*The Following is based on actual events.
**Actual fictional events.
---
For the first time, Udo Ackermann was in the forest.
He had always fantasized about visiting the forest, it's just there were never any on Stuttgart. A few in the alpine regions that he had never gotten the chance to visit. He had been whisked away to the LWB long before.
In hindsight, Forests were scary.
A strange moon in the sky, a cold snowy wind blowing, scratching bare branches, a quartet of monster girls chasing him with intent to eat him.
Poor Udo. "NEIN ICH AM NOT FOOD! HALP ME!" He yelled, running forth along the pathway.
Granted, it was a fairly pointless gesture, as the child-monsters could fly. But they weren't too bright themselves, but to Udo, their intellect was fearsome and terrible.
Udo tripped over an exposed root, falling to the dirt trail, scraping his knees and scuffing his already battered LWB Jacket. He had been trapped in this strange place for several months now, since his misguided foray into a "Shiny Ball", now known famously as the Ackermann Anomaly in the Saar system.
[font=Comic Sans Ms]"Don't hurt me!" He cried, rolling on his back and crawling away from the four winged silhouettes.
"I don't want to hurt you, I want to eat you! Wau~!" The girl of darkness spoke. She spoke in the same fast, babbling language the Kusarians used, but somehow Udo understood it as if it were his own. Though he put little thought to it as he was most likely about to be eaten.
"Hey, I found him first. I want his Kidneys, Ruri" Spoke the androgynous-looking Bug girl. "We need to sort of age him before we eat him."
The Bird girl, her wings spread behind her, spoke next
"Eww, you like everything aged, Wriggle! We need to grill him up fresh or else he'll taste all slimey..."
"Ehh, Cooking him is overrated. The real way to prepare him is..." the bug spoke once more, before she was interrupted by the 'leader' of the children.
"EYE WILL FREEZE HIM!" Yelled the ice fairy, stepping forth proudly, pointing at Udo. "YOU...!"
"Me? Ich do nicht want to be frozen! Ist cold!" Udo stated plainly.
"YOU HAVE A JACKET! It will keep you warm!" the fairy spoke, clearly not bright enough to understand the consequences of freezing a human into a block of ice.
But Ice was Frozen so it was Cool!
"IT's settled then, Eye will freeze you!"
"Noooooo!"
"Nein!"
"If you freeze him we can't eat him!" Spoke forth the Apparition that Stalks the night.
"Eww, Eye don't like the taste of Human!" The fairy replied, sticking out her tongue in disgust. Perhaps Udo could use this advantage!
"Ja! Ich am nicht tasty! Ich have... erm... a disease! ja?" Udo pleaded, hoping he had outsmarted his foes!
"Ooh! ooh! What kind of disease? Is it a spicy one?"
Nope.
Diseases were like seasonings to a Youkai's palate.
Why was Udo in a world full of youkai whom eat people anyway? A long tale. One that Udo thought to recount to perhaps stave off his culinary doom...
"Ich am lost! Ich only want to go home to Planet Stuttgart!" He cried. "So ich can be with die LWB? Und grow crops!" "Chinchin~ Crops? What kind of crops?" Asked the bird inquisitively.
"Crops are icky!" The darkness stuck her tongue out in childish disgust
"Hey, I have my Lamprey Stand to run! If I can get some vegtables maybe I can sell stir frys!"
Udo stood up slightly, his hopes up. Perhaps he could wriggle out of this situation after all!
"But I want to eat him nooooowwwwww!"
Nope. And this time the Darkness was not waiting, she quickly tried to tackle Udo with her supernatural strength and eat him, before the others could!
"NEIN! HALP! HALP ICH AM BEING EATEN!"Udo yelled, flailing his arms vainly as the girl attempted to bite his head.
"Hey, stop yelling! What if Reimu hears..." The bug said, bringing up a valid point.
Everyone hushed at that moment, as none would consider taunting the local Shrinemaiden. She had a tenancy to exterminate Youkai who got out of line...
In the sudden quiet, a noise in the distance brought their attention. Something rustling in the bushes.
"Do you think that's her?" "EYE Can defeat the Shrinemaiden! eye have been practicing!" Spoke the fairy boastfully.
Some sticks cracked, and bushes thrashed violently. Something was coming...
"Umm... Okay, let's go get some Lamprey! Eye will fight Reimu tomorrow!"
The Fairy began to fly off into the sky, and the Bug followed her.
Reluctantly, the Darkness youkai and the Bird went as well. Not desiring to skirmish with an angry Miko. If that was indeed what was coming.
Poor Udo couldn't fly. He had to deal with whatever abomination was about to make it's presence known.
He stood back up, his back to a tree, his heart racing with fear, a bit of blood running down his forehead as the anomaly approached. The branches were pushed aside, bushes trampled and torn out of the way... revealing what could only be described as...
...a curiously small girl with green hair and an unusually large head.
"Oh, Hallo! You aren't going to eat me, Ja?"
"WAT?!" She yelled, causing Udo to jump back a bit. [color=#CC66CC]"Wait WHO are Yooooooou?"
[font=Comic Sans Ms][color=#FF6666]"I...Ich bin Udo! Ich am from Rheinland. Was ist your name?" He asked, trembling slightly. This girl may have been smaller, but she had a mad look in her eyes, and clearly sounded belligerant.
Her reply was quite quick, clear, and to the point.
[font=Comic Sans Ms]"I AM AmeAme!"
She paused a moment, Making a narrow eyed " [color=#000000]._. " expression, seemingly dumfounded for a brief period.
[font=Comic Sans Ms][color=#CC66CC]"YOU ARE AMESLAVE!"
Perhaps it was an emasculation of being 'enslaved' by a creature only one third his own size or perhaps the fact that he was being ridden by a violently insane girl who was probably going to tear out his brain, but Udo felt all the more vulnerable in his current predicament.
[color=#3366FF]Artists Conception
He hadn't eaten in a number of days and was already having hunger pains, exacerbated by Ame hanging off of the back of his head and kicking him repeatedly to go faster.
[font=Comic Sans Ms]"Ich am hungry. Can Ich habe food?" He pleaded.
[font=Comic Sans Ms]"No YOU ARE FOOD!" Ame screamed, before proceeding to bite Udo's head with sharp AmeTeeth.
Udo panicked, the pain sending him into a flailing motion. "NEIN! NEIN! ICH AM NOT FOOD!"
It was fortunate that Ame quickly released him. If not for Udo's vainly flailing his arms at her.
"Eww, your head Greasy! TASTE BAD TO AmeAme." Ame Noted.
This was true, as Udo had not had a shower in a few days. An unfortunate side effect of being in a forest chased by monsters.
"Go find cleany-bath for clean AmeSlave! Gogogogo! HYAH!" She yelled, kicking him in the general direction of a nearby Lake.
"Why are you kickink me! Ich don't want to be an AmeSlave. Ich want go home?
"Home is now AmeShrine!"
Perhaps she was right, Udo thought. Perhaps it was his fate to be trapped in a Shrine. Perhaps Ame's ferociousness would drive away the other demons who wanted to eat him or freeze him into a popcicle. But Ame seemed quite unpredictable... she might eat him or just plain murder him!
Udo would otherwise have weighed the options and considered with his limited situational logic how best to proceed... if he hadn't just been pushed face-first into a lake.
"There is CleanyBath. Now GET CLEAN SO NOT SMELL BAD in AmeShrine later! It icky!" Ame said.
Immediately Ame proceeded to steal Udo's clothing in a swift motion (how she did this considering the disparity in size is worthy of note), throwing the now naked farmer back in the lake.
The water was cool, but somewhat refreshing to Udo's various 'boo-boos' and bite marks, and the buildup of grime and debris. Swimming away from Ame seemed like a wise idea, but his lack of clothing would probably just make it easier for others to kill him. Plus he was very embarrassed to be seen naked of course!
"CLEAN!"
Ame meanwhile had (somehow) acquired a long pole with a sponge on the end covered in soap and prodded Udo with it from shore. An amusing scene for anyone who would be watching (Indeed, there was a large mansion nearby and a flying Bird-Girl with a camera), as Udo attempted to atleast keep Ame from poking his eyes out.
"Okies that is clean! Now wear new clothing!"
As Udo slowly emerged from the moonlit lake, Ame threw him a towel and presented him his new clothing; a French Maid uniform.
"Zis ist strange! Ich am not a maid."
"LIES!"
"But Ich am only a farmer. Ich do not know how to clean things. Herr Karl always helped me clean!"
Herr Karl
Udo felt sad just thinking. Remembering those he left behind. Karl Kürbis, Wenzel Ranis, the Medic, and of course, Frau Eva Morgenrot. Although the lack of Scary Nurse Olga was a brief relief, this abomination in the form of Ame-chan may have just trumped her terror.
"Ich miss Herr Karl."
"Who Karl?" Ame asked, continuing to ride on Udo's head as he strode in his new Maid Gown toward the 'Ame Shrine'.
"He was mein friend in die LWB! Back on Darmstalt. Ve used to do everythink together. Tryink to free Stuttgart from Evil Synth Goods."
None of these words made any real sense to Ame-chan's silly little brain, but the name 'Synth' rung a bell. It reminded her of something.
"Was Food?"
"Ja, Synth goods took over Stuttgart so dey could put all farmers out of business. Und zen zey would take over all of Rheinland! Ich heard dere goo took over your brain und turned you into a wilde!"
"Wat?"
Shortly thereafter, the two arrived at the 'AmeShrine'. To any Kusarian, it would be a farmiliar affair. A traditional Shinto Shrine, with a small living space for the Kami or spirit. Surrounding the building, however, were a number of items Ame collected from the surrounding area, including some anachronistic looking weapons, various barrels and crates, a few piles of wood, a number of burning tires, and what seemed to be the twisted remains of an Anki class Freighter.
"Can Ich habe food now? Mein stomach hurts!"
"Okies! Will get food..."
Udo's eyes lit up in glee at this, the first pleasant thing he had heard from anyone around here in days. Perhaps this Ame-chan was merely acting the part, beneath her savage exterior beat a sympathetic heart...
"...but FIRST CLEAN AMESHRINE!" She yelled, throwing a broom directly at Udo's head.
Ame was mean.
The girl then receeded into her Shrine, locking Udo outside. He looked over the passive piles of detritus that Ame had piled up that he would obviously have to remove, and if this was the outside, what horrors awaited him within the Shrine's walls...
![[Image: ameslaveudo.png]](http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/59/ameslaveudo.png/)