To: OSI Leadership, Phoenix Leadership CC: CW | Encrypted

[Eduard]

In the entirety of my honesty, my dearest and most amiable Skarski Wyrdmake whose name always causes my tongue to spiral in uncontrollable, exhilarating motions as it twists and turns, ramming against my teeth, I must... commend you for the sparkling initiative in informing us. Not only that, but I greatly appreciate that you have reached the required magnanimous level of enlightenment and intellectual prosperity so that you will see and fathom the greatness, distinction and preeminence with which we lubricate our bodies daily like the most... ardent olive oil. Indeed, my dear, I cannot cease to think about your well contrived insight which separated ourselves from the... Other Zoners. A subtle yet sublime form of expressing your recognition and awe of our greatness.

But I digress, as much as I would like to turn this communique into a contest of which of you, my dearest Zoner organizations, is more fitting to idolize the Commonwealth, I am afraid I must cut short your eagerness and halt you in your places, for we have more important business to take care of. This, along with a precise contrivance and survey over the entity we are to deal with shall be done by my colleague, Achille Augustin Nadeau, and I shall dabble into... what I am about to exude:

These Vagrant Raiders... this pestering pestilence composed of technological heretics who arduously fornicate their scalpels with a screwdriver right after they wash their faces ludicrously with barbed wire, seem to have committed a transgression against the Zonerdom Conglomerate. A transgression which is unacceptable. But with great misfortune, I shudder at the force which beckons me to erupt my mouth in sporadic mannerism, as I must tell you that directly confronting these... corroded plebs harvested with serrated plows from the most repugnant of cesspools as they incessantly defecated the purpose of their lives in pursuit of trivialities which concluded with the sole success of intellectual impoverishment... would be a tad too laborious at this moment, not to mention that our Casus Belli would be... bulged in pretentiousness.

We currently rely solely on your assumptions, monsieur Skarsi, the ever poignant individual which I love so much ( nothing farther than a relationship of scrupulous yet squeezing amicability, I assure you ) that I would like to serve him the most powerful and exquisite of drinks, catered with spices and tastes that are so... exquisite you won't get to drink a second time, ( Most certainly because you will not find an equal to such a refined drink ), I must tell you, that regardless how much trust we put in your words, trust which extrapolates with the plebs' expectancy and fate as they long awaited the coming of Prometheus, I think it would be more proper to act based on certainty, and as such, The Commonwealth would offer itself in... laying witness with its own eyes upon this... abomination.

In the meantime, the purity and impeccability of our technology has been violated, rammed vigorously by a giant serpent penetrating the most somber of cave holes to sink its fangs on its long awaited prize: The egg... of a passerine. And to top it off, the authors of this scene of violation are nothing else but clumsy legionaries whipped and ordered by a Caligula who would declare war on any random asteroid which would provide a handicap to its eyesight, ( not that his own sanity wasn't enough of a handicap ) and this disgusts me even more, I dare say.

This transgression however, happened once, I believe? Non ? Oui ? Non ? Non ? Well, this is the first time it happens in Commonwealth's history, regardless, because this is the first time... we... we care. But, that doesn't mean it cannot occur again later in history, and repeat itself over and over. That is why... I hereby propose a treaty that the Conglomerate of Zonerdom should erect. A treaty where the Houses, and whatever organization you deem significant enough to have their ears caressed and fornicated by our divine, godlike, resonant voices which would undoubtedly be accompanied by your less divine yet undoubtedly fit for the position of background voices, would be announced and asked to agree to the notion that we, exquisite and overtly finespun zoners, wish to take no account for the incompetence and ill-fated endeavours that the third parties who stole our technology may engage in.

In turn, we will fully agree to the termination of said vessels and transgressors, perhaps we... by which I mean you... can add a monetary reward for such... gun totting Samaritans?

And now, to finally cease the personal, self-indulging exhilaration of verbal masturbation which I caused with one... final vocal ejaculation of harmoniously sculpted and arranged words, yet this time arranged in the phalanx formation of spartan soldiers, I will summarize my speech and say that I believe that undoubtedly, these... plebs deserve punishment, a punishment best instrumented by informing the Royal Navy and by embellishing the name of their organization with a lavish bounty and furthermore... I believe that a treaty should be in place, a treaty where we can mitigate any possible discrepancies and inconveniences that future thieves may cause.

However... we should ride with godspeed on the Devil's thunder, mes amis. I shudder to contrive the possibility of my nobility status in Gallia to be revoked by the mere fact of what these... these... brutes would cause.

Yours sincerely,
Robert d'Autoine
Exalted and elegant Head Councilor of the undoubtedly exquisite and overtly finespun Commonwealth

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King Eduard is the greatest