Source:Sir Archibald Chamberlain Location:Canterbury Station Subject:Cr'appy New Year Priority:Internal
Ladies and Gentlemen, it is once again time for a new and exciting year of trying to stay in business. Now that all the ticker tape has fallen and all the pomp has faded, you need to sweep the halls, put up all the Hogmanay decorations, and get your respective backsides back to work purchasing me more ticker tape for next year.
Now, we have a number of issues from here going forward based on the events and adventures which have plagued our company over the past few months. First and foremost, California Minor is now entirely full of Diamonds. We have excavated as much material as we possibly can and replaced it with rough cut diamonds acquired from Omega-7, successfully, without the Rheinland Police ever finding out what we intended to do with them all. "Operation Diamond Drop" must now proceed into the second phase of operations... namely, we need to come up with a Second Phase of Operations. Liberty is no longer paying us for Diamonds by the bushel so we need to find something else valuable to haul.
Secondly, the Docking Bay #8 on Canterbury is going to be closed for some time so the maintenance team can clean up what's left of Director Hove after that whole mess where the Security Team created a cult and sacrificed mister Hove along with the most dangerous Gaian Predators in a ritualistic gladiator tournament to appease and gain blessing from some bloody fellow named Khorne. Now, since being ripped into a pleading mass of blood, meat chunks, and tears is grounds for a pink slip regardless of position in this company, we have had an open position for director of Public Relations. Now normally, whoever kills the previous holder of the position gets the job, but Gaian Feathered Death Mantises don't have the references nor the sex appeal we need in that position. Therefore, I've selected the only qualified person in the company, and shockingly enough, our newest recruit. Please give a big round of applause to mister Vincent Morrow (you may withhold your "Kick Me" signs and Noogies for after hours. Work comes first).
Thirdly, the contract with the Junkers' Congress to terraform Planet Harris needs renewing. The Junkers haven't really said or done anything, and the orbital depot seems to have disappeared into la-la land as the result of deferred maintenance. We will need to renew these contracts and begin getting the freight moved once again. We should primarily be interested in:
Getting the Junkers to give us More Money.
Selling them on Gaian Wildlife to populate their planet.
Getting them to pay for the Orbital Infrastructure.
Getting them to make sure people don't pirate us.
Beyond this we will need to acquire large amounts of heat refractive gases and cryogenic equipment to begin a planetary scale cooldown on the world to ensure proper ventilation and pleasant tropical temperatures for the Gaian Wildlife to be unceremoniously dumped into so they may battle it out for survival.
On a Related Note, my personal palatial villa on Planet Gran Canaria is becoming rather chill, so some Greenhouse Warming is required. However, since I don't want it done for free, we need to sell the Zoners on a deal to stabilize Gran Canaria's climate much more aggressively. So far, they have made a few proposals, but nothing recently nor with a cashier's check attached. This should become a priority investment after the deals with the Junkers and finding new general Cargo Routes are done.
All departments are requested to file a series of reports and memos to me explaining what I just said and what they plan to do about it. Those that don't will have their water cooler privileges reduced.
That is all! Keep calm and MORE TOIL!
-=END TRANSMISSION=-
PLANETFORM INCORPORATED "Get back to work damn you!"
I'm honored to accept the position, and would like to say I am eager to start clean the blood and guts out of my office
work on the negotiations with the junkers congress.
Vincent Morrow.
Director of Public Relations.
-=END TRANSMISSION=-
PLANETFORM INCORPORATED "Get back to work damn you!"
Discordianism: the Schroedinger's Cat of religions.