"Hey, it's nothing personal. You'll get over it, trust me. Just, someone did it to have something to do."
Mark Walker was telling Mike Knox why someone had taken all his clothes and replaced them with two pairs of the very tight old PT suits, and why it was fine. Knox was in the skintight garment, glossy black from shoulder to the top of the thigh. Mike was new.
"Who did it?" Mike asked.
"It could have been anyone," Walker said, "for real, don't worry about it." Walker had hidden his clothes.
They walk in to the mess, where most of the rest of the crew are sat around the table at breakfast. They all laugh when Mike enters.
"Wow Knox, I didn't expect synthetic mesh to be such a good look for you." It's Lucy, the second engineer. She throws a tube of synth paste to him.
"Yeah laugh it up. When I find out who did it-"
Mike is cut off by Fillhart, entering the room behind him.
"Sure you will buddy. Sweet abs too bro."
They've been in space for three days.
"Any news on those Hackers?" Mike asks. He gets a couple of looks.
"Uh, yeah. Guild slotted two last night. It'll be fine." Sam, the comms officer.
"Right, that's enough of that. And Marshall, get Knox some clothes, would you?" says Fillhart.
"Captain, this isn't Murdoch&Avison, man. I can give him more sets of those, or boiler suits," says Marshall.
Fillhart laughs and shakes his head, "Right, I'm out for a bit. Unless anyone else wants to watch three hours of Cold City with me."
"Sure." Sam and Lucy get up and follow him out.
It's been three days and sixteen hours since anyone on the ship spoke to anyone outside. Sam is at his post on the bridge, leaned back and reading. Mike is at his, staring blankly at a map of the Honshu system. Walker sits behind them.
"Cryer White Nineteen, this is Samura Gold Four. What are you guys up to?"
Sam picks up the microphone.
"Cram it up your ass, Samura."
Sam is from Leeds.
It's six hours since Sam hung up on Samura. Only Mike and Walker are on the bridge.
"Hey Walker, check it out." Mike has discovered that if he presses 9 buttons on his console at once, it makes the computer say, 'OK, no problems.'
"That's great Knox."
It's 16 hours later. Chris Marshall comes back in to the mess for the first time since a packing crate fell on him earlier. He'd been lying in the med bay for most of the day. Yuji, the chief engineer, and Shirley, the quartermaster, are here.
"Ooh," Yuji says, "ooh, my leg, aah."
Marshall throws a tube of lime synth paste at him.
"It was bad, man. Come on. Computer said it was almost a fracture."
"Yeah it looks broken."
Fillhart, Sam and Lucy are in the Captain's quarters watching Cold City. Their eyes are red with synth weed.
"Hey, Sam," Lucy says, "give me one of those pastes."
Sam passes her a tube.
"No, give me another one. This is lime."
Sam passes her another.
"Did you only bring lime, you tool? Go get some more."
Sam doesn't move. Lucy pokes him in the back with her foot.
"Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it."
Sam moans and gets up.
Breakfast. Lucy opens her locker in the mess hall. It contains 86 tubes of lime synth paste.
It's the afternoon on the bridge. Fillhart is in the captain's chair. Walker is at the maps and Sam is on the comms. A Camara squawking a freelancer IFF is passing them on the starboard side. Sam opens a local channel.
"Hey freelancer. Hey buddy. Hey. Hey pal."
Eventually he gets a response.
"What?"
"Heyy buddy."
"What is it, Cryer?"
"Your ship sucks and it's got a dumb name. Also you're dumb."
Sam cuts the channel.
The ship is knocked out of a tradelane. Only Sam and Fillhart and Mike are on the bridge. Mike is still wearing the breathable-fabric aerobics one-piece.
"This is the Farmer's Alliance. Cut your engines or I'll fire," the comm speakers reported.
"Ok pal," says Sam, as the Mamoru bomber flies into view infront of them.
"Hohohoo boy what is that, your wife's ship?" Sam turns to face the Captain, who is laughing.
"Captain are you seeing this? I mean what is that thing?"
The Mamoru fires a few rounds of bolts into the train's shield.
"This kitten's got claws," says Sam.
"You will donate one million credits to preserving the traditions of Kyushu," the pirate says.
"Ooh a million? Aww gee, let me check my other wallet," says Sam.
"Captain, are we really giving this guy money?" asks Mike.
Fillhart shrugs and snorts dismissively.
"What are you going to spend it on, eyeliner for your ship?" says Sam.
More rounds are fired into the shield.
"Yeah yeah, calm down pal," says Sam as he wires the money over.
"Good," says the pirate, "now get out of here."
"Yeah good luck with your whole glorious isolation thing buddy. Enjoy dying of bacilus cereus at 32 when you leave your precious rice out in the sun too long you baby."
Sam cuts the channel.
Omicron Theta, three weeks after the piracy. Chris Marshall has been locked in the supply bay for nine days. He is staring out of the door's small port at Yuji, who is laughing at him.
"C'mon man it's been so long. I won't even be mad if you let me out."
"Hahahaha."
Yuji pushes a tube of lime synth paste through the vents and walks off.
"There's no toilet in here man! Come on!" Chris shouts after him.
The ship is moored at Birmingham Station to transfer goods. Only Shirley got a station pass, the rest have to stay on the stationary train for the whole day. They are moored next to a RepEx train.
Fillhart, Yuji and Chris spend 4 hours looking in the supply bay for the outdated EVA suits and putting the awkward old things on. They then spend another 2 hours shimmying across the mooring point and the exterior of the RepEx train purely so they can manually de-link the pods.
Hours later when the RepEx train departs, it backs up into its own pods, which buckle and burst, spilling their cargo out into Manchester space. Fillhart, Yuji and Chris watch from the bridge of their own train and burst out laughing.
A game played with experimental crowd control weapons from Honshu goes wrong and now Mike Knox's room is a vacuum. He sleeps in Store 4, where he finally finds his clothes.
The crew call in a fake pirating in order to claim enough credits to buy them all tiny hovercarts to drive around the ship.
The ships runs straight into a Molly Werewolf in New London.
"Oh god, look at that ship, it's disgusting," says Sam.
He looks around to see if anyone is laughing, and notices that no one else has been on the bridge all day.
"You've come from Birmingham, haven't you?" The Molly's voice comes into the bridge.
"Uh, yeah."
"How about you give me a little donation then? Ever since before Founder's Day, BMM have-"
Sam cuts him off.
"Look, I ju-, oh I just really don't care about any aspect of your life at all. How much money do I have to give you to make you go away?"
The Molly pauses a moment but continues.
"One million."
"Ooh, a whole million huh big school? I don't think I have that in change. Can you be a dear and break a 10 for me?" says Sam.
"Alright you cocky little punk. 10 million or I hull your ship."
"Yeah whatever, 10 million is easier to type anyway," says Sam, keying in the transfer.
"Excuse me, exactly how is 10 million easier to type?" asks the Molly.
"'Uhhh durrrr excuse me, errrr exactly how duhhh-' shut up."
Sam cuts the channel.
The Captain, comms officer Sam and the navigator, Mike, are on the bridge.
"Hey Captain," says Sam.
"Cap, check it out."
The Captain looks. Sam is stood behind Mike and is swearing at his back with his fingers.
Mark buys a black-market transmission decrypter off some skeezer on Ames. This will let the crew illegally watch the third season of Cold City before it airs in Liberty. It starts in four weeks. Yuji and Chris have already been skimming the marijuana shipments for over a month in preparation.
The Apparitor is requisitioned for a high-value contract with the IMG, and the crew are transferred to a much cheaper and more expendable train under the callsign White Nineteen. The ship is named after some Libertonian explorer, but no one bothers learning it except Chris, whom everyone ignores anyway.
Sam and Mark need to transfer their large stockpile of contraband and goods stolen from the company. All the containers being moved from the Apparitor to the White Nineteen are itemised ahead of time. They open up the containers marked 'Emergency Rations and Survival Equipment', 'Ship Repair Tools and Materials' and 'Crew Belongings: Mike Knox'. They vent the contents in to space and use them to smuggle their wares on to the new ship.
The new ship is awful, and Mike is upset and depressed by it and his lack any possessions. Everyone is fed up of his attitude so they agree to lift his communication ban, imposed by Sam on the grounds that he was new and didn't look very cool. He writes a letter home:
Hey Sean sorry I aint written sooner. Been busy and we just got transferred. Promised I'd tell you about my ship so here goes. It isn't very cool sorry. Maybe I'll get a better posting after a few rotations, but for now I'm on the White Nineteen. It's a Stork, one of those cheap 4BL9s they used to sell, with all the defenses stripped out to save tonnage and money, if you remember them? The idea is you'd use them on safe in-system stuff. But we've been given this to trade in the edge worlds. Go figure. It's the standard set-up inside - three decks and the bridge. But a lot of stuff is stripped out or rearranged from how I'm used to. The whole second deck, from the back of the bridge to the back of the ship, is just one giant empty room. I have no idea why, I guess they hauled stuff in here? It's used as the mess now. There's a kitchen in one end and the crew have been dumping boxes and crates around to mark stuff out. The Captain's even built a fort in one corner that I'm not allowed to go in to.
The bridge is a bridge, just like every other one. The gear's fine and my chair isn't even that bad. Top deck is us. It's double rooms, which is taking some getting used to. I don't know why, since there are all these huge rooms up there we hardly ever even use. PT centre, clinic, lounge, all big, and a bunch of labs and science rooms and stuff? I have no idea why they're there. Bottom deck's your favourite I guess. Engineering, all the stores, and meeting rooms. That's it really. It's a four-link train, the pods are those prisms you hate.
The crew are ok but a bit weird. Not what I expected. The Captain is this guy John Fillhart. He's been fine. He's got his own room and an office too, but spends a weird amount of time in that fort. He's a bit older than everyone else but I guess he doesn't act it.
Then there's Mark Walker the XO, and Sam Harris, who does the comms. They share a room and they pretty much think they're the coolest guys ever. Sometimes they're sort of jerks but mostly they can be ok, especially Mark. He was the guy who okayed my transfer and took me around when I got started so I guess he likes me. Sam can be kind of this real Leeds-boy wad, if you know what I mean? But he seems to have like, 'contacts' or 'connections' or something; there's some pretty cool stuff on board you'd never get and it's cause of him.
Then there's Shirley Hawkes. She's got the other single room and her own office too. She's the rep so there's kind of a wall between her and everyone else. She's a little older too, like 40 maybe? She seems fine though, we just don't talk much.
I share my room with Chris. He's the chef, which is the most pointless job on this ship, since we just eat paste and that comes ready-done. So he doesn't really do anything. The company's been trying to make him do quartermaster stuff, but they won't make him one or pay him quartermaster money, so he doesn't do much of that, except sometimes scoring us some actual real food, which the guys seem to rave about but I don't see what all the fuss is. He's a nice guy and we hang out quite a lot because there isn't much for us to do.
Last cabin is Yuji Gotoh and Lucy Rayner. They're the engineers, Yuji is chief. Two engineers is a joke; the robots do all the engineering stuff, same as they do all my job. Chris was telling me, I think it's some labour law or maybe some union thing, where any ship carrying this much cargo has to have at least 8 crew. So there's 8 of us on board even though almost everything is automated. I guess that's why they're all kinda weird. You get real bored on here sometimes, and you do strange stuff to pass the time, keep yourself from losing it.
Ok I guess that's about it from me. Tell mom and dad I'm fine. Contact me whenever from now on, I've got my own terminal; just reply to this to reach me.
Later man.
It's two weeks until the season premiere of Cold City. Sam has managed to spoof some lane damage and an ion storm in Cortez, all so they can go massively off route for days to Barrier Gate.
Barrier Gate. Mark's paid off Shirley so she keeps her mouth shut. The Captain gets into a fight with two bounty hunters after less than five minutes on board the station. He runs back onto the ship and hides in his fort until they leave. Sam buys cardamine and tries to flirt with an Outcast. He gets back on board with a black eye and demands they leave immediately.
It's less than a week after the premiere of Cold City, and Mark, Sam and Yuji are all trying to grow moustaches and put on Stuttgart accents so they can be like the show's main character, chain-smoking tough-talking Felix Kluge of the RFP. All three, and even Lucy, have taken up smoking.
"Captain. Hey, Captain," says Sam.
The Captain looks. Sam is hiding his hand behind an empty box of synth paste and using his fingers to swear at Mike.
Sam shaves his moustache after being laughed at by a Republican shipper over comms.
Fillhart, Sam, Lucy and Mark are banned from the bar on Sheffield 'for life' for turning up high on cardamine and picking fights with BMM workers. It's Lucy's second life ban, and Fillhart's fourth.
Mike, Chris and Sam break into an IMG ship on the London docks after drugging the owner in a bar. Two hours later, they have swapped every tube of lime paste on the White Nineteen with steak and chilli tubes from the IMG ship.
The White Nineteen is pirated in Omega 3. The crew are stoned out of their minds, so they panic and make Mike go to the bridge on his own.
"Uh, yeah, hi sorry. This is Cryer White Nineteen yeah. Hi," says Mike.
The Hessian instantly clocks the red eyes, the paranoia and the stoned fear.
"Give me one reason why I shouldn't kill you right now," he says.
"Whoa whoa wait wait wait! I was just trying to watch a show in there man don't kill me! I'll pay you!"
"Shut up, stop talking about your show, I'm about to kill you, idiot! Unless you transfer 30 million credits immediately."
Mike panics and tries to key in the transfer while the Hessian toys with him, raking Natterturn bolts across the bridge.
"Now it's 40! And if I don't have it in ten seconds you're a dead man."
Mike finalises the transfer as quick as he can. The Hessian flies off, laughing at his luck.
Two days later, Mark notices the transfer and finds the log. He gathers everyone in the mess and tells them what happened.
"So," he concludes, "I tried to think up a punishment."
"For saving our lives?" says Mike.
"Shut up, idiot. For wasting our 40 million credits."
"Mark, that isn't ours, that's company money for paying off pirates," says Shirley. Mark stares at her, annoyed, and pulls the face he pulls when he makes fun of Shirley.
"Mark durrr that isn't our money, hurrrrrrr blah blah blah, I think I'm better than everyone because I have a black chair, I fell in love with a guy from tv who only kissed me once-"
The last line touches a nerve and Shirley storms out.
"Why did I even invite her? Anyway, I couldn't think up a good punishment for Mike, nothing was strong enough. So I'm doing all of them."
"What?" shouts Mike.
"This," says Mark, "is Mike Punishment Month."
Today Mike is forced to eat paste until he is sick.
Today Mike is forced to hail every passing ship, give them his full name and address, and inform them of how attractive he finds their dads.
Today the few possessions Mike has collected since his old ones were vented out of the airlock are vented out of the airlock.
Today Mike is forced to go to the bar on Stuttgart and pick a fight with the first Republican shipper he sees. If he loses, he has to keep going until he wins.
Today Mike is forced to go to the bar on Stuttgart and pick a fight with the first Republican shipper he sees. It's been nine days.
Today Mike is forced to go to the bar on Stuttgart and pick a fight with the first Republican shipper he sees. He bumps in to a eighteen year old girl. The White Nineteen finally leaves Stuttgart after sixteen days. Mike has several critical injuries and spends over a month in the med lab, so his punishment time is suspended.
The White Nineteen returns to Stuttgart when the crew notices the Captain is missing.
The Captain is found. He had spent three weeks looking for fictional Stuttgarter Felix Kluge, and got lost.
The crew are eating a meal. Dinner, lunch, whatever. They live in space and eat when they want.
"Right that's enough about Bonn. Oh my god it's so boring," says the Captain.
"Fine. But uh, ok, what's the deal with wages?" Says Mike.
"They suck," says Mark.
"But I mean, I haven't even had mine for the last two months, and when I do get paid it's way less than I expected," says Mike.
"Who do you think you are, Timmy Cryer? Welcome to the real world," says Mark.
"What do you even need the money for anyway?" Says Yuji.
"I do my job, I should get paid," says Mike.
"But really, for what? We haven't been off ship in 6 weeks, and that was Atka. Did you have a kickass weekend on that research station? Spend a bunch of credits at....the lab? What are you going to spend money on? A new sword for your Sote character? C'mon," says Yuji.
"It's the principle of the thing," says Mike.
"Get a load of this guy. Principles," says Yuji.
"Cryer White Nineteen, this is King's Cross. Where are you headed?"
Sam is alone on the bridge.
"This is White Nineteen. What's up King's X?"
"Cryer, where are you headed?"
"C'mon, what's your name?"
"...Claire."
"Alright. How are you doing Claire? Long day?"
"Cryer White Nineteen, where are you headed?"
Sam sighs.
"...The Cambridge system."
"Boys and girls, we're back on the tradelanes. I've got data coming out my ass here. Updates, messages, three episodes of Cold City, Mike's stupid sword for his stupid computer game," says Sam over the address system. Someone actually cheers. Probably Mike.
"Get that Cold City on my terminal!" Says the Captain.
"Already done," says Sam, "Yuji, got a message from Kyushu for you."
"Put it in my personal comms file," says Yuji.
"You mean the one you haven't accessed a single time since you joined this crew?" Says Sam.
"Yep."
"Ok mate, done."
Chris gives Shirley a look. Shirley shrugs and shakes her head.
The mess hall. The crew dribble in as they depart planet Harris. The Captain stands in the middle of the room besides an enormous four legged creature covered in fur. Shirley enters.
"Oh my god. What is that? What are you- no, just no. Oh my god," she says.
"Relax. It's a herbivore from Gaia. It's a uh.." Says the Captain.
"I don't remember either," says Mark.
"Whatever, its name probably sucked anyway. But it's fine, it doesn't even eat children," says the Captain.
"No way. Just no way. I don't believe this," says Shirley.
"Geez," says the Captain.
"Well I like it," says Yuji, "it's nice to have a pet on board. What's it called?"
"Its name," says the Captain, "is Galaxy Supreme!"
"Good name," says Yuji, "can you ride it?"
"I don't know, can you? I know I can," says the Captain, climbing up on to the dinner table.
"Captain, no. This is unacceptable. Don't do that. This has to be removed," says Shirley.
"Nonsense. Watch this," says the Captain. He leaps from the table on to the back of Galaxy Supreme. He clambers up and gets a leg either side of the creature for a moment, arms up in celebration, before Supreme bucks his powerful legs. The Captain is sent forcefully across the room, smacking in to crates of industrial equipment.
"Ow, oh my god, my body," moans the Captain, "what is all this industrial equipment even doing here? Am I the captain of a mining ship? No. No I am not. What is that a clamp? Why? Oh god I think I'm broken. Help."
Mike finds Chris and Shirley talking in a corridor.
"Hey, guys, can I ask you something?" Says Mike.
"Yeah sure go ahead," says Chris.
"What's the deal with Yuji not reading those messages?" Says Mike.
"It's a long story," says Chris.
"And? It's not like I have a life to get back to here. Fill me in," says Mike.
"It's complicated," says Shirley, "basically, he comes from Kyushu, he did something, he had to leave, start over. He went to New Tokyo, he did something, he had to leave, start over. And now he's here."
"What did he do?" Says Mike.
"That's his business. Ask him," says Shirley.
Mike moves to leave.
"Obviously don't actually ask him, idiot. Jesus, were you raised on Crete? If he wants you to know, you'll know, alright?" Says Shirley.
"Alright. Sorry, I'll leave it. I didn't know," says Mike.
"It's cool man. Everyones got something and you were kinda thrown in to the deep end with all of us," says Chris.
"You're telling me," says Mike.
Sam, Mark and the Captain are huddled around the starboard windows on the bridge, watching a Lane Hacker attacking a Universal Shipping transport.
"Haha, get a look at that Hacker. He's blowing chunks out of that Mastodon. I think I just saw a person fly out," says the Captain.
"Hey, isn't that Captain Dale's ship?" Says Mark.
"I think it is. Haha, Dale, what a jerk. Look at him get killed out there like an imbecile. Nice going, clownshoes," says the Captain, "that Hacker's a little hotfoot ballerina, yeesh. Get a load of those turns."
"Hey Cap, uh, he looks about done with Dale's ship. We should probably uh," says Sam, "we should probably move on now."
"And not get killed by that exquisite assassin? That beautiful monster?" Says the Captain, "aah, you're probably right. Let's move it."
The Captain and Sam take up their positions on the bridge and begin to fly away. Mark keeps watching the fight through the window.
"I used to serve on that ship," he says.
The White Nineteen is docked at Freeport 1 for the next 36 hours. Shirley is handing out shore leave passes.
"Yuji, got a pen? I can sort your pass out quick," she says.
"Nah I don't think I can be bothered. Figured I'd stay here, water my plants. Probably get stoned and play Sote or watch baby videos on the neuralnet for 24 hours," says Yuji.
"Wow," says Mark.
"Yeah. Haha. Kill me, I hate my life," says Yuji.
The Captain, Lucy, Yuji, Mark and Sam are watching Cold City. Mike has joined them for the first time.
"Wait, is this guy the brother of that LWB guy?" Says Mike.
"Yes."
"So why's he shooting this other LWB guy?"
"He's hired by Synth Foods."
"Wait, Felix Kluge watched all that? What the hell?"
"No idiot, the scene changed. It's the next day, look at the window. Have you never watched tv before?"
"Did he just say, 'it's killing me? Drink's the only reason I bother staying alive'? Like he really said that?"
"Oh god Mike I am never watching another tv show with you in my life I swear to god," says Lucy.
"So this is the LWB guy now, right? Like, the bad guy? What's with this sympathetic scene? Look at that lighting it's like the camera wants to marry this guy. What's going on, he's the damn criminal," says Mike.
"Right that's it. Mike, get out," says Lucy.
"What? I'm just watching," says Mike.
"Get out," says Lucy.
"Cold City's got no room for haters," says the Captain.
The White Nineteen is on New Tokyo for 72 hours. Shirley is handing out shore leave passes.
"Yuji, here's your pass," she says.
"Come on, I'm not going," says Yuji, "hey, you already filled mine out? Against regs, that's not like you."
"Well, coming off the ship's not like you either. Had to get you somehow. Plus somehow I think the company might not care that much," says Shirley.
"Still doesn't mean I'm going," says Yuji.
"I've got your signed shore leave pass right here Yuji. I'll tell everyone you went off ship and had a great time and made lots of friends," says Shirley.
Yuji laughs.
"Come on. I got something planned for you. It won't take long," says Shirley.
Shirley stops the cab outside a grey building and she and Yuji get out.
"Wait, this is..." Says Yuji.
"Yep. How long's it been since you saw your cat, Yuji?"
"Six months. And he's been living in the cattery way over a year."
"So let's go see him."
As they get close, the cat miaows and walks to the front of the cage.
"Mochiko, did you miss me?" Says Yuji, as he opens the cage and Mochiko steps out and rubs against his legs.
"Look at that Yuji, six months and he still recognises you," says Shirley.
"Let's hope he's the only one on Tokyo who does," says Yuji.
"Don't think about that right now. I've got some news," says Shirley.
"What's that?" Says Yuji. He is playing with the cat.
"Look, I know I've been on your case before and I know I play it by the book more than you'd like," says Shirley.
"Ha ha. Tell me about it. Where are you going with this?" Says Yuji.
"I can't overrule the Captain on ship stuff. And if he is going to keep that stupid Super Galaxy monster-" says Shirley.
"Galaxy Supreme," says Yuji.
"Right. If he gets that on the ship, then I'm going to let you keep Mochiko on there too," says Shirley.
Yuji turns to face her for the first time since he opened Mochiko's cage. "Really?" He says.
"Really," says Shirley.
"Thanks, Shirl. That means a lot to me, really," says Yuji.
"You don't have to talk about it. I know," says Shirley.
They have a quick hug and leave with Mochiko.
Alone in his room, with Mochiko walking between his feet, Yuji turns on his terminal and opens the folder titled Personal Communications.