Inside an office covered with so many papers that you can't see the floor, a rotund man slept on the armchair wit an open pizza box with a half-eaten pizza on top of him. The phone rings and he jumps six feet into the air, which leads some to believe he may just be full of helium -- until you touch his gut, which few are brave enough or stupid enough to do.
"CESAR! What I say 'bout wakin' me up on ma... oooh, pizza!"
The phone rings again.
"OH my GOD! MY PHONE BE POSSESSED! Someone get me ma wooden stake 'n' iron cross!"
He backs away from the phone, but then he notices that the pizza box that had gone from his lap to the desk was still right there, next to the 'possessed' phone.
"Not da pizza! Fiend!"
With life and pizza at risk, Matt lunges forward at the phone, engaging it in fierce hand-to-handset combat, inflicting as well as taking several hits. Oh, it was a fierce fighter that phone, and gave Matt a run for his money. Then the handset part fell off, and the ringing stopped to be replaced by a voice.
"Oh, ma phone don't be possessed! It just be... if you be a telemarketer I put you under arrest for gross insubordination."
"No no, I'm calling to complain about the pirate problem in California."
Matt dropped the phone. A second later, he was up in the ficus he grew in the room, shaking. Well, the ficus was more than a little upset, which is why it threw Matt across the room, out the door, and into the main area where all the officers had cubicles.
"THERE BE PIRATES IN CALIFORNEE!!!"
The resulting mayhem of papers flying everywhere, desks being toppled, wills being written on dirty napkins, people running in circles screaming, the girl scouts came to sell their cookies, and then Cesar had one too many 'lattes' and decided to get up and do karaoke.
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Err.... that's to say that the LPI is busy. VERY busy.
HAHAHAHAHA
You have made my day worthwhile, which is pretty impressive after this: