From: epi. Wilhelm Scream
To: Popemeiters
Subj: Sitrep
Standing on the bridge of the Flaxpress, I think to myself: is it just me, or have the rest of you noticed, that everyone is nice to Zoners these days? Goddess! I get a pleasant "hola" or "konnichiwa" from the local denizens, wherever I go. Makes me feel guilty for having weapons malfunction, but we'll work thru that one.
EEEK....?
So anyway, I've been hauling some serious ass around the place. Cargo doesn't shift itself, y'know. It's been rather uneventful, apart for replying "hello" to every punter and sundry. Mind you, avoiding the fuzz with a trunk full of dodgy software does liven it up.... it's a bloody long trip from one end of Kyushu t'other, round the back of the sun.
Back to the Geode I trailed a Kruger transport, the "River in <something>" or something. Captain seemed like a nice enough fellow... told him to enjoy the delights Shasta has to offer, although I didn't see whether he had his pineal on.
Next on the roster.... a larder full to the 'sair homeworld, I s'pose, maybe, if I feel up to it.
Reggie had the bottle flu t'day, so I took the Vixen fer a spin.
Orgies up t' Harris.. consumer items t' Holman. Then our second load o' "boat people" via the long back way t' our Coalition chums on Zhukovsky.
Trundled o'er t' 'derry wi' a load o' H-fuel fer Foyle Yards. Republican Liam, the tosser, wanted "donations" t' leave back t' Port C. with their precious gold, so I footed o'er t' Belfast with alloy instead.
And, so ye know, I've "repossessed" Hope's Haven from them lads.. The place was in the red, not t' mention filthy black and grungy. I'll have 'er shipshape again in a week or so.. fit for Zoners and decent people t' lay over again.
Got a load o' hull panels, but still waitin' t' hear if we got access t' Mykolaiv or no.. not deliverin' til we get final word, eh?
Meanwhile.. bring me soap and rags.. lots' o' soap.
++ Source : Saaz, Second in command of the Tau.Ceti.Central ++
++ Destination : TAZ popes ++
++ Derivation : none ++
++ Encryption level : mu ++
++ Transmission begins ++
Mayday... Mayday...
*A zoner appears on the screen*
Good day sirs. I have grave news.
During our little trip in Gallia, we joined Cap'tain Stella Maris party. And it was a nice party. We ended in Marne orbit. We then had to land in Marne since some Gallic Royal Navy boys showed up.
Unfortunately after we landed all went wrong. *The zoner makes his sad face*
Our cap'tain, sir Angelos, was really happy to be there and started to enjoy all the Gallic wine he could find. After some time he started to enjoy Gallic ladies as well. *He takes a pause*
Well you could say all this is quite normal after all. But it overstepped the mark.
When we asked him when we would leave, the Cap'tain said he didn't see why we should, Like there is Wine a beautiful women all over there.
Even worse :
After consulting our pineal we stated our Goddess had other plans for our ship, and that we should definitely leave to spread the sacred Chao.
But the cap'tain said Eris was made of wine, and that he was drinking her! He then left to meet more Gallic ladies.
*He now makes his angry face*
By the Crab god, this is unacceptable!
I implore you my lords. It's time to set up a rescue mission to save our cap'tain from all this heresy!
Only Shasta Skyhook rehab center and a visit to our sanctuum may make his Pineal shiny again.
*Saaz suddenly turns around*
Oh my... *He cuts the image recording device. After a while you can hear someone approaching.* *A totally wasted voice can be heard over the comms*
- Oy Saaz. What are you doing here? Stealing my wine again eh?
- No cap'tain i swear! Doing some stuffs ya know
- Errrh fine enough. Where is my money now?
- Don't you think you had enough joice already?
- No! Never!
- This is wrong! Our goddess doesn't want we spend all our time here! Please Cap'tain see...
- Choose your next words with exceptionnal care!
- Eh. I mean. Hmm.
- Blah, fruit it. I will ask to Andy if he can spare me some money.
*After some time Saaz reactivates the device*
I told you. Please save our souls until it's too late!
INCOMING TRANSMISSION
COMM ID: Lt. Marcus Garvey
LOCATION: Zhukovsky Station, Omega-52
TARGET ID: TAZ commodity management, CC: Coalition High Command
to deh TAZ bruddahs and sistahs.
mi's been an dun der full 50k shippin's o mi coalition bruddahs H-fuel yu TAZ zona bunch been wantin.
ferteen trips cross to Gran Canary it tek mi!
her be sum bumbaclart rekids o der cargo transfas yu dun got.
' Wrote:INCOMING TRANSMISSION
COMM ID: Lt. Marcus Garvey
LOCATION: Zhukovsky Station, Omega-52
TARGET ID: TAZ commodity management, CC: Coalition High Command
to deh TAZ bruddahs and sistahs.
mi's been an dun der full 50k shippin's o mi coalition bruddahs H-fuel yu TAZ zona bunch been wantin.
ferteen trips cross to Gran Canary it tek mi!
Mal to Garvey:
Cc: Ambassador Holliday
Cc: Omega 52 Customs
Good Goddess, man! Was this some kind of Penance or cruel Initiation? Get some sleep!
I should probably note that the TAZ actually have only limited properties and assets on Gran Canaria.
We have the Veranda/Uli Rouge/Crater Lake Complex, mostly a huge plantation and dolphin preserve;
We have Sophie's Canaria Cafe and Bakery in Port Canaria;
And then Doc Holliday has an Estate and Ranch down the road from the Waverlys.
It would take the TAZ a lifetime to consume that much H-fuel, sir; but we'll pass it along to the other Zoner Alliance members for their use as well, If you don't mind.
As to the Coalition's "reciprocal" needs, I'm only aware of about 10,000 refugees shipped to Zhukovsky so far; and we're still considering what kind of a bind transporting Gaian Wildlife to you would put us in.
Even though the current leader of the [NLH] used to work for Waverly LLC, I doubt Shamus would look kindly on even his old friends smuggling Gaian flora and fauna out of Edinburgh.
I have however heard a rumor that some of your folk on Zvezdny Gorodok are fond of some other "green leafy substances".. Perhaps we could help you out in that regard instead?
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Threads: 731
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Staff roles: Moderator
Comm ID: [TAZ]Doc Holliday
To: All TAZ
Excuse my silence of late but I have spent the past few days taking care of business on the Estate and tending to Mrs. Holliday. So, I shut the coms down so that we could work uninterrupted.
I'll still be rather busy over the next couple of weeks but I can be reached.
Comm ID: Linus Koios
Vessel: Anargyros
Location: Boa Vista, Omega-50
Been quite a day! Boarded the Anargyros to escort Gabe's wasted booty back to Sirius. The Consul Escort fighter led the way - we met a very nice LCOG fella while still in Champagne, who was nice enough to fly interference for us when we nearly came across some GRN puke named Gaston. The wing-mounted camera got a nice shot of us passing Saulieu in formation - after that, things got occasionally hairy. We did have a nice little conversation 'bout Discordianism and other stuff, though. Got the log right here, minus a few extrany bits:
Quote:[LCOG]M.de'Gris[CL]: Bonjour mes amies
[TAZ]Anargyros: Bonjour!
[TAZ]Consul.Escort.1: Good day, Council..
[TAZ]Anargyros: Hope I didn't mess up the pronunciation too much.
[TAZ]Consul.Escort.1: We had a whale stranded up here. We're escorting her to Reunion.
[LCOG]M.de'Gris[CL]: I msut tell you nowdays only a few educated Gallia speaks the old French
[TAZ]Tau.Ceti.Central: Looks we lost Anargyros
[TAZ]Consul.Escort.1: Wup, Linus.. we'll wait.
[TAZ]Anargyros: Same in the houses, too, 'cept Liberty.
[LCOG]M.de'Gris[CL]: Okey. Do you need an additional escorter?
[TAZ]Consul.Escort.1: LCOG, the Ambassador may arrive shortly at the Consul.. perhaps you should wait at Marne.. He has "gifts" for you.
[TAZ]Anargyros: CM on auto?
[TAZ]Anargyros: Wup...was headed to the gate.
[TAZ]Consul.Escort.1: Next stop Burgundy, TAZ.
[TAZ]Anargyros: A.k.a., the funrun!
[TAZ]Anargyros: Or, "Dodge the SNAC"
[TAZ]Consul.Escort.1: M.de'Gris, I will inform Ambassador Holliday of your presence. He's having Navs issues at the moment.
[LCOG]M.de'Gris[CL]: Understood. I hope there is no problems with him
[TAZ]Anargyros: You guys jump, I'll take the tail
[TAZ]Consul.Escort.1: Rgr.
[TAZ]Anargyros: They weren't close enough - no trouble.
[TAZ]Anargyros: Got somebody in-system.
[TAZ]Anargyros: An' in this system, it could be anybody.
[TAZ]Consul.Escort.1: We should be fine.. but it's nice to be flyin' together.
[TAZ]Anargyros: Joinin' the party?
[LCOG]M.de'Gris[CL]: Greetings Autonome Zoners
[TAZ]Consul.Escort.1: Ahhh.. now why didn't i think of that. Bonjour!
[TAZ]Tau.Ceti.Central: This Coucil pilot is following us just in case we find troubles
[TAZ]Anargyros: We may have a party crasher in Burg...we'll keep ya advised.
[LCOG]M.de'Gris[CL]: this is the personnal vessel of monsieur de'Gris. he is currently not on the board but I can represent him
[TAZ]Consul.Escort.1: Our course is direct to Saine, Madam, then to the Dauphine hole.
[TAZ]Tau.Ceti.Central: Hmm Gallic women
[TAZ]Tau.Ceti.Central: I haven't had enough at Marne
Death: [XTF]DragoonX[R] was killed by a hostile vessel.
[TAZ]Consul.Escort.1: We are under the lanes.. almost to saulieu.
[TAZ]Consul.Escort.1: passing Salieu.. all well.
[LCOG]M.de'Gris[CL]: Okey. Understood. I must inform you that we are in Live- conenction with monsieur de'Gris
Gaston.Nefis: Bonjour System
[TAZ]Consul.Escort.1: Ah, excellent. I will check on the Ambassador's status.
[TAZ]Anargyros: Keep quiet, I'm thinkin'? Who knows who this Gaston fella is.
[TAZ]Anargyros: Madame, you familiar with some guy callin' himself Gaston.Nefis?
[LCOG]M.de'Gris[CL]: Bonjour monsieur Nefis. Identify yourself.
[TAZ]Consul.Escort.1: M.de'Gris..
Gaston.Nefis: Is Royal Navy here, what is this LCOG?
[LCOG]M.de'Gris[CL]: Ahh Royal, navy
[LCOG]M.de'Gris[CL]: Wery good.
[LCOG]M.de'Gris[CL]: Identify your rank and ship
[LCOG]M.de'Gris[CL]: and why are you not tagged with the flag?
[TAZ]Consul.Escort.1: Linus.. okey?
[LCOG]M.de'Gris[CL]: are you some traitor or loyalist?
Gaston.Nefis: All in due time, now you please identify yourself
[TAZ]Anargyros: Was delayin' those LFs so you two could go through.
[LCOG]M.de'Gris[CL]: I repeat
[LCOG]M.de'Gris[CL]: Identify yourslef fully or prepare to be hunted down
[TAZ]Consul.Escort.1: didn't have a map.. got er now.. let's eavesdrop, eh?
Gaston.Nefis: My loyalties lies with the crown
[TAZ]Consul.Escort.1: Jump if attacked.
[TAZ]Anargyros: Well, there's our answer.
[LCOG]M.de'Gris[CL]: Ah bon. Jsut as we though. no rank- no ship reg number
[LCOG]M.de'Gris[CL]: and no flag on you
[LCOG]M.de'Gris[CL]: PLUS, you are dont even know what is LCOG means
[LCOG]M.de'Gris[CL]: how interesting
[LCOG]M.de'Gris[CL]: Land on the nearest base and wait for further command or move towards burboun base
[TAZ]Consul.Escort.1: Madame de'Gris.. we will leave you to your duties. jumping to Dauphine. Escort 1 out.
[LCOG]M.de'Gris[CL]: Location of hte convoy?
[LCOG]M.de'Gris[CL]: Udnerstood
[TAZ]Tau.Ceti.Central: Dauphine JH
[LCOG]M.de'Gris[CL]: Ill coem after you as soon as its possible
[TAZ]Consul.Escort.1: Oh, okey.. no need really, but thanks!
[TAZ]Anargyros: Other side's clear.
[TAZ]Consul.Escort.1: rgr
[TAZ]Consul.Escort.1: Let's take the high road, Popes.
[TAZ]Tau.Ceti.Central: Understood
[TAZ]Anargyros: Formed on ya.
[TAZ]Tau.Ceti.Central: Errh, Saaz says i have to go to Shasta rehab center. Can you believe that?
[TAZ]Consul.Escort.1: Well, do you?
[TAZ]Tau.Ceti.Central: Hell no
[TAZ]Anargyros: I'm gonna go with "yes" on that one, Gabe. Hear ya got sorta wild.
[TAZ]Tau.Ceti.Central: Oh Come on. It was just some little parties
[TAZ]Consul.Escort.1: did you use le French letter?
[TAZ]Anargyros: If by "little party" you mean "massive drunken orgy", well...nothin' wrong with that every once in awhile, but ya went alittles
Here I sorta stuttered, 'cuz we got ambushed by a buncha GRN fighters.
Quote:[TAZ]Tau.Ceti.Central: Is that some kind of bar?
[TAZ]Tau.Ceti.Central: I will CM them to death
[TAZ]Tau.Ceti.Central: Ok then, if you really thinks it's necessary i will take a brochure there
[TAZ]Anargyros: Targets down, let's roll!
[TAZ]Consul.Escort.1: and we're off.
[TAZ]Anargyros: Everybody's CM on auto again?
[TAZ]Anargyros: Got lucky that time. No bombers.
[TAZ]Consul.Escort.1: A "french letter"? It's what the yanks called a condom in WW1 and 3.
[TAZ]Anargyros: Also, ditchin' the missile on this baby. She's too power hungry, and the Conference's core can't support it.
[TAZ]Tau.Ceti.Central: Ahah. Well now you talk about that
[TAZ]Tau.Ceti.Central: Maybe i should have used some
[TAZ]Consul.Escort.1: Bah.. it's hit.
[TAZ]Consul.Escort.1: Not bad for no map, eh?
[TAZ]Tau.Ceti.Central: Levrette. What a nice ship name
[TAZ]Consul.Escort.1: Is Linus playin'?
[TAZ]Anargyros: Disrupted again.
[TAZ]Tau.Ceti.Central: Seems so
[LCOG]M.de'Gris[CL]: Damn... this Gaston was already applied to GRN
[TAZ]Consul.Escort.1: I forgot to turn my CMs back on too.
[LCOG]M.de'Gris[CL]: Its annoying. Those royalists accept all and every kind of people
[LCOG]M.de'Gris[CL]: *sighs*
[TAZ]Anargyros: Now, where are you guys?
[TAZ]Tau.Ceti.Central: Erhh well they are not Gentleman like you
[TAZ]Consul.Escort.1: Well, Mam'selle, We will do our best to assist.. however, our Consul vessel must remain neutral.
[TAZ]Anargyros: Don't forget yer CM, fellas. Once stopped, it's harder to get away.
[TAZ]Tau.Ceti.Central: Aye
[TAZ]Consul.Escort.1: TAZ has moved a Templar bomber to Grenoble for escort duties.
[TAZ]Consul.Escort.1: let's get this bugger mapped too.
[TAZ]Anargyros: Yep. My Gallia maps're empty.
[TAZ]Consul.Escort.1: We might get lucky in Languedoc if you have some time, Popes.
[TAZ]Tau.Ceti.Central: No worries
[TAZ]Anargyros: Yep, I've got time.
[TAZ]Consul.Escort.1: Then we'll do a bit of mapping.
[LCOG]M.de'Gris[CL]: popes..that is a familiar term. Did i heard well that you in Taz has popes and hihg-preists from several religions. is it tr
[LCOG]M.de'Gris[CL]: ue?
[TAZ]Anargyros: We're all popes! Haha!
[LCOG]M.de'Gris[CL]: or you accept only erm..Erisians?
[TAZ]Consul.Escort.1: Only one religion.. Discordianism.
[LCOG]M.de'Gris[CL]: Ahh..hm.
[TAZ]Consul.Escort.1: or Erisians as we are also called, oui.
[LCOG]M.de'Gris[CL]: Doesnt that says that everyone can have his own wiev about ,,whats the hell is really goin on,, ?
[TAZ]Tau.Ceti.Central: Discordianism rhymes with saucisse
[TAZ]Tau.Ceti.Central: What kind of heresy is that?
[TAZ]Consul.Escort.1: You seem to have studied a bit, my lady. That is correct.
[TAZ]Consul.Escort.1: We are ontological anarchists.
[LCOG]M.de'Gris[CL]: Oh, as my master informed monsieur doctor Holliday, we received a few pages of your holy book
[LCOG]M.de'Gris[CL]: But not a complete version
[LCOG]M.de'Gris[CL]: Plus I msut tell you it was a bit chaotic.
[TAZ]Consul.Escort.1: Clear?
[LCOG]M.de'Gris[CL]: And Im not a philosopher or a religios type
[TAZ]Tau.Ceti.Central: That is the purpose
[TAZ]Anargyros: Yep, clear now
[LCOG]M.de'Gris[CL]: No-no. I think I got the main point.
[LCOG]M.de'Gris[CL]: Its jsut we dont know mutch about the details
[TAZ]Tau.Ceti.Central: But ya know, the fifth commandment says "A discordian is prohibited of believing what he reads"
[LCOG]M.de'Gris[CL]: Unless the details was not... somthing that if you zoom too close than you will find a new chaotic galaxy in the simpliest..
[LCOG]M.de'Gris[CL]: cell
[LCOG]M.de'Gris[CL]: yes but than...erm... it emans the whole book is a joke?
[TAZ]Consul.Escort.1: Well done!
[LCOG]M.de'Gris[CL]: Ahm. I think I understand it now.
[TAZ]Anargyros: My stupid auto-formation computer kept droppin' me out when I caught up, an' the bomber got me right at one of those spots.
[TAZ]Tau.Ceti.Central: The book is not a joke
[TAZ]Tau.Ceti.Central: It is really serious
[TAZ]Consul.Escort.1: It only pretends to be a joke.
[LCOG]M.de'Gris[CL]: I apologise for my statement, it was more a question than that
[TAZ]Tau.Ceti.Central: No worries mon ami
[TAZ]Consul.Escort.1: bah. this will be worthless.
[LCOG]M.de'Gris[CL]: but how could you follow a book what saiys you cant beleive in it?
[LCOG]M.de'Gris[CL]: you jsut took the opposite of everything or jsut pick the parts what you like?
[TAZ]Tau.Ceti.Central: It's more like a general headline
[TAZ]Tau.Ceti.Central: You are entitled to believe what you think is correct
[LCOG]M.de'Gris[CL]: Sorry for my lack of understanding. It is just we have no similar religion here
[TAZ]Consul.Escort.1: What of that silly mutt Cagliostro then?
[LCOG]M.de'Gris[CL]: well.. we had an old philosopher on the ancient Sol
[LCOG]M.de'Gris[CL]: who said similar things
[TAZ]Tau.Ceti.Central: But he ate hot dogs buns
[LCOG]M.de'Gris[CL]: Erm. Hotdogs?
[TAZ]Tau.Ceti.Central: Aye
[LCOG]M.de'Gris[CL]: I think I do not understand you monsieur
[TAZ]Anargyros: Beef franks, sausagey things.
[TAZ]Tau.Ceti.Central: That's unfortunate
[LCOG]M.de'Gris[CL]: erm.. female dogs who are willing to ..erm.. make little dogs?
[LCOG]M.de'Gris[CL]: and they eat them?
[TAZ]Tau.Ceti.Central: Hot dogs are the first ennemies of we Discordians
[TAZ]Tau.Ceti.Central: And people who eat hot dogs are even worse
[TAZ]Tau.Ceti.Central: you are warned
[TAZ]Anargyros: They are? I thought just the buns were.
[LCOG]M.de'Gris[CL]: Ahh...I understand now. a pack of people called ,, Hot-Dogs,,?
[TAZ]Tau.Ceti.Central: Yes hot-dogs woreshippers
[TAZ]Tau.Ceti.Central: They believe in the hot dog god
[LCOG]M.de'Gris[CL]: Or it is a discordian logic and means somthing like -meat food?
[TAZ]Consul.Escort.1: Brief stop at limoux to flog the gallian stuff, eh?
[TAZ]Tau.Ceti.Central: Understood
[TAZ]Anargyros: Yep. Down to 50 CMs, too - gonna restock.
[LCOG]M.de'Gris[CL]: I think I have to forget about understanding your religion.
[TAZ]Tau.Ceti.Central: You're doing well
[TAZ]Consul.Escort.1: right then.. see you in a few.. restocking coffee as well.
[LCOG]M.de'Gris[CL]: I think I am just not good enough in such questions.
[TAZ]Tau.Ceti.Central: You will see the light, and become shiny eventually
[LCOG]M.de'Gris[CL]: Oh well.. there is light.
[TAZ]Anargyros: That's the first step to true understanding! Forget about understanding it. Good work!
[LCOG]M.de'Gris[CL]: But it seems to be liquid -light
[LCOG]M.de'Gris[CL]: monsieur de'Gris usually sais that : ,,if you sacrifice of your self-knowing you will understand yourself better,,
[LCOG]M.de'Gris[CL]: that discordian thing must be somthing similar
[TAZ]Consul.Escort.1: True.
[TAZ]Consul.Escort.1: And my Furies seem to be doing just fine.
[TAZ]Tau.Ceti.Central: Discordia is all and it's opposite
A few GRN and GRP patrols stopped us...four times? Five? Somethin'. Anyway, we took 'em out before reinforcements could arrive, and kept goin'. Got another of us cruisin' through Languedoc. Nothin' much to report - got to say hi to another LCOG pilot, too, helped salvage some stuff from wrecks left behind by the Council an' haul their stuff back to their bases. Escort 1 docked at Reunion, and Gabe an' I kept going.
It was a pretty long flight - all the way to Pennsylvania, and then backtrackin' to Omega-50. Met a few people in passing, but only one wanting to stay an' talk was a Junker we met in one of the Leeds smog clouds. He had a hold full of "valuable art"...by which he meant various shiny and exotic-lookin' artifacts. After some discussion, Gabe an' I each gave him three amulets for one artifact. I got a small one, and after seeing Dahlia's face light up, gave it to 'er. I think she's gonna make a necklace out of it or something. Anyhow, after that we parted ways and kept goin'. Passed an OSI ship and a Corsair on the way in, made small talk, an' docked at Boa Vista without incident.
By the by...seems some Colonial has a Greek book 'o names, too. I'm not real superstitious - I keep a black cat on my shoulder, fer goodness' sake! - so I'm just gonna rename the Anar. S'a good name, one I've put on two other gunboats over the years: [TAZ]Ravenhurst-III.
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Staff roles: Moderator
Comm ID: [TAZ]Doc Holliday
To: [TAZ]Med.Force.One
"Med Force One, come in," Doc said over and over, "Med Force One, do you read."
He sat back, his bad week only getting worse.
"What's the matter, Sir?" asked his faithful ranch hand, Grady.
"Med Force One, I think I lost it," replied a very distraught Doc.
"I've also lost contact with many of my Klingon friends," he added. He then stood up, rubbing his head.
"I'm going to lay down. My head is killing me."
//Yes, folks, this IP change cost me MF1. I cannot change accounts.
Doc, any word on the Med Force 1 yet? If not, that's a tragic loss, sir. We'll have a Memorial Ceremony if nothing more is heard.
Now, all these shiney new Popes. Why aren't you reporting in, gents?
Charlie? Sukar? Zinn?
We have new reqs I'll enumerate here for the newcomers. At least one bi-weekly Status report here, and at least one hour per month prosyletizing and showing the Colors of Eris.
Not too hard, eh? Get in the habit early, and I'm a happy E-Prime.
Welcome to you new fellows.. You hall have great potential as Swervants of Goddess. Shine em up, and mount those Transponders!