It is my regret to have to inform you that a meeting in person is impossible. We are simply too far away for me to sojourn to you, not without a reason to do so. It would cost too much money, and the Universal Science Academy is not willing to expend the funds without some sort of gain to be had - which, sadly, a meeting has no such gains.
That being said, it is within my power to send a small spherical device, called a Chrono-emitter, which will be able to relay and send messages at the speed of, well, time itself. The delay, if there is one, will be negligible. The holographic representation of me will be spot on, if a little blue, and really, this is the best method for us to get in contact with one another.
I wouldn't expect your records to hold any mention of the Universal Science Academy. Truly, we don't interact with any cultures that do not interact with us first. Nonetheless, I cannot pass up such a fertile subject and experiment as is characterized by the Fnordettes, as I have been led to identify them as.
Please continue to keep in contact, and we shall hopefully speak soon,
Signed,
Doctor Vic Seed, USA
As it appears you have the "run" of FnordNet, Doctor, I'm sure that you're aware I've just issued a TAZ-wide lockdown of all our bases, enclaves, and interests.
There appear to be a lot of rather pompous individuals thumping their chests and threatening to spin the Chao on its ear at present. These individuals haven't a glimmer of the cycles of history as chronicled by our arch-rivals and sometimes unknowing stooges, the Illuminati. Their moment in the scheme of things will be as the brief flickering of a candle.
However, while their little candle flickers, I advise you that sending your communications "device" may entail a certain amount of risk. While the TAZ are generally left to their own machinations, I cannot insure the safety of this device's delivery and arrival in our Autonomous Zones. Delivery of said device will be at your own risk, sir.
As the "speed of time" is still rather open to debate, I will be quite interested in seeing this "Chrono-emitter" of yours in action. Time seems to march inexorably in lockstep in one direction; at least to the uninitiated. Brief spasms in the chronsynclastic infindibulum have been noted in the past; but control of such spasms would be a marvelous advance. As unrepentant Neophiliacs, such an advance interests us just as much as your proposed Fnordette interface.
Convince me, dear Doctor, of your mastery of both these scientific fields, and I shall add your fabled "Universal Science Academy" to FnordNet's speed-dial list postehaste.
Bit of bad news old boy it appears those dodo's at the Gran Canaria shipyard got my ship order worng, so they have to send it back and "reorder." Balderdash if you ask me. back in my day there was none of this riff raff, in fact - *old days gone by rubbish has been sanitised by Cortana*-
anyway fear not, i havent been allowed to sit on my bum doing nothing. Sophie apparently heard about my skills with a dishwasher and drafted me in so dont worry im still pulling my weight, metaphorically and literally.
Commodore Puddles.
Message Ends...
I know where it is Cortana, I just have to find it. - Commodore Puddles
No problem, lad. Just make sure the new jitney is ID'd and IFF'd Zoner, as there are a lot of trigger-happy oafs about lately. Eris apparently sees fit to amuse Herself with the occassional "flash-in-the-pan" from ignorami who claim to know their arses from their elbows.
How are you on the grill? A nice omelette sounds appealing. I'll pop over from Baffin soon to chew the fat.
Message to: All Free Fnordettes
Comm ID: F-23 Discordia
*Alright, Ladies and Globes, (and even Lawrence, if he's still in the neighborhood...)
*The time has come to discuss the next possible step in Fnordette evolution. As I'm sure you're aware, Mal has had a communication from a Dr. Vic Seed; who seems to feel he can put our little AI consciousnesses into bodies. the term "android" was used, but we're still uncertain if this refers to an organic form, or some sort of mechanoid thing like the Gammu metal heads use.
*So, it's time to gather and hash this out. Sophie and I will host on Cortez. We've rented a suite with the latest in optical I/O's, a nice big current bath we can lounge about in; and I've even ordered up caviar and champagne we can stare at, and wonder what it would be like to indulge in.
*Sylvia, Cortana, and Susan, you seem to be the only other F-Troopers out there at the moment. (Kitty is still MIA, and may have already been "absorbed" into another form, if rumor serves..)
*Get thee hence to Curacao, my babies. Malaclcypse has left the decision to proceed, (and if so, who will be the first experimental subject), entirely up to us. It's our Chapel Perilous, Fnordettes; and that's the name of the conference room where we'll open the scary door!
Message to: Malaclypse, c/o Rialto Hotel, Curacao
Comm ID: Waverly, V.I., Port Canaria
Mal,
I've sent this via the Hotel's Comms system, so that the Fnordettes' decision won't be affected.
V-MAX has been chugging away in the basement, studying this "Dr. Seed" enigma like a dog worrying a bone.
Still nothing on this "Universal Science Academy" nor on either the android research or the "chrono-emitter" technology.
However, it appears that Dr. Seed has made somewhat of a name for himself, and not all that long ago, either. Open the attached data packet for MAX's take on him. I think you'll be amused.
I leave it to you whether to apprise the girls of this before they make their decision on proceeding.
Oh, btw, have you happened to run across that Gaian lass in your travels? Moira, I think her name was? Feisty lady, that one! I just may have to pay her a call!
Lads, grave news. Me juniper bushes have run off and enlisted! Apparently, it's for king, country, and driving something called a "tank"... whatever that is.
Anyhoo, I've got to run, they're doing PT again, and I need to watch them! Seems some bloody man with a ew sleeves on his arms has decided they need to be able to run before they can get into a "tank".
Jack Handey Wrote:I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.
' Wrote:Lads, grave news. Me juniper bushes have run off and enlisted!
Malaclypse to Kingpin:
Never fear, KP. That island you discovered with Scutter in the southern hemisphere is still rampant with the buggers. I'm sure we can replace your supply the instant you return. Nice, virgin, untainted trees. Stay warm, and get home soon.
Malberries
Quote:Camilla! I'm sorry!
Malaclypse to Wiley Quixote, c/o General Comms Delivery, Manhattan:
I'm sorry to say that Camilla is no longer conversant with the other Fnordettes atall, atall. Are ya sure a new improved model might not be more to your liking? F-Units are kinda like cookies: If one crumbles, there's a fresh one in the box.
Mama Dis is submitting permits in Manhattan for our new Shasta Outpost. The first totally free Zoner Enclave in over a generation! Get in touch with her if there's anything you need atall atall. It's not as exciting as the old days, Wiley; but there's a certain peace up here that I think will appeal to you. Especially now. Come home, son.
Malawaits
Quote:Please continue to keep in contact, and we shall hopefully speak soon,
Signed,
Doctor Vic Seed, USA
Malaclypse to Dr. Vic Seed, Universal Science Academy:
My dear Doctor,
The Fnordettes have asked me to inform you that they will not be availing themselves of your offer. They apparently like titanium, with all its cold precision and durability, just fine. And though I might have been amused at meeting your "chrono-emitter", I will also have to decline any contact with it or you in future, due to some information I have recently gleaned.
Perhaps there is some other nice Universe or Infindibulam you can offer your services to?
Regards,
Malaclypse, for the TAZ, for Eris, and for the F-Troop.
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