Warbucks Enterprises, in conjunction with Fernando Poo Holdings Pty. Ltd., and Laughing Goddess Bakeries, is proud to announce the grand opening of
The 1st Bank of Flax!
We are moored at Newark Station for your banking convenience. Please visit our open house for free door prizes, coffee, and crullers.
We are offering the following services:
Short term startup and small business loans at low interest;
Substantial business investments, at the discretion of the Board;
Safe Deposit Vaults for temporary storage ~ discretion guaranteed;
We accept charitable donations to the Church of Eris Esoteric (POEE), though Church membership is not a requirement to utilize our services.
Starting an Account at 1st Flax is easy! We require:
A simple registration; (You must be registered and participating on the Discovery forums.. of course if you apply... that proves it.)
Proof of ID; (You will be scanned. You must have valid ID per server rules.)
Nature of your request; (C'mon, at least try to give us a good RP reason for the loan...)
and our Terms of Agreement. (Study the forums, know and practice the rules. Infractions thereof will result in loss of Account and Collection efforts.)
We welcome your business,
The Staff and Management of
1st Bank of Flax
* We have secured the note on a business loan of 40 Million to one "Lord Koss", aka "Lord Methos". Current loan value with interest is 44 Million, due and payable in 4 days.
* We are currently in collections with one "Fluffy", aka [Disgaea]Fluffy, and/or any parties exhibiting the [Disgaea] faction tag. The note is for 51 Million Credits. The interest on this old note is roughly 30 Million. 1st Flax will pay one half of any interest collected to any person who can collect this debt, by whatever means necessary. (An easy 15 Million commission for the resourceful Freelancer.)
* Jack Starmule, your investment fund is now at 12 Million. We are no longer accepting interest-bearing accounts. Please collect your funds asap.
*Welcome to New Customer Gowron. Investment in a trading vessel.
***Our current rate of 20% on small business loans is the best value in Sirius today.***
Please direct inquiries and applications to this Neural Net Drawer, or in person to 1st Flax, near Newark Station. (If no one is at Newark, please ask for banking assistance over open System Comms. Someone will respond as quickly as possible.)
Thank You,
Reginald Waverly, Esq., Chairman and CEO, 1st Bank of Flax
In the Account of The Paratheo-Anametamystykhood of Eris Esoteric:
In the name of the People of Kobol, a donation of 2 Million Tons.
In the name of Rick the Snake Deckard, the aforementioned 175 Million Tons, and interest in the amount of 25 Million, courtesy the Mgt.
"Fnordie's Vow!" Donations will be noted when he has tallied up that last faction. Fnordie, please bark an updated list when you can.
*Blipvert*
And c'mon new people.. you're not exactly lining up for the loans and free coffee. ...crullers getting stale.. mumble.. muddle.. ...Low Interest!...
*End Blipvert*
Note: As a courtesy to our clients, 1st Flax will no longer post loan amounts or transaction details. Our cutomers' security and success is our greatest concern. (And we make a few bucks, too.)
However, we would be honored if satisfied customers wish to post letters of endorsement for 1st Flax in this drawer.
Message to: Collections
Comm ID: Sophie, Accts Mgr
Heya, Anne,
Have been contacted over private comms by "Fluffy". It appears he has has comms probs (*real life stuff*), and had been unable to work on repaying his note until just recently.
Please take Fluffy and/or any Disgaia tags off the collections list for now. I have extended the due date on the note.
Please contact me if you have an questions,
Sophie
Accts Mgr, 1st Flax
Message to: First Bank of Flax
COMM ID: 2nd Bank of Flax
We have set up shop and are currently open in Leeds. New customers come in and don't like the paperwork, I tell them all the same thing. No papers, no paper. Other than that all running smoothly. I got the memo on the delays. I will forward the details to the Collection Agency. Who has informed me that he is ready for work. All bugs worked out. Said he was heading for the Veranda for a little R&R till we need him.
Well, seeing as no one else is, I guess I'll give my thanks to your little Flax-Bank here.
So, thanks for the loan you guys gave me! It really helped to get me back on my feet after my old bank "lost" all of my credits due to some sort of technical difficulty. I'm never trusting the Fifth-Third Bank O' Sleaze again! I only wish I'd waited until you started this "Q" Fund... sounds like a good deal.
As for what I owe you, I've got it all here. I'll drop by your office next time I'm in New York. Keep those crullers out for me!