'I don't even care about her anymore... I shouldn't. Enough wasting
my life on someone who wasn't mine even from the very beginning...'
He thought to himself, staring beyond the thin curtain of smoke in front of his eyes.
It was so long since the last time he had smoked that each inhale and exhale burned
through his throat, but he didn't care the least. It was like the physical pain he felt in
his throat lessened the pain he felt deep inside, or at least distracted him from it.
He didn't want to go to bed, he didn't want to sleep. It was nearly morning and he
wanted to go on the hunt with his Katana early this time, not to get more targets,
but to have something to do, something to grab his attention, something to distract
him but like many other early mornings, he couldn't help his eyelids closing. Cause
after all, his eyelids were too part of him and good in breaking
rules and disobeying orders.
After spending so much time and energy putting that ship together, thinking it would
finally give him something better to think about, to aim for, he wasn't really surprised
to realize it was yet another false hope, he was simply disappointed. He just wanted
to go back to the life he once had, living all by himself and for himself, with no
attachments, with no false hopes, with no regret, no plans. Living in the
cockpit of his Roc, wandering around unfamiliar space and without
feeling away from home, without feeling being in a place he
didn't belong to - simply because he wouldn't feel such
way if he belonged nowhere.
He thought to himself, staring beyond the thin curtain of smoke in front of his eyes.
He would've written in his own blood right under his other note on the wall if he had
any energy left. But he was so numb he had never been before throughout his
whole life. So numb he couldn't even think about running his fingertip on his
would, then turning and pulling it on the wall. It didn't matter to him
anymore, because he knew he was nearly at the end of the line,
cause he had already crossed the point of no return. The
same point he had stood right behind
it for months, hesitating.
Thinking about himself, he could clearly see he had everything he never wanted, but
not the one and only thing he ever longed for. One thing, only one thing ever he
would even fight for to get, but the exact one thing that was no more from the
very beginning. The exact one thing that was nothing but a lie, nothing but an
illusion from the very beginning.
He had changed himself from nothing to everything but for nothing, which was why all
he had meant nothing to him, and to him, he had nothing, even though there were
many who would kill to get what he had - Literally.
'The only gaijin flying a katana outside the ranks of Blood Dragons.'
He thought to himself followed by a weak dark chuckle as he closed his eyes, leaning
his head toward the wall again.
"These bastards! Think they own the place..!" - He told the random stranger
sitting next to him, then continued in a girlish voice, "Oh I'm Zoner! You can't
pirate!" Then continued after drinking another swing from his bottle of wine,
"Yeah, Neutrality my ass! I'll show them who owns the place!"
He was too drunk to know what he was saying,and the stranger sitting next to him
- A Matlese - only chuckled to his every word without a reply. It was during one
of his short stays on Cali. he usually only stayed there to repair and resupply,
because the Outcasts were the only people in Taus he trusted enough to let
them touch his Roc. But one thing he didn't like about them was the stench
of Cardamine in every Outcast girl's breath that ruined his bedtime for
him, which was mainly why his visits to Cali or Malta were usually
short. But this time, reaching the station already half-drunk, he
had decided to drop by the Bar and have a drink or two.
"You know why I always have some wine with me?"
He asked a girl sitting on the table next to his, and without waiting for the girl's reply
he stood up and walked to her table - Nearly loosing balance twice
on the way - and put his forefinger on the girl's mug and
started running his finger around its lid as he said,
"Because this..." - Then continued after a short pause, like he had forgotten
what he was about to say, "Cause this... Is pure crap!"
Then after a drunk chuckle he pulled a chair next to the girl and sat down.
"So... Wanna give -my- bottle a try?"
The young Outcast replied with a shy chuckle,
"Gracias... But I'm good enough with this... crap!"
'Well... That was something to call crazy only if this ***** wasn't
so high on that damn cardie..!'
He thought to himself as he was lying naked on the bed in the dim room, playing
with the naked girl's hair who was sleeping next to him.
'Eh... I'm not gonna take this crap till morning. What she's gonna
ask for when she's up? Breakfast in bed?!'
Slowly getting up, he started getting dressed and then sneaking out of the room,
because if there was one thing he was good in, was doing 'Hit n Run' on random
girls. After all, "Practice makes perfect" once a wise man said. and the only thing
he always wished to see but couldn't was the girls face when they woke up and
realized their 'One-Night-Lover' is already gone, because every time they'd
wake up after spending the night with the attractive Gallic, he
was already systems away.
Every time he undocked his Roc before dawn after such nights, he'd remember
something he'd written long ago,
"They're asking to be used like dolls... But am I dirty enough
to give them what they want?
Definitely not... Yet!"
Or something along those lines, because it was so long ago he didn't remember it
clear, but he did remember one word.. One word that changed everything - "...Yet!"
"To incoming freelancer pilot, this is Freeport 6. Please identify yourself."
"Hello Freeport 6! This is your worst nightmare come true!"
Said the drunk freelancer and soon as the laughter filled the comms a load of antimatter
blew up one of the depots by the station, leaving the Freeport command and nearby
Zoner patrols shocked, and by the time they realized what was going on a nuke
had already blew up another set of depots.
"Your Doc's gonna like this!" - Said the freelancer.
"Back off pirate, or it won't end well for you!" - Warned a nearby partol.
"Oh really? Do show me what 'not well' means... I dare you!"
Said the freelancer and right after, a chain of EMPs dropped the shields of the closest Eagle.
"Alright now that's too much!" - Said the pilot of the same Eagle, and 'Incoming
missile' was the next thing the freelancer heard from his ship console.
It was a rough fight, three Eagles and two Falcatas against his lone Roc. But flying around
Liberty and Bretonia for past months, he was already used to fighting against uneven odds.
Trying out each ship one after another to find the easiest target, he finally noticed one of the
Eagles going on long engine-kills. So, going on full reverse, he chained down the Eagle's
shield and after an early turn managed to catch the Eagle on engine-kill and next thing
was screaming of the pilot, bright light of antimatter on the hull of the Eagle, one of the
Falcata pilots cussing and a ship fading from scanners.
Then scanning through the remaining ships, he noticed both Eagles have razors and one
of the Falcatas carrying a Nova torpedo along with the antimatter. It was then that he
realized how lucky he was. Both because neither of the Eagle pilots could aim the razor
well - Otherwise he would've been in his pod already, or better yet, dead - and because
if he could take down the only remaining ship with disruptor, he could then simply cruise
away from te three other ships and they couldn't be but useless and helpless.
"Come to me you son of a...!"
He taunted the Falcata as he fired a disruptor by reflex soon as he noticed the Falcata dropping
a Screamer, and soon as the shields on Falcata was down, before any could react, a load of
antimatter had hit the hull and the freelancer was already half-way charging cruise engines,
and by the time the Freeport command had noticed their mistake and dispatched an interceptor
wing, the freelancer was already on cruise and on his way back to Tau-23.
"Better get more ships with disruptors next time!" - Taunted the freelancer, followed
by a loud laughter which soon faded as the ship got out of Freeport scanner range.
"Well 'amigo', you should've seen the look on their faces when I started cruising
away and waving them a finger!"
He told the same Outcast he had met in the bar a few days ago, but instead of simply
chuckling and shaking his head like the other time, the Outcast turned to the freelancer
and after staring at him for a few seconds said,
"I hope you know what you're doing gringo. For a pirate like you who never sticks to
one place for more than a week or two... Zoner bases would come in really handy."
But simply smirking and drinking a swing from his bottle of wine as he reclined and said,
"Look buddy, I've been around the place for more than a year now, and not even
once I've docked on any Zoner base! Junkers come in much more handy than those
stupid Zoners, cause when it comes to repairing ships, they actually know what
they're doing..! They just don't brag about it like them Zoners do!"
And then standing up without waiting for the Outcast's reply he picked up his bottle
and said with a chuckle,
"Speaking of Zoners... It's time to send their 'Doc' a love letter...
One I'm sure he'll enjoy its ever bit!"
It wasn't him... Or wasn't him anymore. He was used to be a whole different being, someone
who did anything and cared about nothing. When was the last time he had sex? He wondered.
When was the last time even though he had lived nearly a whole year on Ainu - A base full of
hormone-crazed attractive young women?
When was the last time he had actually laughed for the sake of laughing - Just how he used to
be - All that had came out of his mouth was never anything more than cold and emotionless
chuckles at best. Nothing more than reflecting the pain he felt inside, the pain he tried to
redeem, only to be condemned to watch it get even worse.
The pain was seductive, it ruined him, burned him from inside and yet... Made him enjoy it while
hating it at the same time. Such a paradox he thought... A paradox that although soon would've
made him no more, was still the most enjoyable and satisfying feeling he have had for long. A
paradox that despite destroying him, had finally given his life a new direction, a new goal... One
towards the very end.
As the Katana cruised through the outer edge of Seiran Dust Cloud, the freelancer stared at
the dual suns in center of the system. Even though the blinding brightness burned through
his eyes, he did not care, because his mind was focused on another brightness - The blaze
of his next victim's burning ship.
He always thought love would make people softer, smoother and that was why he could never
stand the sight of two lovers, and maybe that... was why love did not effect him in such way,
but instead turned him into a ruthless killer, an assassin. Feared in the hearts of many, be it
of his previous targets or those who had only heard of him.
The infamous Katana geared out with best pieces of tech from Kusari, Taus and Omegas. The
sight of "The only 'gaijin' ever who had gotten his hands on a piece of Dragons tech" had enough
weight to strike fear even in hearts of friendlies. Hearing that he hadn't lost his ship even once
after nearly half a year of flying it in the outskirt of Kusari, and after bring over a hundred million
credits worth of hostile heads to the Dragons shogunate, was enough to win him respect in eyes
of his allies and build up terror in hearts of his enemies.
But that was not what he wanted, that was not what he hunted for. He did not play his game
to win respect, he wasn't playing it for cash. He was doing that all just just to be noticed by
one person and one person only.. But after each ship he blew up, he knew he was one step
away from his goal, he knew it was all for nothing, and he knew he didn't deserve the
reputation he had built up over past months, in eyes of friends and foes alike.
He was neither the selfless hero, nor the bloodthirsty assassin others thought he was...
He knew he was nothing of those, because that was not what he had fought so long
and so hard for. So he knew he didn't deserve all he had gained if he hadn't
won the one thing he had aimed for.
"Blood Dragons and the Chrysanthemums send their best regards..."
As the Katana cruised through the outer edge of Seiran Dust Cloud, the freelancer stared at
He said in a cold tone right before the last Chimaera got torn apart by his Natterturns, but to
him it was as if the words were spoken by someone else, cause the words as how they formed
in his mind were more like a whisper of 'I wish Rin was here killing these dogs with me...'
He was just a freak, even to himself... The others dreamed about sleeping with the girl they
wanted when that was still their unachieved goal, but him... He only wanted her to be by his
side, to help him out in rough situations like the one he just got out of alive - Having to solo
three Chimaeras -. It was his type of 'love', to just share his regular life with someone else,
to let only one person to be part of his life for the first and last time.
That was why the 'love' he couldn't 'make' had built up an anger, a hatred in him and had given
him the unwanted strength to twice up his fighting capacity. It was another thing he never asked
for... Another thing that he had but didn't appreciate, because it was not what he wanted, what
he had aimed for.
As he turned his ship around and set the autopilot to Hokkaido jumphole, he laid his head back
and inhaled as deep as he could. Regret, was all he had left of all he had done... Regret of being
someone he never wanted to be. Regret of having something others envied, but having no care
about it. Regret of doing all these things for one thing he never won. Regret of taking away
someone else's chance of being who he was, thinking maybe they would've treasured
what he had and didn't care about.
As the Katana cruised through the outer edge of Seiran Dust Cloud, the freelancer stared at
Sitting next to Hokkaido jumphole in Tohoku, he stared at the Arch, like he used to months ago.
Remembering the last time he had seen her, he numbly started his Katana's cruise engines and
headed to the west of the system.
Once he was well of the patrol routes, he turned off the cruise engines and turned his ship back
toward the Arch. He was right therethe last time he had met her. He was right there when he
had received a real-time private message from her "You shouldn't be here... This is restricted
Dragon space."
Back then, he had believed her, but now... Now that he knew the truth, he knew the real reason
why she, or it, had told him not to be there... Right at the edge of Nomad space, right in the
Slomon K'Hara's backyard. After all, he knew about the jumphole to Omicron-92 in that system,
and the abandoned Nomad installation beyond it, but that was the last thing he could've thought
of back then. Now however... It was too clear for him, so clear it burned through his brain.
Marking Ryuku on his navmp, he started cruise engines and set autopilot to the base. A base
which not long ago he considered off-limits, but now... It was the place for him to call 'home',
and yet, even that place didn't feel like home for him. Even that place, wasn't his safe haven.
![[Image: duckstyle.png]](https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/166379699/Discovery%20Forums/duckstyle.png)