He was torn. At war inside himself.
He stared at the bottle, gripped it white knuckle, and fought his dire, even ravenous need to guzzle the thing, to drown himself in alcohol, to drink himself to death. It was all he wanted.
Only thing in life that truly terrified Dane was what he had just uncovered. He had nearly drown in the surf as a kid, and laughed it off. Been nearly murdered by Kusari Navy and it made him angry. Nearly eaten alive by nomads, and it was a good story to tell. Nearly killed when the Summer went up around FP1, and it only gave him resolve.
No, what had come crawling back was something that truly scared him. Something long forgotten, and now back again, full force.
Heartbreak.
The pain, the dull ache that crawled its way through him was terrible, and when it spiked, he fought hard not to be overwhelmed with tears.
But, he knew, he needed to be sober - for everyone that counted on him. No matter how much he wanted to drink himself into the ground, no matter how much pain he was in, no matter how much the memory of her laughter, and the ache of the empty space that grew like a void between them, drew pain in measures he couldnt take - he couldnt let himself fall apart. Not now.
A hand on his shoulder roused him, and Reggie beckoned him out. He had managed to eat a little, and managed to keep himself from getting truly wasted. He felt the alcohol, but it didnt dilute how he felt in the slightest. the walk to the vehicle was a blur, but the ride wasnt. A long twisting flight in the dark, looking towards the far blue horizon, reliving every word he had said, every word she said, every thing he had done, every mistake, every thing that had cost him so much. And in the back of it all, the words...
...that first song...
Like an old feeling, without ever having thought of that song for years, the words came to his lips in a whisper, as if he'd been singing it everyday...
"...can't we wait 'till summertime....can't wait for it to be summertime...
"...come back to me before to long..."
"...come back to me in summertime..."
With the words, he couldnt help it, and he cried, using his willpower to keep it silent, trying to hide it, too ashamed to show it.
Reggie looked over, heard the words, but said nothing.
---
In time, they arrived at the Veranda, and Dane's eyes had cleared. He looked a mess, but stood tall for it.
"Ya said got a guitar need's tuning? Show me to it..."
Taking hold of the old acoustic guitar, he sat down with it, and strummed a few notes. It was old, well kept, but the strings had stretched a bit, and the sound was off. Few more sour notes, and they started to come back. A twist here, another few notes - one by one, the true sound came back like lost children finding home. And with a hand, he echoed the chords, and they sang.
Dane let out a deep breath, and a song came to him. The tears had shed some of the ache out, but there was still a lot inside...he needed release.
The old acoustic sang notes in a melancholy but folksy rhythm, an easy beat, steady and true...
He looked at Reggie - "ya know...i didnt leave home to find sleep...I left home to forget something terrible that I did...something that I lost...dunno why I forgot till just now...."
"...My loves an ocean...ya better not cross it..."
"...Yeah, I been the distance...and I need some rest..."
"...Yeah, I had somebody once...but...damn if I lost her..."
*he shut his eyes to hold back tears* "...I been runnin' like a man possessed..."
The sound picked up, the pace rhythm increased for the chorus, as his emotion made his words louder, and more pathos laden...
"I dont scare easy...Dont fall apart when Im under the gun..."
"...You can break my heart, but I aint gonna run..."
"I dont scare easy...for no one..."