Bru na Boinne

[dara]

Dara strolled into the Bru na Boinne, needing to sink a few pints of the black stuff.

"Top o' the mornin' to ye, Taichleach! Oi'll be needin' a point uv yer best, laddie. Oi's had wun o' dem days!" Dara sighed deeply, and took a stool at the bar. "Dem gharach traders in London is becomin' a roight pain in me rear end, te be shure! Me an' Cossach were out, takin' our share o' dair hard wurk..." Dara paused as a full glass was placed in front of him. "Ahhhh, Taichleach! Ye're born o' the heavens, so ye are! Slainte, moi friend." He took a long swallow of the dark ale.

"So, where was oi? Oh yeah, we wuz takin' our share frum dem what we runs in te in Leeds an' New London, so we goes te Cambridge fer a wee bit. Oi took the gate fer a change, y'knows? So, we jumps in te Cambridge an dis bleedin' great corsair gunboat pops out o' the trade lane frum the planet! Ain't ne'er seen nuthin' loike it before! Oi scans 'im roight fast, an' 'is ID sez 'e's a Zoner, 'is IFF sez 'e's a Hogosha," Dara spat on the floor as he mentioned the Kusari organisation, "an' 'e's floyin' a bleedin' corsair gunboat! 'e were headin' roight fer me an Cossach, so oi blocked off 'is route to the gate, an' tol' 'im te pay up, an' den get lost. He wouldn' do neither, an' den 'e turned nasty, openin' foire on me!" Dara took another long draught of the drink in front of him, draining it. "Oi'll be havin' anuther wun o' dem, Taichleach!"

While the barman was preparing the drink, Dara continued. "So, oi's dere wid me trouser 'roun' me ankles, an' dis gharach Zoner is shootin' at me! Heh! He were a roight lousy shot, oi'll be tellin' ye! It's a tough boat, tha' corsair thing, but oi took it down wi' out even a scratch on me paintwork! Leibiste! Dey'll learn wun day, te be shure!" Another full pint was carefully placed in front of Dara.

"So, we took off fer New London again, fer oi wuz shure dem BAF would soon come lookin fer us. Dey allus does inna end. But dis toime, it were jus' sum more traders. Loaded wi' VIPs dey wuz. An dey landed roight in our laps, so dey did! So we makes our demands, an' all, an' dey troi te negotiate wi' us, an' den 'poof', dey flat vanishes! Roight frum unner our eyes, so dey did. Dey wuz dere one second, an' the next dey wuz gone, oi swears on me muthers loife, so oi does! Oi aint never seen the loike before! Oi'll be keepin' a lookout fer dem two fools, to be shure. Dey owes me an' Cossach roight big! An whut dey don't pay fer, oi'll be takin' outta deyre bleedin' hulls!" Dara shook his head sorrowfully. "Oi tells ye, Taichleach! Dey jus' disappeared! "

More pints went the same way as the first. Dara was soon espousing the effect of Leprechauns on the state of the Molly nation, and his lack of female company that night.

"Is cuma liom sa diabhal!!!" was the last thing he said, as he passed out on the bar.

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You can accomplish more with a kind word and a shillelagh than you can with just a kind word