► Source:Planet New Berlin, New Berlin system ► Encryption:port RM-MAS-1NTS-TMD-TRM ► Submitter:Bootsmann Klaus Schwartz ► Recipient:Kaiserliche Rheinwehr HQ, Kolonnenplatz Neu Berlin ► Subject:Patrol near Planet New Berlin
Guten tag, officers of the Kaiserliche Rheinwehr.
While undocking from Planet New Berlin, I encountered Oberleutnant Gunter Kunrad, a Technocrat going by the name of Revenant, and Caliban. Initially, things were uneventful for a while until a freelancer (Points) came in. This time, however, it was found that the ship contained six (6) units of counterfeit software and one (1) alien remains, a breach of Section 2.2 of Article 2 of the laws of Rheinland.
Initial questioning of Points was, however, made difficult due to attempts by both Caliban and Revenant to interfere with the situation, but eventually listened to our orders. Points's rationale for having the counterfeit software was quite intriguing, stating that one (1) was from a recent skirmish and the remaining five (5) comprised the components for the fighter's recon modules. Revenant again stepped in, inquiring about how the software can be possibly counterfeit. Further scans showed that their licenses did not correspond to any legitimate copies and were possibly manufactured illicitly.
I immediately gave the order to destroy the alien remains, followed by confiscating the counterfeit software. Points complied to the orders and I reminded him not to break the laws of Rheinland again. Then the discussion shifted to wine-based products and nothing eventful happened as I finished my patrol.
[26.03.2023 22:24:56] A/)-Revenant: Farewell, FReelancer.
[26.03.2023 22:25:00] [RM]KKS-Wodan: S: Guten tag, everyone!
[26.03.2023 22:25:03] Caliban: Hey.
[26.03.2023 22:25:14] [RM]Obl.Gunter.Kunrad: Guten Tag, sir!
[26.03.2023 22:25:37] [RM]KKS-Wodan: S: I hope everything is going well here?
[26.03.2023 22:25:46] Caliban: Couldn't be better.
[26.03.2023 22:26:19] [RM]Obl.Gunter.Kunrad: Just some Freelancer's iff malfunctioning.
[26.03.2023 22:26:45] Caliban: Well, it was actually his set paramenters that drove him insane.
[26.03.2023 22:26:56] Caliban: His computer behaving weird and all.
[26.03.2023 22:27:05] Caliban: His transponder was just fine.
[26.03.2023 22:27:23] [RM]Obl.Gunter.Kunrad: And our hero Caliban defused the situation
[26.03.2023 22:27:35] Caliban: I am simply the best.
[26.03.2023 22:27:46] [RM]Obl.Gunter.Kunrad: *sighs*
[26.03.2023 22:27:46] [RM]KKS-Wodan: S: Oberleutnant, were there any hostile sightings near the planet?
[26.03.2023 22:27:58] [RM]Obl.Gunter.Kunrad: Now is!
[26.03.2023 22:28:03] [RM]Obl.Gunter.Kunrad: Halt Points
[26.03.2023 22:28:05] A/)-Revenant: Hm.
[26.03.2023 22:28:05] Points: Act natural. Act natural. You've done nothing wrong.
[26.03.2023 22:28:06] Points: DAMN IT.
[26.03.2023 22:28:13] Caliban: Leave him alone for god's sake.
[26.03.2023 22:28:22] [RM]Obl.Gunter.Kunrad: Explain that cargo bitte.
[26.03.2023 22:28:31] Caliban: Wait a second.
[26.03.2023 22:28:31] A/)-Revenant: Actually, do explain.
[26.03.2023 22:28:33] Points: I-I uh. This.
[26.03.2023 22:28:34] A/)-Revenant: Why /do/ you have donuts?
[26.03.2023 22:28:39] [RM]Obl.Gunter.Kunrad: Not sure how you thought we were gonna miss you
[26.03.2023 22:28:43] [RM]KKS-Wodan: S: Scans have shown Counterfeit Software in your hold, Points
[26.03.2023 22:28:50] Caliban: Why do you have Liberty Ale?
[26.03.2023 22:28:54] [RM]Obl.Gunter.Kunrad: Not to mention nomad technology
[26.03.2023 22:29:00] A/)-Revenant: Technology?
[26.03.2023 22:29:04] Points: C-can you stop. Asking me hundreds of questions at once please.
[26.03.2023 22:29:07] Points: I can only handle so much.
[26.03.2023 22:29:20] A/)-Revenant: My question is clearly the most important one.
[26.03.2023 22:29:22] Caliban: Fuck the Nomad paste in his hold. Why /do/ you have Liberty Ale in your hold?
[26.03.2023 22:29:26] Caliban: Have you gone mental?
[26.03.2023 22:29:31] [RM]KKS-Wodan: S: I am sorry, but you'll have to comply with Rheinland laws regarding possession of contraband
[26.03.2023 22:29:34] [RM]Obl.Gunter.Kunrad: Hush you 2!
[26.03.2023 22:29:42] Caliban: He's poisoning himself!
[26.03.2023 22:29:54] Points: Let's start this over please.
[26.03.2023 22:30:12] Caliban: Alright. Why do you have a horrible taste in beverages?
[26.03.2023 22:30:22] [RM]Obl.Gunter.Kunrad: Only listen to KKS-Wodan, Points.
[26.03.2023 22:30:39] [RM]KKS-Wodan: S: Listen, Points. You have been caught carrying six units of Counterfeit Software and one Nomad remain
[26.03.2023 22:31:03] A/)-Revenant: How do you even know something is counterfeit anyway?
[26.03.2023 22:31:19] Points: One's a remnant from an undesired skirmish, the rest is software which is fully compatible with some of my recon modules.
[26.03.2023 22:31:20] A/)-Revenant: It's... oddly specific to say it's illict software without actually reading the code.
[26.03.2023 22:31:26] Caliban: Maybe it's just weird art on those USB sticks.
[26.03.2023 22:31:36] Caliban: Abstract...maybe vulgar art.
[26.03.2023 22:31:36] [RM]KKS-Wodan: S: The six pieces of software seem to be from illegitimate sources
[26.03.2023 22:31:45] A/)-Revenant: How?
[26.03.2023 22:31:49] A/)-Revenant: I mean - think about this.
[26.03.2023 22:31:55] A/)-Revenant: How do we know the food isn't from a legal source?
[26.03.2023 22:31:57] A/)-Revenant: For example.
[26.03.2023 22:31:58] [RM]Obl.Gunter.Kunrad: Perhaps i should send Empire again at it to keep you 2 busy...
[26.03.2023 22:32:01] A/)-Revenant: It could have... ants in it.
[26.03.2023 22:32:09] Caliban: Foods have brands. Illegal brands aren't shipped. Duh...
[26.03.2023 22:32:28] A/)-Revenant: How do you even determine if it is illegal or legal?
[26.03.2023 22:32:32] [RM]KKS-Wodan: S: They are indeed counterfeit, Revenant. Their licenses do not match any legally-issued ones
[26.03.2023 22:32:33] A/)-Revenant: Could be some backyard experiment.
[26.03.2023 22:32:49] A/)-Revenant: What next, license approved oxygen tanks?
[26.03.2023 22:32:54] Caliban: Yes.
[26.03.2023 22:33:19] Caliban: A (mostly) clean source of air is quite expensive.
[26.03.2023 22:33:22] Caliban: Or should.
[26.03.2023 22:33:33] [RM]KKS-Wodan: S: Alright, no more chatter. The counterfeit software will be confiscated and the nomad remains destroyed immediately
[26.03.2023 22:34:01] Points: You can have the remains, it's just leftovers from a skirmish. It's yours.
[26.03.2023 22:34:36] [RM]KKS-Wodan: S: And what about the counterfeit software?
[26.03.2023 22:34:38] Points: But I can assure you the rest of this is needed to run recon modules and a trigonometry matrix I have installed in my ship.
[26.03.2023 22:34:57] Points: They're necessary to run the-- ergh, the science might be lost on you.
[26.03.2023 22:35:09] A/)-Revenant: Space compass.
[26.03.2023 22:35:11] [RM]Obl.Gunter.Kunrad: Did you ask for a permit to fly with that?
[26.03.2023 22:35:24] [RM]KKS-Wodan: S: I understand. But please replace these illegitimate software with legally-issued counterparts. We do not tolerate piracy
[26.03.2023 22:35:25] [RM]KKS-Wodan: -here
[26.03.2023 22:35:33] Points: I'm not peddling these around anywhere.
[26.03.2023 22:36:04] Points: But getting rid of these will set me back by at least two weeks worth of work. So please.
[26.03.2023 22:36:37] [RM]Obl.Gunter.Kunrad: I suggest you next time request a permit before you enter with illegal items, sir.
[26.03.2023 22:36:50] Points: Yeah yeah. Ignorance is a choice.
[26.03.2023 22:36:52] Points: Let me just.
[26.03.2023 22:37:15] [RM]Obl.Gunter.Kunrad: Where were you heading with that anyway?
[26.03.2023 22:37:18] [RM]KKS-Wodan: S: I understand your situation. There are legally-made substitutes in Planet New Berlin
[26.03.2023 22:37:54] Caliban: Actually.
[26.03.2023 22:38:05] Caliban: What would it take to get a license for that software?
[26.03.2023 22:38:17] Points: Annnd.
[26.03.2023 22:38:18] Caliban: Maybe he needs that particular hardware, software combination.
[26.03.2023 22:38:26] Points: Done. I've, made sure these are completely pointless.
[26.03.2023 22:38:34] Points: Because, they were pointless from the start.
[26.03.2023 22:38:46] Caliban: I retract my line of questions, then.
[26.03.2023 22:39:10] Points: ...There.
[26.03.2023 22:39:21] Points: It's formatted data now.
[26.03.2023 22:39:40] [RM]KKS-Wodan: S: Thanks for complying, Points
[26.03.2023 22:40:10] [RM]KKS-Wodan: S: Next time, read the laws of Rheinland carefully to avoid such situations from occurring again
[26.03.2023 22:40:12] [RM]Obl.Gunter.Kunrad: Your cooperation is apprecated.
[26.03.2023 22:40:34] [RM]Obl.Gunter.Kunrad: Don't move yet Points, i have something for you, give me a second.
[26.03.2023 22:40:40] Points: What? What did I do now?
[26.03.2023 22:41:04] [RM]KKS-Wodan: S: As for legitimately-made software, please check the Central District's shops in Planet New Berlin
[26.03.2023 22:41:24] [RM]Obl.Gunter.Kunrad: Caliban was right there was a second crime
[26.03.2023 22:41:42] [RM]Obl.Gunter.Kunrad: Drinking that garbage ale
[26.03.2023 22:41:52] [RM]KKS-Wodan: S: You will be able to find a Customs-approved dealer who can sell you the required legitimate software
[26.03.2023 22:41:56] Caliban: As I said. I am /the/ voice of reason.
[26.03.2023 22:42:43] Points: Oh... oh wow. More liquors.
[26.03.2023 22:42:46] [RM]Obl.Gunter.Kunrad: At least have a proper drink when flying these parts.
[26.03.2023 22:43:04] A/)-Revenant: Mm.
[26.03.2023 22:43:12] Points: Thanks.
[26.03.2023 22:43:18] A/)-Revenant: I suppose I best get back to finding a suitable wine vendor.
[26.03.2023 22:43:22] Caliban: Don't let Gunter catch you again with that piss you've been drinking.
[26.03.2023 22:43:49] [RM]KKS-Wodan: S: You can obtain the finest-quality Rheinbier at the northern part of the New Berlin vineyards
[26.03.2023 22:44:23] Points: I wasn't completely invested into finishing the bottles, I just quaffed a bit of it for a taste-test.
[26.03.2023 22:44:39] Caliban: Hope your tongue doesn't fall off then.
[26.03.2023 22:44:48] [RM]Obl.Gunter.Kunrad: Well let me save you the dissappointment, don't drink that rubbish again.
[26.03.2023 22:44:59] A/)-Revenant: Wine is superior anyway.
[26.03.2023 22:45:04] Caliban: Whiskey.
[26.03.2023 22:45:09] Points: Gin?
[26.03.2023 22:45:11] [RM]KKS-Wodan: S: You will be delighted at the Rheinlandic taste of the newest 30-year old Rheinbier, available at Schwartz Farms
[26.03.2023 22:45:14] A/)-Revenant: If you're a miner, maybe.
[26.03.2023 22:45:17] Caliban: Don't commit another crime, Points.
[26.03.2023 22:45:42] Caliban: Drinking only Gin? Don't even dare.
[26.03.2023 22:45:43] Points: No, I don't care. Gin is good. I am a Gin apologist.
[26.03.2023 22:45:55] Points: No, not just gin obviously. There's vodka brewed on Canaria too.
[26.03.2023 22:46:06] Caliban: ...at least that's only half a crime.
[26.03.2023 22:46:18] Caliban: Passable.
[26.03.2023 22:46:19] Points: And drinking them alone is a crime, yes. You have to... douse them.
[26.03.2023 22:46:30] Points: Throw in things.
[26.03.2023 22:46:32] [RM]KKS-Wodan: S: It's your choice, Points. Not my authority to enforce such laws regarding the consumption of beer
[26.03.2023 22:46:45] [RM]Obl.Gunter.Kunrad: Didn't know we had so many alcohol experts around here!
[26.03.2023 22:47:36] A/)-Revenant: Water is also good.
[26.03.2023 22:47:37] Caliban: A concerning amount, even.
[26.03.2023 22:47:58] Caliban: ...mhm, yeah...watercrackers.
[26.03.2023 22:48:06] A/)-Revenant: Water crackers are also good for nuitrition.
[26.03.2023 22:48:16] A/)-Revenant: However, my specialty brand shalln't be shared.
[26.03.2023 22:48:19] Points: Yes, how about an air sandwich while you're at it.
[26.03.2023 22:48:25] A/)-Revenant: This is a boon for me to share with myself and myself only.
[26.03.2023 22:48:36] A/)-Revenant: Scrumptious cracker.
[26.03.2023 22:49:58] Caliban: While it lasts.
[26.03.2023 22:49:59] Points: Hmm, yes. I love eating something with no nutritional value whatsoever.
[26.03.2023 22:50:21] [RM]Obl.Gunter.Kunrad: Well gentlemen, my shift is soon to end. Enjoy your evening!
[26.03.2023 22:50:30] Caliban: Fair enough.
[26.03.2023 22:50:33] A/)-Revenant: There is plenty of value.
[26.03.2023 22:50:36] A/)-Revenant: This is designed for survival.
[26.03.2023 22:50:42] [RM]KKS-Wodan: S: I hope everything goes fine for you three
[26.03.2023 22:50:44] Points: I want to live, not survive.
[26.03.2023 22:50:53] A/)-Revenant: Surviving is living.
[26.03.2023 22:50:57] A/)-Revenant: Else you would be dead.
[26.03.2023 22:50:58] A/)-Revenant: Silly.
[26.03.2023 22:51:04] Caliban: ...eh.
[26.03.2023 22:51:15] A/)-Revenant: Now.
[26.03.2023 22:51:22] A/)-Revenant: A fair bottle awaits me.
Für den Kaiser! Für das Volk! Für Rheinland!
Hochachtungsvoll,
Klaus Schwartz
Bootsmann der Kaiserlichen Rheinwehr