Sometimes those Nurses just have a deeper connection with the Goddess, the spirit of the Universe, and sometimes they just can't throw a grenade out the airlock without step-by-step instructions! It is something I marvel at.
Disputed Chief of Gaian Tetrahydrocannabinolic Medicine
Recovering Death Cultist
Spiritual Guru for Hire
Solar Wind and Edge Surfer
& Wearer of a Damn Fine Hat
Doctors, good evening and health! I would like to take this opportunity to offer my services and ::ahem:: medical expertise as a consultant to The New Gaian Front!
Most of my practice is pro-bono within Gaian space, but I do on occasion accept payment in pounds from my patients, be they pounds of flesh or blood. Since I happen to also act as my own collection agent, my work could be a budgetary boon (so to speak) to the NGF bottom line overall if I'm accepted as a colleague.
I won't bore you lot with my resume' at the moment since we Humans all historically tend to lie on them anyway; What I offer instead for the time being is bonafide Gaian wisdom: At the end of it all, it's better to regret the things you have done than the things you haven't.
Besides, I have a habit of regularly sporting a damn fine hat, so what could possibly go wrong?
I am inclined to accept your services as consultant. We in the New Gaian Front are open to all forms of medical expertise-- especially those that serve to help us cleanse the Universe of the contagion of rabid human activity and purulent poking of the Goddess flesh for profit! They have no right to do with Her as they please, and we will use any means to stop them.
I find your wisdom sagacious and well put. We are certainly wont to put our foot forward, best or otherwise. Although my boots are incredibly becoming in their current state, I must confess. Either one of them.
In any case, we approve of your headlong rush into the service of the Mother Goddess and hope a trail of blood will lie in your wake. Death is the Mother of all beauty, and so we greet your shark-like habits and fine head wear with open arms!
Be a beacon of pure obliteration among us and lend your sure hand to our scalpels as we pry the vermin who would desecrate our Goddess forcibly from Her wounded flesh!
And in addition, my Good Doctor (so that I may add you to our rosters) please send me your intended (or actual) name(s) and ship(s) in the following format:
I have received the required information from Dr. Morbid Zen via other channels, therefore I can update our books...
*squints, licks his finger, pages through a ledger*
Hmnn... yes-- pulsed energy ray guns, nuclear-powered drones, maser cannons, psionic blades, star charts, efficiency curves, travel times to the nearest pubs, bar-maid names and, oh... their comm frequencies. Let's see, "Linda"-- sounds nice, I should...
*dials the comm frequency*
Perhaps I shall tell her about the mannequins... the ones I have brought to life. And the girls always love it in the cryo-chamber-- I always have to doff my jacket and keep them warm. I will tell her an apocalyptic tale or two...
*static from the comms*
Linda? Yes... Linda this is Leopold-- can you hear me?
*picture fades in and out, static*
Damn this obsolete piece of garbage! Why can't we recycle some of those newer comms! This belongs back in the bin where it came from!
Anyhow... another day. I'll give her a small slice of strange for her listening pleasure.
*makes a puppet hand and gives it a squeaky voice*
"And will you make it worth her while?"
Thank you, Arch-Duke. I certainly will. It will not be a night she can soon forget.
*the hand puppet turns to address him in a deeper voice*
"And do you often make up imaginary friends to talk to?"