Baffin' Pentabarf

[Malaclypse 666]

Bafflin' Pentabarf
(Five Laws, for you Cabbages..):

1) NO Spittin',
2) NO Cussin',
3) NO Shootin,
4) NO Ignorin', and
5) Pueblo Bonito is Off Limits to All but TAZ, and bonafide "Temple Acolytes".

Current Password Protocol Status: "Off"

Current List of Bonafied "Temple Acolytes"
(Allowed Access to Pueblo Bonito)

All TAZ Members (Of course..)
Mrs. Midori S. Holliday
All members of the MM
Captain Zinn, [ARMs]Solar_EnergeticsZoner
The Omicroners (]o[)
Omicron Supply Incorporated ships [OSI]
Virulian Enclave ships [VE|]
All bonafied Freeport 1 Defense Vessels [FP1]
All bonafied Freeport 6 vessels [FP6]
Brother Lev Shestov
Junker Congress Vessels
Avalon and Anemone, captained by Anemone Mirana

Now, we welcome everyone to visit and/or pass through Bafflin', but if you violate any of the above Laws, the wrath of the TAZ will rain down upon your head like Precious Mao buttons from the Region of Thud!

!Note!: The TAZ also reserves the right to declare anyone who irritates, shoots, sniggers at, or otherwise falls within the "hostile" purview of our Zoner and Zoner Guard charters, including those declared hostile by the Zoner Alliance Council, as "Enemas of Eris".

Are we crystal?

23's
Malaclypse, for the TAZ
Dr. John Holliday, Administrator

Approved "Contractors" for Pentabarf Violators:

Mandalorian Mercenaries
John Phillips (Penumbra), Independent Mercenary

[color=#FF99FF]"Enemas of Eris"
(Banned in Bafflin', and Hostile to TAZ)

Gallic Royal Navy Any ship of theirs that enters Baffin is to be dealt with. We didn't choose them as an enemy, they chose us. Valid in the system of Baffin only!

Outcast Vessel "Malgalad"
Repeated Violations of Temple Space
(Law the 5th.)

Raven's Talon "N'turuXe"
Repeated Violations of Temple Space
Failure to respond to hails
Entering system after being Enema'd and toasted

Julian Graves

Raven's Talon Fighter.

Docking on Pueblo and killing a TAZ. KILL WITH EXTREME PREJUDICE!

Quanthunter

Killing a TAZ trade ship with little warning. Subject flies a Pirate Transport with Junker paperwork

Date of Incident with links if available.: 8/819
Post 1667
Cabbaged!

Name: The_GurkShip: Outcast Gunboat
Reason: Pirating the [*USI*]Richfield[CLO] near Shasta.
Punishment: Banned from Baffin space.

Date of Incident with links if available.: <August 18th 819 A.S.>
Name: Edwin.HawkShip: Hawk
Reason: Trespassing upon Pueblo. Disregard for our Laws. Insulting a Pope.
Punishment: Banned from Her Holy Presence.

Date of Incident with links if available.: August 21, 819 A.S., transmission #1670
Name: Jack.The.Slapper/Eat.At.JoeShip:
Reason: Threatening TAZ, Trespassing on the Temple, disobeying a Temple Guard
Punishment: Banned from Baffin. Kill on sight ordered.

Date of Incident: October 8, 819 A.S. Transmission #67.
Name: Cyrax
Ship: Snubcraft
Reason: Disobeying Temple Guard, Trespassing at the Temple, Disrespecting TAZ law.
Punishment: Banned from Baffin. KOS ordered.

Date of Incident: July 6, 820 AS.
Name: Fury Tagged Ships
Ship: Civilian Fighters and Bombers
Reason: Piracy and weapons discharge in Baffin. Threatening to hunt down TAZ ships.
Punishment: Banned from Baffin. Bounty assessed. KOS ordered.
Additional Info: Communication to Fury
Guncam: Upload

Date of incident: March 16, 820 AS
Name: Giginebura
Ship: Pirate Bomber
Reason: Pirating in Baffin; Destruction of a Pope's vessel.
Punishment: KOS
Guncam

Date of incident: March 20, 820 AS
Name: Trader_
Ship: Zoner Whale
Offense: Forcing his way on to Pueblo to purchase a Whale despite gunfire. Unable to leave due to security.
Punishment: Banished from Baffin. KOS if he should return.

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[Malaclypse 666]

Comm ID: Malaclypse, Episkopos Prime, TAZ.

After several incidents over the past few days in Baffin, Eris has directed me to repeat some of the very important aspects of our Holy Temple on Pueblo Bonito:

There will be NO DOCKING on Pueblo Bonito, except for TAZ, recognized Temple Acolytes, or without Express Prior Permission of myself as Episkopos Prime!

NO EXCEPTIONS!

Failure to Comply Will result in Explosive Decompression with Minimal Warning,
and/or Inclusion on the TAZ "Enemas List".

A word to the wise is sufficient. A word to the unwise is no bloody good atall, atall.

Thank you,
E-Prime Mal, TAZ

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[Malaclypse 666]

Comm ID: Malaclypse, Episkopos Prime, Temporary Autonomous Zoners, Baffin
To: Sirius-Wide General Comms

Some of you still don't "get it".

So, the Pentabarf is hereby officially modified, in big, bold letters.

Obviously, our status as an Official Faction, and Bonafied System Owners, allows us to "Carry out our own Trash, thank you."...

Therefore, Law the Fifth is now hereby Officially changed to read:

5) Pueblo Bonito is Off Limits to All but TAZ, and bonafide "Temple Acolytes".

I don't know how much plainer and "in your face" we can make it, folks. This is your third and last notice.

For the purposes of "Law the Fifth", a "Temple Acolyte" is defined as anyone specifically approved by myself or a TAZ Member, either on-scene, or through Application over this frequency.

(How much we gouge you, and how often, for this lofty Title and Priviledge, depends on how much we like you.)

//Officiall Buttcheek Imprimatur
Mal, E-Prime, TAZ

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[Malaclypse 666]

Comm ID: Episkopos Prime

Welcome Dwain Burnett to our Enemas List, Popes. He was observed by a ZRT Member in blatant violation of our Temple at Pueblo Bonito.

Apparently, this Kaichou pilot can't read, but can certainly shoot his pathetic and disdainful mouth off.

Not amused. Banned from Baffin permanently, and eligible for multiple Enemas.

Tighten the Temple Secuirty, lads. I just shooed off another Freelancer who "just wanted to buy a Torpedo". Not amused. Atall. Atall.

Mal.

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[Malaclypse 666]

Comm ID: Episkopos Prime, TAZ

A Highland Security vessel was pirated, IN BAFFIN!, by a Corsair gunboat, the "Solari", yesterday. An independent witness reported the Violation of Baffin to Shamus, who attempted pursuit across three systems.

Although the vessel's captain "claims" to be deranged, he was obviously sane enough to run from Shamus like a little girl with a wet diaper.

Forever banned from Baffin, and targeted for extremely uncomfortable and voluminous applications of the rubber rose.

Mal

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[Beagle23]

[font=Lucida Console]| Incoming Transmission...
| Reticulating Splines...
| Display [color=#33CC00]ON...

From: Chief Freeman, Highland Security

The gunboat you mention operates in tandem with an identically *insane* companion, the Lecter. Both ships claim to be... cannibals, and I've observed them not only pirating our vessel in Baffin today, but also engaging vessels who were minding their own business near Freeport 10.

Treat them both as unhinged, and hostile.

[font=Lucida Console]
| Transmission [color=#CC0000]END...

[Malaclypse 666]

Comm ID: E-Prime

Fenris.. you stuck your soggy Pineal in where it doesn't belong, mate.

First, you ignored an order from the [TAZ]Bafflin'.Express to stay clear of Pueblo Bonito.

Then, you seemed rather snarky about the TAZ's right to sit in our Home System and "dick around", as you so charmingly put it.

And finally, you seem to delight in cloaking right in our yard, only to uncloak and spit at us some more.

You've earned your Rubber Rose, cabbage; and a permanent ban from the presence of Goddess. Banned, and Enema'd.

Mal,
for those "dickaround, stayathome" TAZ

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[Malaclypse 666]

Comm ID: Malaclypse, E-Prime, TAZ
To: Vessel Green.Hawk

Sir,

It has recently come to your attention that your tag has recently changed to that of [OPG]. For that reason, and as a gesture of good will and good faith, you are hereby removed from the TAZ Enemas List.

We have not seen your amigo Tuco for some time. Therefore, his name is being removed as well.

(We are also no longer interested in the BHG "Big-Bully". If he poops up again, we still have one giant-sized Rubber Rose available for use.)

Regards,
E-Prime Mal

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[Malaclypse 666]

Comm ID: Malaclypse, Episkopos Prime, TAZ
To: All TAZ
cc: William Bishop, Mandalore

Subject: A foul-smelling fop.

The Vessel "Eat.at.Joe's" is hereby banned from Baffin, awarded multiple Enema's, and made available for hunting to our good neighbors the Mandalorians.

This fellow definitely needs the Enemas, lads, as he is reported to be prone to excessive flatulence, and even revels in wallowing in his own gaseous effluvium.. Yech.

Further, he has desecrated the Temple of Eris.. claiming it as "his"; and has damaged and destroyed Zoner assets in Baffin.

Administer the Rubber Rose as often as required to dissuade this gent from his filthy habits, folk.

Eris ain't amused atall, atall.

E-Prime Mal, for the TAZ

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[Dieter Schprokets]

Sir, yes sir.

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