I am reminded of an old advertising meme from Terra: "When you care enough to send the very best..". Imagine my surprise when Mandalore William himself scanned me down in Dundee.
I may have been "under the radar" (add to that "under the weather"..), but I have been following the Holo's. I knew you were searching, old friend; but I was too ashamed and embarrassed to contact you. Apologies to you and Moira if I've caused you grief..
For the time being, I'll be off at my little "Chapel Perilous", seeking forgiveness from another "old friend". And, I'm hoping the Scrubbies will remember me well enough to suck all these flammable poisons out of my system.
John Henry is another matter. If/when I am "presentable" again, I must contact him soonest regarding the TAZ and the Church.
Sadly, perhaps they are no longer one and the same. Yet another burden of guilt I must shoulder. Whether Eris will lift that weight from me remains to be seen.
Reggie's curiosity grew as the Vixen plodded slowly across the vast, bleak Yukon system. He had called ahead to Lev Shestov's "Cave", hoping to locate Malaclypse, but Lev wasn't available.
He needn't have worried. As the Vixen approached Freeport 14, he spied the Geisha liner orbiting Planet Beaver Creek about 10 klicks from the Freeport. He saw no other ships orbiting near the "Chapel"; but a number of small shuttlecraft could be seen ferrying back and forth from the station.
Upon closer observation, Mal's ship seemed to be "shimmering". Reggie soon located the huge orbiting klieg lights which bathed the ship with random, multi-colored beams. Even more garish were the huge "holo-banners" moored along the approach to the liner:
"Welcome to Chapel Perilous!"
"Revival Meeting Tonight! Free Admission!"
"Learn the Secrets the TAZ never told you!"
"Free Kallisti Gold!"
"Learn to Juggle! Free Lessons!"
Reggie's face made a decision: The "worry lines" became a full-fledged frown as the Veranda.Vixen moored with the Freeport and began offloading. He gave his crew indefinite shore leave, and was soon striding towards the Main Terminal in search of Malaclypse.
Again, the trail was easily marked. A large sign proclaimed "Free Shuttle to the Chapel!",and a line of chattering people made their way towards the indicated shuttle bay. Reggie spied an extremely hirsute man who seemed to be herding the throng along and taking their names on a large data-pad. He recalled the man's face from the security vid which had also identified Mal.
"Umm, excuse me.. Mr. Shestov? I'm Reginald Waverly. I was told to meet our mutual friend here?"
"Oh, heya Pops! You're right on time. The Meeting starts in about 15 mikes. I'll be done with this last bunch shortly, and you can fly out with me in my personal flitter. Shiney?"
Reggie gritted his teeth at the man's familiarity, but what were his choices?
"Of course, sir. I shall wait in your establishment." He turned and proceeded in the direction indicated by Lev's grubby finger.
Gaby ran into some troubles lately. Half of his crew was missing and his arm was broken. He had to bear with a bloody bandage preventing him to grope successfully ladies.
On top of that, half of his crew was missing, and his brand new ship was destroyed.
It would have been a lie to say he wasn't happy to see those nurses taking care of him in that Leeds hospital, but when he learnt from Moira an old fellow he always enjoyed to drink with was spotted in Yukon, he jumped out of his hospital bed and started with difficulty to get dressed.
- "Sir? What are you doing?!" A nurse showed up, maintainng a fair distance with the captain to avoid his proverbial reach.
- "Wha'? No time te spend 'ere lass. 'der is a meetin' kinda... An' i want te be 'ere"
- "You can't leave right now!"
- "I would enjoy te stay 'ere and look at yerr back all day long. But i consulted mah pineal and it ends up i need te go" He approached her and attempted to grope her. The nurse was expecting it however. He chuckled and left the room.
~~~
That was a bloody small shuttle. He was dying of boredom during the trip, but thought "Ah well.. I bet it will be funny to see the old man"
To kill the time, he talked with the others passengers, telling silly jokes and hearing quite a lot of new ones too.
~~~
Gaby took a shuttle to join the chapel and stepped in, looking around after he walked out of the airlock.
He chuckled loudly and asked "Well 'den! Where's 'dat bugger?! "
As Lev's shuttle approached the "Chapel.Perilous", things only got weirder. Reggie could now see another garish addition to the light show which bathed the ship. Directly above the pilot house, a huge golden apple seemed to rotate slowly. After a few seconds, Reg saw the expected Greek letter Kappa emblazoned on the apple's side. "'To the Prettiest One' indeed!", he muttered under his breath as Lev diverted to an unused docking port on the far side of the Geisha.
Moments later, they were in a lift ascending to the "long house" on the ship's foredeck. The lift disgorged them into a scene more reminiscent of a carnival than a Church service. Reggie's jaw dropped a bit further as Lev guided him to a cozy furniture grouping set off to the side of the long "Chapel". Lev muttered something about "checking the staff", and wandered off, leaving Reggie to gape and wonder at the scene.
He was about to wander off himself in search of Malaclypse when a stunning young woman in a VERY short Greek toga approached bearing two large golden plates. One plate was piled high with cigarettes which Reggie immediately recognized as the Church's private stock of "Kallisti Gold", grown on his own plantation. To be polite, Reggie took a couple and placed them on the low table.
The second plate appeared to be empty until the woman extended it. Embedded in the plate were a retinal scanner and a keypad, and the engraved word "Donations". "So much for 'free admission' he thought, as his eyes traveled back to the girl's stunning anatomy.
"Umm, Miss, are you a Church member then?" Reggie enquired.
"Nah. Me 'n the other girls worked at a "Pooters" club on Curacao until a few days ago. The old geezer who owns this tub offered us all a small fortune for a few weeks' work. The gig's a bit weird, yeah, but it beats servin' drinks in a thong!"
Reggie gulped at the image, but smiled politely and continued. "Thank you, err, Miss. And where would the 'old geezer' be at the moment?"
"Oh, he'll be along shortly, once the marks are pleasantly fuzzy!"
At that, Reggie surveyed the "congregation" once more, noting the haze of smoke collecting as the group partook of Eris' "sacrament". But, something was off. The familiar odor of the Gold was there, but he also detected a sickish sweet overtone to the smoke; and then a slightly bitter odor wafted in as well. It suddenly dawned on him from the "old books".
"Why, the bastard is using Hassan I Sabbah's formula! He's added the equivalent of Black Alamout hash and belladona to the mix!" Reggie's brows knitted as he realized the implications. Whatever "secrets" Mal's sermon might reveal would be augmented by a very old and very serious metaprogramming tool.
Reggie was about to find and collar the Episkopos for an explanation when a soft chime began to sound at intervals. The "Acolytes" from Pooters began to herd the congregation onto soft throw pillows scattered about on the floor.
As the room began to quiet, Reggie could hear the soft strains of an old Terran song begin to grow in volume. If it was a "hymn", the Church that used it escaped him...
"Well, whatever this is about, Mal's really pouring on the coals", he thought. He sat back and resigned himself to the experience.
Gaby entered in the "Long house", following a lady he spotted after stepping a few seconds in the Geisha's docks.
As they were taking a lift to go there, he skillfully moved behind her, obvisouly to try something silly, given the way he was smiling..
If someone had the curiosity to check at the people walking out of the lift, they would have noticed that lady rolling her eyes and Gaby stepping out after her, a slap-mark visible on his cheek, and a smile on his face.
Gaby took a look around and smiled even more. He seemed to be quite pleased. "Ah well, seems 'dat bugger finally understood how te have some fun, uh?" he said, chuckling.
He then noticed the ladies wearing some funny clothes and holding golden plates. He made his silly face and moved near one "Oy 'der lass" He winked and showed his plastered arm "Ye mind helpin' a war disabled like meself" He then made a wretched-looking face, while giving her legs a side look...
~~~
In the lift mentionned before, there was another man, with a totally different appearance.
He was wearing a brown robe, his eyes always in montion to catch every single sign happening.
He noticed the festive ambiance but kept a set expression. He then gave a quick look at the service "personnel" and shook his head.
The man in robe put his hood on and moved to the bottom of the large room, keeping his head lowered and watching at the congregation.
He muttered as the music started "What in the name of..."
He then shrugged and whispered "Ah well... That's quite different from a Paratheo-Anametamystikhood Of Eris Esoteric Baptismal Rite or everything i saw before in the temple... What the thud is going on?"
The man remained unmoved and waited for what was to follow, ignoring the young ladies coming to him to offer him cigarettes...
Departure from PB "Bannon, set course for the Yukon system, Freeport 14. Make it quick."
"Aye sir."
"Captain, isn't going through Liberty much faster?", said the ever so clever old man in a white coat. "I don't know... Its too late to turn back now. I am confident Eris will guide us through.", and with a smile, the ship entered the gate to almighty Kusari.
Entering K-land "Cap'n, so far we aven't met a single soul. Must be Eris' luck."
"True, we have yet to see a single ship. All Hail Eris!"
"(mumbles)", said the old man in white coat. "What was that Professor??", looking at the old man. "Huh? Who? Oh, nothing, Captain.", replied the professor. The ship managed to slip under that radar. Through the clouds and asteroid fields, the ship flew a smooth ride. Everyone on board was excited to see the return of their Episkopos.
A few hours later.... [color=#99FFFF]Nearing Freeport 14 "We're here, Cap'n."
"Great time, Bannon. Could you turn on the intercom?"
"Of course, Cap'n." Rainus was eager to announce the ship's arrival at Freeport 14. A voice told him to give the crew shore leave and take with him only 3 people. "Attention crew of the Chao's.Eyes, we have arrived at Freeport 14. , I am ordering a indefinite shore leave to those who want to." The ship rocked as personnel from each deck cheered at the announcement. "Remember the rules on shore leave. Any crew breaking these rules will face Eris' Chaos. Have fun now!" Rainus, feeling happy, turned off the intercom. Bannon grinned at his direction, while the Professor remained silent.
"Cap'n, does this mean Professor Carlisle and I have the day off?", said Bannon with a interesting grin. "No... don't think about having yourself drunk and spilling your half-digested food all over my ship. Both of you will accompany me to the Revival Meeting."
"Aww.... but.... but..."
"No buts Bannon." Bannon stopped arguing in vain. He was used to the Captain's hostility against drunkenness. The Captain hates beer, whisky, and any other cheap-alcoholic drinks. He only likes wine and any other alcoholic drink like it.
"Professor, you alright?", said Rainus. He noticed the professor being awfully silent. Usually the professor babbles about his experiment. But the professor assured Rainus that he was fine. The ship was parked perfectly near Freeport 14. Pope Rainus quickly changed into his TAZ robes. The three of them: Rainus, Bannon, and Carlisle went into the Freeport leaving the ship to the cheerful crew. The Captain hoped that none of these monkeys would break anything.
The trio approached a small pedestal in which a girl wearing odd-looking clothes that resembled Greek goddesses stood. A unusually long line of person crowded the area leading into the docking bay. Once the line was gone, they moved in to talk to the girl. "Kallisti there! Would this be the way to the TAZ Revival Meeting?" "Kallisti there! I see you are a TAZ pope. I'm afraid we've run out of shuttles." "WHAT?! Run.....OUT....OF...SHUTTLES!?!?!?", raged the Captain in anger.
The girl fearing retribution said, "We....We..ccou-ld make an exception. Hehe.... "
The girl was shaken by the pope's remark. She was shaking as she reached for the comm unit. "Excellent. I am a man of haste.", Bannon coughed at the remark.
A couple of minutes later...
[color=#FFFFFF]"Kallisti! WE have arrived at Chapel.Perilous. Please watch your head as you enter the ship. For people with children, please drop them off at the Chaos Daycare Center. Be mindful of your Pineal Amulets as we have heard reports of them being stolen. Enjoy your stay at Chapel.Perilous!"
Rainus and Bannon, while peeking at the ship, were kicked off the shuttle.
The girl giggled and said, "You said you were a man of haste!"
Bannon quickly replied, "The Captain was....but not me.", showing a fist at the girl. The professor simply thanked the girl and left the shuttle. "You two should learn your manners. Bad things could happen if you talked to the wrong person that way." The professor laughed maniacally at the two. "Well which way now?", said Bannon while point to a sign.
The sign said:
Holy Chapel Lift--->
<----Holy Bathroom
"Are you blind, Bannon? Where would you hold a Revival Meeting? Obviously not in the Bathroom."
"Of course, Cap'n, but I fear my bowels are moving.", a loud fart erupted in the hallway.
"The man's kidneys have gone berserk. Alcohol?", said Carlisle while observing the ship.
Rainus nodded, "Al....cohol....*sigh*Alright... make it quick." "Eris be praised." Bannon quickly took a leak and they proceeded to the lift. Which took them to the Chapel.
Upon exiting the Chapel, they found themselves dumbstruck at the congregation. Never did they experience such an atmosphere. What could one call a Chapel wasn't a Chapel. It had the appearance of a toga party. There were people everywhere but most noticeable were the girls dressed as the same one they saw before. Two of the lovely girls carrying golden plates approached the trio. "Kallisti Gold, gentlemen?", offered one of the girls who had gold-like cigarettes in her plate.
Bannon quickly answered, "I'll take ten, please.", while reaching for the cigarettes.
Then Rainus wooshed Bannon's hand away and strongly objected, "No smoking in the ship!" "But smoking is permitted here. Look around.", replied the girls. The three looked behind the girls and saw the room filled with smoke as if the Chapel was burning.
The Captain sighed, "I guess you can take one but leave the rest to some "other" guests." Bannon took one but discreetly took another one from the girl.
Meanwhile Professor Carlisle was "tricked" into donating by the other girl carrying the other golden plate. "This donation....were will it go?" "To the Association of Scrubbies*giggles* It would be use for the welfare of them scrubbies." "I see. Very well then." He let his eye be scanned by the retinal scanner. "Your credit card number, sir?" Carlisle then looked both ways then took the plate from the girl. A series of cute-beeping noises and then the plate was handed back to the girl.
The three looked for seats in the unsually long "Chapel" but what they found were soft throw pillows that were scattered along the floor. Professor Carlisle not wanting to seat at the floor, called one of the girls. "Excuse me, my dear. But aren't there suppose to be pews in a Chapel?" "The old owner of the ship told us to lay these pillows around the Chapel floor and ordered us to usher the people on them." "Must be part of the gig.", whispered Rainus.
The three shrugged and allowed themselves to be seated at some nice comfy pillows near the windows.
Rackham rolled from his bunk on the Law of Fives to see the Chapel rising fast in the near distance.
"Well... I'd better grab me best bib and tucker fer this one." He thought, "This is near the biggest shindig I been to since Moira an' Reggie got spliced."
Rackham took a rare and brief shower, shave and a handy splash of Eau de Shasta, then dressed in his finest and only set of robes, grabbed the nearest bottle of rum for the hop to the Chapel and announced his presence and request for a shuttle.
"Lookin' forward to this ....I wonder how it's gonna go......" He mused.
A starflier bonces off the side of the Capel.Perilous, instantly ejecting the escape pod to be tractored in by the crew of the Chapel. The pod contains the drunkest man the small woman had ever seen as he walked out of the bay, wiping his dirty, wrinkles as flat as they would go. The robes had seen better days, stains visible in many places down the front, smears on the sleeves show obvious use as a 'napkin' and the back...Passerby just hoped it was a dirt stain.
The older man, looked around at the signs, and fell in with the crowd as best he could, his smell and dirty robe making many of the well dressed patrons give him a large berth. His Pineal Amulet however, hung around his neck in plain view, a slight glow emanating from it, highlighting the mass of hair the man would invariably call a beard.
He walks up and grabs a couple cigarettes from one tray and leans down to the other. The retinal scanner glares and angry red, as if in expectation that the man wouldn't come back to a registered
account. The plate beeps urgently, a red light flashing.
"It's never done that before." The woman says confused, as a slip of paper comes sliding out of the side of the tray.
It's the thought that counts.
It looks like one of the fortunes from the Kusari teriyaki places, without the cookie.
The old, dirty man chuckles and thanks the lady and walks away, leaving her standing there with a lost expression on her pretty face.
He takes a place along the walk toward the center of the room, making sure that he has a clear view of the rooms occupants, hoping to see his old friend, and mentor. Its been many years since Cid had managed to get out of the bars and card houses long enough to do much of anything. That 'Flier he'd blown up on the side of the Chapel had been the last ship left in his once extensive private fleet. Each ship having been lost to this debt or that bar tab, until all he had left was the 'Flier and his Amulet.
Charlie Koskinen stepped out of the lift and into the chaotic cacophony that just barely passed for a chapel. It had been a while since he'd left his hole of an apartment for anything other than grabbing a bite from the vending machine on his hall or making a visit to the lavatory. Seeing so many people running about in a (relatively) large room filled to the brim with Discordian paraphernalia brought up old memories. Some of them were even pleasant ones.
It had been at least a year since Charlie had given TAZ the bird and left to find his place in the universe. And at the time, Charlie had decided that the best place for him was somewhere out of the way. Somewhere with a few people who shared his disinterest in the bothersome politics and bullcrap of the increasingly complicated "Zoner lifestyle", but still believed in the old ways of freedom and independence.
And privacy. Privacy was important.
So Charlie had steered his little "Arrow" interceptor towards the Yukon system, and made a home with the "Zoners within Zoners" that occupied Freeport 14. Using the combined credits from selling the Precious Mao (his old "Firefly" transport) and from the small amount he'd "borrowed" from the Temple Fund before leaving TAZ, Charlie was able to rent out a rather nice little room on the station with an excellent view of Beaver Creek. At the right time of day, the system's sun would reflect off the gas giant's surface just right so as to cast the entire room into a faint purple light.
It didn't last, of course. Charlie's flax began to run low, and he had to downgrade to a smaller, less-spectacular room on the station. He also traded his Arrow in for a Dromedary, and began working as a freelance cargo-hauler within the Independent Worlds. Even then, he wasn't able to make ends meet. After another few downgrades and expense-cuts, Charlie was living out of the equivalent of a broom closet with a cot and a desk. His destitute state was also reflected in his wardrobe. Charlie had come up to the chapel wearing the only clothes he owned: A tattered baby-blue bathrobe, two left sandals, and a pair of not-quite-white-anymore briefs.
Earlier today, Charlie had gone out on another beer-run to one of Freeport 14's few shops. As Charlie set off the automatic door-chime, the shop's owner emerged from the back room.
"Heya, Charlie. Whaddya looking for today?" He asked.
"Cold ones, Brian. I've been dry for a day, and I'm not too happy about it."
"Yikes. That last case didn't last too long, did it? Lessee what I got." Brian returned to the back room and peered at the various crates and boxes he had stacked to the ceiling. "Uhh..." he called from around the door frame, "We got a few cases of Aalenbrauen Lager, some Coleraine Stout, and a few Lavablade Lites."
"I'll take the Coleraines. None of the others strike my fancy."
"Alrighty then," Brian said as pulled out a case and brought it to the register. "Still the same as far as cash goes?"
"Yeah. I'll be back tomorrow to help you unload whatever cargo shipments come in from the docks to pay it off. As usual," Charlie said as he grabbed his beverages.
"You sure you're gonna be here tomorrow?"
Charlie paused and cocked his head. "Don't see why I wouldn't be. Why?"
"Didn't ya see that ship out by the Creek? It's kinda hard to miss, considering the lights and the banners and all..."
"I don't have windows in my closet. What's up with this ship?"
"It's supposed to be a 'Chapel' or something. Some big event going on for the next few days. I'm not sure what the whole story is, but it's got all sorts of doodads that sound like the kinda stuff you talk about from time to time. Big golden apples, them five-fingered-hand things, 'Greek' stuff... it mentions 'TAZ'. Looks like the kinda stuff you say you used to be into. I guess I just assumed you were involved somehow."
"Well I sure as hell am now," Charlie muttered. "I'll get back to you on a date for the manual labor. Hope you don't mind, but this warrants further investigation."
Charlie reached into one of his bathrobe's deep pockets and pulled out an open box of uncooked spaghetti. He plucked a few raw sticks from the box, stuck them in his mouth, and began to chew. It was something of a habit that he'd picked up over the past year. It was also just about his only meal for the day. At that point, an impossibly attractive woman in an impossibly short toga walked up and offered a plate of what Charlie recognized as "Kallisti Gold" cigarettes. He quickly crunched up and swallowed the remainder of his spaghetti and placed a joint between his lips. After a muttered "thanks", Charlie grabbed another five and stuffed them down his underpants. He sure as hell wasn't going to miss the chance to load up on the good stuff while it was being handed out free.
"So," he said to the woman before she could extend the second plate to him, "Who's running this show, anyway? Is it TAZ? I didn't think they'd come out to Yukon, but..."
"Nope," she replied, "Old guy callin' himself 'Malaclypse'. Don't know much about him, but then I don't really need to. A job's a job."
Mal?! Charlie thought. Mal again? The last Charlie had heard, Mal had left this universe for good. But to hear that he's back, and acting outside the established Church... Charlie got butterflies in his stomach just thinking about it. The very man who had allegedly started it all back in Sol, and who had most definitely started it all (multiple times) here in Sirius, come back to begin again. Charlie had flown alongside him in the Erisian Liberation Front, and again in the Temporary Autonomous Zoners, and had never experienced a dull moment with him. Well, not counting the latter days of TAZ, anyway.
If Mal's here, then it's certainly worth my time to stick around for a bit, Charlie thought. He picked out a particularly comfy looking chair, found a light for his Gold, and waited.
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Aboard Ambassador's.Ark, John Holliday stood in his private quarters as his wife was helping him prepare for his meet at Chapel Perilous. He was a bit worried as he stood in silence while his wife fixed every little flaw she could find in his robes.
"While I've led the flock, I haven't exactly maintained the sacred chao," he thought to himself, "it's been medicine and diplomacy."
She stood in front of him, fixing a spot on his robes near his shoulder, she noticed the stern look and silence.
"What wrong, John Henry?" she asked him.
He weekly smiled, "Oh...not much." She replied with only the look a wife could give who's husband wasn't fooling her.
"John Henry!" she said sternly, "Out with it!" She stopped helping him and folder her arms in front of her.
"Dahlin', I've done everything BUT be a Discordian since Mal left," he exlplained, "being a doctor, ambassador and keeping a loosely knit flock together but....no real preaching. Something tells me Mal won't be happy with that."
She put on a soft smile and took his hands, "John, you do your best. Those who follow you do their best and each preaches as they see fit."
He sighed as she continued, "The very fact that you keep together what he start will make him proud."
She then sighed herself and kept her smile, "you make me proud even when you not home."
She then continued fixing his robes.
"Mr. Ambassador," came the voice of Commander Alicia Cook, we are making the jump to the Yukon system."
"Very good, Alicia," Doc spoke out to his com, "inform me when we're ready to dock on the Freeport."
With that, he continued his preparations.
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