Excommunicated, fired, and run out of Baffin on a rail, for dereliction of duty, refusal to adhere to the new Papal Requirements, and for mopery with intent to gawk.
A'dieu, Jacob. Lose that [TAZ] tag and transponder by Monday, or i shall have it done for you.
Jacob Chidington here. I noticed you misspelled my name.
I thought I'd get my story clear, before lies and defamation took place. Scoundrel. I never refused to adhere to any blasted requirements, you excommunicated me before they were in place. I told you, I'd make more reports if you just asked with a modicum of decency and politeness. Instead you threw a fit. You railed against me, accused me of not caring about TAZ, a bold-faced LIE. The only thing I don't care about is the "embarrassment" you wished to spare me, because I am in the right.
With Eris as my witness, may I be sold in the land of Thud as a precious Mao button should I be wrong, I do proclaim my innocence of your accusations. I derelict no duty. I follow the Pentabarf. Everything that is required of me, I do. I do not talk in this announcement center usually, because I have nothing to say, but now because I have something to say, I talk. It makes sense that way.
If you wish that I make reports, then I will. As my first and final report, I do proclaim my unjust excommunication, which you made in a haze of self-righteous anger fueled by your own foolishness and pride. You refused to see how reasonable I was in not talking, in not filling up this announcement center with useless chatter. YOU refused to be sympathetic, with your view unilateral. I refused nothing. I told you, in bold, plain words, that I would talk if you asked it of me, but that I did not believe in talking without speaking. I told you, in bold, plain words, that if it was required of me, I would, but I had to make you know my opinions. It was you, not I, who overreacted.
All you had to do was ask without any condescension, arrogance, or contempt. I told you that I would obey, but that I did not believe in what you required. You would require no dissenting opinion of mine as well as my obeisance of your requirements?
Let Eris judge me herself, for you obviously are unfit to do so.
Jacob Chidington.
"Things will not calm down, Daniel Jackson. They will, in fact, calm up."
To: TAZ
From: Wilhelm Scream (aka schlakker schweign)
Goddess! Pineal produced, indeed looking a wee bit tarnished. Mr Sheen deployed successfully (a brand of furniture polish down our way.) Thanks to our revered leader for kindling the light of boot-up-the-backside, was sorely (and I don't use that word lightly) needed.
Posts: 8,090
Threads: 731
Joined: Aug 2008
Staff roles: Moderator
Comm ID: [TAZ]Doc Holliday
To: All TAZ
RE: Deliveries
I would aske that each of you plan into your travels a supply run for the Sairs. I know some of you already run food to Crete but I'd like to see a few more runs made as per this request:
::Riley walks up to the highest Canarian ground closest to his campsite & sends a signal::
To Malaclypse, et al...I hear ya...I understand ya & I'm sorry for being such an antisocial butterfly, but that's the nature of the beast when I go on these Canarian Sabbaticals I'm so fond of.
I'll do more on my end to keep the lines of communication open.
Currently, I have the Erinoch safe & sound in drydock here on Canaria, & the Underloch is currently doing its utmost to collect dust properly in the PB Bay up top in Baffin.
I s'pose it wouldn't kill me to make more of an effort to trek up the hills to the signal catchers in order to check in a couple times a week till I get off my ass & head back home.
++ Source : Gabriel Angelos, Captain of the Tau.Ceti.Central ++
++ Destination : Mr. Doc Holiday ++
++ Derivation : TAZ Popes ++
++ Encryption level : mu ++
++ Transmission begins ++
Good day my dear Doc and my good pope friends.
As stated during the last communication we had in Omega 49, i'm planning to help you about those deliveries to our Corsairs friends.
I will provide Plutonium and Food rations to them during the following days, if Eris wills, and will send the logs concerning those transactions in my next communication.
Corollary, if anyone would like to join me during those runs, please contact me.
We will keep those Corsairs senores happy and shiny, and i will be able to give some wine to my friend Rosendo Benitez.
Oh. It seems i missed this note concerning policies changes from you dear Episkopos Prime. I fully understand keeping communication channels open is important. I for once fly a lot, but don't communicate much here. I will now try to keep a decent communication level with the popes.
Ah, "Mr. Sheen" indeed. Amazing what the spectre of the Holy Hairbrush can reveal. I am heartened. Join me in the Geode at your leisure, Popes, and we'll all "Shine On!"
I am especially heartened by the private Memo from our Ambassador John Henry. Doc, you have done more in two weeks to accomplish the goals of this Church than I have done in several years. You are hereby awarded the "Emperor Norton Star" for duty above and beyond the call.
While not ready to discuss all the possible ramifications, even over this highly secured FnordNet channel, I believe it's safe to say that at least three of our "long-term" goals have been advanced considerably by your efforts, Doc. Kallisti!
And finally, to Jacob. As your FnordNet Transponder has not yet been disconnected, I will do you the courtesy of an answer.
It seems we must "agree to disagree" regarding the unfortunate circumstances surrounding your "retirement". But, as the sign on my door still reads "Discordian in Chief", my decision stands.
While I wish you the best of luck and the Blessings of Eris in your future endeavours, Captain Chidington, you will now find that your FnordNet transponder has been disabled, and will self-destruct posthaste.
While I have no objection to your remaining a Zoner in good standing, as is your right, your Temple priviledges have also been revoked. I suggest the ZUI as a possible alternative.
Goodbye, Jacob. And to our other Members, keep that delicious Lasagna flying!
Comm ID: Linus
Location: Shasta Orbital Skyhook, Baffwin
Loud & clear, Episkoperson. I had to send my trusty engineer, Graham, off for further training...Eris loves him somethin' fierce, as nothing he touches winds up workin' as intended, but even a Discordian ship needs a bit o' order to function. 'Till then, I've got a few folk rotatin' through...right now, it's one of Dahlia's associates. Engine output's down 'cuz of all the exhaust filtration systems they put in, but at least it works! Anargyros is now ready for convoy escort, an' Loose Ends is always ready for convoy convoy shtuff.
Comm ID: Sancho Panza
To: [TAZ]Doc Holliday
Subject: Deliveries for Crete
Delivery itineraries and distribution capacity of freight will be adjusted to accommodate the request(s) from the Corsair nation.
Ship logs will be posted in the correct channels upon completion of delivery.
Comm ID: ZDF-Mama.Discordia, 5th Foo Fighters, ZDF
To; E-Alpha Male Primate
Well, Malsey Poo, I still have your number, so i thought I'd chime in and let you know that I'm STILL a Discordian, STIlLL the Mother of all Fnordettes, and STILL have my Robe. (Although it looks more like a tea cozy or bowling ball cover than a Robe.. heh.)
Now, since I'm on "detached duty" with Marshall Matok, I trust that my flight time and reports to the Marshall and ZDF Command will suffice for your cheeky new "Requirements".
If not, you can bite my shiney posterior hemisphere, and break a tooth in the process!