The reality of going from poor to ultra-rich is something I have yet to process. I see the numbers on the account, but they just look like a mistake. Money never mattered to me very much. When I lived on Pittsburgh, there was no money at all. The only currencies were my Water, Synth Paste and my body. When I escaped Pittsburgh, the numbers already got out of control, as suddenly I needed the funds to maintain and upgrade a gunboat. Lea simply gave me ten millions as if it was change, and my first jobs paid me in millions, too. The moment I was told that I had killed a bountied pirate and made my first fortune, the scale was completely gone.
Then the credits reform happened, and two zeroes got removed from all prices and accounts. A girl then somehow managed to steal my money from my account, and for a short time, I was reminded of the concerns of poor people. Will I have the money to buy Synth Paste, Water and pay for my apartment? Pay for power and trash and clothes? Somehow, it was not much of an issue, as my place was open to friends and their friends and the friends of their friends. The downside was that people got drunk, high and on other drugs, sometimes ruined walls and furniture, picked fights and what not. They ignored me. The benefits, however, were that someone took care of immediate issues without me needing to worry. There was always pizza on the table, always water and beverages, someone brought gaming consoles, music was blasting downstairs while other stuff happened upstairs.
Most importantly, though: I was never alone. Not much time to think about Kristoff's death. Not much time to think about the horrors of space. For what it was worth, nothing mattered anymore. I felt no fear. I did not miss out on anything. My one and only exotic need was somehow kept satisfied. To this day I have no idea about the how and why. I do not know what Madeleine sees in me. I do not know what Kristoff saw in me. All beyond my comprehension.
I found out that Kristoff was alive, filed under my name. I won a fortune just when I needed it, so I paid for his treatment. He got released from the Cryer facility, and I was informed about it way too late. I do not know how he got off the planet, but by the time I got the message, he was already in Inverness. In the meantime, I had ordered a new Condor-class gunboat. The Gemini Kay MKII. Just like the old one, just without the stories.
When it arrived, I trusted my instinct and went for Inverness. He would go there, to the Citadel. I was right. He was there, looking at me in surprise, as if he had assumed that I was the one who was believed to be dead. No message, no research. He just assumed I was dead. I found him at Freeport 14, helping a girl with her engines. Cherry. She docked, then we talked. I thought it would be a heartfelt reunion. What it turned out to be was a disaster.
Completely broken I went back to Denver. And now I am here, back at my place. The same chaos as usual. I ignore everyone and go upstairs. My bedroom is claimed by Madeleine, who is reading something on a PDA while lounging on the bed. Skimpy black skirt, revealing tank top, a pink sneaker sock and a black thigh-high.
Hey.
I do not have the strength to say anything in return. Tossing my boots off my feet, I join Madeleine in bed and let myself drop right onto her. She does not say anything, but places hand on my head, as if to pat me.
After having managed to hold it in for the entire trip back to Denver, tears start to shoot out of my eyes, uncontrolled. All my muscles tense up as I lose it. My head hurts. She notices it and embraces me more firmly.
We do not talk about it. I just lay there while she holds me. For minutes. Then I fall asleep.
I open my eyes again. Madeleine is still with me, but she had managed to unzip my flight suit down to my lower belly. I feel her fingers tracing along my many tattoos on my back. A shame, really. I was hoping to show Kristoff all of those. My entire back, my legs, my arms. No symbols or anything, just black stripes, like a tiger. I thought it was a cool idea to both cover up all the scars from my time on Pittsburgh as well as the... tattoo right above my thing, saying "Property of OSC".
I cannot help but still feel devastated. For three years I thought Kristoff was dead. Purely by chance, I find out he is alive, kept in stasis. I pay for his treatment. He just vanishes, no questions asked. I find him at Freeport 14. We talk. I ask him whether we are still a couple. He basically says no. He tells me about waking up with his arm lost. Shows me his robotic prosthetic. Tells me how much he hates it. Tells me he needs time to process all of this.
He says Revenant did not really welcome him back. She played him as pawn again, immediately taking him out on a sortie. Danger everywhere. He gets mad, admits that he wants to prove her wrong. He wants her to recognize him. Admit that he is not a bottom feeder. But she is blind. To her, all these people are nothing but pawns. Why does he not understand that? Why is it so important to him? Just leave these horrible people. Be with me!
I give in and tell Madeleine about it. I do not know whether she understands everything, but she listens. We go to the balcony, she smokes and listens. We go back to bed, she holds me and listens. I am not sure whether she cares. For all I know, though, she could have taken my lottery ticket and just bail. She did, however, not do that. Something I was wondering about ever since. So I ask her.
A few minutes later, Madeleine has a million credits on her account. She laughs in disbelief but does not make any motion to leave. Once more, I am not sure whether she actually cares or not.
She stays.
Can I ask you something?
Sure.
What are you doing here? Like, what made you come here? It is literally a drug den.
I can hear her taking a long, deep breath. Her chest pushes against my back as I am lying ontop of her, spooned by her considerably taller stature. Her hands slide down my chest to my belly and slowly move up again.
I turn around to face her. Despite her orange lips having that weird taste of mint cigarettes, I make out with her.
A while later we are both on the balcony again, looking at the morning sun. Of course she smokes. Her eyes are locked onto me. She has these big black eyelashes. Super intimidating, really. That stare, piercing.
Do you always stare at people like this?
Doesitmakeyoufeeluncomfortable?
I just wonder why you look at me like that.
Maybetoseeyourreaction.
Her index finger taps her cigarette. A stick of ashes drops to the floor of the balcony, right next to the ashtray. The slight breeze pushes it to roll around. I shake my head, trying to avoid her gaze. She does a good job at making me not think of Kristoff.
Madeleine essentially moved in. I am not sure what kind of relationship it is we have, but I guess it is something very open. Open-ish. We never talked about it. It just happened. Just like Monique just happened. Another girl that usually came over to chill out and party. In a way, she is more like me than Madeleine. Not really educated, not really deep. She does not think about what she says, which often makes her drop pearls out of her mouth. A very funny girl, very happy, very direct.
I asked Monique to help me with getting clothes for Aspen, as I thought she would not exactly look forward to walk around openly on Denver. I do not know if anyone even knows that Aspen was a Zoner, or a terrorist, even. Is she wanted? No idea. But I guess it is always better to be careful. She would likely prefer not to live on a planet right now, but... I think that is the last place where people would look for her. Out in the open, living a casual-ish life.
I showed Aspen how I live. How the lower story looks like, with all those chaotic people. And the upper story. She slept in the room next to my bedroom, which, in hindsight, was... probably not the best idea since Madeleine and Monique sleep in my bed, too. Of course I only thought about it afterwards. I have the slight suspicion that Monique was extra loud to mark her territory. Aspen said she did not hear anything during the night, but when she said she prefers to sleep at the gunboat, I think is all the sign I need.
Good job, Levan. You made it awkward again.
I am still baffled that Aspen is alive and now with me. Three damn years. I missed her so much, and now she is back. At heart, she is still the same little nerd girl that I randomly stumbled upon when I needed water. A bit silly, a bit of a goof ball. But she has matured. Whatever happened down on Erie, it turned her into Aspen Mark 2, really. I cannot imagine what horrors happened to her. She probably made friends on Erie, and then had to watch them die. Madeleine is only a psychology student, but maybe she can provide some therapy to her? She has interesting ideas on thinking about things.
Aspen also looks quite good. Very fit. Monique bought her all kinds of... clothes. Among them one of those tight-fit flight suits, like the one I have. I told her she should go to a bar and have some fun. After all, when she sent me to Freeport 14, that was her advice, too. Go to a bar, have a drink.
I do not think she is a person to do that, but who knows. Nobody expected her to be a freedom fighter, either. In a moment of deep-talking, she admitted that she gets a kick out of fighting. She enjoys that excitement. That risk. I told her that we could go an explore the universe together. Maybe that just scratches her itch without the entire throwing-her-life-away part.
Admittedly, I am a bit worried about that idea, though. Space exploration has a load of risks, too. And then there are these stupid Rogues. They got their asses handed to them by the Navy and Bunters a few times while I was snooping around, so I guess they could use some easy prey to get at least one win. There is also that weirdo that pirated me three years ago. For whatever reason, he remembered me. I guess that checks out? If the Rogues get stomped by the Navy over and over again, they likely remember the few times they get to make money off some people.
He seemed obsessively interested in Aspen, and he knows Kristoff. I saw the disgust in Aspen's face when he creeped up on us at the Manhattan grid. She was held at gunpoint by him somewhen in the past.
Anyway, Aspen will get her own new ship soon. She obviously does not like it that I am paying for it, but what good is a fortune when I cannot spend it on things for my friends. Although, we have a little agreement about her occasionally taking the co-pilot seat on the Kay. I do, honestly, enjoy it not to be alone in the cockpit the entire time. Admittedly, if Kristoff was around, that would be even better.
I am in the kitchen, trying to focus on the video on my PDA to follow the individual steps of recipe. It was not complicated at all. I already had the potatoes peeled, diced, boiled and then munched into a paste. Monique is glued to my back, having one arm wrapped around my bare upper body, slightly hindering my movement. She looks over my shoulder, watching me as I remove the edges of some slices of white bread, shaping them into perfect, clean-cut squares.
Madeleine sits in a small chair at the window and smokes a cigarette, watching from afar with an almost unsettling neutral expression.
Notexactly,huh?
I am way too young for her. She is in her mid-thirties. No need to be jealous.
Can I please just do these ones and then see if they are good?
I add mozzarella cheese flakes in the center of the slices and then fold the slices into triangular pockets. At some point I tried to wiggle myself out of Monique's grasp, but instead of letting go of me, she held me now with two arms, one around my chest, one around my lower belly. Her scent is a mix of Synth Haze, my shampoo and my deodorant - Mo did not bother getting her own stuff. Her breath also hinted at the aforementioned pizza.
I crack two eggs and mix the yolk with the white to a fine orange-ish creamy fluid, then dip the sandwich pockets into it and then roll them around in a bowl of breadcrumbs I had prepared earlier. A pot of hot oil was already heating up on the stove and seemed to have the perfect temperature to fry the pockets. Mo takes a few steps back as she seemed to be intimidated by the hot oil.
Madeleine keeps watching from where she sits, idly rubbing her clean-shaved legs against each other while occasionally looking out of the window. She said she liked the view. Not that there was much of a panorama, given that it was just a bunch of tall trees and more brutalist buildings. On the little table in front of her was a can of soda, silently sparkling as the frying sounds from the pot were considerably louder.
Mo got audibly and visually more and more excited and jealous about the final product.
In the end, I had to give in and pay the food tax to Mo and Madeleine. Seven out of eight fried cheese sandwiches would make it to Aspen. That is acceptable.
I go over to the bedroom to fetch some clothes. Aspen would probably not want to see me in just underwear. I get a little container for the six fried sandwiches. In an attempt to show me how much more beneficial it would be for me to cook for her, too, Monique pushes me against the fridge and kisses me. It is quite... hot, but also weird, because her kisses now are a little greasy and her lips taste of fried sandwich. After a few seconds, she lets go of me as Madeleine sits down on her little chair again. I actually had not noticed she had gone up, really. Weird.
Anyway, I put the five fried sanwiches into the little container, and then remember that I do not have napkins on the Kay, so I turn around to get some from the kitchen counter. A little bit of thoughtful convenience cannot hurt. I put a few napkins in the little container, right next to the four fried cheese sandwiches and close the container to prevent any further casualties. As it turned out, Mo was quite the glutton in more than one aspect.
With the little present, I make my way to the gunboat, hoping Aspen would appreciate the four fried cheese sandwiches.
Would you like to receive a free sample of our product? In return, we would like to ask you to promote it on NNStaGram!
No. No, thank you. I am still only eating Synth Paste. I only drink water. I do not want to promote your products, or join your groups or subscribe to your services and newsletters and what not. Yes, I have many followers on NNStaGram, but I am not an influencer. Just leave me alone, seriously.
I put the PDA away. These corpo people keep peestering me. I really do not like that part of being somewhat of a known person. Half of the messages I get on NNStaGram are like that.
One night, Monique grabbed my hand and told me to follow her. She lead me downstairs, then to the hallway, and from there to the lift. We take it to the highest story, then leave. At the end of the hallway was a room only the janitor was supposed to have the keys for. I have no idea how Mo got her own set of keys. When I asked, got her usualy response she gives whenever I ask about something that could have a hint of illegal activity.
Don'tworryaboutit.
Her hand vanished in the pocket of her hot pants to produce a little key, and using that key, she revealed a little storage room. That room had a staircase leading right up to the roof of the apartment block building.
So, there we were. Rooftop. There were many buildings taller than this one, obviously, but the view from here was still better than from the balcony. To our left, the small city of David's Hollow. To our right, the barely touched nature. A river, a very sparse forest, mostly grasslands. A few smaller buildings here and there.
Monique had been up here a few times already, and it shows. A few blankets, loungers, a small fridge, a radio and a charging station. All just out in the open, since the local shield generator would always turn on when it rained.
The occasional hovercar, crew shuttle or snub would pass by and allow their passangers to watch us.
Tonight, Madeleine is with us up here. I sit on what could be described as a makeshift couch, Mo had her head on my thighs as we just exist up here. The radio plays the same lo-fi playlist over and over again. Monique looks up at the sky, and tells me about random things. Someone broke the glass table down in the den, so she bought a new one. I had given her a budget for that since I did not want to bother with these things myself.
Madeleine is on one of the loungers, smoking. She has that one funny Hello-Catari plushie in her lap. Mo bought it for her and she walks around with it all the time. Kind of funny, this adult woman psychologist keeping her plush at her side all the time. I once asked her about it, and she only responded with
Stuffedthesmokesupitsass.
Not exactly up the rear, but at the back, where the plush has a little pocket.
Howaboutyatakemeintospace?
Why?
Neverbeentospace,kindacurious!
Honestly, space is overrated.
Why?
I... Uhm, it is kind of hard to explain. Apart from the obvious dangers of space, like, uhm, generally being surrounded by all kinds of things and people are just there to kill a human, there is just... uhm. You kind of lose something when you are out there for too long.
Yet, Madeleine has this piercing gaze on me again. The cigarette has a long stick of ashes breaking off at a gust of wind. That stare. I do not know if she is aware of how intimidating it is. Probably is. Her orange-gradient hair is waving in the wind. Mo takes my hand from her belly and makes it vanish under her top, presenting a possible reward for taking her into space. I do not really pay attention to it.
It is cool. Do not get me wrong. Space is cool. I still love stargazing. It is just that... well, yeah. Madeleine is right. The more time you spend in space, the... more everything crumbles.
I look up in the night sky, trying to escape Madeleine's piercing gaze. Kind of worked.
Being out there breaks many illusions. I do not know what you think could be out there, but it is out there, beyond any imagination and comprehension. Monsters, both human and non-human.
Yetyouhavenotfullygivenuponit.
Look, I am not much of a thinker. Going to space was a necessity for me. At first, I enjoyed it very much. Met cool people, like Aspen. And, uhm, Kristoff. But, uhm. I... there are things I regret having found about. Stuff that would make people more intelligent than me go insane. If I could rewind, I would.
... Certainly not dumb. She has a doctor title. But, uhm. Good question, really.
There is no privacy. Kimiko could be anywhere, anytime. And who knows what else is there. Kimiko is probably not the only thing out there that is driving me insane. I often thought about telling Madeleine about her. But how to tell someone who never left Denver about aliens and ghosts and goddesses. It would make me look like I am insane. Not to mention the stuff Kimiko and I did. Felt good back then, but as the years went by, I slowly understood the impact of all of this. Beings that exist, not physically. That access your mind, see through your eyes, read your thoughts. I was on the verge of being comfortable with it, but now?
I am back to being afraid. Aspen hinted that there is something wrong. And now I am in that awkward spot where Kimiko tried to reach out to me again, in a more obscure way than before. I tried to ignore it and focused on Aspen. And now I am afraid of going back to space, especially on my own.
Maybe I really have kissed insanity a bit. There are zombies like Caliban, ghosts like Kimiko, faceless murderers like the Rogues, absolute freaks like Relevant, spineless idiots like the Junkers. Slavers, slave traders, drug dealers like Moyer. Trapped between all these dirtbags and freaks and monsters is Kristoff. So innocent, yet easily manipulated. Turning more and more into another kind of monster himself.
How to explain this to Madeleine and Monique? To me, that sounds crazy. How would it sound to someone else?
But not him. Kristoff is still out there, living hell. And... maybe it is true what Madeleine said. That abyss is trying to draw me in, over and over again. And Aspen herself openly admitted to be somewhat addicted to the thrill of space. We agreed on exploring space together. We went to Copernicus, took a quick peek at it. I was in her little ship, glued to the back of her pilot seat, probably annoying her a bit as I kept breathing over her shoulders. I just wanted to get back on the Kay. That Spatial... certainly a lot faster than a gunboat. I felt so incredibly vulnerable, intimidated and... embarrassed, too. My entire body was tense, but in the bad way. When she dropped me off at the landing pad, I hurried back home and... I was happy to be still alive.
Aspen does puzzle me. I know she has something... weird going on. She always tries to act like a simple woman, but she certainly is not.
I lost something out there. I wonder how it is with her. I think she lost something out there, too. But... I know she got something in return.
Do I want to know what it is, though? Am I too deep into this that I cannot pull out anymore? Reality already feely unreal to me. I was a slave, now I am a rich boy. I have two girlfriends, a ship, am some kind of very small celebrity thanks to OSC and these cursed news articles. I should savor all that. But all I can think about is that all these things mean nothing because of the horrors that are out there in space, turning us into tiny ants in the garden of the dead gods.
The existential dread is real. I want to stay a simpleton. Let me enjoy sex and the illusion of privacy. My biggest challenge should be to open up to eating other foods than Synth Paste. Not to avoid becoming a freak like all these people in space, that try to kill each other over the smallest issues and biggest revelations.
Kristoff, just join me. Leave all these weirdos behind.
This... thing. Whatever this is. I would not know what to call it.
It all started with Aspen going to Heisenberg. After the idiots she used to work for disbanded their research group, she was still craving for adventure and science. Apparently, only Heisenberg would give her that. That is what I thought. Now she is gone, without saying a word. Her ship is now running on my name. Her family ship... I guess she wanted a Harlow to use it. I asked around at Heisenberg, but nobody gave me a clear answer. The best clues I got was that an expedition was launched, and her fighter is no longer in the hangar.
I had a feeling this would happen at some point. When she mentioned that people do that. Expeditions.
Wherever you are, Aspen, I hope you are safe and sound. I will not forget you.
I am in this green cloud. Turned off all systems apart from life support and shields. I need time to think. I found a small cavern that seems to absorb radiation. Maybe this could be my new secret hideout?
Green light illuminates the bridge. Nothing else. I lay in bed, all alone. Madeleine and Monique are on Denver. Kristoff is... no idea. I do not know where he is, and I do not care.
I remember the night on Curacao. Monique was in bed, sleeping like a rock. Madeleine, however, she was outside, wearing my T-shirt. I saw her at the pool. Pushing Monique off my body, I scooted off the bed, put pants on, searched for my T-shirt until I remembered that I just saw her with it outside, and then joined her at the pool. She was just sitting there, smoking, sitting at the edge, her feet danging in the water. I sat down on the heated floor, stretched my legs, looking over to her as she carelessly let the ash of the cigarette drop in the otherwise pristine water. Nobody said anything until she finished her cigarette and gave me her piercing gaze. Then, she dropped herself into the warm water as she was and stared at me from there. I joined her, just like that. I did not care that I still had my leather pants on.
She wrapped her arms around me. Tightly. A very firm embrace. Instinctively, I returned the hug.
I'mscared,Levan.
Because of the Sentinels?
Amongotherthings.
What other things?
Apartfromlosingmyownlife,I'mafraidoflosingyou.
Do not worry about that. I have survived worse, really.
I told him I do not have the patience for this anymore. Nothing he says is the truth. As long as Relevant controls him, he is just an extension of herself. Something expendable. He knows that I value him, and he knows she does not value him. And yet, he does her every bidding. He says he needs to go out there and fight the Sentinels in his puny little fighter. And yet all he gets to face is his impotence against these huge space fishes. I confronted him about it, about him throwing his life away for nothing. About her not caring for him at all. She is a monster, probably worse than Rebecca.
And worse, I am becoming one myself. Every time I sit down at the controls of the Kay, I feel empowered. I know that Revanent and all these people are horrible monster. That I would do a favor to the universe by stopping her and them. That I have every right to shoot her after what she tried. She wanted me dead. The only one not seeing that is Kristoff.
Once again, he believes her more than me, despite having seen all the evidence it needs. He knows what she is up to, and yet he helps her.
Caliban, allegedly, killed himself. He was the key to open the so-called vault. I cannot say I was not happy about hearing it. Not only did the key vanish, but also him. I remember him trying to apologize in the weakest way possible in front of this Silverstone idiot. But if he truly meant it, if he truly was sorry for what he did, he would not have kept the money.
Now, there is a new key.
I told Kristoff I cannot bear this anymore. Him being a puppet. Him telling me he hates being there but doing everything not to leave them. I told him it hurts me, just as he told me how it hurts him to hear me call him a puppet. Ironically, Rebecca calls him doll.
I left him. I moved all the way out to Omicron Delta to see him, and I tried to open his eyes. Relevant mocked us in the meantime. As if she was the protagonist of all of this. If anything, she is just Harbinger's puppet.
I left.
LAZURITHHASBEENGRABBED.
I return to Omicron Delta. Without a shadow of a doubt, I needed to be there. To help Kristoff!
But now he is beyond help. He is the new key. Harbinger grabbed him, and then he became the new key. Just like that. He ignored me. His body was completely overwhelmed, unable to handle whatever Harbinger did to him. His autopilot took over. And then, it was Relevant, Kristoff, Rebecca and me at the freeport.
Relevant was sleeping. Kristoff was sleeping. Rebecca and I argued on how to proceed.
Kill them or not. Regardless, we would lose. I left the choice to Rebecca. If it had been mine, I would have killed Relevant in an instant. I would have done it, no matter the consequences. I know the Core would have been very happy about it, and I know half of Sirius would have applauded. Standing ovation. Maybe OSN would have published another article about me. I would have killed her, and kept him alive.
The right choice would have been to kill them both. The moment Kristoff became the key, he became another goon of Harbinger. Not just her, but also him. Both need to die, so Harbinger cannot win.
In the end, Rebecca did not kill either of them. Just like that, she doomed Sirius.
We doomed Sirius.
Relevant made a pact with the devil. I know she has the hots for whatever is in the vault. Rebecca, Kristoff and Aspen explained all that to me. But... Madeleine said it herself...
All of that is beyond my control. We had one chance to end it and we did not take it. I was willing to kill Relevant. I was willing to kill Kristoff, now that he is the key. Or was I?
... I was not. I was hoping for Rebecca to make the call. And she did not. Both of us love him. And we would risk the end of mankind if it meant more time with him.
I do not know how I can go back home to Madeleine and Monique like this. I... kind of love them. But what does that mean, if I throw everything away for this idiot?
I found this system on my way back. Omicron Beta. Many rocks, small and big. Thick nebula. I will hide here until I know what to do. Until I can come up with something that allows me to go home to my two girlfriends, look into their eyes and tell them that we might all die because I cannot stop loving him.
I try to end it, but whatever I do, it just gets me deeper and deeper into the chaos.
My gunboat hit the landing pad and I look out of the cockpit windows. Thunderstorm over David's Hollow. The weather on this planet often made me think about how clean the rain water is. Rain on Pittsburgh always means shelter time. Here on Denver, you can actually go outside, stick your tongue out and not get acidic burns. So, I leave my ship, and slowly walk the way home, enjoying the rain. Thunderstrikes in the distance. Nothing to worry about. Quite the fascinating sight, though. Nature's wrath unleashed beyond the mountains. The clouds glow. Many buildings are shielded nowadays, so the weather has barely any impact on anything but the streets and nature.
Does not take long for me to end up completely drenched. My beanie, my T-shirt, and I even got wet socks. Even leather can repel only so much water, I guess. Luckily, the den is not far away. I see it. I walk over to it. No loud music? There is still plenty of holiday decoration everywhere, even on our balconies. Many hovercars in the parking lots.
I go through the entrance. The same level of chaos in the lobby. Two security robots, one janitor robot sorting the garbage sent down the garbage chute. Many bags. Makes me wonder how many people live in this complex. Probably around one hundred?
I open the door to my apartment. Pearls of water are slowly rolling down my jacket and my pants. Madeleine immediately jumps at me, hugging me despite me being completely wet. Almost forgot she is a head taller than me. I return the hug, not saying anything. Just looking around, at the familiar faces in the living room. Many new ones, too. A couple was making out on the couch. The others were watching one guy playing some hard game on the console while backseatgaming. Pizza, beer, a water pipe and some other stuff on the table. Things have not changed, people are still taking drugs here.
Madeleine takes my hand and leads me upstairs, pointing out that I am drenched in rain water. Monique is on the balcony of the bedroom with two other people, sees us and rushes over to me to hug me. Then she slaps me, complaining about me having been gone for way too long and that they were worried about me. Then she too points out that I am wet all over. And without much hesitation, they strip me down entirely. The two people on the balcony must have gotten the wrong idea and rushed downstairs.
Madeleine takes me to the bathroom and stuffs me in the shower. She herself joins. The water is hot, but pleasant. Without another word spoken, she keeps her arms wrapped around me as the water rinses off every bit of sweat and dirt. Her eyeliner, too. We just stand in the shower like that. Monique joins. They both hold me. What a weird situation, really. I have no idea why I mean so much to both of them. Especially with them knowing I am chasing after Kristoff this entire time. Makes me feel rather bad. Madeleine once said that we tend to want what we do not have.
It feels nice to have them this close.
We go to bed after this. Not to sleep, but just to be together. They both huddle up next to me under our warm sheets. I hear the bass booming downstairs, and the thunderstorm seems to be right over us right now. The thunder is quite loud. It frequently hits the area's main lightning rod.
Monique asks why I had not come home before. And in all those days I have been gone, I have been wondering what to tell them. That I said I would let Sirius burn if it means I can have Kristoff? How can one say that? And how could one say that to the two women that love one so much that they even share one with another. I must have been out of my mind to say something like that. The worst part, however, is that I meant it in that moment.
I tell them, roughly, what happened. That Harbinger did something to Kristoff. That he is possibly a key now - even with Relevant and Kristoff saying he is not. If I was them, I would dispute it, too. Caliban allegedly killed himself, and shortly after, Harbinger kidnaps Kristoff and changes him. I have heard it all myself. He knows where the vault is. He went insane.
I tell them about me exploring the Omicrons. They ask me why I did that. I avoid giving them a direct answer. The truth is, I did not know what I was doing. I was on the way home through the Sigmas when I saw that green cloud and headed right for it. It lead to Omicron Beta, where I was just flying around without any aim, looking at the weird rock formations and caves. Taking anti-rads made me feel rather drowsy. Not the most comfortable feeling. But in that moment, it was... better.
I returned to Delta later and stayed at the freeport. Those security checks are... thorough. Very thorough. And intimidating. Hard to imagine that people do that every time they come aboard. At least I know now that I do not have a space fish inside me. Although, I feel like I would have known if there was something like that inside me.
I saw Relevant visiting on the freeport, too. I guess that means she is not one of those, and just a regular asshole. Harbinger must have different ways of manipulating people. Most likely promising them technology. That is what those Technomancers are all about. Kristoff himself said that they have the best technologies sirius-wide. Quite the bold claim, really. Cryer, Ageira and Kishiro have giant laboratories and manufactoring complexes. The Auxenians have literally just that station in Inverness. I wonder if Kristoff actually believes what he said.
Well, with him under their control, he probably does.
I tell Madeleine and Monique about the space fishes. About that woman on the weird gunboat. The more I tell them about it, the more I hear her voice again. The clicking. The intimidation. To them, it must sound like something from a fantasy novel. But I think Madeleine believes me. Not sure about Monique. I think she is just glad about me being back. Her hand brushes up and down my chest and my abs, sometimes glides down to tease me a bit. She gets more bold over time. I stop talking. Madeleine and I make out while Monique gets down.
Whenever I close my eyes, I hear these voices. When we are at it, I hear these voices. I want to be left alone. I want to be with Madeleine and Monique, without these voices in my head. I want to forget, all of it. All I want it these two women. Nothing more!
And then I think of Kristoff.
He forgot that I broke up with him. He was confused about it when I told him. We argue. I forgive him. No... I say I forgive him. But I know he is lying.
I remember it.
The room reeks of what we just did. Monique had fallen asleep, our bodies still covered in sweat. Madeleine lay ontop of me, her face against my neck.
Tellmewhathappenedthen.
So I do that. I tell her about how I regained control over my body and cruised out of Delta, chased by Kristoff and Rebecca. And Relevant.
I tell her about how I went to hide in Omicron Beta in one of the hollow rocks, knowing the Kay can survive a lot longer in the radiation than Relevant's little fighter. I tell her how I outlasted her, how she lured a nomad to our rock and made it block the exit.
Madeleine keeps listening, her fingers gently caressing my cheek and my neck.
I tell her how we managed to escape, fled through Outcast home territory, through the Taus and Kusari until we reached Niigata. How Kristoff slept on the Kay with me. How he vanished after the sex, to return to the Citadel. How he came back, behaving differently, asking me not to tell anyone about the Sentinels. Giving up on my only leverage, the public message to Sirius about the Sentinels. The document Madeleine helped me making.
I tell her how Rebecca was wasting my time. How Kristoff tried to manipulate me. I tell her everything about it. How he lies to me. How he returns to the Citadel whenever he was with me. How he says one thing and then does the other. How he insults me, calls me stupid, paranoid. How he wants to silence me.
How I still love him.
I am certain. He is a key now. Relevant would not have been chasing us if he was not valuable to her now. He is a key. And this is not over. Dezember, Shozak, the Order, none of them want Harbinger and Relevant to win. Yet Relevant and Kristoff are obsessed with being Harbinger's pawns. Of course. Relevant wants what is in the vault, and Kristoff is controlled by Relevant and Harbinger.
Levan,youcan'twinagainstthem.
I know.
Thenstop.JuststayhereonDenver.Bewithus.
I would love that.
But?
It is too late. We know about the Sentinels.
Relevant is after me. Kristoff loves me. And I love him.
There is just no way out. Except, maybe, for you and Monique.
Living a normal life was unthinkable since Kristoff turned out to be alive. I had made my peace with that. But I had no idea it would get this bad.
I tried it. Really, I tried. Monique had her way to convince me to go shopping with her and Madeleine, so we went to the Foothill Shopping Megaplex in Ansten, the closest bigger city to David's Hollow. It promised to be a fun day on paper. Or, well, as fun as it can be to get dragged along by two girls who want to spend your money. Most of the time I just sat on benches while they tried out various outfits. Especially Monique. Madeleine on the other hand got quickly tired of it and simply joined me.
Thescentofyourfearisoverwhelming,LEVAN.
I keep looking around, checking the surroundings. Of course there was nothing weird going on, just a regular fancy clothing store. Lots of families, bored men who get dragged around by their better halves, the obligatory mother with a crying baby somewhere in the distance, and lots of young women. Some of them kept looking over to me, which... was inconvenient in that particular situation, but eventually I figured they were just gossipping or recognized me from a dating app or NNStaGram. Or the silly OSN articles...
There is this typical pop music in the background. Every store was the same like that. Madeleine simply sat next to me and probably knew I was not very comfortable. She had a hand on my thigh and occasionally pecked my cheek as we waited for Monique to show off her outfits in front of the dressers. One of those rather revealing kusari slit dresses caught her attention.
Admittedly, mine, too.
Thescentofyourfearisoverwhelming,LEVAN.
We later went to the jeweler next door. It was impossible to move past it without them wanting to have a look at needlessly expensive stuff and bling. I myself found some cool bismuth crystals.
Madeleine was right next to me, kissing my cheek as she whispered that into my ears. She definitely was a lot more helpful than Monique, who I always felt like she tried her best to take nothing serious.
Whatdowedo?
We stay in public areas. Check her reflection in windows or mirrors to see if she is armed. Be subtle.
Dude,sheisstaringatus.
Do not panic. All will be fine.
Thescentofyourfearisoverwhelming,LEVAN.
Losther.
... that is not good. We should leave.
Good.
Thescentofyourfearisoverwhelming,LEVAN.
Ourhovercabisoverthere,Levan!
We will take public transportation for the way back.
Goodidea.
Why?
I just like it.
Thescentofyourfearisoverwhelming,LEVAN.
We arrived at the den. Nobody seemed to have followed us.
Monique seemed unbothered. Madeleine and I went up to the bedroom and sat down on the bed. She hugged me firmly.
Iwillpackmystuff.
You... want to leave?
Yeah.
... I do not blame you. This is getting too stressful...
Oh good. For a moment I thought you wanted to leave me...
Madeleine kisses me on the lips. After a few seconds, she lets go of me.
HowcouldI?
Then this entire thing with Lea at New York happened. Monique is in the co-pilot seat, keeps smack-talking us and makes it awkward. Oddly enough... Lea seems to be interested, despite having said many times that she sees me as a brother.
I am texting this entire time with Kristoff, who is with Caliban and Rebecca, smoking joints and drinking. Without question, I would have loved to have Lea over and... have that foursome... or just her. Crazy, how she simply considered it. Just like that. But Kristoff was with Caliban, who only recently turned out to be alive again. I needed to find out more about that. Desperately.
So I made the worst decision in a long time, turned down a foursome with Monique, Madeleine and Lea, and instead went to Coronado, to Barrier Gate, to see Kristoff. Caliban's ship. I entered the ship of the guy who wanted to kill me. Rebecca was there, too. Another person who tried to kill me. And Kristoff... red eyes, barely paying attention to anything, reeking of weed like the entire room. Watched him vomit. Had to carry him over to the Kay. Put a bucket at the bunk. Madeleine and Monique had set up a little room for themselves on the lower deck. So it was just him and me. I lay down next to him and fell asleep after a while, despite his stench. And when I woke up again, he was gone.
I begin to question my decisions. Is he worth all this? This idiot? This puppet?
Caliban is alive. He shows up, Rebecca starts drinking again, causes Caliban to consider slitting my throat, according to Lea, and then talks nonsense to Lea herself.
Thescentofyourfearisoverwhelming,LEVAN.
I sit in the co-pilot seat, just reading something as Monique came over and sat down in the pilot seat.
Yo,whaddup?
Not much. Are you alright?
Justbored.Notmuchtodohere,really.
We brought everything from the den here. Even Memo and Mika.
You chould just play on the console or something.
Na,IthoughtIspendsometimewithelcapitano.
She gets up again and comes over, climbing on my lap, trapping me that way. Just as she closes in for a kiss, the screen flares up, showing a distorted comm feed.
...neural.override detected...
...defense.protocols disengaged...
...bitstream processing...
identified: Dezember 609 transmission point of origin: Gemini Kay MKII currently connected to: NULLrelay
...PROCESSING BITSTREAM...
Mister Harlow, it's time to shaaaaàare what you have learned.
You are in the eeeyÿ[eeeeeee of the stooorrm.
Remember that only your f̷̗̌u̷̧̓l̵̻͘l̵͎̄ ̵͙́c̶͓̈ô̷̝o̷̙͐p̶̧͑e̵̡͝r̶̝̒a̴̙͌t̴͎͊i̵̧̒ỏ̸̭n̶̲̓.will ensure you remain safe until it passes.
Monique slowly turns her head towards me as the image disappears. I am certain my facial expression does not give her any confidence in this situation being under our control.
Madeleine takes my hand off the console and turns my seat in her direction. Her gaze pierces my skull. Monique sits in the other seat, knees up to her chin. She is intimidated.
Levan,takeamomenttothinkthisthrough.
What is there to think through? I will get us into trouble if I do not respond.
ThatiswhyIwantyoutothinkthisthrough.
... What do you mean?
Thosearenomads,right?
Yeah. Space fish and their human goons.
Ifyouhelpthem,whatdoesthatmakeyou?
... I do not think I have much of a choice here, Madeleine.
I set course for the Kepler system. Navigating through the dark matter storm is a lot easier now, thanks to the time Aspen, Kristoff and I spent here. The local Zoners seem to be intending to stay. The station has a big shield bubble, securing the area around it. There are a few other ships outside, however, the place is still super creepy. Here's hope that the space fishes avoid Kepler just like anyone else does, apart from the Zoners and some other rugged souls.
Monique remains quiet for a long time. I think by now, she fully realized the severity of the situation.
I lay down on the bed, trying to get some rest. They both join me. Huddled up under the blankets, we just remain there, closing our eyes. Weird, really. Ames is just another freeport, but the storm outside made me think that we might actually be safe here for the time being. Even with the lightnings in the distance. How weird. Space weather...
I feel less pressure and less heat. Madeleine leaves the bed. Probably going for a smoke in the hallway. Short time later, I feel Monique leaving. I pretend to sleep.
For a while, nothing. Then some unintelligable talking. They come back to the bed. Madeleine has that stench of her fake cigarettes on her. Both hug me. We fall asleep.
I do not even know where to start. Cobbler? Yes, maybe there. Monique, Madeleine and I went to Cobbler to completely wipe the databanks of the Kay after we got hacked by Dezember. That was probably the only thing so far not resulting in a catastrophe. The people at Ames know their stuff.
Kristoff messaged me, came to Cobbler and asked me to come over. He desperately needed someone, but I did not know how desperate he was. He first said he would only return to Valoran to call quits, and when I asked him to promise that, he did not. I told him I would not let him on the Kay until he would promise it. He still did not. Instead, he asked for some time to rethink. Our ships were still at Ames. Later, his ship computer told me that he died.
And then it added that he might not have died but went critical. So, Madeleine and I went to the medical bay of Ames and found Kristoff there. He had attempted to take his own life but did not pull through. Instead, he shot his shoulder.
I promised him things would be better now. That I would still take care of him, and offer him a place to stay, regardless of whether he is a puppet or not. Everything sounded good for a moment. Madeleine and I returned to the Kay and went to bed. I needed to think about all of this. After all, I refused to help him when he needed me the most. I could have prevented all of that, but I did not. Sure, I did not expect him to try to kill himself. But that does not make it any better, really. That was a big fuck-up. And I promised him this would not happen again. I would not fuck up again. I would be there for him. Take care of him. Endure this madness with him. We have gone through so much. I was not going to through it all away. I would protect him from now on.
And I failed immediately. I went to bed, asked Monique to stay at the controls and wake us up if something happened. Technocrats arrived, and she did not wake me up. Instead, she just watched, because she was afraid I would go to Ames and fight them and lose to them. I was mad at her, but... she was right. By the time I woke up, Kristoff was gone.
I went to Ames, rushed to the medbay, trespassed to the room he was supposed to be in and it was empty. The nurse that took care of him was gone, too. Long story short, they took him. And I spent a few hours in a brig cell, for trespassing and assault. The charges got dropped after station security found out that something was wrong about all of this.
Everything sucks. Rebecca wants to know what happened, but I refuse to talk to her. Aspen is dead. Kristoff is gone. What is there left to do, really. I took the hint and brought the Kay back to Denver. It was time to return to the den.
That is where I am now. Just staying in bed all day. Who knows. Maybe someone will come and get me. Dezember, or Relevant's goons, or Caliban. Maybe even Rebecca. Just a matter of time. Either that or they forget about me. That would be good. Getting forgotten about, like Kimiko and Aspen. Just vanishing like them. Maybe I should return to Pittsburgh, to the mines, where I belong. Back where the biggest problems are the struggle for WaSPs and not getting touched by others. Or just die in some lonely cavern.
I remember that one day when I was younger. I found that wonderful huge bismuth geode. Big enough to walk around inside and see all the crazy crystal formations. I sat down in there, used the plasma cutter to heat up a few rocks and slept there, knowing most of the others would not find me this deep in the mines. Just me, some flares, glowing rocks, shimmering bismuth amidst the borax and my harmonica.
I open my eyes after thinking back of those days. My life is completely different now. I am rich, have two girlfriends, a space ship... I should not be depressed at all. My basic needs are covered. I do not know the feeling of starvation anymore, the feeling of dehydration, the feeling of getting abused and tortured and robbed. I still have all these scars, but I covered them in tattoos and leather and love bites. Whenever I go downstairs, I am not alone. There are people. Some of them I do not know, but they hang out and have fun. Some of them I know by now, and some of them have become friends and more.
Monique does a great job at managing the den. By now, people actually refer to this place as that, too. Levan's Den. Sometimes I go downstairs and sit on the couch and watch them play games, listen to their talks about mundane things, about shows and movies and songs, gossip and what not. Then Madeleine takes my hand and leads me upstairs to our bedroom. No word is spoken as we leave. Madeleine and I understand each other without words by now. When she grabs my hand, I know what she wants.
After warming each other under the blanket, she moves off the bed for a smoke. And I just stay in bed, not knowing what to do. I know Lea sent me a message and probably hopes for a response, but I do not want to see her right now. Maybe it would be better if she forgot about me, too, before she ends up getting disappointed. Vanishing like Kimiko and Aspen. Or like Kristoff. She is such a sweet and cool girl, but I really do not want to see anyone. Maybe she finds someone better to fall in love with.
Madeleine comes back, her hair slightly smelling of her fake mint tobacco. She hands me my violin.
Playsomethingsad.
I do not feel like it.
Play.
I put on my beanie and my pants and leave the bed with the violin. She sits down at the edge and watches me. I take a deep breath and begin to play. Thunder Valor's Collateral Sadness. One of her favourites, and relatively easy on the violin. Still not perfect at it, but it is a slow one. I keep my eyes closed as I play. First part slow, second part faster, third part faster and higher. I remember the lyrics and have them in my mind as I focus on the melody.
Another mistake at the third part. I stop and open my eyes. I put the violin away and move over to the balcony window. Warm weather outside, clear skies apart from the occasional hover. Madeleine approaches me from behind and hugs me.
I have all this. Why am I sad? Why can I not just forget about Kristoff? Is he worth all this trouble and sadness and all the compromises? All the threats and all the madness? Can I not be happy with Monique and Madeleine? I should be. I should be. I should be happy with what I have. Why do I think about him? Why?
Would I feel this way if Kristoff was here and Madeleine or Monique where gone?
He is no longer a Technomancer, allegedly. It is so weird.
He touched down in David's Hollow and I walked over to his Falchion. It was a... very cold meeting. Even when I hugged him. Something is definitely wrong.
He wanted to take me to space, to help him with some business with the Rogues. I said no. Last time I had to deal with them, this Hammock guy wanted to blow me up and other guy took my credits. I should have said yes, probably. Or maybe not. No idea.
He came back in the middle of the night. No idea what happened but he was extremely tired. And just like that, he joined us in bed. Kristoff to my right, Madeleine and Monique to my left. If this goes on like that, I need a bigger bedroom.
Areyouawake?
... Now I am...
I'llgoforasmoke,come.
Howareyoufeelingaboutthis?
Quite obvious, huh?
KindathefirsttimeIseeyounotbeingalloverhim.
Do not get me wrong. I am glad he is back and what not.
It is just... I need more time to process all of this.
He tried to kill himself.
Then he got kidnapped right under my nose.
Then he suddenly appears and he is no longer with them.
And now he sleeps in the same bed as we do.
Just like that.
Her orange dyed hair is waving slightly, trying to follow the trail of smoke of her fake cigarette. An ambulance shuttle is somewhere in the distance. I cannot see it but I can hear it, along with the sound of rustling leaves and branches. She does not face me as we talk. She just gazes into the distance as the ashes of her smoke drop from the balcony and get carried away by the cool night breeze.
I lie in one of the three loungers, looking up at the cloud covered sky. What a weird situation, really.
I know. That was my first thought, too. We just returned to the den, and now this...
Madeleine, if... this is too much for you, I can tell him to stay at some other place.
No.No,noneedto.Levan,Ijustneedtimetocope.
Yeah. We all need time for that. Maybe we can try doing some... normal things?
A picknick or something? Going to a movie theatre? Or just have a fun night downstairs with the others?
Soundslikeagoodidea.
For a little while, nothing. Madeleine remains there, lighting another cigarette after her first one.
Holdme.It'srathercold.
I stand up and and walk over, hugging her from behind. Truly too cold, considering she only wears my T-shirt and not even a slip or socks. Not that being barefood was much of an issue with the heated balcony flooring.
She turns around and kisses me. While it is adorable, the smell of the mint cigarette is quite strong. She knows that. We go back inside and lay down again. I feel her wrapping her arms around me from behind as I look at Kristoff, who seems to sleep rather peacefully.
What a weird situation. I wish I could just trust that everyhting is going to be better now. But something is off. And I have no idea what to do about it.
I guess leaving the planet is just a self-fulfilling prophecy at this point. Every single time we launch, it just results in some kind of catastrophe. I am just lucky that everything went well for us this time. I certainly know my limits now.
I just cannot believe that it happened. I really just wanted to visit Manhattan with the girls. Initially, that is. Something made click in my head when we dropped out of the lane and that LPI Defiant hailed us.
Freelancer, I need help here! You'll get paid!
I look out of the cockpit window and watch this gunboat trying to fend off a Barghest and a Scylla. They are circling around the trade lane we would have passed to get to New York if they had not disrupted it. It is this cursed region of Colorado. The one that lead to our planetcrash a few years ago.
Monique sits in the co-pilot seat and looks at me, her mouth open in disbelief and insecurity.
Suckstobehim.Let'sgetoutofhere,Levan!
Stay out of this or you're next, Kay.
500.000 Credits!
Notenoughtoriskourlivesfor.
Right?
Levan!?
The gunboat is holding up quite well against the destroyer, yet struggles with the constant pressure from the Barghest. Getting the bomber out of that equation would change the dynamic of the battle completely. I have seen gunboats being on par with destroyers when piloted by someone skilled. Just staying at maximum range, firing pulses and taking potshots. Dodging, dodging, dodging.
Plus... it is Liberty Rogues.
Levan!?
Strap in, Monique. Madeleine, hold onto something!
Yougottobekidding-
Both her and I put on the safety belts as our seats scoot closer to the controls. Afterburn. Turrets target the Scylla. Giving it some pressure will take pressure off the Defiant.
Ihateyou,Levan!
We are going in!
Turrets are online!
And like that, the battle begins. From out position, flanking the Scylla is the ideal opportunity as the constant barrage of pulses from the Defiant keep the shields of the destroyer offline. I do that. The primaries hit a few times before the Scylla turns her attention to me. I immediately try to gain distance. Pulses whoosh around, almost hitting the Kay as I move away from the destroyer.
I gulp as I turn around again when the destroyer has stopped chasing me. We scratched her hull. The Defiant is also damaged. No idea about the Barghest. I open fire on the Scylla again. However, the Scylla gets more defensive now, trying to gain distance from both gunboats. I fire a cruise disruptor at it, making sure it does not get away and recover. In the meantime I try to catch up to the Defiant. It takes a few seconds that feel like an eternity. I see pulses rushing in our direction but manage to dodge them.
The Defiant and the Barghest are playing it very carefully. Whenever the Barghest gets hit, it gains distance to get the shields back online, while the Defiant uses that time to fire pulses at the Scylla. Now grouped up, we can cover each other better.
Get the bomber off me!
Following that advice, I let the LPI deal with the big one. I should be able to handle that bomber. It is in an asteroid field, so it will not use torpedos. Threat is coming from the bombs. I chase the Barghest, quickly realizing he is still going for the weakened Defiant. My job was clear: Get the Kay between the Barghest and the Defiant as much as possible.
I do that. The shields tank the dumbfire missiles. Monique screams as the Barghest unloads it all on us. Many hits, many misses. The turrets do a good job on the bomber, too, though. I just keep moving, trying to stay near the Defiant while also trying to get in the way of the bomber. Shields are holding. The Defiant fires another cruise disruptor at the Scylla. I hear something beeping but ignore it.
Barghest comes in for another bombing run. No, torpedos! He is using Novas! Is he insane? I do not have countermeasures because of the cloaking device. First one misses, second one HITS! Shields are down now, Scorchers hitting the armor plating. The Kay is shaking, rumbling loud.
Levan,I'mabouttopanic~
Do not worry about it, will not happen again!
Novas! Those things can rip holes into the armor and the hull! I... shield batteries! Shields are recharging! Good, just keep firing. Keep firing, Levan. Keep him at bay!
Levan,watchout!!
The light mortar of the Scylla hits us right in the front, blinding me while the shields vanish. I accidentally make the Kay turn, almost into a rock, only to blindly dive below it. Another blinding light, this time from behind us, reflecting in the rocks. It took me a few moments to get my bearings together. I hear Monique and Madeleine panicking as I still try to see something again, still flying irregularly. Scanners no longer show the Barghest.
Good job, man!
The Barghest is gone!? It is gone! I did not kill him. The Defiant was too far away, too. He must have blown himself up? Novas in an asteroid field, bad idea! Not my problem, though. With that solved, it is time to finish off the Scylla. The Defiant did a great job so far. A chase through the rock fields. The Scylla tries to get away by using the afterburner, but it cannot outrun us. The LPI keeps firing cruise disruptors at it, followed by pulses.
The Scylla turns around, using a massive rock as cover for the turn, then goes full in, targetting the Defiant. Without coordinating, the Defiant dives down to dodge the light mortar and the pulses while we keep moving right to the destroyer, opening fire. They do not even try to evade our fire at this point. The Defiant gets deshielded, keeps running as we keep hitting the Scylla.
They break off from the Defiant and turn their turrets on us. I keep firing. The Defiant turns around and fires.
They break apart.
I win.
Autopilot leads us back to Denver. We stop there. I turn away from the controls and look over to Monique, who is still heavily breathing, her eyes closed. I turn to Madeleine. She is on the bed, smoking, staring at the floor tiles.
I'malright,thanksforasking.
I slowly turn back to Monique, whose gaze pierces mine. She unbuckles the seat belt and gets up, walks over to me and hugs me.
Wasitworthit?
I firmly hold Monique while glancing over to Madeleine on the bed. She licks her lower lip, giving me a lopsided stare. Monique grabs a hold on the zipper of my flight suit and pulls it down, breathing against my neck.
Does it matter?
Iguessnot.
I guess Monique cracked. She does not say anything as she undresses me.
An hour later, we touch down on Denver, back to David's Hollow. Monique stays at my side the entire time. We arrive at home, go upstairs. Monique does not let go of me. I fall onto the bed, she joins me. Madeleine goes to the balcony for another smoke. I am exhausted. Monique simply does not let go of me. Her breathing is normal now, still not a single word. Her hand is firmly clasping mine. Her lips find themselves on my cheek, my neck and my lips over and over again. I have no idea what is going on in her mind. This is not normal for her.
Madeleine returns from the balcony and sits down at the edge of the bed, right next to me.
I am admittedly confused. But then again, Madeleine had her way with words when the situation needed it. I first thought she would be super mad at me for having gone after them, risking all our lives. But she smirks at me and caresses my cheek, joining Monique and me in bed, scooting over right next to me.
I will not do that again, I promise.
That'dbegood.
This was the first time I consciously killed someone. When I protected the OSC Ladykiller, I was drunk, with no recollection of what exactly happened. This time, I was sober. Fully awake.
No, not sober. I was angry. I hate Rogues. I hate them. I saw an opportunity and did not think further than that. I wanted them dead. Now they are. Probably thanks to a massive amount of luck. I like to think I did not do that bad at the steer. But... they could have gotten reinforcements any time. This could have easily been my last day.
Thankfully, it is not. I am alive. Happy. Two girls at my sides, many credits richer. I killed bad people. An entire destroyer blew up. I feel good about that.