To Captain, LNS-Roosevelt

[mtjsmith]

[font=agency fb]ID: [color=#FFFFFF]Captain Matt Smith
Target: Captain LNS-Roosevelt, CC: All Navy Officers
Location: Battleship Missouri, New York
Encryption:HIGH
Priority: HIGH
Subject: Idiocy.

Matt slams down a whisky, and throws the glass at the wall.

Captain, whoever tha' heck ye are.,

RIGHT PAL! I'm frecking annoyed by yer antics. First up tha' time ye take tae respond tae a distress call is frankly appauling. Tha' coward o'a Vidar was sighted in New York of all places and naebody did anythin' aboot it..

He grips onto the table and glares at the screen in frustration.

And then, when ye finally dae get there.. a full 15 minutes after I called fer backup n'my wingman was shot down - What did ya dae!? Oh, ye ask me tae keep it CD'd! Oh tha's nice.. What dae ya think I've been doing lad!? Runnin' around having a picnic?! This ain' my first rodeo pal, I've been around tha' block. I know whit I need tae do fer a battleship tae kill a cruiser.

But by God.. By the grace of New Caledonia, my mother n'father... Firing Battleship Missiles!? When there are friendly fighters about!? KEEPING CLOSE TAE THE CRUISER TAE KEEP IT DISRUPTED!?

Tha.. Tha's just plain idiocy. Whit dae ya think would'a happened?! Oh sure, I can outrun lasers, pulses and even mortar shots fae a cruiser.. But I cannae oot-run yer damn explosive waves! Nae withoot a frecking rocket powered skateboard, several whiskies n'a serious case of suicidal tenancies.

In ancient times, ye should be shootin' yersel' fer yer incompetence! AYE - INCOMPETENCE!

So.. How dae we get past this? Simple.

Ye start by refunding tha' total destruction o'my fightah, say a couple o'million credits. Ye start by grovelling tae me 'bout how sorry ye are - And ye throw in a few crates o'tha finest whisky in Sirius. Jura 787 AS, on my desk - By Wednesday morning.

If ye dinnae - I start issuing KoS's on yer filthy stupid battleship.

Just be thankful I got oot pal, if I were dead.. Heck.. So would you be.

Start grovelling.

Smith out.

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