[color=#FFCCCC]The moment the darkness splits in two'¦a painful moment, the only boundary between the reality and the dream are your eyelids. The pain of being alive, felt every single moment...the fear of waking up'¦Victoria felt dehydrated almost as the empty whiskey bottle on the desk. But there was something worse than the hangover burning in her. It was there for as long as she could remember, some primal hunger taking control of her body making her skin go pale and forcing tiny drops of sweat to appear. The dry station air did not provide the necessary oxygen, the eyes blinded by the light cannot see anything but blackness, the heart beating like crazy cannot pump enough blood'¦the pain of being alive was something else for her. Just now she noticed an arm that didn't belong to her'¦Jason from maintenance a conquest, a testament to her vanity sleeping right next to her'¦ Victoria slowly got up looked and around the small room. Her body was trembling; she checked if Jason was still asleep and went to the small bathroom. She looked in the mirror only to see a ghostly early morning image of a person dead for at least 50 hours, then she removed the cover of the light above the mirror and got the stashed there small black tube with a curved needle. Victoria stuck the needle in her nose and took a hit. One small hit'¦and the monster living in her chest fell asleep...it was back to her old pathetic self again.
'You are absolutely nuts, that thing will get you killed either by overdose or a firing squad!'
Victoria twitched startled by the voice and the needle dug inside the skin of the nose producing a tiny stream of blood running around the corners of her lips.
'Did I ask for your opinion Jason? No I didn't and what the frakk do you want anyway? A wake up kiss? I am not your girlfriend so be on your way! D'ya hear? Get the frakk out!'
Jason made grimace as if he knew the answer already turned around and started dressing up. Victoria stuck some cotton in her nostril to stop the bleeding. As Jason was leaving the room Victoria said
'And if you must know, I can stop any time I want.'
[color=#FFCCCC]She took the long way to the medical wing of the station. Victoria hated medical checks, feared even. It was one of the few things she was really afraid of, they made her feel exposed. When you walk to something you dislike time slows down you see a tunnel before you the faces of the people greeting you blur and become old pictures on a wall that's sliding past you, this was exactly the case with her. Fellow colonial pilots walked past her "Hello,Cardamine" , "Slept well Victoria?" , "Care to cover for me today Cardamine" Voices lost somewhere in her synapses filtering only one word - Cardamine. Her nickname, her title that she supposedly defeated an addiction she supposedly couldn't defeat...and she didn't. Putting the mask of ignorance on ones face might be blissful but in fact it's like an old rotting wound - the more you hide it the more it rots. Despite her reluctance to arrive on time for the medical exam she was actually there early...
"Lt. Victoria Lord. Punctual as usual, enter" The medical examiner still in his civilian clothes was sitting behind a big desk. To his left was the examination bed and a small curtain serving as an improvised changing room for the patients. He then went to his locker and pulled a white coat which was covered with variety of washed out stains ranging from dark brown to crimson. To be fair in Victoria's eyes he looked more like a "the Butcher" type bad-guys from old vids than a doctor. The check was quick, he has done it millions of times already, he worked fast if not comfortable for his patients. Only one last thing remaining...
"Here take those you know the drill" He handed a syringe and a small vial to Victoria for blood and urine respectively. She walked in the toilet and quickly filled them with the banks she had hidden on the underside of her coat. Every time she did it she felt like a cheating schoolgirl who didn't do her homework...only the stakes were bigger, meeting with a laser blast in the head instead of meeting the headmaster.
***
Two hours later she was in the briefing room telling crack jokes with the other pilots. The briefing room looked like a lecture theater the walls were adorned with pictures of colonial war machines. All except a small square with gold letters and the colonial seal on top. That was the thing that everyone avoided...On a closer look one could notice that the gold letters form names and right next to the names two dates. Victoria unintentionally looked at it and that got her thinking. Did she really know these guys? Can she even remember their faces, their names, the way they died? It was all so simple in space, your fighter gets blown to bits and you die instantly frozen for the ages or for the recovery team after the battle. Almost like it was the Nyx's who died not the people controlling them.
"And then I say, Frakk you, Sir! I'm going to Alpha alone and I'll come back flying on dead sniffer's arses!"
"Yeah right and you want us to believe that Skalski let that slide?"
"He-he, Cardamine was there, she can confirm!..........Cardamine?"
A voice slowly pulled Victoria out of her dream world. Individual sounds started making sense again. Aaand there was that moment...all of a sudden all of the eyes are set on you as if intent on pulling you out of the dream you are into while in fact they just expect an answer you don't have.
"I'm sorry I wasn't listening"
"Of with your dream boyfriend again?" Quinn shot the stupid punch line which regrettably had all the people in the room laughing like a kid smoking synth marijuana for the first time.
"At least we have something in common Quinn, we both like men" Victoria said with an evil smile on her face which only grew wider as the room exploded with "Oo-ooos" and laughter. Correction they weren't kids smoking synth mary-jane for the first time, they were now laughing like monkeys on cardamine.
"Commander on deck!"
All of the laughter ceased in a nanosecond as if somebody just pressed the mute key. The commander walked in the briefing room and straightened up in front of the pilots.
"At ease. This will be short, standard CAP missions in T-23 today. Garrison, you are with Lord, Quinn...." The voice of the commander slowly became mute to Victoria as she heard what was there to be heard. When the briefing finished the pilots headed to the equipment room where they get their flight suits and prepare for another 6 hours of no gravity and stray asteroids and death flying as their wingman
[color=#FFCCCC]It's weirdly serene in the launch bay just before take off, the docking bay doors slide away slowly revealing nothing but darkness, spreading frozen crystals of vapour. If you close your eyes you can hear those crystals hitting the canopy...it's raining...it's quiet, nothing but the rain...It's a serene moment. Almost ironically put there just before engine ignition, the most most un-serene thing you could possibly imagine. The engines roar, metal squeals as the the fighter slides along the guide rail and G-forces of violent acceleration crush you against the seat. Why didn't you close your eyes? And then it's serenity again...free of metal cages, free of violent accelerations pulling away from reality...serenity...Victoria hated serenity it made her feel vulnerable. Good thing there was always someone with a higher rank to pull remind you that life isn't that serene.
"Cardamine, do a LIDAR scan on that big rock in front of us"
Garrison's voice crackled in her headset
"Aye sir!"
Victoria activated the LIDAR and started scanning the asteroid. Not long after she could clearly look distinguish two shapes that looked like flies stuck to a fresh pile of dung. Regrettably those flies were a bit more ferocious and a lot more deadly than their planet-side counterparts. Those peculiar species were known as Series "Z" more familiar as "Sabres"
"Sir, two marks in the asteroid's radar shadow. The LIDAR made them light up like Christmas threes though"
"Well... you put presents under the Christmas three don't you? Let's not disappoint"
Victoria knew exactly what to do. Her skin became over-sensitive her eyes focused and her heart was beating seemingly slower. She was a junkie yet again, a junkie for a whole new level of high...high on blood.
The two Nyxes flew gracefully around the Asteroid not unlike flaming arrows missing their target only to hit a barrel full of gunpowder. The two flies sensing new food took off from their dung pile blasting dust with their engines. What they did not expect however was a volley of micro nuclear devices detonating. The nuclear flame shredded them to bits, melting their metal hull only to freeze solid again in shapes resembling dull needles. The excitement got to Victoria which resulted in rather childish screams over the comms
"Woohoo, eat that 'niffies"
Her joy was quickly ended by Garrison's cold voice
"Something's not right here..."
"What do you mean sir? We just tagged two Sabres"
"They didn't explode Cardamine, their reactors did not meltdown, no fuel explosion nothing...Do a LIDAR chemical composition scan on the wrecks, look for H-Fuel traces"
"I don't see what good it will do but all right....there are " her words slowed down " ...no traces of H-Fuel..."
"Frakk! Reaction engine powered decoys! Active radar scan now now NOW!
The element of surprise. It was like love, when you use it on your side it's hell of a thrill but when it is against you it hurts like hell."
"No need sir! I've got visual! Two bandits 6 O'clock high!"
"Charge capacitors! We are going in"
What happened next was chaos. Somebody put two Nyxes and two Sabres in the blender and added asteroids for flavour and pressed the "On" button. For your enjoyment Salad a-la 23. After several minutes of ferocious dogfighting the radio made a tormented sequel and came to life with Garrison's voice being the hole water to resurrect it.
"Dammit it I'm hit! The cockpit's depressurising frakk's sake can't see a thing the glass's freezing!"
Life is a series of moments like this one, you either turn out a hero, or you turn out a sad statistic, a letter to be given to your relatives...Victoria was no logner the hunter. Drops of cold sweat were running down her spine, her eyes were "jumping" around to catch a sight of the Sabres and her heart was pounding more relentlessly than the Kraken blasts on her shield.
"Col, Eject on my mark I'll catch you and make a brake for it!"
There was no cinematic "I can still save the fighter" or "Go save yourself" lines. There was no unnecessary tragedy. Garrison simply said, "Ok"...Just one "Ok" completely aware that those might be the last words that his mouth will ever pronounce and yet he said it somewhat casually, without unnecessary drama. Victoria positioned herself right om top of Garrison's stricken fighter downed her shields and opened the cargo hold cover.
"Eject, Eject, Eject"
She wasn't done saying the third "Eject" and Garrison's pod separated from the fuel venting Nyx. Cardamine used her tractor beam to pull him in and closed the cargo doors. But the dogfight is a cruel mistress you kiss her in the wrong spot and she will give a kick in the teeth. Well that kick in the mouth was actually a mini-razor blast in engine 3 ,the top engine, completely separating it from the craft along with the rudder. She didn't need it in space anyway...Cardamine hit the rudder pedal and the RCS thrusters propelled the fighter in a flat spin, the G forces changing from negative to possitive in less than a second hanged her on safety harness dislocating her left shoulder in the process. But the adrenaline didn't let that pain reach the brain, she pressed the trigger and watched as blasts from her cannons overload the shield and rip the hull of the perusing Sabre. Victoria could clearly make out the shape of the ejection pod separating from the burning Sabre. It takes a little fire to awaken the hunting beast...She pressed the trigger again but this time aimed at the escape pod which exploded in a crimson explosion. The second Sabre disengaged within seconds and headed away. After all the rumble it was serenity again. Victoria closed her eyes for a bit and listened. She could hear the rain, she could hear the frozen crystals hit the canopy only this time around the crystals were frozen blood droplets from destroyed escape pod leaving a dark red trail as they melted on the headed glass. The crimson rain, the crimson serenity...now this was the type of serenity she enjoyed.
Several hours later she managed to get the crippled fighter back to Minato Harbour and land it on the main flight deck. She tried to open her canopy but she didn't have the strength to. Her left arm was hanging hopelessly disconnected from the shoulder, the right one trembling unable to do anything as if frozen in the shape of the flight stick. She felt an uncomfortable warmth between her legs, looking down Cardamine noticed that she had let herself go a bit. The technicians opened the canopy for her. Some cheering, others realizing how much work they had to do to put the wrecked Nyx back in service. Victoria was unable to move, as if sleeping with open eyes. One particular voice brought her back to reality. It was Jason's
"He's Alright! The colonel is alright! Well done ace!"
'Ace' She got called an ace...Scared, unable to move ace who pissed herself...somehow she didn't feel like it. A sentence managed to snug past the wall of emotions raging in her mind
"How am I an ace, we've lost a fighter..."
"A pilot to the sniffers is a lot more than a fighter to us!" Said Jason helping her get up from her seat then he gave her a hug and kissed her ecstatically. If this had happened in the morning when she woke up next to him she would have slapped him probably even mess up his nose but right now she felt that hug and kiss were the only things in the world she needed...
One month later the memories of her first dogfight were nothing but a red painted sabre under the canopy of her Nyx. It was Saturday there were no patrols this weekend so she was just chilling out with the rest of the off-duty pilots in the "party room" - small confined space between their bunks on the Carrier Demeter CV21 possessing a distinctive bitter smell with questionable origins just as the brown sludge leaking from one of the pipes running overhead. Everyone was gathered around a small table playing poker and telling bad jokes. Victoria was sitting opposite of the squadron's CAG Capt.Johnson.
"What's up Lord? Scared of loosing your creds?"
Victoria was once again awaken from her dream-world and looked at her cards...Four of a kind...
"I'm in...all in"
The rest of the pilots sensing it's getting to much for them passed, Johnson smiled a bit then started teasing her
"How long till you run out of creds and we see you without your clothes, Cardamine?"
"You'd have to buy me a drink first...Tassle"
Victoria knew all too well that Johnson hated that callsign... He made a grimace and coldly said.
"Ok let's see what you have there"
"Four of a kind"
As he showed his card he had nothing but a single pair. Victoria collected her winning with a smile not unlike that of a freelancer who just scored his first million, as the rest of the pilots here cheering around the table. Johnson wasn't too happy about
"Let's raise the stakes a bit shall we Lord?"
"Sure, Tassle whatever you say"
Victoria just continued teasing him on and on as if she was intentionally winding a spring that will brake and hit her in the face.
"If you win this one you can have the whole week free of flights, if I win however you will spend that week cleaning the toilets...barehanded"
"You're on"
After getting their cards each of them begun scheming how to outsmart the opponent until Johnson broke the silence
"What sort of callsign is Cardamine anyway?"
Of course he knew after all he was her instructor in the military academy, but he also knew that this is about the only place in which he can attack her
"What sort of callsign is Tassle?"
"You know uninteresting one unlike yours...Ohh I remember now, you had an inborn dependency right got clean and it kinda stuck right...How did you get that inborn dependency"
"Are you going to play or are we going to talk the ligaments out of each other?"
"Sure sure, I was just wondering...perhaps your mother did some sniffers in her time eh"
As Johnson and the other pilots begun to laugh the world lost colour to Victoria she was seeing in tunnel vision with nothing but the disgusting laughing face at the other end. Time slowed down and she was suddenly in "Who wants to be Millionaire!" Sitting right in front of the host. The dim lighting and suspenseful music were indicators that she was playing for a lot of creds. The question was waiting
                                  What do you in this situation Cardamine?
[color=#FFFFFF][color=#FF9900]A- Ignore him
B-Make a crappy joke about his mother as well
C- Get up and leave embarrassed
D- Flip the table and smash his face
[font=Palatino Linotype]"I will use a lifeline! My Gun!"
"Well your gun eliminated A and C!"
"It's D I'm sure of it final answer!"
"Wrooooong Victoria Lord...Wrong"
TOTAL PRIZE MONEY
             [color=#FF6600]0cr
[color=#FFCCCC]The whole situation was just a large scale replica of the poker game they were playing, all the right question and all the wrong answers. She had lost her own game even though Johnson will be the one to get it. Victoria kicked the table which turned to the left knocking down the two guys sitting in there, then jumped on Johnson like a shark feeling blood in the water...or rather a suicidal jumping of the DSE building on Manhattan. She landed on top of him showering his face with punches, then finally drawing her "lifeline" and aiming it in his face whilst screaming in a manner that will put a drill instructor to shame
"Don't you ever EVER say that again!"
Johnson didn't waste too much time throwing a punch in her face as well giving her a bloody nose. The other pilots then pulled Victoria off him, and despite her attempts to free herself they had her restrained pretty well.
"That just frakkin' did it for you Lord! You are arrested for insubordination threatening a superior officer and unprovoked usage of firearms! You won't be getting out any time soon, and as long as I am on this ship you will never get within 20 meters of a fighter!" Take her to the brig!"
Victoria finally managed to free herself and wiped the blood off her face...