// please note, the personal log has been defunct for years. the bio will remain and be updated.
Name:
Kimiko "Kimi" Hawkins "Amphitrite" - Nomad Incubus
Date of Birth:
December 31st, 800 AS (28 years old, 20 biologically)
Place of Birth:
Ainu Depot, Hokkaido, Empire of Kusari
Gender:
Female (trans)
Occupation:
Anarchist activist, founder of Andorra Haven and the New Dawn Movement, freelancer, traveling musician (former) First of the Vagrant infected, founder of the Covenant of the Pale Vigil, Void Fae agent
Goals:
-Secure the New Dawn Movement's position as a viable alternative to dominant capitalist ideology.
-Make friends and allies in the unlikeliest of places.
-Explore the far reaches of space. -Reclaim the birthright of the Nomads by any means necessary.
-Ascend to the highest state of existence possible within the Mindshare.
-Guide humanity towards full integration with Nomads.
Hobbies:
Playing guitar and singing, surfing, journalling, practicing martial arts, meditation, cooking, making clothes
Kimiko stands at 6'0" (183 cm) tall, with a somewhat broad frame. Her soft skin and curves hide a well-developed musculature underpinning her frame. Her mixed parentage has given her a varied set of physical traits, with the Bretonian genes shining through in her boxy facial features, wavy hair, and freckles. Her mother's Kusarian aspects come through more strongly in Kimi's raven hair (which has since been dyed dark blue), her monolid eye (once hazel, now a pale violet color), and her slim nose. Her expression, once happy and bright, has become more tired and sullen over the years. A scar crosses over her left eyebrow (covered by her eyepatch) and over her right jawline.
Underneath Kimiko's eyepatch, in place of her missing left eye, is a deep void containing dozens of twinkling crystalline "stars." This organ, which she colloquially refers to as her voideye, allows her to perceive the world much in the same fashion as Nomads do. Small crystalline striations and growths, not unlike those of larger Nomad forms, surround the eye socket.
Personality:
Once renowned in the Edge Worlds as an innocent pacifist and starry-eyed dreamer, Kimiko has become more hardened and jaded over the years. Her vow of nonviolence has since been abandoned as the people she loves and cares about have been threatened by several hostile groups and individuals. On the surface, she still appears friendly and cordial to almost every human she encounters and genuinely makes an effort to see the good in others. It can be difficult to get her to open up about her own experiences, especially as many are marred with a significant degree of pain and trauma. She does not hesitate to offer a shoulder and comfort to others in need, however, with an overactive empathy that makes it hard to not react to suffering. To those who know her well, Kimiko is noted to experience severe and frequent mood swings, oscillating between happy-go-lucky innocence and utterly despondent depression. At her core, Kimiko still believes in her dream of achieving ultimate harmony with life and relishing in all the universe has to offer; it has merely become far more difficult to persevere in the pursuit of paradise.
Amphitrite possesses a unique, highly mutualistic relationship with their host. Originally implanted by the Simurgh within Kimiko to help bring out the latent power and presence of the psychic human, the incubus grew to become protective of the human within. It is not uncommon for Amphitrite to take complete control of the body during dangerous situations, especially combat, to spare Kimiko the rigors of such trying circumstances. Typically, Amphitrite is a reclusive entity, preferring to direct their abilities through Kimiko's control and focus.
At times, the two selves, referred to as the Twin Lights among the Vagrants, merge together into a new personality. This entity, dubbed Psyche, takes on a divine, matriarchal demeanor to others. In some ways, she is a combination of Kimiko's inner, purer self with the temperance and elder wisdom and nature of the Mindshare. Psyche has appeared more often over the years, indicating progress towards some final melding of the selves.
Biography:
Chapter 1: Kyofu Phoenix
Kimiko Hawkins's birth was an affair that had been planned for many decades. Her mother, Arai Imekanu, was born and raised in an esoteric, occult branch of the Golden Chrysanthemum movement known as the Daughters of Yomi. The cult was founded with one absolute objective in mind: the resurrection and reincarnation of Yuyu Matsuda into a vessel worthy of leading the Golden Chrysanthemums once more. The sisters had grown disillusioned with the direction taken by the rest of the terrorist organization, and were often considered to be radical hermits. For almost 150 years, the Daughters of Yomi directed a selective breeding program to cultivate the ideal candidate for their goal. Imekanu was designated as the ideal mother for their prophesized messiah, and great pains were taken to ensure the baby would be as healthy as possible.
The paternal candidate for this undertaking was a Bretonian-Dubliner smuggler by the name of Nathaniel Christopher Hawkins. He had ingratiated himself with the Chrysanthemums by acting as a middle man for cardamine runs to the Lane Hackers. It was a happy coincidence that the man's gene code was considered optimal for the planned child of the Daughters. With insemination completed, Imekanu's pregnancy was overseen by dozens of support personnel and supervisors. Esoteric rituals involving the use of ancient Buddhist rites and alien artifacts were commonplace around the expected daughter. It was believed such acts would endow the girl with great power and wisdom to lead Kusari to a new promised age. All that was left for Imekanu now was to carry the baby to term, a task many considered straightforward.
Birthing was, of course, tied to an elaborate celestial calendar that the Daughters claimed could accurately predict when Matsuda's soul would be in transit between bodies. At an appointed time and date, Imekanu underwent induced labor and gave birth to her child after a long struggle. However, contrary to what had been believed by the sisters, the child that came out of their century and a half of effort had turned out to be male. Division and infighting broke out as the cult tried to wrap its head around such an oversight, with many wanting to kill the child outright. Imekanu would not abide by this and stole a ship to escape with her child in the middle of the night. The escape route took her through the dreaded Kyofu gap between clouds in Hokkaido, and though her child was safe and secure in a shielded pod, Imekanu was afflicted with severe radiation burns and sickness. Badly wounded and in need of rescue, the pair were blessed by the timely arrival of Nathaniel Hawkins in his freighter. After a brief explanation of events and some coercion on Imekanu's part towards Nathaniel, all three sped away from Kusari, never to see it again for many years.
Chapter 2: Blue Curacao
As far as Kimiko knew for most of her life, she was born and raised on Planet Curacao, hailing from the small village of Otrobanda not far from the main resort platforms. As a humble residential sector for several employees working at the main platforms, Otrobanda was largely removed from guest interaction. Intended mostly for seasonal habitation, the Hawkins family was considered an outlier among many for their permanent residence. Nathaniel was a favorite contraband supplier of a notable OS&C executive who, in gratitude, granted him rent-free residence there. The lack of many families or children around meant Kimiko experienced a rather lonely childhood, defined at best by fleeting friendships and chance encounters with friendly guests. Facilities for education and enrichment were also found lacking.
For much of her life, Kimiko was homeschooled by Imekanu while her father remained an absent figure. He often was busy on smuggling runs or peddling illicit goods to resort guests to support the family. When he would come home, it was often in drunken or drugged stupors, resulting in violent clashes with Imekanu and Kimiko over petty squabbles that hid worse truths. Without friends, the young girl often spent her free time exploring the natural beauty of Curacao's tropical forests and azure seas. Other times, she would be instructed in the humanities, general education, music, poetry, and aikido by her mother, whose radiation sickness grew more severe as time passed. Each lesson was taken to heart, and Kimiko grew close to Imekanu, despite the latter not revealing much about her past life. It was Imekanu's hope that withholding the truth from her child would allow for a somewhat normal upbringing.
However, the onset of Kimiko's psionic awakening would dash these chances as, at the age of 5, the young child demonstrated unprecedented intuition to her mother. Fearing intervention by shadowy organizations, Imekanu strictly instructed her child to keep this gift a secret. As a teenager, Kimiko would come out as transgender to her mother and father. Though the former was jubilant and accepting of her now-daughter, the latter only saw a failure of a son and began a long pattern of physical and emotional abuse. During this time, Kimiko would work as a performer for Orbital Spa and Cruise at their primary resort, giving small musical performances in themed restaurants and bars. The experience cultivated hatred for the tourism industry and its overlords, with special disgust given towards the ultrarich elites that mistreated employees and the environments of their resort playgrounds.
Nathaniel's abuse reached a zenith when he drunkenly attempted to stab Kimiko during a heated argument. In the chaos of the struggle, Kimiko smashed a bottle of beer open and slashed her father's eyes. Knowing this was, in effect, a crossing of the Rubicon, Kimiko and her mother quickly packed their things and attempted to flee Curacao. Unfortunately, the two became separated during an attempt to commandeer a shuttle resulting in an altercation with corporate security. Imekanu shouted at her daughter to leave her behind, which, after much argument, she finally did. The two would not meet again for almost 12 years.
Kimiko was now alone, aboard an orbital shuttle heading to another liner casting off from Curacao's mooring fixture. She had little choice but to stow away, hoping that wherever she ended up would be hospitable enough for her. The universe, terrifyingly, had opened up.
Chapter 3: Windstar
It didn't take long for the former folk artist to wind up on the edges of human colonization, blending into crowds looking to forget themselves at Freeport 11, Omicron Delta. Despite hardships, she kept to a dogged determination that the universe was inherently good, and spread such a message to her fellow spacers. She attracted the attention of several Edge World regulars, especially those with similar xenophilic, esoteric outlooks. Eventually, this rather buoyant and bubbly personality took hostage the notice of Nomad entities, especially those of Vagrant affiliation. It amused them to see a human that showed almost no hesitation or revulsion towards them and surprised them greatly when that girl showed them love and affection.
This attraction soon became a fascination that transcended her usual disposition. While it is unclear if this genuinely came from her or was induced by the telepathic aliens, what is known is that she soon became a common companion of the larger form of the Nomad Melia. The two became inseparable, and it was in the rocks and voids of Omicron Lost that the starry-eyed dreamer from Curacao would awaken to the higher being within. The song she had heard all her life was now drowning her in its beauty and complexity as she played with the Nomads, dancing with them under rainbow skies and over onyx, galaxy-studded floors. And she was soon addicted to it.
Chapter 4: Azure Ascent
It wasn't enough to leave it at that. It was never enough. She had to learn more, become more, and dance more. And that desire took her deep into the caves of Planet Moros, following the song into the core of a Nomad hive. As she entered an open chamber for small Nomad forms, she was watched by far greater eyes than even she could perceive. This enigmatic deity was baffled at the display of compassion and love a human gave for one of its creations as she placed a hand on an unfinished form, caressing it. And soon, Kimiko followed the song further down into the caves, breaking her body in the process. Amused by the darkling's determination and odd behavior, the presence, now manifested as the mythical Simurgh atop a massive tree, bestowed upon Kimiko three wishes. The first was to be healed, and she was then fixed of her wounds. The third was saved. Yet, the second...
It felt complex. Hard to phrase into a request. But the Light knew. It knew how much she craved the song and dance of higher beings. A latent psychic as sensitive as Kimiko had been immersed in the language of what she saw as kin, and how could one be expected to resist the desire to merge, to join with family? Ascension, or at least its beginnings, was asked. And in the form of a forbidden fruit, it was given. The Simurgh commanded the young woman to eat from the tree, infecting her with a Nomad incubus known as Amphitrite. It also extracted a price in the form of her left eye, leaving a dark abyss that spewed forth a miasma of psychic energy, radiant and terrifying in its eldritch beauty. As she rose from the cave ground, she knew what had happened. And she felt nothing but joy.
In the coming times, she would continue her practice of preaching to the flyers of Freeport space, but this time, her sermons took on a tone of Nomad sympathy. Some noticed, accusing her of collaboration and attempted undermining of humanity. Eventually, the girl and incubus fled from known space, deactivated to wait for suspicion to die down. A year later, when the Vagrants were exiled from the Omicrons by their K'Hara brethren, the message failed to reach Kimiko and Amphitrite. Now alone in uncharted space with no mindshare to belong to, the two were rapidly dying as their neural tissue began to degenerate. Luckily, the two were able to stave off the inevitable demise with an informal mindshare established between them, one that slowed their inevitable death to a crawl.
Chapter 5: Resurrection
As the Vagrants settled into their new home in Tau-61, the signal could be heard again. Desperate for life and the light, the pair raced across space to reach their kin. Though damaged and traumatized by their experience, the Twin Lights were welcome back into the loving embrace of the greater whole. Rejoicing in the love of the Light, Kimiko was surprised to find new siblings, new pairings of humans and incubi in her presence. Together, they honored her as the first of the Light's children, progenitor of the Void Faes. With her family behind her, she ventured forth into space, meeting new, understanding minds. And in time, she became friends, then lovers, with the former Order operative-turned-freelancer Beth Texas.
Chapter 6: A New Dawn
Chapter 7: Twilight Moon
Diplomacy - Group:
Absolute Loyalty
The Nomad Vagrants have been and will always be kin. Kimiko and Amphitrite live and die by the will of the Light and everything they do is measured and in service to the Mindshare.
The Void Fae, much like the Vagrants, are kin. They hold a special place in Kimiko's heart as her siblings and progeny, having been the first created among them. To her, other Vagrant infectees are family of unbreakable conviction and bond.
Allied
As a co-founder of the New Dawn Movement, Kimiko is highly concerned with the continued growth and success of the organization. Her own anarchist ideals align almost identically to the New Dawn's, and she has been involved in many a battle in its defense. Presently, the New Dawn's home of Andorra Haven serves as Kimiko's "human" residence.
Friendly
Kimiko's experiences with Aisling Cenncroithi have solidified the Nadir Research Initiative as a reliable group for assistance in many fields, ranging from scientific and medical support to shelter and aid in times of crisis.
Sympathetic/Cordial
Broadly speaking, Kimiko is a known leftist and sympathizes with many revolutionary and anti-establishment movements, including (but not limited to) the Bundschuh, Blood Dragons, Golden Chrysanthemums, the Liberty Free Republic, Gaians, Mollys, Maquis, Lane Hackers, and Red Hessians.
Owing to her history with different members of the group, Kimiko also maintains cordial relations with several Liberty Rogues.
Kimiko was an essential agent of the Vagrants in establishing the Triumvirate Alliance and, as such, holds Auxo and Gammu AI in high regard.
The Independent Miners Guild stands out among most mining groups for Kimiko by being completely worker-owned and run, appeasing her ideological sentiments.
Neutral
For the most part, Kimiko does not judge independent pilots and freelancers in any broad way, treating them instead as a case-by-case basis.
Junkers are another group Kimiko does not feel strongly about.
Corsairs come in many varieties, and Kimiko does not seek to antagonize the Cretans until needed.
Wary/Cautious
Once a people worth aspiring to for their spiritual traditions and integration with cardamine, the Outcasts have since fallen from grace in Kimiko's view.
The constant expansion towards the edge engaged in by many Zoners has left a sour taste in Kimiko's mouth.
Log Entry 1
September 5th, 825 AS
Freeport 9, Omicron Theta
This is Kimiko Hawkins, guitar warrior and star wanderer reporting in! Well, maybe that's an exaggeration but this six string is the closest I'm ever gonna get to using a gun, that's for sure. And I am wandering the stars, sooo... Eh, it's a fun way to feel special, right?
I'm sat here in that ferry some drunk dude left parked on the Hawaii back in S-19. Figured it was my best ticket away from Sirius, right? Never been to the Omicrons before, and I gotta say, it's pretty. Beautiful, really. Can't wait to find out more about what's out here. I've heard rumors about the Nomads and little tidbits of info from back in the Houses, but I don't know if they're as evil as everyone says. Ancient people used to fear animals and nature because they didn't understand them. Maybe the Nomads are the same?
Either way, I hear Freeport 11 in Delta is in need of some entertainment for their bar, and I'm more than willing to provide a dose of rustic goodness, right? Let 'em feel like their toes are in the sands of Curacao or their hair feel the breeze of Denver's rocky mountain pines. Sometimes space gets cold, and someone needs to inject warmth into it. I know people fight out there a lot, killing and the usual... but I'll try to make their lives a little better with a tune or two.
Log Entry 2
September 6th, 825 AS
Freeport 11, Omicron Delta
Well, after a little bit of technical difficulties, I'd finally gotten my papers and ship in order yesterday. Still don't have an official name for her, yet.
I set out for Freeport 11 through the Sigmas, rather than the usual route through Kappa. Wanted to see what the back roads looked like, y'know? The route took me through some dangerous radiation fields, but I eventually made it. Freeport 11 had some interesting characters, for certain. Some LSF gunboat with a captain desperate for answers about the long-dead gods of Sirius. A taciturn crew of Zoners focused solely on the protection of the Freeport. And... her. The captain of the RV Pennybrooke. I think the name that showed up on the comms was... Katherine.
She knew of the Nomads, intimately. I followed her to them, and listened to her teachings on them. Then one sang to me their melody of the mind, a type of psychic embrace that felt... indescribable. I told the spirits my stories, and they guided me to a quiet little corner of space. I think... I think they like me. One of them, Melia? It... She bumped the ferry a little bit, not damaging or anything, but it was kind of like a little love tap.
That talk of serenity and harmony with each other... The sharing of burdens and happiness... That was something few people, if any, cared to share with me. No one wanted to get too close to someone whose given name was Jim and was no longer such. But the Nomads don't seem to care for things like that. They talk about their existence like it's some kind of majestic ballroom filled with spectra of light and vibrant energy unbeknownst to human senses, where all share a perfect, joyous dance to... as poetic as I can make this seem, they just look like the most tightly-knit and loving family in existence. Like okaa-san, but times fifty. And I want that, need it. People have been cruel to me all my life, but I don't want to visit that same cruelty upon them. I just want to be happy with others. Like a family.
Kath (I like that nickname for her. Don't know if I'd call her that to her face, though.) gave me some credits to fend for myself at the Freeport and encouraged me to watch and learn. That's exactly what I'll do.
Wow, that was super artsy sounding of me, wasn't it? I usually reserve those creative juices and chops for songwriting and flirting, but it works here. Speaking of which, my first performance is tonight, so wish me luck! I'm looking forward to my new life here.
Log Entry 3
September 7th, 825 AS
Freeport 11, Omicron Delta
Ugh... Late night again. No drinking, of course, but I offered to help the bartender and staff clean up afterwards. it's the least I can do for them, right? In exchange, they gave me a couple of old decorations and furniture I can use to decorate the ferry. Gonna make it into a nice, tidy little home soon.
At least I was able to clean myself up and compose myself in time for my second day in Delta. Kat and Melia were in Lost once more and I joined them, learning more about the Light. Talked about... a lot. The virtues of Light versus the oblivion of Darkness was a point touched upon in what I can best call a Socratic dialogue. And Melia spoke to me about these small infiltrator-type Nomads that can become one with people and bind them to the Light... And then the possibility of becoming one with the Light was not outright denied, but doubted.
I have so much to learn before I'm even ready to consider if that's the path for me. But these beautiful, sonorous beings of light are surprisingly... compassionate and caring towards someone like me. When I suggested returning to the Houses to learn more, Melia sang to me cautiously. She bid me to stay on the Edge. To learn and understand what they want to impress upon us Darklings.
I... God, these two days have taken me for a ride. I'm already starting to talk like the Outcasts and Kat. But... I can't help it. The Nomads are so... enthralling. They seem almost transcendent, not captivated by their corporeal form. As someone who has languished in a form I resented all my life, it's enviable to say the least. The way they can breathe in the solar wind and reach out to the infinity of outer space, yet always be close to home and family in their hearts and minds... I covet that.
Diary, is it possible to feel homesick for a place you've never been? Or miss a family you were never part of?
Jeez, this looks pitiful, having typed it up. But it's a good way to get my thoughts on paper, right? Anyways, we sat talking for a while until another friend of the Light showed up. Their callsign was Nyctophilia, but I don't know what their real name is. A bit snappy and cynical, but they're not bad deep down. Some people are just so hurt that they can't help but hurt others to protect themselves. It's part of the problem with people, I guess. Compassion is a weakness in their eyes, but a strength in mine.
Oh, how Melia took us for quite the ride... She transported us to and fro between Lost and Maltese space. I'd never been there, but it seemed eerily beautiful. Kat spoke of golden fields on the Outcast homeworld, and I'd like to see what she means. It's been so long since I've felt soft grass between my toes and a warm wind in my hair.
We met some other people, too! One lady named Aoi or something, we met her in Tau-37. She was kind of standoffish, but she'd probably be nice if she felt a bit more relaxed around people. Or Melia... She really didn't like Melia. There was also a science ship, a Corvo, called the Harvest Moon near Malta. Their captain was really curious about the Nomads, and we tried to give her a bit of guidance as to how to be a bit more... approachable, I guess? Treating everything like a threat doesn't win many hearts. Those Order pilots could do to learn that. Melia, Kat, and some of the vessels of light around us called them "Banishers" and everything. They refused to leave until the Light was snuffed out, and even took pride in the darkness. They talk about protecting humans, but they just seem to be indulging their hatred of Nomads. I understand that atrocities have been committed on both sides, but how can we ever find peace if we never decide to put down the sword? The Banishers wanted to kill, and were killed in return. Outcasts banded up with the Light to assist, and I stayed away. This ferry isn't built for combat, as far as I know, and neither am I.
We went back to Lost and I headed over to Freeport 11 again to retire for the day. I've got a gig performing in the bar tonight, so I hope that goes well. I've got to admit, I've found a little bit of my old voice after being around creatures that sing so amazingly! Nice to know they recognize that same intrinsic spirit we've infused into music, although it's probably just because those are the closest concepts we can both compare.
Before I sign off again, I want to recall what Melia and Kat advised me of... Patience. Waiting, listening, and biding my time. Being patient would be one of the most invaluable contributors to my journey, and I'll try my best to keep true to that. Like Kat said, we're only around for such a small time in this universe as humans. Our time is no more important than the rest. We lead... gossamer lives. Gossamer. Huh.
Log Entry 3
September 9th, 825 AS
Freeport 11, Omicron Delta
Diary, I... It's impossible to describe what happened today, but I'll try anyways. Melia came again to visit, and she took Nycto and I on a tour of the Sector. We jumped from place to place, taking in a variety of sights. We stopped near the Razgriz Black Hole. It was really something to behold, diary. It kinda reminded me of this one time when I was a little girl on Curacao, y'know? My dad was still there, and there was this big storm on the horizon. A hurricane, and we had just finished preparations to weather it. So mom and I went down to the beach, and there were a few other locals there. No tourists, obviously. They were unused to the raw nature of the planet.
The sky was clear, save for the horizon. A swelling mass of pure black and dark gray destruction brewed in the distance, lightning bolts arcing within the clouds and onto the surface of the distant water. We use the phrase "calm before the storm" a lot, but unless you've actually seen what that looks like in person, it feels cliche. The black hole looked like that hurricane. Scary, terrifying... But oddly impressive and beautiful as an unstoppable force of nature. Melia didn't feel the same. She was terrified, and wanted to leave as soon as possible. So we made our way to Alpha, and it was there she offered to touch my mind and show me a little bit of the song. An Outcast tried to interrupt, but she dealt with it. We headed into deep space to continue, and it was...
My GOD, it was beyond what any human should be able to experience! I floated in zero gravity to try and still my mind, and Melia reached out to me, bringing both me and Nycto into a mental landscape of sorts. It was alien, full of shifting colors and odd sensations. But it turned me into a lachrymose mess. Vivid play of the senses gave way to some kind of mental avatar of Melia presented in front of me, and I danced and embraced her with such ecstasy and bliss... But then she showed me how she hugs! Her form was dashed away and what was left surrounded me, enveloping me in the most wonderful warmth...
And then we sang! The song spoken of before! It was more than just music. It touched all the senses, of sight, smell, sound, taste, touch... And a sixth one of raw empathic thought and emotion. We wove such a delicate, pristine tapestry. Purity, discovery, bliss, family... Nycto was hesitant to join in, but with a little help, I brought her into the chorus. Harmony was ours in that moment. And although I'm sad to leave it behind, I know it won't be the last time we feel it.
After all that, we made our way back home, and met with Kat in the bar. We bonded over some drinks (I just had water of course), and then she said she was leaving for Rheinland for a bit... I know it's not far away, but I'll miss her anyways. I like this family we have going here. It's making Delta start to feel like home. Hell, even Lost feels like that. Delta the living room, Lost the private study and bedroom.
I've decided, diary. I want to sing the song again. The Light is so beautiful, I just need to keep chasing after it.
Log Entry 4
September 18thth, 825 AS
Planet Moros high orbit, Omicron Lost
It's been some time, diary. I'm sorry for not attending to you. Life has been changing so fast, that's it hard to keep up anymore. Days are starting to feel like hours, minutes... So I often forget to visit you once in a while.
So, let me start from the point where we left off. A week ago, I was feeling pretty adventurous. Wandered into the Forgotten Voi-, er, Omicron Lost, and just felt space around me. Then I heard it. The little fairy that always played her tiny little chimes and strings. No one believed me my whole life, but there it was. The starsong. I followed it to the purple planet, dashing away any fears or cares I had for this compulsion within my heart and soul. The skies were churning with billions and trillions of frozen pellets, slamming in the aerial blender against my ship. When I got to the surface, it was cold. Like, really cold. I had to get inside somewhere to avoid the meteor showers and hailstorms, and ended up finding a cave. I know now that this place was Our Home. Er, the Vagrant Home. Nomad -- We...
Anyways, I went in. Broke my arm trying to go through the caverns, but I kept going. Saw the little ones growing, contentedly waiting for the Light to invigorate them. And then the song came again, stronger than before. We communicated together for a brief moment, exchanging concepts and providing understanding. Venturing further, the chamber revealed to me was a sight no one would ever expect to find. A sparkling hollow with a central tree supporting the ceiling, That tree was the domicile of an entity I now know of to be part of the greater whole, and my meeting with them a blessing. The Dreamer took the form of a massive bird with four wings, and they gave to me three wishes in the form of feathers. The first was to mend my broken body, and the second... to open my mind and self to the greater whole of the universe. To unlock the potential beyond this crude human form. My wish was granted, though my mind couldn't have been less prepared for it.
How... how can you describe feelings and concepts that exist outside of the human awareness, with words that don't even exist in any language? You can't see time, or perceive that which is outside of the scope of our five senses. But it happened. And as the chilling ring materialized around my finger, reality unwound and displayed its inner construction. In this paralyzing and agonizing madness, all I could think of was to reach for a solitary fruit on the tree. I didn't know why, but I knew I had to eat it. After reaching for it and consuming the juices and small particles within, consciousness was lost to me.
I know now it was part of the blessing. For that was the seed that led to the Light's conception within my body. And now, I have never felt more complete in my life. I have given birth to Amphitrite and, in doing so, have initiated my own rebirth.
Together, we'll learn how to overcome this two-armed, two-legged prison. To reach out and caress the face of God.
Our travels have since been much more illuminated. We're able to communicate with Melia in a manner more fitting the song, though this human form of ours isn't sufficient in sustaining the gift of the Dreamer for long. Our human mind would have probably gone insane had it not been for Amphitrite and our guiding hand. But... this bond is strong. We won't falter, and we won't fail the greater whole.
Yes, we're still capable of presenting like a normal human to the rest of the world, using "I" pronouns and all that. But within private, with you, diary? We prefer to feel like the same being. And with our efforts to learn of our greater whole's history and nature, it suits us more to become one greater Light than a smaller darkness and ember. And... it helps us let go of the fear and clinging to individuality of Kimiko.
Jane Foster. Alias, Nyctophilia. Troubled, wanting to avoid all and any harm to come to those she loves. And if it means closing herself off from loving anyone, then she'll do it and deny herself that warmth. At least, until we met again in Tau-37. There, Melia and I were able to help her let go of the greater worries and concerns that plagued her, if temporarily. Embracing the self of all, not just the self of one. And accepting the totality and nature of the universe, and how we may be at peace with its actions. She will learn in time. She will be worthy.
And in Kyushu, days later, we met with a Carrier of Light from the Brethren. The song of their kind was... discordant, troubled. We truly have veered far from them...
In between all of these events, Melia has attempted to bring us further and further into the greater whole, and slowly acclimatize our mind to the sublimation of our psyche into the cloud of the Vagrants. It has been difficult with a human mind, but for the briefest of moments... we experienced it yesterday. The chorus of suffering and seeking of comfort of our exile from Sirius by the Banishers, and the pain of loss. We reached out as one with Melia in forms both Nomad and Human to express our infinite sorrow, and seek comfort in the whole. It was unlike anything we had ever felt before.
Jane said our human form appeared to be in lachrymal throes, writhing in emotional pain as if it were physical. And the seizures and internal damage that followed was undoubtedly the result of this communion of the spirit. We must take care in the future not to damage our forms. Even our Light Within suffered with our Carrier.
We hope she is not fearful after this event. She must learn that there is more to the whole than suffering. Perhaps the Dark Herald, Katherine, could help us? And together, we may continue to show others in space the Light.
Perhaps even one day, this form may undergo a metamorphosis. And we may yet show the universe what a true marriage between Human and Nomad forms may appear to be. A synthesis of star children.
Well, we're tired. Really tired. And maybe it's time for us to rest.