Evangeline Anastasia McDowell

[Bazza]

Entry#: 115
Date: 21 - 08 - 818 AS @ 13:05 SUT
Title: Untitled.

Stupid computer. I go to turn it on one day and boom, deafening silence. I had no idea what was wrong with it. Still don't, actually. Computer software isn't really something I'm good at. I could put the thing together, no worries. But getting the software running would take forever and a day.

I ended up getting someone from Vieques to fix it for me. I've gone longer without looking at it before but it feels completely different knowing I can't. It's like withdrawal symptoms, but from just what exactly, I don't know.

Been a rather interesting two weeks, though. Being stuffed inside the Maelstrom without any real amenities was somewhat bothering. I don't really like using station-side facilities, especially those on offer by the more alternate factions around the place. Men tend to outnumber women by several orders of magnitude, thus making bathing an at best tedious and usually a dangerous proposition. After all, underneath the steel ship and all the guns I'm still a pipsqueak of a woman and my crew are all the same. Having a big attitude gets you nowhere when the game is brute strength.

No shower, no tooth paste, not even razors - for over a week. No words in the English language can explain how relieved I was to finally be able to have a hot shower on board the Alsatia again.

I managed to track down the parts I needed for the Alsatia, first from a Junker who went by the name of George and then from, of all people, a Liberty Navy officer named Anna. I keep thinking about cookies when I recall her face. No idea why.

She went so far as to permit me to moor the Maelstrom to Baltimore Shipyard to get what I needed. I suppose she'd been given the note from Admiral Hale that I wasn't a problem any more. Nevertheless it made my life a lot easier.

I returned to Rochester Base to resupply the ship and ran into, of all things, the Heart of Gold - and her headmistress Eva Jones. She was quite happy to see me, as I and all my girls were to see her - especially Sakura who has taken a real shine to everyone's favourite Liberty Rogue. We had something of a reunion in space outside Rochester, all of us sharing the stories we'd made since we last met. In the end Eva agreed to help me get my show back on the road.

She and all of her crew mates boarded the Maelstrom, leaving their gunboat docked to Rochester, hidden away from view in an internal docking bay. I had George ferry everything I purchased to Vieques, the Maelstrom escorting his transport back through Texas and into Puerto Rico. We spent the next 24 hours or so of the journey simply passing time talking about whatever took our fancy.

Eva's wounded leg kept acting up, an old gunshot wound she received in an earlier life. As it turns out the pain from the nerve damage can be temporarily negated with a strong massage - that and the fact I think Eva enjoys an excuse to take off her pants in front of me and have me get up close and personal with her inner thighs.

It's become quite apparent now that she thinks of me as more than just a close friend, I hold no doubt it's my fault as the result of being - shall we say - overly affectionate back when we first met each other. I feel somewhat flattered that I've become someone's target of attraction, especially in my current condition, but I also feel a bit uneasy around her now because of it.

The Alsatia was exactly where I left her, next door to my ragged and run-down salvage platform. The thing sprang a leak earlier and spewed all its air out into space, rendering it for all intents and purposes dead - hence why I was forced into the Maelstrom. I don't know if it's worth bothering to repair it or not - I kind of want to fix it for the fact it's part of my family but from an objective point of view it's simply too far gone for it to be feasible.

We'll see what happens in the near future. It won't go anywhere.

George dumped all my parts into the internal dry dock of Vieques shipyard and with the help of Eva and her assortment of heavies we got the recirculator into my ship. It was a rectangle shaped box about as tall as I am and as wide as one of the heavies who moved it. It must have weighed close to half a tonne if not more.

I got as many men as my feminine charm could manage to help me get the thing wired up and operational. Using the air provided by the internal dock of Vieques we had it running in a few hours. Most of the recirculator's wiring grafted right in to the Alsatia's existing loom without much trouble and the number of lads willing to help ensured what fabrication we had to do was done fast.

Some clean air donated from Vieques' own supplies got the Alsatia back in service the same day we arrived. I cleared out what little effects I'd kept on the Maelstrom and we all gratefully returned home. Eva accompanied me and my girls to the showers.

The way my system works is rather archaic but it does seem to work. I took an otherwise empty corner of the ship and built a completely water-tight box out of stainless steel, the corners TIG welded and the door sealed with rubber edges. Inside of it are a set of three shower heads that pump out hot water and a giant vacuum machine installed in the corner which sucks water in to it and disposes it into the recycling system. You'll drown in there if you're not careful but it makes you squeaky clean and that's what matters.

It ended up being myself, Eva, Misaka and Sakura all lined up on small stools affixed to the floor like a family of gorillas from a documentary show, preening each other in a line; with the "night shift" of Kana and Fumika content to enjoy each other.

Sakura was in Eva's lap, myself behind Eva and Misaka rubbing up against my back, taking care of my stupidly high-maintenance hair. The artificial gravity that Vieques offered made the job a lot easier than normal. Buttocks-length hair free to flop about on all axis in a weightless environment is somewhat annoying. I normally keep it tied back tight and tucked down whatever I'm wearing, but it's a nice change to let it flow freely like it should. Makes me feel like the woman I'm just not - my hair is really the only feminine thing about me besides obvious physical make up - and my child, of course.

I think I might have gone a bit to far with the matriarchal affection that I prescribe to everyone under my control, because something about Eva changed after the shower. She seemed a bit off, as did Misaka. I left the two of them alone for only a moment and in that time they went from being the closest of allies to what I can only see as sparring partners, going by their interactions since.

Which brings me on to the emotional events of the past two weeks as opposed to the more corporeal ones. I find myself greatly appreciative of the time I've spent away from Rheinland even though I don't think I should be. I've had time to slow down and think about what I want to do with my life.

It's finally dawned on me I'm going to become a mother soon and it scares me. There is no way I can raise a child in the environment I am in now. I wonder what my mother thought when she was in the same place I'm at now. That cold, chilling thought process of what the future will hold. It isn't the best feeling I've ever had.

I haven't even taken the time to understand what Misaka is going through because of me. She assures me every time I break down about betraying her that she is alright with what I did but can anyone actually buy that? I'm pregnant to _someone else_ and she knows it.

Regardless of whatever assertion that it's alright because "we couldn't make one our selves" the fact I did it without her understanding means it's hurting her. I can see it in her eyes when she brings it up. She's just a kid, a little girl and she's talking about becoming a mother. That's just completely irresponsible. When I was her age I was busy being a no-good-nick and committing misdemeanour crimes and enjoying every moment of it. Not worrying about an oncoming baby.

And of course there is the fact Gunther would have no doubt noticed I was missing by now. I can only hope he got my message that I sent to him about what had happened to me.

I'm clean and freshly shaven now, which is a nice sensation after two weeks of a vague fuzziness and mildly suspicious odours, but I'll be damned if I feel happy at the moment.

Maybe if I get some sleep I'll feel better.

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