Orex Industries - Official Faction Request [2]

[jammi]

I've read through the writeup, and something that jumps out at me is it really doesn't read like it was written with Discovery (or even Freelancer!) in mind.

It's a generic blurb that explains how IRL terrestrial mining operations work (talking about 'rock formations' in the context of asteroid mining is very strange!). The paragraphs on the founders read like cardboard cutouts of generic corporate executives. You've talked about implementing the requirements of safety regulations, when there is no government to enforce them or regulations to apply in the deep Omicrons.

What I would hope to see and is conspicuously missing is the group's in-universe history. Why are they Zoners? How did they get started? What are their supply lines? Who are their clients? How are they adapting to Delta, probably the single most dangerous frontier in the sector? How are the founders associated with the Zoner movement, its philosophies, etc? Which "society" (mentioned in Hartley's writeup) are they trying to benefit?

The word Zoner appears 4 times in your writeup. Once to set the IFF and ID, once in the opening paragraph which honestly reads more like a reaffirmation of the ID, and once in your linked thread to other Zoners.

There is literally nothing that describes how or why the group self-identifies with the Zoners, and how that identity impacts their approach to or interactions with other groups. It would be nice if this was addressed, rather than leaving the inference that there isn't actually any strong reason for the ID choice beyond the mining bonus.

Your description of Iridium doesn't reference any of Discovery's core uses for the product (including those explicitly noted in the commodity infocard!), but does talk about aerospace applications, which is an incredibly strange choice of words given the context in Freelancer.

I don't want to beat a dead horse and relitigate the issue of whether this writeup was AI generated or not, but regardless of who actually wrote it, there really is little of actual substance being said. You could lift this writeup and apply it to any generic mining operation by simply find+replacing the ID, IFF, ore and system.

I would strongly suggest rewriting this to be more specific to your group and its actual circumstances.

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