Very simple solution to this
- just go in first every fight, tell people to stand back as you are fighting.
We've stared pulling out of fights and letting 5th go in first lately when they say they won't join, and it works well, and we go in only when 5th asks us to. Sure, we miss out on the fun and blues but there's no griefing later.
People just get triggered when you stand around watching people die that ask for help saying how you won't gank
5th ship was offered a duel while we move on, he wasn't asking for that or agreeing to it fast enough and our 3rd ship disagreed - next time 5th guy will ask to get the duel I assume more vehemently.