I am the Admiral Khafre, Captain of Outcasts Dreadnought "Psamtik" and Leader of new swarm of independent outcast ships!
A minutes ago two of your capital ships was killed by one of my fearless warriors:
This is only beginning of NEW ERA. Independent Outcasts are taking COMMEND over Liberty space.
RESISTANCE IS FUTILE
You will comply, or die.
All unarmed ships traveling from Liberty and traveling through Liberty are forced to pay taxes to Outcasts.
All armed ships must stay down and surrender. There will be no negotiations...
SHIP ID: LR-Sober.Counsel LOCATION: New York, "Drunken Codger" FROM: Clyde Johnson RANK: Consigliere SUBJECT: Things I'll do with you when I find you
I'll get right to the point:
At first, I will slit your throat and smoke weed with your windpipe, then I will pierce your right ear, remove your testicles and put it through the piercing, and then stick a fuse through the tip, attach it to fifteen sticks of explosives, douse you in gasoline, remove your fingernails, shove them in your eyeballs, and pour bleach into them, slice fifteen holes throughout your body, stick the explosives in each one, light the fuse, and for good measure, begin beating you with a stick until the explosive is about to explode. Afterwards, I'll take your remains, dress them as a lettuce and feed them to the snails. Then I'll have that funny scumbag Hudson Ravis eat said snails with a spoon, for whom I will then design a machine that will tumble his body down an eternal flight of carpeted stairs so he dies by carpet burn and broken limbs, and you both can have sexy times in afterlife.
To: Admiral Khafre Sender:Sarah McFarlen Origin:Barrier Gate Station
Resistance Is Character Forming.
Hi.
Good luck. I’ll be over here, watching. Let’s be honest here, you start taxing people and they’ll start expecting you to do things for them. You know, maintain trade lanes and that sort of thing. Be a government. No-one wants to go to that sort of trouble. If I were you, I wouldn’t bother. Just a tip.
And there’s also all those warships. They could be a problem. Potentially.
End Message
"This is really sort of a personal project of mine."
- James Arland, on single-handedly engaging an enemy regiment.
Another would-be warlord with neither the tactical acumen nor the charisma to back up his ambitions. Absent the qualities of a leader, you're simply another mindless murderer like so many of our fellow Maltese.
And like most of them, your twin deaths, once of the body and once of the memory will be in rapid succession. As it should be for all whose ambition outpaces their talent and intelligence.
Even your attempt to appropriate pre-Exodus imagery falls flat in both novelty and quality.
Enjoy the attention while it lasts; it won't for long. And like so many who lead our people to a fruitless end, your inevitable demise will be unmourned.
A young woman can be seen staring at the screen as she reads the transmission. She suddenly burst in laugher, and falls from her seat in hilarity. She gets back up, still laughing, and presses the 'reply' button.
Bonjour,
Whoever you are, monsieur, that was hilarious. Merci beacoup for providing me with some laughing matter; today was quite a boing day.
If your proposal was serious, the answer is... NO.
Sincèrement,
Marie Nemesis
Dear Captain of Outcasts Dreadnought "Psamtik" ,
Thank you for taking your time in writing an application to Universal Shipping Inc's Security Department. Unfortunately your application to make us care has been declined.
You've spoken too early good sir/maam alien or robot. April fools is the 1st of the next month.
Our weapons are ready and our strength is strong, you or any other swine in Liberty. Are not able to take that from us.
Our Security Department will not tolerate taxers, pirates, bullies, or agitators who impair or suppress the freedom of individuals through travel or trade within and throughout Liberty Space.
We are hunters of the bountied of all those whose purpose is oppression, taxation without representation in the free trade of all commodities that are legal, terrorism, the unrepentant, and the evil who crowd free space like a foul stench that must be blown away.
The Security Division claim and defend the jurisdictional authority of this freedom of hunting within and throughout Libertonian Lawful Space via The Corporations accepting our Services. We are the arbiters, jurors, and executioners in all systems duly claimed by the legally appointed government of Liberty for and on behalf of our Executive Administration. We act at the behest of recognized and just local and regional authorities, where we travel to and where we travel from. We shall collect bounties on behalf of the benefactor and claim money sufficient for the task.
We openly challenge those that names hit our desks.
Signed,
Charles Bell
Chief Security Officer
Universal Shipping Inc
(03-12-2014, 12:52 AM)AnonymousPerson Wrote: I am the Admiral Khafre, Captain of Outcasts Dreadnought "Psamtik" ...
(03-12-2014, 12:52 AM)AnonymousPerson Wrote: This is only beginning of NEW ERA. Independent Outcasts are taking COMMEND over Liberty space.
(03-12-2014, 12:52 AM)AnonymousPerson Wrote: All unarmed ships traveling from Liberty and traveling through Liberty are forced to pay taxes to Outcasts.
All armed ships must stay down and surrender. There will be no negotiations...
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Mid-transit through Cortez, Achille receives a faint message so unfathomably cryptic, for a moment, it gives him pause.
“…How grotesque.”
“…I appear to be conversing with some gigantic geometrically insipid brick bent on self-exposition. Clearly, this is some format of fetching post-Dadaist art installation, providing ept social commentary on the Libertonian house’s glut for import-export, unregulated marketeering and general fiscal pandemonium as resultant from a prosperous free market economy. Indeed, the catchline: “Resistance is futile” bears its own metaphorical ring – it is impossible to exist as a Libertonian citizen and defy the whims of the monopolists. Bravo to you sir!”
“…What is ever more intriguing is that the primary critics of this masterpiece are the rogues themselves; individuals archetypically considered antithetical to the aspirations of the cooperate classes, yet, from the aggression of their rhetoric, they appear to be shunning the work and practically exhibiting a pro-conglomerate attitude! How bizarre of them.”
“…Come on my roguelikes! Encourage the burgeoning artists of your generation and cessate listing to that ghastly, pleblian ghetto rap which you are so accustomed and actually contribute to the intelligentsia.”
THE SYNDIC LEAGUES
(A co-operative of Rheinland's Shipping Unions, retired from a life of piracy.)