Evangeline Anastasia McDowell

[Bazza]

Entry#: 095
Date: 05 - 06 - 818 AS @ 08:41 SUT
Title: Untitled.

Yet again I find myself writing this entry from a place I would never have expected to be doing so. The Alsatia is now sitting on the orbital mooring fixture of Planet New Berlin.

It also seems I've enlisted into the Rheinland Military... the things one does when emotionally distressed.

Me and Gunther had a long, long talk on the way down here from Liberty; I can only wonder why he continues to stand by me. I myself am capable of realising I've caused... without intention but nonetheless... a great deal of pain. In spite of that... he's still here. I don't know what he sees in me any more, but I'm simply grateful that he's allowed me to stay.

Gunther has granted all of us permission to live in his parents' house on the surface of Berlin for the term of my pregnancy, which I think he's doing out of a feeling of commitment rather than the natural urge to do so. I'm going to do everything in my power to not make him regret his decision.

I also turned Gunther's proposal down. At least, for now. Marriage just isn't something I can do as I am today. It simply isn't me. So I wonder why he's continuing to treat me as he is. I don't know any man who'd still want to be around someone like me after the **** I've put him through...

In other news... it seems no matter how hard I try, I always end up bringing fighter ships home. I wonder if it's my psyche telling me something, but lately I've been unable to withstand the temptation to fly a single-seater of some description. I've now got a CTE-6000 Eagle sitting below me, warm and snug inside her mother's protective embrace. The Ichaicha Railgun was sold, for a profit I add, to someone on Kreuzberg Depot earlier today. The ship served her purpose well, but isn't something I have use for any more, so she had to go. Thus leaving me with just the one fighter and, something of a rare occurrence now-a-days, spare room in the cargo bay.

I've been told I'm going to be re-assigned the Grafeisen which I'd left on board Mecklenburg when I'd absconded with the Major General. Since that ship had already been modified to be compatible with the vices and launch ways of the Alsatia, it's a rather convenient scenario. Aside from that, my sentimentality often gets the better of me and I found myself worrying for the well being of that ship while we were apart.

I'm starting to wonder just what I've gotten myself into... My "official" orientation starts in a few hours and I'm to fly my Eagle there, leaving my family back at Gunther's house. I'm... actually nervous...

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