To the Rogues and Lane Hackers

[Tomtomrawr]

[color=#FFCC33]Frank "Pistol Pete" Eaton

[font=Comic Sans Ms]*This message was originally handwritten. It has been scanned and translated from the handwriting of the individual into a more easily readable (being the most basic font available to the computer of the individual receiving this message) font. Links have been added after the original letter was scanned and translated. We apologise if this has in anyway inconvenienced you.*

Howdy. This's Frank "Pistol Pete" Eaton of the Cowboys. We ain't done much, me being one of those who's done the least in the group. It'll probably be disbanded soon, and I can go back to a more normal life.

So I took my bird out for one last flight, and found an Outcast Falcata in Magellan. Now this ain't nothin' special, but isn't it fortunate for me that he led me directly to two now discovered stations? They were obviously unlawful, seein' as they were hidden pretty well, but they didn't start shooting at me. Musta not known I was a lawful freelancer or something, but that'll be sorted if I ever take my bird out again.

Here's myself talking to the Outcast about leading me to a possible hidden base while running away from me
There's a station and some weapon platforms on the brink of my sensor range. We'd passed within four klicks but I hadn't thought to take a picture at that time
Here's jumping to Cortez (using the jump hole he showed me) to within several klicks of another unlawful station
Here's a closer view of the station
Here's the Outcast circling the station in a desperate attempt to shake me loose

Now, I could go on and on about how I could tell every man and his cattle where your bases are. The corporations would love to know, I'm sure, and I'd be inclined to tell them. However, instead of doing that, I want to offer you a deal.

That Outcast called me pathetic as he ran away toward your stations. That got to me. So, bar him from your stations and I'll keep their locations a secret. I'm retirin' either way, but it'd just be nice to know I made him suffer a bit more than he needed to.

If anything I bet the Outcast steals your business, so really this is just an excuse for you to remove yourselves of another problem. Have a nice day now, you can imagine me tipping my hat in a polite manner.

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[17:45:39] Wolfs Ghost (Murphy): Tom, you have problems. Go kill yourself.
[19:25:12] Johnny (Jam): Tomtom, I will beat you with a spoon.
[14:22:56] Prarabdh Thakur: KILL HIM WITH A SHEEP.
[17:40:48] Eagle (Junes): Tom should be slapped with a spoon.
[11:32:18] Warspite: Thank you for being so awesome Tom. <3
[18:17:36] Metano: I love you tomtom
[20:06:24] Warspite: I will seriously give you epic head.

Edit: also, Tomtomrawr, fappin' like a boss.

[Phate]

...hack.initiated...decryption.in.progress...
...comm.ID.Phate.recognized...transmission.encrypted...
...uploading.data...

I hope you realize there have been exactly 34586.5 attempts like yours in the past. They are always responded to with one or more of the following:

• The base has been moved and you won't find it again.
  
• The location of the base is known but the shield has a practically infinite powersource.
  
• We don't run the base and we don't really care.
  
• There is no base.
  
• You overdosed yourself with cardamine.
  
• You are an utter fool.
  

Effectively the result is always the same.

*the following picture has been printed as a hologram*

:tease:

ThankYouSirHaveANiceDayGoodBye.

...encryption.in.progress...hack.terminated...

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~ Archives ~ Secure Comm Channel ~ Diplomatic Channel ~ Recruitment ~ Assassins ~ Dossiers ~

[Tomtomrawr]

[color=#FFCC33]Frank "Pistol Pete" Eaton

[font=Comic Sans Ms]*This message was originally handwritten. It has been scanned and translated from the handwriting of the individual into a more easily readable (being the most basic font available to the computer of the individual receiving this message) font. Links have been added after the original letter was scanned and translated. We apologise if this has in anyway inconvenienced you.*

I guess my attempt counts as the point five, because we're not done here yet. And I'm calling your bluff pardner. I don't believe there have been that many attempts, so prove it.

• I'm calling your bluff about moving the base as well. That'd cause too much hassle for you, and now that my computer has registered the exact dimensions of the station it'd be easy enough to find again. All it'd take would be time, because even if you have moved it it wouldn't've been far.
  
  
• I'm calling your bluff about the shield as well. I'm sure that if it means removing an entire station the effort would be put into cracking the shield.
  
  
• If you don't run the base and don't care, why are you responding to this transmission?
  
  
• I'm afraid there is in fact a base pardner. First the Outcast flew directly in its direction before veering away. Second I passed a rock with a massive gun sticking out of it, pointing at me, so those aren't just dotted around for no reason. Third the rock in question was of unusual size and shape for the area. And finally I detected a higher concentration of unlawful patrols in the area. I don't see why none of these things didn't shoot at me, but I'm sure they'll know to for the next time.
  
  
• I don't take cardamine, and any blood and DNA test will prove it.
  
  
• We'll have to see about that.
  

You're full of bluffs pardner. So I'll ask again: bar the Outcast from those two stations and everything will be fine. I don't think the Cowboys are actually going to disband just yet, so I may not be going anywhere. Like I said, the Outcast is probably causing more harm than good for you, so really I'm doing you a favour. Y'all have a nice day now.

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[17:45:39] Wolfs Ghost (Murphy): Tom, you have problems. Go kill yourself.
[19:25:12] Johnny (Jam): Tomtom, I will beat you with a spoon.
[14:22:56] Prarabdh Thakur: KILL HIM WITH A SHEEP.
[17:40:48] Eagle (Junes): Tom should be slapped with a spoon.
[11:32:18] Warspite: Thank you for being so awesome Tom. <3
[18:17:36] Metano: I love you tomtom
[20:06:24] Warspite: I will seriously give you epic head.

Edit: also, Tomtomrawr, fappin' like a boss.

[schlurbi]

I don't really care about it either. There are not much Patrols in the Cortez System. I'll just call some Rogues with Transports and give them a few Cables and pull that cold Ice Block a bit up or down. I'd even do it myself if I'm bored enough to take out the Beast. Lane Hackers have changed my Mind quite some TIme ago.

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"Who is it doing this synthetic type of alpha beta psychedelic funkin'?"