Feedback

[GhostFace]

Nice story, but I recommend splitting into paragraphs. If you can't figure out where to split it, take these simple hints

New paragraph at

1) New "scene"
2) New conversation
3) New event within a scene, like someone entered the room
4) Within a scene, split at conversations with and if there are more than 2 people in one scene

Hope those tips help out

---

Maquis|Leon.LaBreau-If your interested in joining the Maquis PM me.
[RM]Of.Viktor.Niklovach [RoS]GhostFace[E] David.DeWester[101st] Order|Ens.Adam.Jones [C]Jean.Claude.Moreau
Kruger Security-Johann Von Struger ]bd[Akio.Kimura