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Cookie Jar Cloaks · (This post was last modified: 09-25-2018, 07:40 PM by Cookie Jar Cloaks.)

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'Ey there! Jimbo Beam here, customer support desk at Cobra Squad. We done got one of those "Ya went ahead an' violated the law an' summin' summin' summin', no evidence we showin' ya but we gonna arrest ya, summin' summin' summin' unless ya send us twenty million." Jus' wanted to let ya know y'all prob'ly got some fool scammers tryin' t'fool honest hard-workin' folks outta there money.

I'mma go 'head an' forward ya the communications, they done thought they got one over on us but hooooooo-wee were they mistaken. Ain't no spooks that stupid, hell even you donut stuffers include ya evidence am I right?

Spoiler

Spoiler

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HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-WEEEEE!

Ya done reached th'Cobra Squad's customer support line pardner!

Take a gander'a some'a God's finest music'n we be with ya soon.

**Hold Music**

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HEY THERE! Did ya know? Ain't nobody show them wot's wot better'n Cobra Squad! Ya done got some miscreants in ya barn? Giv'us a holler'n we'll be right over there an' smack 'em one good.

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White lightnin' done got ya in some trouble with some'a them nasty, non-God fearin' immigrants? We'll give'm sumthin' t'fear, don't you worry none. T'ain't no problem. Ya got the cash, we got the mash 'ready to go as we like t'say 'round these parts.

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COBRA SQUAD! Doin' what ya need done so's ya can do what's important. Shinin' an' farmin'! We here at Cobra Squad done know all 'bout how much sweat y'alls got on ya brows already, don't worry none.

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We offer discounts on teachin' sum lesson t'someone what kicked your dog, I tell ya! Ain't nothin' worse no man can do. Ayyup, you done heard right! TWENTY PERCENT OFF-A ALL CONTRACTS IF THEY DONE KICKED YA DOG!

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**A bald eagle screeches loudly**
WELL HOWDY! Ya done connected t'Jimbo Beam. I seen ya message an' left ya 'nother, didn't wanna deprive ya of our phone-line experience! T'ain't no need to thank us, ain't that right Janet?

**He pauses, then slams his desk**
JANET! I'M TALKIN' TO YA YA DAMN USELESS WOMAN! BACK ME UP WHEN I'M ON THE PHONE DAMNIT, THIS'S OUR BIT HERE!

**An overly nasally voice yells a reply from a distance**
SHUT UP JIMBO YA WASTE'A PLAID! Ain't no wonder yer old lady left ya!

**Jimbo sighs**
Ahhh hell, I love that woman. Don't tell nobody now, but I done left my old lady for her. She's a spicy lil vixen, I tell ya. Anyway. Oh. Right. Mmmrrrrhhhhmmm.

**Jimbo clears his throat, loudly, for a solid ten seconds**

'T'ain't often we get other phone lines callin' here, much less scam ones ya know. We done gonna forward yer transmission to the LPI. I bet m'last jar of shine that ain't no professional spooky types stupid enough to make charges without filing evidence. In response to your two options, I present you with two options.

Admit yer stupid by sendin' it to us like ya should have in the first place and we'll take this seriously an' investigate. Or, hang yer head between yer legs like the dirty lil' scammers ya are an' hit the road Jack.

We gonna be forwardin' it regardless, mighty fishy. We ain't even employed by the spooky types, an' we don't forget evidence! Ya have you a blessed day here in God's space, pardners. Be seein' ya. Thank ya fer callin' Cobra Squad, we do wot needs doin' or our 'shine ain't the strongest.

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Seraph · 09-25-2018, 07:48 PM,

From: Commissioner Chun-Mai Dawn
To: -
Subj: Re: -

Seems like you will get what you want. While you're at it, you may start listing reasons why we shouldn't kick you out forcefully out of Liberty. Assault against the Commissioner of Liberty Police is not an offence I will take lightly.

Yours sincerely,
Commissioner Dawn
Liberty Police, Inc.

Attachments: cH3LJEf.img

Spoiler

"When one is made of glass, everything looks like a stone."

Cookie Jar Cloaks · 09-25-2018, 07:59 PM,

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Huh. 'EY, JANET!

JANET!

**Jimbo slams the table**

GOD DAMNIT JANET!!!

**A nasally voice responds lazily from the background**

What is it, Jimbo?

Janet, iffin one of our guys already done blew up the big cheese in sum' group do we have anythin' to worry 'bout? I ain't sure, m'jar's 'bout half full. By the way, most'a the guys would say half empty, but I'm an optimistic sort. Attractive, wouldn't ya say?

**Silence**

Janet?

I was just trying to block that attempt you just made out of my mind, Jimbo. But no, probably not.

Huh. Right, well. There's your answer. Guess that ain't a scammer group, just a group'a stupids. Suppose yer option now is pay us to not shoot you, pay us more than what other done pay us or get shot, innit?

Thank ya fer callin' Cobra Squad, we'll smack 'em one for ya. Ya have 'nother blessed day here in God's space. Usually women ain't smart an' pretty but you must be doin' somethin' right, gimme a ring iffin ya want somethin' different eh?

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