Tears streamed down Mal's face. Not from sadness at the prospect of ejecting one of the "imposters"; but from mirth at their antics. His path was clear. Like Solomon of old, he was now prepared to "cut the baby in halves".. He wiped the tears from his eyes and rose.
"Hold! Desist! Cease with the Turkey Curses! Eris has shown me the way. I have made my decision."
The two VanMojos ceased gobbling and sat, still casting imperious glares at each other.
"Firstly, as penance for your silliness, and wasting my time, you will each donate 10 Megatonnes of Flax to the Temple Fund."
The two nodded.
"Secondly, the vessel "Turkey Curse" will remain the property of 'Patamunzo' in perpetuity."
The silver-haired returnee from Gallia frowned at this, but reluctantly nodded in acceptance...
Mal paused, as if an inner debate still consumed his thoughts. He was actually prolonging this bit to watch them squirm in anticipation..
"And thirdly, It is the Will of Eris.. and my Official Decree as her Episkopos Prime...
...that you are BOTH Dr. VanMojo!"
The two men appeared to be in shock, and ready to spring up and begin the "Curse" again. Mal continued before they came to "gobbles".
"Further, from this day forth, you, Patamunzo, will be known as Doctor Podge VanMojo. And you of the silver hair and logical bent, will be known as Doctor Hodge VanMojo. Are we Shiney?"
Silence ensued as the two men's faces reflected both consternation at his Decree, and relief that each had not been ejected from the Church as an imposter. Finally, they both nodded in acceptance...
"There is more. I have prepared two vessels for you. They await you at Shasta. For a period of two weeks, you will fly no other vessel.
"Each day, you will fly to the Region of Thud, also known as 'New York', and distribute free Amulets to the cabbages there.
"You are both still Popes, Beloved of Eris, the two faces of 'Janus', and a shining example of the Sacred Chao in action!
"Now.. hug each other, cease this silliness, and let's have a beer!"