Its pretty good actually, but from a more analytical rather than enjoyment point of view. There is so much structure and language in it, and you can read into it for an infinite amount of time...:).
I rather like using similies and metaphors to describe things in my story. For me, it makes it easier on the eye. It makes a story less plain and more enjoyable, both in the writing and reading.
I chose to do a biography using none or very few of the techniques, simply because i didn't feel it was necessary. From what i've learn't of Roleplaying, and my particular style, its good to mix plain and simple with complex and hyperbolic language. The opposite of hyperbole, litoses, doesn't really fit with my RP style at all.
Explaining pvp is a simple and yet effective way of writing RP in my opinion. You don't state that you have come for your mate who was captured when you enter a system (for example). If one doesn't put effort into his RP, then by all means, destroy him completely. However, i see Doom putting in alot of effort for his pvp. Its a balance, and i think hes more or less there. In the end, we shouldn't read too much into the reason of RP being constructed.
