Caught Between Two Worlds

[Fiorella de Marco]

She had to get away from it - any way she could. But how to calm the chaotic storm of thoughts and feelings? It was so disorganized, unpredictable. How does one even tame something like that? Control it? It was spreading through her entire being, becoming more intense by the moment. It was becoming unbearable, uncontrollable.

She clenched into herself. She isolated herself from everything that was happening. A part of her being calmed down, her mind suddenly became capable of logic. All those conflicting feelings were gone. It felt closer, more welcoming, more familiar. It was just her and her universe again. There was order again. Predictability. She could once again immerse herself properly in her thoughts. What was the last thing she had thought about - oh yes, the past. Strange. Something was missing, something was different.

Had she stopped remembering colours - or was it the shapes that were lost? What were they, anyway? She could not remember. But something was wrong, strange. She delved deeper into her thoughts. She could not recall her memory, could not, it had betrayed her. Her memory was blank - was it? No, there was something in her memory. But she could not describe it, she could not reach it, it was always at the edges of her mind, hiding from her. She had to stop and wait in an attempt to draw it out. To stop her thoughts. It was pleasant, peaceful, so endless. Cold.

The universe changed, churned again. Her mind was overwhelmed with thoughts and feelings. Euphoria, pain, fear, passion, desire. She felt bigger, richer because of these new sensations and thoughts. It was happening many times, incomparably more at once. It was so indescribable, it was so intense. Colors and shapes were all around her, she was hot and shivering with convulsions. Noise? Where did it come from? Why had not she noticed it before - was there silence or noise? Why did she only care now?

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Fiorella Arianna de Marco | As Dawn Mayflower
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