Incoming Transmission
Comm ID: LPI Rusty Donut, John Clements
Yesterday be a great day fer da great RUSTY DONUT! Despite 'er name, da Donut be a fighter. First, we got da call ta take out a Red Hessian Cruiser by da name o' Fredjik, who was easy meat fer us, though da durn camera man did na get da shot cuz o' a donut in da lens.
Next, we got a call about an Osiris named |Lee| and dat Corsair lunchbox named Kaize Sooze. We durn beat up dat Osiris, 'n stole da lunchbox's money!
Next, we heard o' a Phantom Osiris in California! Da men were wettin' themselves, so we decided ta run to Bush, but da durn navigator locked in da wrong trade lane, so us and da formation of LPI went to West Point! Then, durn Quintus decided ta be a hero and go to the California jump gate, so we had to save him! There, we saw da fearsome HELLBOUND.
But he was nah fearsome! Da Rusty Donut beat 'im good, and chased him all around N'york, much to everyone's surprise! O' course, da foo ran into a debris field, so we could na follow, but da boys were brave so they kept on. Da durn Phantom stopped whilst the Donut was at a distance, and blew up all da li'l ones, den kept runnin' til he went to Colorado. However, we hurt 'im bad enough so dat he won't be causin' no trouble fer awhile!