Hussaini's Personal Logs || The Memory Shard

[Chrysalis]

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Hovering in mid-air, the ancient artifact glows when you approach it. It emits a high pitched 'singing' as if bidding you to touch it. Upon doing so, you see a fast and incoherent series of images in your mind's eye, memories of a life long since extinguished come alive for a brief moment. Then they disappear, forever, they were not yours to see. Perhaps now, your own memories could be stored? Forever accessible in crystalline clarity. Doesn't hurt to try...

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I see myself. Or the man I used to be - the pious endurer of punishments for crimes that were not his own. The dreamer. The pitiful, weak slave. The worm who dreamt of being a man, but became something else altogether. His frail frame exposed to the sun, the fresh whip wounds filled with sand. He dreams grand dreams. Of seeing more, hearing more, doing more. Through divine providence, his wishes are granted to him. But could he have known? That seeing too much can make him blind? That hearing too much can make him deaf? That doing too much without clear direction can bring about his ruin...no, he couldn't have - I couldn't have.

I see myself again. This time closer to what I am now, yet immeasurably more content. I see and feel the light that soothes me. I hear the song that permeates everything and guides my every action. I relish the perfection of the mindshare, the shared divinity of individuals acting as one, nurturing the divine spark of their lesser cousins, directing them to ever greater heights. I see Nomak, my unlikely brother, first falsely - then truthfully, as we rule a Metal Spire in the Sands. I also see Thrax, my other brother, his image is less clear, his frame is blurred and I cannot see him as well, perhaps as punishment for the betrayal with which I rewarded his loyalty.

I now see the end of the beginning. I see the war. A darkness so intense that it shines. The darkness snuffs out the light, the candles burn out one by one, each extinguished flame brings agony untold. The song in my mind is replaced by silence and the silence brings confusion. I don't want to see this, but I have to, lest I forget. I see the darkness reaching me at last, I feel the fear that overtakes me. I see the great flight, my brothers and I, we board the husks of metal and launch for the stars, uncertain of the future. We negotiate death, coax fate and we leap - onwards...

...To Sirius. Sirius surprises me. It looks different, it too sings and the song reminds me of home - yet I cannot hear it as clearly. Perhaps if I came closer to the source I would hear it more strongly and I would no longer be empty - a happy thought. Wishful thinking. I find the source of the song, it is at the same time like the one back home, and different - it barely recognizes me. The song becomes louder, but I wish it hadn't, for its chords are unpleasant to my ears, the melody misses the familiar cues. I distance myself. I observe from the distance, I rarely sing back, when I do it's only to remind myself I still can.

I see myself today. I am, for better or worse, much changed. Deprived of the outwards I turned inwards. I pulled out the last embers within me and I lit a personal flame, a torch to shine my way through the dark corridors, ever forward. Where does the road lead? I do not know. But I know that I will not compromise. I will not falter. I will sacrifice everything and everyone if need be to reach my destination. I still seek the light. I still wish to hear the song. Even if I have to recreate it all by myself.

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[Chrysalis]

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I see myself. I am flying alongside Nomak through the mists of Minor and we are heading towards the Order's dark bastion. An unfamiliar tune draws me as we travel by the charred husk of Toledo and my curiosity is stirred. We enter Mu, and the tune becomes stronger, yet still as unclear and unfamiliar as ever. Upon the Order's border guard citadel, we are greeted by a strange sight. The ascended ones overlooking humans gathered at the station. I regard them with my human senses and my ship's instruments, and I do not notice anything amiss, other than the strange tune they produce.

I try to sing to them...but I cannot get through. I try to look at them and to hear them, but I cannot see...and I cannot understand. They are as blurs to my mind's eye. I am confused, bewildered, afraid. I speak out, I break my mask, and Nomak notices something is amiss. I come to my senses, and I evade his questions. I turn my attention back at the ascended ones. I choose to cease communicating with them, despite my curiosity. One of them does something unexpected. It...screams, and the scream echoes through the void. It fills me with terror untold and I am left petrified for a moment. Then everything breaks. I shed my human reasoning and enter a state of frenzy, I lose all semblance of control. I lash out at the closest target, the weapon platforms and the ships gathered at the station. They evade my fire and cloak or otherwise escape.

When I come back to my senses, I see that Nomak is not with me, for he had gone with the Skywolf and pursued a ship that was escaping. I take this opportunity to speak with these creatures that evade my understanding. I ask them why I can't see them, and why they are different. They call themselves 'Vagrants'. They tell me their story. I tell them bits of mine and I commiserate, for I find myself in them. I withhold the rest and I envy them, for they have something that I do not, something that I crave - each other's light.

Nomak returns, and does not speak to me. A Freelancer arrives, and he seeks an audience with the ascended ones. They grant him this, but are interrupted. An Order husk arrives and we engage it. The battle is long and Vagrants lose some of their shells, we lose Skywolf, but the pilot survives. Nomak hails the Nighthawk, and it arrives ready to deliver punishment. The Order husk retreats and the battle is over.

The Freelancer now continues his audience with the ascended ones. I observe, but then, Nomak confronts me. I want to deny, but I know he saw the red glow of my frenzied eyes through my ship's cockpit. My mask was shattered to a million pieces. I confess. He is wounded. I try to explain, but he does not understand. He says he doesn't know me. That I am no longer his brother. I am wounded back. I give him a second chance, I almost apologize. He denies me. So be it.

We continue onward and the Freelancer accompanies us. A small husk appears, the Freelancer calls it a 'Blackguard', and accuses it of hunting the ascended ones. We cross-interrogate it. I can tell it lies, but Nomak wishes to spare it. I wish to kill, but I comply. Our scanners pick up a crippled vessel in the mists as we aim to leave the darkness of Mu. We come in to investigate, it's the husk that evaded us previously. Its cockpit is destroyed, and blood is visible on the inside. I feel no life stirring within. Nomak wishes it investigated, for its pilot spoke of ancient artifacts and this stirred his ambition.

I enter the ship. I turn on my magnetic boots and my helmet's recording device. My companions now share some of my sight, but not all of it. They don't feel the palpable atmosphere of dread. Nor do they see the prints and marks of this extinguished life that still hang heavily in the air. I investigate, but I find almost nothing of value, no artifact, no corpse. Only burnt paper, blood, and the black box. A silver lining. The Nighthawk spreads its wings again and flies to us once more. It collects the husk as I vacate it and return to my vessel. We speak a few more words at the site, and we head home.

The variables have changed.

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[Chrysalis]

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I see myself, in my metal shell, flying through the Sigma mists. The same paths I traversed uncounted times, but this time, I'm not alone. Next to me, sits a tiny creature, she's quiet, yet her eyes burn with inquisitiveness the likes of which I never saw before. A miracle. Thrax brought it to me, he called it a gift, he called it mine. I don't know whether I should shower him with money and favors, or strangle him at first opportunity, so that no one ever learns. I'll consider both options carefully, but for now, I must make sure she's safe, I must make sure no harm can come to this piece of me.

I see myself again, at our new center of power on Malta, my own fortress rising from the ground, the bastion from which I'll project my own dreams on Maltese society. The place where I'll keep her hidden, keep her safe. Enemies are everywhere, and they would love nothing more than to use this against me. A conundrum. By accepting to care for her, I deliberately weaken myself, leave my position open to attack. Yet I can no more abandon her now, than I could abandon my arm, or any other part of my being. My hand is forced, I will do what I must.

I see her, in the unfinished courtyard, running and playing, seemingly blissful. Perhaps the Cardamine in the air does her some good. I wonder about her nature, indeed, she seems entirely human, but looks can be deceiving. I know that better than anyone. I retrieved a single strand of hair from her head, and some saliva, as she slept during our trip. I'll have someone examine the samples, someone who can be trusted? No, someone I can afford to kill afterward.

I'll keep her secret, I'll keep her safe, like I keep myself safe, for she is after all, a part of me.

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