*As she switches the log on, Elena is still rubbing her eyes with one hand, while holding the PDA with the other. As usual, she is laying on her bed in her apartment on Glendalough, it makes the impression of a very cozy, yet also untidy one. After her eyes have become visible, they don't look exactly tired, but rather worried, together with the slightly raised eyebrows and a frowned forehead. Her mouth keeps being opened a bit while she is staring at the camera, obviously sorting her thoughts before beginning to speak.*
Ready yourself for some bad news, please. Or rather worrying news, and I don't know if I should be glad or worried I don't know yet whether it will be bad news or not soon. Anyways ... as I've mentioned in my last log, I had this accident during the time in the Uncharted System, you know, the one seemingly without an exit. I still got these bruises everywhere as you can see, but that's seriously not what I'm complaining about. If it was me, I could have far more than only these few, but there's something else. The baby... *She turns silent for a moment* ... it's ... it could be hurt. The bloody doctor was incompetent enough to not be able to tell me for sure if so or not, so now I'm sitting here, on the salver, racking my brain
*She moves her eyes away from the camera, looking down onto the bed, licking her lips while trying to find a good set of words again.*
It's been some time since I've preyed to God, I gotta admit that. I'm not an atheist though, I actually -do- believe in a higher power, and right now, I could seriously need its help. The only reason I might seem calm at the moment is that I already had enough time to brood over these news. And again, these news are no news, why the hell did the doctor have to tell me in the first place when he has no f*cking idea yet anyways?
Anyhow ... tomorrow I'll know more, that's when I'll attend a serious clinic to get any kind of worries sorted out ... or confirmed, we'll see about that. I swear to God, the latter can't be an option, it just can't. Just thinking about it, no, I won't. I've been a mess a few hours ago already, let's not repeat this again.
*With a headshake, Elena attempts to throw the flood of thoughts out of her mind.*
And on top of that, I just got told from John that he's on 'an assigment' for the next ... wait for it ... 4 goddamn weeks! Without any shoreleave at all, he's being held hostage at Missouri by Sader as it seems, having to oversee repairs or what the f*ck he is actually doing there. Slowly, I feel he takes the piss out of me, literally. And the worst thing, it wasn't a joke, he meant it dead serious. Now, he might even be occupied when his child is going to die ... ha! Must feel awesome.
Seriously, may it be because of these mood swings during pregnancy, but I'd have loved to just tell him to kiss my ass for that message. No, not the way you think.
*She makes another small pause, gesturing with her fingers.*
Literally, I was -so- close to telling him he could forget about proposing to me -anytime- soon. Looking back, it would have been a dumb thing to do, I know, but my opinion still holds. If he can't finally make up his mind what his priorities are, I won't be willing to stand this much longer. Christ, I feel like a single mother most of the time, left alone with the baby inside me. This shouldn't be how things are...
At least I got a nice dinner soon I hope. Not with John, but with somebody else, I certainly got enough from him for the next days.
*Shaking her head, she switches off the log, not saying anything else.*