Mendel adjusted his files as he walked into the rather nicely appointed offices on Shasta Skyhook, specifically dedicated to recruitment.
The Zoners had been pre-warned to expect bloodshed, the odd explosion, and of course many gunshots. Something that couldn't be avoided when dealing with the myriad of muppetry that usually surrounded Coalition Recruitment.
He stood in the well appointed office, with its glass shelves, books and large table. Picking up a mug and pouring himself a cup from the carafe in the corner. Intelligence had briefed him that there would be a disproportionate number of spies attempting to join the Coalition this cycle, and he had made sure that extra precautions had been taken.
Master Chief Pasha was standing in the reception, a pump action shotgun cradled in the nook of his arm. His eyes hard, ready to shoot anyone that tried anything remotely dumb, stupid or offensive to the Coalition's mandate.
Mendel himself was suitably armed, shedding the greatcoat and rolling up the sleeves of his shirt as he sipped the coffee, looking out of the windows at the darkness of space.
"Alicia," he called through to the outer office, "Send the recruitment signal. As usual, remind them of the following rules."
The Following Steps shall be followed, on pain of death. We do not tolerate half-heartedness and slackery in the coalition!
Stage 1: Make an application in person to the Recruiting Office aboard the Typhoon Class CPW-Trotsky, filling in all the appropriate information. If at first you are not accepted, feel free to re-apply once you feel the circumstances preventing your admission have been corrected, provided that you are still alive to do so.
All Applications will be made in person, in understandable, well punctuated English. You will be clear and concise. You will not ramble. You will include references, if applicable. You will not tell the Commissar what he is doing, he will tell you what to do. You will die if we order you to, you will live on our whim. You shall learn this, or you shall die.
Stage 2: Be questioned by the duty Commissar. If he does not like your answers, or you answer incoherently, or reveal that you may be a Spy, you shall die.
Stage 3: Fill out the SCRA Questionnaire (PM) Should you fail in the Questionnaire, you shall be terminated.
Stage 4: Once you've been cleared of the above stages, and authorized in SCRA Commnets, you shall be given a Sub-Lieutenancy in the glorious SCRA, and permitted by the grace of your superiors to fly a Partisan Light Fighter. Should you demonstrate that you are not worthy of the trust we have placed in you, we shall kill you with no warning. Let it be re-iterated, the Coalition is not for the weak of heart.
Stage 5: Provided you manage not to prove our trust misplaced, you shall be promoted to full Lieutenant in the SCRA, and granted the rights to fly the other snubfighters, as well as not face the threat of instant death every second of every day. However, if you break our trust, act in a manner inappropriate to the SCRA. Or if you demonstrate behaviour that makes us question your loyalty and commitment to the SCRA/Coalition, you will die!
TROLLS WILL BE SHOT ON SIGHT.
We reserve the right to refuse entry WITHOUT explanation, to anyone we deem unfit, incapable of working in a team environment, looks funny, looks at me funny, cracks bad puns, smells, uses commas in an incorrect fashion, went to school, did not go to school, eats rice, does not eat rice... oh and if I just plain feel like saying no to you.
A no 9/10 means you will get shot/killed/maimed/or otherwise stuffed into a trash compactor of Kusari design. (only the best for you).
Antonio Rivera parked his Scimitar in Docking Bay 6 of Shasta. He quickly proceeded to Level 9. He asked the receptionist where is the Coalition recruitment office and she escorted him to the lobby.
He sat down on a chair.
Awesome sigz by Cabulb
[20:44] Avalanche (Greg/Pharos): Yeah, I ****ing know serbian.
[20:45] Domjan1911: YUGOSLAVIAN YUGOSLAVIAN!
Ian Holmes walked in the door.
Had he been completely sober, he would never have had this suicidal idea in the first place.
Had he been only slightly buzzed, he would never have gone through with it.
And had he had just one too many, upon seeing the man with the shotgun he would have run out screaming "Oh God please don't hurt me!".
As it was, he was most definitely drunk, and only long experience allowed him to walk a straight line and speak clearly. What the hell do i do now? Talk to that guy? wait for the other applicant? or...ah screw it.
He strolled quickly to the office door and knocked thrice.
gone four years, first day back: Zoners still getting shot in Theta :|
"I hope to hell i do sah. I would rather not get shot. Here is my application sah, and background documents from my past."
He laid the documents on the desk and then stood at attention, managing to wobble only slightly. I really hope he doesn't go for the kneecaps. That would ruin the whole frakking day. Background Statement Corsair Dossier Liberty Navy Record
gone four years, first day back: Zoners still getting shot in Theta :|
"Yes, yes..." Mendel said glancing over the papers... "But do you have a tail, prefer the company of men... pray to the great Kazoo... or paint yourself blue every night?"
He sighed, "Quota hiring... you have to love it... we're a progressive nation..."
"Sah, i've never seen a man wit a tail, am a consumate womanizer, and i pray each night only tha' my guns will not jam on the morrow. As fer painting blue.....that's incredibly silly."
It was getting a lot harder to stand still, and the slurring was coming through. If ai'm not dead tommorow....hell, i'll get drunk again in celebration.
gone four years, first day back: Zoners still getting shot in Theta :|
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