In the faction info, there is an unusual use of terms "entitled" (1st paragraph) "titled" (4th ph) and "signed" (1st paragraph) , instead of more context pertinent "christened" or "named".
(12-16-2015, 09:11 PM)GID Wrote: - it managed to accelerate a probe, along with a 500-meter-wide coring of the cloud,
I guess "a 500 meter wide section of the cloud" would fit better.
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Guess those were the few I could spot.
As for the content, I understand some of the history and context with events of Omicron-85 but other than that, the roles and areas of interest of the faction elude me. Either the text needs to be reviewed to become clearer, or a separate explanation may need to be provided.
The first section I just copied from the old write-up and never actually bothered to correct it. You raise some good points that'll make it necessary to review the whole section and adjust it accordingly.
As for the new parts, a more definied explanation of what the squadron actually does these days and what we're up to is sure a thought to be considered. I'll look into that when I review the whole write-up and add the parts for recents events.
. If you'll have me I'll provide all my expertise. However I cant do an application now as I am at work :*
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