Following a string of Saturn

[Vaelin]

Vaelin

---

He lofted a brow to her and shook his head. "The foreboding is not from he circumstance, more so the situation at hand. I am sure you can understand why one would be apprehensive in a room that holds principles from more pained times. Medical based facilities do not herald fond thoughts."

"Indeed I can see that, but as it stands for myself. I am looking to recover from what was done, completely. Not to keep what they have done but to circumvent it. Hate is a poisonous thing to me and in time it will mold me into someone that I would probably have worked to kill in the past. What I seek here is a way back to how I was previously without losing the position I am in, I believe I can help."

---

[HuggieSunrise]

"There are risks to unraveling certain subconscious programs. We could pull the loose ends of whatever knots has been tied there... but to tell you that the feelings you feel aren't your own would be false. Nothing in this universe can give you something you do not already have yourself. Hatred included."

She walked leading him outside.. it was already afternoon and the sky was turning purple.

"I have my own angers and hatreds. But they are channeled productively.. I search myself for the thorn in my paw. Only when we release the belief can one see the merit of those perspectives... It can take a great deal of time to feel what you wish to feel."

Stopping by the garden of Temperance. There is a marble angel with one foot in a pond and one foot on the ground as it held a chalice pouring into another chalice in its other hand.

"This is what it is. The two cups represent what we do to find inner balance, pouring the energy of one cup into another. You must have a firm grasp on both in order to transform... In the moment of changing paradigm or perspective grasping the negative and the positive one becomes the observer of both, which is the point or state one must become in order to have true change.

You cannot focus on hatred.. or tolerance.. you must grasp both and realise good or bad isn't the answer. its the perspective of knowing both and forgiving the perspective your trapped between pleasure and pain."

[Vaelin]

Vaelin

---

Vaelin turned his gaze to the horizon seeming to find a better sight in that then the angel. He had followed her of course as she had made her way to the garden. There was a sense lingering that he wasn't completely absorbing what she was saying. what he would say back would probably reinforce just that. "You and I are not the same, I am not like the nomads - others aren't like me and I am not like others. Some are more favored naturally into that of logical. while others divulge into the realms of emotion."

Vaelins attention finally turned to the angel, his eyes moving over the detail of the sculpture. "One is always more firmly grasped then the other. I am not someone who's good at being impartial and I doubt I will ever be. For me, its more of what hand they wish to tip." He looked back toward the horizon then back to her. "Everyone has their own perceptions of everything. we all don't feel the same, and we are all affected differently. Not all things can be productive as cynical as it sounds."

---

[HuggieSunrise]

she found that interesting. how he phrased it.

"True, but i'm of a perspective where I am this woman you see before you. With memories, and visions of other forms and existences. I would say I am disadvantaged in the perceptions of a "human" more so then you or thomas. Thats why hes important he remembers being Maltese. Thier culture their way of life is something Ive come to enjoy... but I cannot be apart of it."

She realized she was getting off rail.

"The only real Point. And ill put it squarely in terms understood. Is that while you know you've been psychologically altered A psionic purge or adjustment like you've undergone couldn't have been done without at least the seeds of those prejudices having already been there. Humans have a subconscious parasite called the Ego. Nomads don't.. but there is a similarity a prejudicial precedent that does exist within all of them because of the hive. Not the same but both are dealt with the same... Simply by keeping a small birth of space between belief and the emotions those beliefs give you. Self observation. Which for a human is easy to practice.. they meditate.. Nomads don't meditate and cannot thier always wired in the mental state their form provides which would be a ship, vessel, or a corporeal form if their advanced.. "

and to get to the point.

"Im sure orin will recommend a few therapies you may not want to try... I understand Cardamine is a terrible noose, and we don't work diligently to convince others that it cant be. But everyone here uses it ritually to help turn them into who they want to be. Even those who abused it as a drug have had great success bringing peace to their lives and getting a move on with what they've wished to do. And I know you have plans and goals that you hold important. but I would say try and consider it... because the methods we have otherwise would be no different then what was done."

Thomas was walking up from the field in a new robe that looked like everyone elses.

"Orin has results. So I think we should look at what we found out in more secluded surroundings."

Satrina nodded. "Im tired. We will meet again im sure."

[Daerune]

Vaelin

---

Vaelins brow lofted slightly to the collection of Satrina's words. "There are things you need experience to fully know it, just having knowledge of it is not enough. Its some things that people oversee at times. Theory isn't always enough to intimately know something. Sometimes it needs to be felt rather then observed and analyzed." A sigh had passed his lips as he slipped his hands into the pockets of his coat. "And not all anger comes from ego, yes I know how you meant it, but my anger isn't rooted into that sect. What It is rooted into is morals - As for Cardamine, I will not be putting that noose around my throat. It holds merits to this but its not worth the price to me. If it will harm my standing with the nomads to unravel it,then for now I would seek to maintain it. But if it can be unraveled and I can be trusted - then that can help both of us to a greater extent."

With Thomas arrival Vaelins attention turned towars him, a nod conferring his acknowledgement across as he sought to follow him. "IF I might , providing what answers are gleamed. what could be done exactly?"

---

[HuggieSunrise]

It was back... downstairs where there was a terminal. Instead of one of the curly cue pictures it was more of a closeup of the head.

"Memory repression. Plain and simple Memory repression. Though its not sloppily done there must be some significant occurrences in your past that have been either omitted, deleted, or missing..."

He points at dark vortex looking areas.

+Non cardamine therapies include. Meditation. Potassium Selenium supplement regiment, Subconscious Alpha / Theta wave stimulus.+

"Meditation... is not something you just do.. takes more discipline then you'd think. Unfortunately what was done to you was so expertly done I can only guess that you had been already somewhat troubled or under great mental stress before hand. In a sense hiding this trauma has only perpetuated the damage. Means the repression will continue to work on your mental state until its unraveled."

+The equipment necessary for these therapies are easily acquirable and assembled. We are transmitting these specifications to your vessel.+

"But the good news is no exsotic or strange implants or infections of the nervious system. They just tied your memories in knots. You might have come out of this in a few years on your own but theres no guarantee there."

[Vaelin]

Vaelin

---

Vaelin would look over the results and in truth he didn’t understand the pictures that were before him and rather then try figure it out for himself, he had to trust Thomas in this regard. He nodded thoughtfully. “It was done with a purpose, I suspect as I noticed this change happened as I entered the Spectres, before that. These problems were not manifested.”

When Thomas talked about the treatment a guarded expression would spread across his features as he nodded in turn to each segment. “Being that I have learned to accept what happens in my life, I am not as troubled or under as much mental stress as you might think. This change how ever.” He reached a hand out to motion to the black spots. “Is what is working against that now. You’ve yet to answer my question, that if its unraveled - will the nomads seek to kill me? And while my mind lingers on that - I would like a direction to go to where I might be able to pick up a Nomad Power Cell for these things are beyond my knowledge.”

---

[HuggieSunrise]

"I cant tell you that because the will to harm the divine is chief to any agenda towards... terminating you. In my ... anger towards the light i never thought to physically act out. It would be pointless and thusly I would literally be harming myself considering what I am now. But it doesn't mean i dont have frustration or confusion or even mild anger to some.... things that occur."

He thought of the bast way to put this.

"For example.. Angela Corino doesnt trust us at all. she even confronted me in front of beaumont and attempted to interrogate me as to what I was doing. ... Over an open channel. I can only guess as programmed and enlightened as she is elements of the mosaic that is the agenda of all actions that the divine put out in the universe can be completely ignorant to one another. So.. at the end of the day one has to have faith. In themselves and in what their doing is concurrent with the outline or plans that are out there."

Looking at his scan.

"I wish we could point a nozzle at you and beam all those blocks out of your head I doubt you'd take the trauma. But what you become at the other end is unpredictable. and thats what makes the question to your security hard to answer... Not being fully a part of the hive or even partially of the hive... Your choices are fully yours and while we do have humans who do not go on a bloody rampage when they meet the divine or one of us you could still do it. So in so far as that.. I can only tell you its up to you and your actions to make an enemy of the Slomon."

[Vaelin]

Vaelin

---

Vaelin would shake his head toward the answer, it didn’t seem satisfactory at all to him. He knows of what Thomas spoke of as there was always something that he took problems with in any group. In this case it was the removal of freedom, the incubus. “They act as a whole and its hard prospect to not judge them all the same on the hive complex. We all have our standards, I’ve done some things that I viewed as necessary, but others might not.” He would look over the scan again while Thomas explained his meaning. “Faith is something I have little of.” He reflected and then turned his attention towards the door way.

Vaelin would shake his head as he turned back to Thomas. “I am quite easy to understand, but then I am sure everyone thinks they are. To them I would be a wildcard.” Vaelin lifted a hand to run over his face as he turned his attention to the screen again, seeming to weigh things in his mind. “I believe in my position and seeking my freedom from what they have done. I am sure they would be inclined to believe I am an enemy; they’ve never struck me as someone to trust one that isn’t under their say. If they knew how to trust I am sure that they wouldn’t have tried to changes my perceptions, caution or not. If you don’t mind, I would like to return to the Anubis.”

---

[HuggieSunrise]

Thomas nodded.

"Ship is ready. Though from what I hear the cross has permitted your ship to come here. So... in this light if you feel unease or that your being pursued.. Come here. I can promise you I will be frank and I will be honest and that this is a place of sanctuary from... all manner of storms that may come."

He gathered up materials and gave them to Vealin. Before escorting him to the landing pad and the "church van" that would take him back.

"The cult and the oracles have been walking a line since we've experimented on waking up incubi and curing infected. You You're Not alone in whats happened to you.. The issue is If ye have little faith... at least keep what you have.. for yourself. The others have met with little harassment. nothing so dire also I get the feeling theres a vary loyal crew that depends on you. Your own hive so to speak....

As for the device your looking for.. That will take time.. I will put you in touch with someone who can help you."