INCOMING TRANSMISSION
COMM ID: Sub-Lieutenant Vicenta Gonzalez
LOCATION: Zvezdny Gorodok
OK. I told the mechanic, I told the couriers, I told the marines come to put a bullet in mi cabeza, and now I'm telling you. Vicenta Gonzalez is not a deserter.
When I came back from Magellan, I filed my report, and the minute I was done the comm unit fried in my Partisan. I took it to the mechanic, he said "You probably burnt it out yourself, flyboy". I told him to fix the damn comm unit already. Come back the next morning for my patrol, he's had the thing in storage all night 'cause he was at his cousin's bachelor party on Zhukovsky! He doesn't even give me a replacement. I keep sending it back to him, he keeps finding excuses not to fix it. "Oh, this transport has a screw loose in the captain's chair. Oh, today's my day off." Lazy son of a dog.
But, es no problem, right? 'Cause I file my reports every time I come off duty, put them in the message tubes. Yesterday, three marines bust down my door come to put a bullet in mi cabeza for deserting. I told them, "I'm not a deserter, I filed fifteen patrol reports!" I show them the copies I kept of the reports, they finally put down their blasters. We went straight to the forwarding room, and we found the traitorous swine who were supposed to be forwarding the reports shredding them as they came out of the tubes! I don't think I need to tell you, comrades, that those capitalist spies are no longer working in the forwarding room. We slaughtered them like the pigs they were. Then we went to the maintenance deck and executed the idiot who hadn't replaced my comm unit. He may have been a spy, he may have just been lazy, but either way he deserved to die.
Today, we have triumphed over those who would seek to undermine us from within, hermanos! For the Red Dawn!
As a side note, comrades, I took the Minsk out to pick up Commissar-Commander Katz's nuclear warheads today. Handed them over to him and got safely back to Gorodok. Now I must go and see if the new mechanic has replaced my comm unit.