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With the hall cleared, Doc sat quietly for a moment. It was evident that something weighed heavy on his mind. He took a sip from his glass and, after putting it down, patted Midori's arm. On cue, she let go of him as he stood up, his long flowing robes adorning him.
He sighed and looked downward for a moment before looking into the face of his old friend,
"First of all, it's great to see you back, Old Friend. Wherever you were and what you were doing really doesn't have a lot of relevance right now. The fact that you have come home means much."
He paused a moment and continued, "I suppose that only the rest of TAZ can truly judge me in your absence but I don't feel as if I've lived up to your expectations. I mean sure, I held them together, guided them through some pretty rough times and almost hung up my robes once myself but....they came to my side and together we rode it out."
He took a sip of his wine and continued,
"Much has happened, Mal, both within and outside of TAZ. The Zoner Alliance failed, we found ourselves at odds with our own Zoner brethren while making friendships with those people others wouldn't give a thought to. But Mal, I find myself thinking and feeling differently then I have before. You, Old Friend, have nothing to do with it."
He then takes a datapad from his pocket, uploads some info and hands it to Mal. On it is a long list of names with some pictures, a lot of them women and children.
"These faces, these names, will haunt me forever," he explained, "they are the 800 victims who died in a Corsair attack on Freeport 1 and Freeport 9 for the actions of other Zoners. I couldn't save them but for those that I could, I made sure they got a proper burial. Add to that Aurelia DeFrance attacking Freeport 10 some time back and carrying on her egotistical and vengeful ways, I'm finding it hard to be a man of peace."
He then turned and within a few steps, found a window to stare out of. Midori could only watch, her face one of pity and concern. Doc then took a softer tone, his hands behind his back, "Through it all, the likes of Xavier Triton, Popess Concordia, John Rackham, Sister Joanna and other TAZ folks have persevered. Quiet we have been but we still stand together. To them all I owe much."
He again sighed, hanging his head a bit, "Sure I can keep a group going but you are a far better Discordian than I ever will be. I've devoted more time to my practice and diplomacy than I have my own people."
He then turned and faced Mal, "For that, I owe you an apology."
He then turned back towards the window, awaiting a reply from his friend.