..::|| Recipient: Spaceship weapon engineers looking for a reorientation ||::..
..::|| Uploading enhanced message ||::..
Good evening honored Ladies and Gentlemen,
let me introduce myself - my name is Ben Trudwig and i am a headhunter in employment of a mighty and resourceful entity rivaling everything you might know. I contacted you for a reason...my employer is seeking to hire you for one of his research projects.
In order to know if you are the right person for this job, ask yourself the following questions:
- Have you been bullied at work and are you underpaid?
[Yes[] / No[] ]
- Is your grand research restricted by so called laws, moral or any other unreasonable bounds?
[Yes[] / No[] ]
- Did you ever want to see something burn due to your research and no one let you realize it?
[Yes[] / No[] ]
- Is this your dog and only trusted friend?
[Yes[] / No[] ]
- Do you have a grudge against the so called civilized houses and their puny corporations?
[Yes[] / No[] ]
- Did you notice the power compensator is lacking finetunig in order to reempower the energy flux on the generator- muzzle axis before you noticed my lovely assistant?
[Yes[] / No[] ]
- Bureaucratic restrictions bore you and hinder your breakthroughs?
[Yes[] / No[] ]
- No one realizes your genious in weapon design?
[Yes[] / No[] ]
-You don’t have assistants like that in your current position?
[Yes[] / No[] ]
- You don’t care about your employer and his motives as long as you are paid well?
[Yes[] / No[] ]
- Weapons are not just tools but art to you?
[Yes[] / No[] ]
- You can identify yourself in this picture?
[Yes[] / No[] ]
- You seek bloody revenge through science?
[Yes[] / No[] ]
If you can answer one or more of these questions with a clear yes, please send me - as a proof of your obvious genius a improvement suggestion on this space ship armament prototype along with your application data:
To spark up your interest a bit more - these positions are highly paid, you will work in the finest laboratories Siriuswide and and no one will ask you how you get your results or mess with your research in any way!
Apply now for YOUR step above the competition and on the heads of the weak minded buffons!
++INCOMING TRANSMISSON++
SENDER: J_SMITH
SOURCE: NEW YORK, NEW YORK
Greetings, Mr Trudwig.
It was with great interest I recieved your unsolicited employment survey. Before we get to the business at hand, might I compliment you on your fine choice of eyewear?
Let me introduce myself; my name is Kevin Ironside. I am currently the assistant deputy chief researcher at a door to door sales company. In my spare time I enjoy reading books, listening to music and plotting my eventual and total dominion over all of known space.
Unfortunately, in my current position at AVA COSMETICS'¢ there is very little scope for realising my plans for galactic dominion. This is why I come to you, Mr Trudwig.
Ever since the cyclotron accident in grad school that left me physically disfigured and morally deficient...well, let's say I became bitter. I nutured a dark kernel of hatred and let it become the essence of my being, only to find upon graduation that my PhD was not certified by an accredited institution. Needless to say, my dreams of indiscriminate vengeance were shattered - without a real degree, how would I get the funding for my doomsday devices? What self-respecting cabal of scientific madmen would take me seriously? I resigned myself to low-profile labwork with very little opportunity for rampant megalomania.
But just as I was beginning to lose hope - your advertisement!
I feel I would make an excellent Weapons Research Engineer for your mysterious no-questions-asked organisation; I already have the slightly threatening surname, and let me assure you that I live for nothing more than to see my numerous and varied creations strike fear into the hearts of Sirians everywhere.
And please, Mr Trudwig. You want me to hand over genius ideas for that schematic pro bono? I may be crazy, but I'm not crazy.
My name is Dr Klum, and I am the Senior Research Assistant and PA for Professor Bertholt Von Lunge. One of my daily tasks is to sort the mail. Before I forward this request for an upgrade to your weapons system, could you supply a few more details about what kind of projects you feel you would like to collaborate on?
Thanking you in advance,
Dr Klum PhD MSc BSc Fellow of the Royal Bretonian Science Association (FRBSA), Fellow of the Rheinland Technology Institute (FRTI), Libertonian Association for Scientific Advancement (LASA), Associate Member of the Kusarian Research Foundation (AMKRF)
or whatever you say back up there in New York -and thank you for the interest in our grand research positions. According to your expose, you are quite a motivated and rising star in academia, is that correct? Your fellow peers -or if i may talk freely..your underqualified audience disrespects you due to a scheme that robbed you of your rightful title as a PHD?
Don't worry Doc, my and maybe your future employer does actually own a very well known institute specialized in destruction in and from space...maybe if you give us some insights on that prototype...we will find you your PHD afterall?
So are you ready for this? Can you work untill your creations can wreak havoc?
If yes...drop me a message with at least one of your genious insights and we will get down to buisness.
i must say i am profoundly impressed by your incredible credentials at institutions of such reknown i wouldn't even think exist! And working with Prof. von Lunge - you sure know how
Considering the open positions....there are multiple actually:
- Target system development for maximum damage and or humiliation
- Increase of ops (Ouch per second) in small scale fightercraft weaponry
- Buffing ops-peu (Ouch per second per energy unit) of the same
- Prolonging of the ood (Oucher to ouchee distance) of yet again fightercraft
- Maximizing RoO ( Repetition of Ouch) aswell as DSoO ( Delivery Speed of Ouch) on, surprise - fightercraft weaponry!
I hope you are familiar with the Ouch Unit, right? So you see dear Misses Klum, there is plenty to improve on that system and this will basically the whole point of your possible employment -but as for the hard facts, we need to know what you could learn about weapon engineering while sorting mail(which surely helped to build the certain kind of anger you need for destruction)
I wish you good luck, maybe we should get some dinner sometime!
I am replying on behalf of Dr Klum, who has suffered an accident in her lab, and I am taking on all of her duties. Apparently mistaking a colloidal plutonium solution for cardi-cola will go this to you...
She says to pick her up at eight.
Meanwhile, Professor Von Lunge has reviewed your requirements:
Quote:- Target system development for maximum damage and or humiliation
- Increase of ops (Ouch per second) in small scale fightercraft weaponry
- Buffing ops-peu (Ouch per second per energy unit) of the same
- Prolonging of the ood (Oucher to ouchee distance) of yet again fightercraft
- Maximizing RoO ( Repetition of Ouch) aswell as DSoO ( Delivery Speed of Ouch) on, surprise - fightercraft weaponry!
The Professor says that there may have been some mis-communication. He says that HE will be teaching YOU the ways of delivering maximum Ouch, but first, he has a question concerning the "mighty and resourceful" employer; how much are they willing to pay for the contract, and what is the duration of the contract?
Konichiwa Senor von Lunge, Bunos dias Frau Tracie,
in the name of my employer i have to thank you for your healthy interest in the Ouch - research. As always in this business, being confidential and tight mouthed is the key to success, that is why i am actually doing the hiring instead of my employer, right?
But i will try to answer your questions to the best of my willingness.
First of all, who is he? It is sufficient to say that your future employer was mistreated for generations and generations until he got the means to shake off the bullies and secure its position within Sirius. He (the employer) has a heart of gold as he oftentimes shows with his (sometimes misunderstood) robin hood mentality. It is sad to see that he is, even nowadays, treated without the love and respect he surely deserves. Instead he faces scorn and hatred on a day to day basis, almost by all of Sirius as they clearly like to beat the underdog to boost their puny egos!
This sums it up: our employer is greatly misunderstood, unfairly mistreated while only looking for the betterment of his people !
Your working conditions would be as follows: You will work in a family centerd enviroment, where you can find a radiant welcome by the local surroundings. We offer you a top notch and manually aquired research laboratory that is hospitable enough to even stay there 24/7, doesn't that sound fantastic?
If you sign now you will even get a thrilling ride from your current location to your new domain - "lawfull" pursuit included!
And if this still doesn't sell to you you get the brilliant opportunity to alter reality itself with a device of unknown use and origin!
So, if you want to see the maximum Ouch delivered by our employer with armaments designed by you, and if you have a heart for the underdog with big stashes of cash- don't hesitate no more!
Ben Trudwig
PS: Can you tell Dr. Klum i am kind of busy this evening but i would pick you, Miss Videx up for brunch if you have time!
---Encrypting Transmission...100% Complete---
---Commencing Transmission---
Comm ID: C. Rivera
Source: University of Salamanca, Planet *DATA SCRAMBLED*
Dear Mr. Trudwig,
Forgive the lack of data regarding my full name and whereabouts, but if your employer is who I think he is, he'll have no trouble figuring out who I am. I'd rather that my information not be made available in an open, public transmission. Rest assured, if I am accepted, I will disclose the full details of my identity to you personally without objection.
I've spent my whole life in the environment where these armaments will need to deliver the most Ouch. I know how to integrate these armaments to the ships that will use them. Therefore, I know just what these armaments need to deliver the most Ouch necessary to benefit your employer.
As for my credentials, your employer should recognize the university that this transmission came from. I'm only a few steps away from a Master of Engineering degree in aerospace engineering from this prestigious institution. Now, now, I know, naturally some researchers with a PhD will scoff at that, but they spend all their time in the labs, safe from any actual testing that will take place outside in the void of space. And I respect that, don't get me wrong. After all, they're the ones who come up with designs for us to mess with. But on that note, who are the ones who gets their hands dirty, messing with their designs? People like me. People like me are up close and personal, gathering data straight from the source and the ones who think quickly on their feet to patch up whatever goes wrong to avert a crisis. Besides, it's not like I don't have any research experience. I've spent most of my undergraduate free time in the labs of a local shipyard, analyzing existing designs and making some custom modifications of my own.
My point is, I think you need more hands-on engineers like myself.
What do you say? I await your response.
Sincerely,
C. Rivera
---Transmission Completed---
Carlos Rivera: Corsair Brotherhood Pirate - Retired, shifted to Tripoli Shipyard's Research and Development engineering teams Anthony Cameron: Guild Core Bounty Hunter - Killed in Action, committed suicide after being trapped in Omicron Minor following its destruction Juan Ruiz: Outcast Ghost of Razgriz Pirate - Killed in Action, killed by the Sirius Coalition Revolutionary Army during Bretonian piracy raid Michael Winchester: Liberty Security Force Agent - Missing in Action, likely killed during Rheinland espionage mission or trapped in Rheinland Space Eric McCormick: Order Pilot - Retired, shifted to planetside training of new recruits
..::|| Recipient: Spaceship weapon engineers looking for a reorientation ||::..
..::|| Uploading enhanced message ||::..
Senor Rivera!
it is good to see a Salamanca University graduate interested in this job! With these credentials of yours....i think we can...skip the pleasantries and wonky dialects,si?
Maybe instead of Freeport 5 we should meet at....Crete? We could discuss the job in a more...hands on fashion there, so we both can see what we are talking about, especially considering you are more of an applied scientist,si?
How does 09:00 Standard Gamma time sound to you...tomorrow? Hangar BE-PH-1-9 , Europa spaceport? Bueno? I will wait outside.
---Encrypting Transmission...100% Complete---
---Commencing Transmission---
Comm ID: Carlos Rivera
Source: Europa Spaceport, Planet Crete
Mr. Trudwig,
That sounds splendid. I'll land my Titan there and meet you at the requested time. I've already started some preliminary work to try to mitigate some common problems in weapon prototype testing. I think you and your employer will be very pleased with my work.
Carlos Rivera
---Transmission Completed---
Carlos Rivera: Corsair Brotherhood Pirate - Retired, shifted to Tripoli Shipyard's Research and Development engineering teams Anthony Cameron: Guild Core Bounty Hunter - Killed in Action, committed suicide after being trapped in Omicron Minor following its destruction Juan Ruiz: Outcast Ghost of Razgriz Pirate - Killed in Action, killed by the Sirius Coalition Revolutionary Army during Bretonian piracy raid Michael Winchester: Liberty Security Force Agent - Missing in Action, likely killed during Rheinland espionage mission or trapped in Rheinland Space Eric McCormick: Order Pilot - Retired, shifted to planetside training of new recruits