Entry#: 111
Date: 15 - 07 - 818 AS @ 21:25 SUT
Title: Untitled.
Well... that didn't really go so well. So here I am sitting on a mostly uncomfortable chair, with a pillow and a blanket to try and make it better. To my right is Leutnant Felicia Drum, in a coma, on a hospital bed. I am surrounded by much of the same sort of blandness I endured during my stay in such a facility - although this one is distinctly more utilitarian, as it is the medical wing of Mecklenburg.
I got about... ninety minutes into the flight out of Berlin orbit when Felicia shows up near the Dortmund intersection demanding to be let on board. So I of course opened the cargo bay and let her in, docking her Wraith to the same port I kept my own.
What I saw when I went to greet her...
She wanted to change the dressings on her wounds, so I rounded up some bandages and had Misaka change them over. What I saw where her right eye... used to be... made my stomach turn.
That, alongside the other injuries she had meant something awful must have happened to her... but she wouldn't tell me anything. She demanded that me and Misaka leave the room, I assumed to handle something "below the belt" but, well, when I went back in the room I found her with a gun to her head.
Without thinking I jumped on her and took the gun away; she fought against me like a feral pig stuck in a trap, looking back on the incident now I could so easily have sustained terrible injuries. Although Felicia had been weakened by her condition she was still stronger than me.
I had to hold her down with as much force as I could whilst Misaka chained her to the bedpost, so she couldn't try anything like that again. After she was disabled I tried to talk to her, but she just didn't listen, only demanding to be released.
All the time I was trying to get her to cooperate, she fought against the restraints and by the end of it she was bleeding from both of her wrists, I knew when I saw the bright red blood start to trickle out and spread around the room that I was in trouble. I undid the chains and let Felicia go, the very second I did she reached for a gun concealed in her pant leg, but by the time she had retrieved it she was already on the verge of passing out.
I knew then I had to act quickly. I ordered the ship to fly at full power to Braunschweig, bypassing every single security measure in place and effectively crashing the Alsatia into Mecklenburg's docking facility.
By the time the doctors took her away, Felicia was on a razors' edge, with death on one side and life on the other. Every one of us chased the stretcher through the building as far as we were allowed, before being ordered to sit and wait. A minute later a doctor returned to us and asked us all what our blood types were.
Felicia is B+, as are both Fumika and myself. Misaka and Kana weren't a match, Sakura is too young. I stepped forward without any hesitation and I came within a moment of punching the doctor in the face when he said a pregnant woman can't give blood. The thing that stopped me was Fumika speaking up and offering her own arm.
Fumika and the doctor left the rest of us to huddle together on the Alsatia waiting for some news of Felicia's status. Misaka, Sakura and Kana went to try and get some sleep, I sat in my chair on the bridge tapping my foot like an OCD nutcase.
At that point Gunther showed up in his Wraith - he thought it amusing to lob Hornvipers at the Alsatia while it was docked. In his defence, I suppose, he had no way of knowing what was going on until I told him. We ended up having a little.... discussion about some things. Let it be known Gunther has absolutely no detection of the mood of his surroundings, seeing fit to hold a conversation regarding, of all things, marriage. He's still intent on taking me as his wife...
I forget exactly what brought it about but I think I ended up agreeing to marry him if he can meet a certain "condition", that being garnering the ability to take charge of his "mistress". I suppose I should confess that I myself have no grasp of the mood of my surroundings, because I ended up stripping naked and showing myself off to him through the windows the the ship. I swear if I didn't know better I'd label myself a whore, honestly.
Gunther started complaining suffering from an illness of some sort. His "illness" was, quite obviously from the description he provided, an erection. God, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry back then. I just felt sorry for the guy. Someone really needs to teach him how his body works... I supposed at the time the onus lay with me to do it.
I convinced him to come on board with the promise of a "topical ointment" to solve the problem he was having. I figured I may as well try something I'd been thinking about for a little while - the old fashioned way having become somewhat bothersome as little Sanya has made her presence more and more prevalent.
I made him believe that saliva could help fix the "problem" he was having, so I set to work, well, "applying" it.
The dream of nearly every warm-blooded male in the universe, and Gunther still had absolutely no clue what was happening to him. He freaked out after only a minute or so, asking me to stop. I insisted what I was doing would make him feel better, but, as Murphy's Law dictates, the very moment he acquiesces himself to my "treatment", Fumika shows up.
Now _that_ was awkward.
After allowing the two of us time to, uh, pack things up, she told me that Felicia was now in a stable condition and had been moved to her own room. I threw Gunther back into his Wraith and made my way to where Felicia was, laptop in carriage.
She's pretty beaten, this girl. I'll be staying right here until she wakes up, I consider it reparation for the last time. At least I have her cat to keep me warm, this little black furball hasn't left my bosom since I found the thing, spazzing out from being exposed to weightlessness for the first time in the cargo bay.
Entry#: 112
Date: 28 - 07 - 818 AS @ 20:42 SUT
Title: Untitled.
Near-as-makes-no-difference a fortnight. Feels like an entire lifetime.
Felicia is dead. Lost in an invasion into Texas. At least in so far as I've been informed. As is always the case here, information is spread on a need-to-know basis only. They won't tell me exactly what happened in Texas beyond the fact Felicia's ship was lost.
She should never have flown in her condition. I did all that I could to stop her getting away, but it wasn't enough. Felicia took off in her ship barely moments after waking up from her coma.
I tried chasing her in the Alsatia. I got as far as Hamburg orbit before losing her. She flew into a massive armada of ships, my lack of any real scanning technology letting me down as she become unrecognisable inside the array of fighters, bombers and capital vessels sitting in high orbit over Hamburg.
The last thing I said to her over the broadcast channel before turning back was "I'll see you on the other side". It'll be a while before that happens, though.
Really there isn't anything for me to do but sit around and wait out my baby's term. Not that I really want to do anything. I especially don't want to admit to anyone I found myself wondering if my life was even worth living earlier. The last thing Felicia said to me was that "none of this was my fault". As if I'm to believe that. Regardless of what she tells me I was still the catalyst for the cluster-**** of these past two months. Getting over it is one matter, but forgetting it ever happened is another altogether.
Nonetheless, for better or worse this chapter of my life ends here. Gunther made me realise that wallowing in depression isn't good for anyone around me. Misaka, for one, has been through just as much as I have over the last two months. Lord knows she needs more love than I do. Sakura, too, hasn't been her usual beaming self since this all started and I find myself missing her normally adorable nature.
Gunther is on a tour of duty somewhere, as to be expected of the Admiral. I feel like disappearing for a couple days. He can't miss me if he never knows I left. I should go blow the cobwebs off of the Maelstrom - rather - check to make sure she's still where I left her. The old girl hasn't had much love since I abandoned her at Vieques.
Entry#: 113
Date: 04 - 08 - 818 AS @ 15:19 SUT
Title: Beached as.
Well, I can't say I didn't see this coming. The air recirculator of a Hercules is simply too small to maintain the atmosphere of a ship the size of the Alsatia without being overloaded. Overloaded is what it was, and fail is what it did.
Fortunately for us all it crapped out in the wet-dock of Vieques Shipyard shortly after mooring. The dashboard warning lights lit up as the oxygen levels in the ship fell below a safe level, alerting me to the problem. I had all of us, including Hector the cat, removed from the Alsatia and installed into the Maelstrom before the oxygen ran out completely.
The old girl is a bit dusty, and was absolutely freezing when we boarded, but she was otherwise how I left her and, more importantly, where I left her. Security isn't exactly tight around these parts.
Getting the main generator online proved rather annoying; the ship had been sitting idle for so long in a deep freeze the battery went flat; I ended up having to jump-start the Maelstrom using the Alsatia's battery banks and some really long jumper cables, the girls returning in their suits to get the lines hooked up. It's a good thing I keep them on board both of my ships otherwise I might have had to use the "facilities" of Vieques itself for one or more days... not a pleasant proposition.
I now need to set about tracking down a replacement recirculator. Another Hercules unit would be the easiest to fit in since all the "after market" modifications to the Alsatia's loom and structure to accept one are still there; but I know it'd fail just like the current one. So the best solution is to find a modular unit out of a bigger ship. From what I know of other transports A DL-series and the Liberty Mammoth are both worth investigating. I just don't want to have to do much reworking of the system... I can't really fit into my overalls to weld anything with a baby bump.
Of course there are no intact and operational units that suit my requirements in supply at Vieques so it looks like I'm going parts shopping...
Entry#: 114
Date: 06 - 08 - 818 AS @ 19:41 SUT
Title: Untitled.
So I very recently arrived at Rochester Base with the Maelstrom, still trying to track down parts for the Alsatia. I'm not sure if I've fallen asleep on the way here and had an unusually realistic dream or if I really did, in fact, have the Admiral of the Liberty Navy David Hale buy me dinner on board Newark Station.
Running under the assumption that something so ludicrous just _has_ to be the work of my imagination I shall retrace my steps from where the dream began.
I was flying through the backwaters of Texas, trying my best to avoid being picked up on any of the long range scanners when I picked up discarded broadcasts from members of what I affectionately label the Miscellaneous Pirate Swarm. From what I recovered of the transmissions the people in question were in a head-to-head dice with Admiral Hale. Morbid curiosity took over and I ended up flying to the source of the locations just quick enough to watch the Admiral down three fighters single-handedly... in a bomber.
I guess one doesn't become an admiral just through their good looks in Liberty. Although from the files I've seen Hale isn't exactly lacking in that area either. I complimented Hale's efforts over the local channels, primarily in an attempt to avoid my ship being blown to pieces by the <strike>penis</strike> siege cruiser that was also present. It seemed to work because we ended up in conversation together.
A wanted terrorist who is currently in the employ of a house at war with Liberty sitting in a destroyer not 500 meters away from the most important man in the Armed forces and we ended up talking about how the weather in Texas is always terrible.
Hale, being the upstanding gentleman that he is, asked me "how I was doing". Bad idea, that was. He ended up being blasted by my whining and bitching for well over 20 minutes. Somewhere in the middle of it all I laid down a proposal to cease hostilities against Liberty's lesser-gifted reserve fleet members in exchange for dinner. It has to be said the power of a woman's basic urges should never be underestimated. I was absolutely starving and the Maelstrom had no real food supplies left on board.
Before I knew it I was being escorted to Newark Station in orbit over Manhattan for a date with the Admiral. I'm willing to bet a few eyebrows were raised when the Maelstrom washed up in orbit with a full Naval escort. A few more raised when she moored with Newark, and of course several further when I hobbled into Sophie's Bar & Grill supporting my wounded leg with crutches.
I don't like gravity. It's so hard to move around. When I'm weightless I don't even notice I'm carrying another person inside of me, nor that my right leg doesn't really work any more. Being forced to use the crutches I also removes my prideful self-image and make me realise how fragile I actually am. Not fun.
I did my best to try and make myself less offensive to the eyes before I boarded the station, but there isn't really much going in the way of fashion for heavily pregnant women. I ended up in a loose, plain shirt and track pants one size too big.
I was half expecting to be jumped and arrested on the spot; I had my pistol hidden beside my bump but with no real intentions of using it, as it would mean putting the baby at risk. I found Hale sitting at a table, beckoning me over. The carnal lust for food that not only my own body but also that of the life inside me demanded I labour over and take my seat opposite.
Some miscellaneous small talk later and I was working on some of the best food I've ever had inside Liberty's borders. It beat the living hell out of the diet of hot dogs and Mountain Dew I lived on last time I washed up on Manhattan. Then it stole its wallet and shoes and insulted its mother before running off.
I'm sure I destroyed whatever image of toughness Hale might have had about me, but I think it was worth it. He also paid for not only my dinner, but take-away for my entire crew, so we're now obligated to uphold my end of the deal.
The taste of that steak is too real to be a dream. If I didn't know better I'd swear it was actual cow.
From this day forward I shall not raise arms against any member of Liberty's naval and law keeping organisations as the captain of the Maelstrom.
I wonder what it'd take for him to treat me again...
Entry#: 115
Date: 21 - 08 - 818 AS @ 13:05 SUT
Title: Untitled.
Stupid computer. I go to turn it on one day and boom, deafening silence. I had no idea what was wrong with it. Still don't, actually. Computer software isn't really something I'm good at. I could put the thing together, no worries. But getting the software running would take forever and a day.
I ended up getting someone from Vieques to fix it for me. I've gone longer without looking at it before but it feels completely different knowing I can't. It's like withdrawal symptoms, but from just what exactly, I don't know.
Been a rather interesting two weeks, though. Being stuffed inside the Maelstrom without any real amenities was somewhat bothering. I don't really like using station-side facilities, especially those on offer by the more alternate factions around the place. Men tend to outnumber women by several orders of magnitude, thus making bathing an at best tedious and usually a dangerous proposition. After all, underneath the steel ship and all the guns I'm still a pipsqueak of a woman and my crew are all the same. Having a big attitude gets you nowhere when the game is brute strength.
No shower, no tooth paste, not even razors - for over a week. No words in the English language can explain how relieved I was to finally be able to have a hot shower on board the Alsatia again.
I managed to track down the parts I needed for the Alsatia, first from a Junker who went by the name of George and then from, of all people, a Liberty Navy officer named Anna. I keep thinking about cookies when I recall her face. No idea why.
She went so far as to permit me to moor the Maelstrom to Baltimore Shipyard to get what I needed. I suppose she'd been given the note from Admiral Hale that I wasn't a problem any more. Nevertheless it made my life a lot easier.
I returned to Rochester Base to resupply the ship and ran into, of all things, the Heart of Gold - and her headmistress Eva Jones. She was quite happy to see me, as I and all my girls were to see her - especially Sakura who has taken a real shine to everyone's favourite Liberty Rogue. We had something of a reunion in space outside Rochester, all of us sharing the stories we'd made since we last met. In the end Eva agreed to help me get my show back on the road.
She and all of her crew mates boarded the Maelstrom, leaving their gunboat docked to Rochester, hidden away from view in an internal docking bay. I had George ferry everything I purchased to Vieques, the Maelstrom escorting his transport back through Texas and into Puerto Rico. We spent the next 24 hours or so of the journey simply passing time talking about whatever took our fancy.
Eva's wounded leg kept acting up, an old gunshot wound she received in an earlier life. As it turns out the pain from the nerve damage can be temporarily negated with a strong massage - that and the fact I think Eva enjoys an excuse to take off her pants in front of me and have me get up close and personal with her inner thighs.
It's become quite apparent now that she thinks of me as more than just a close friend, I hold no doubt it's my fault as the result of being - shall we say - overly affectionate back when we first met each other. I feel somewhat flattered that I've become someone's target of attraction, especially in my current condition, but I also feel a bit uneasy around her now because of it.
The Alsatia was exactly where I left her, next door to my ragged and run-down salvage platform. The thing sprang a leak earlier and spewed all its air out into space, rendering it for all intents and purposes dead - hence why I was forced into the Maelstrom. I don't know if it's worth bothering to repair it or not - I kind of want to fix it for the fact it's part of my family but from an objective point of view it's simply too far gone for it to be feasible.
We'll see what happens in the near future. It won't go anywhere.
George dumped all my parts into the internal dry dock of Vieques shipyard and with the help of Eva and her assortment of heavies we got the recirculator into my ship. It was a rectangle shaped box about as tall as I am and as wide as one of the heavies who moved it. It must have weighed close to half a tonne if not more.
I got as many men as my feminine charm could manage to help me get the thing wired up and operational. Using the air provided by the internal dock of Vieques we had it running in a few hours. Most of the recirculator's wiring grafted right in to the Alsatia's existing loom without much trouble and the number of lads willing to help ensured what fabrication we had to do was done fast.
Some clean air donated from Vieques' own supplies got the Alsatia back in service the same day we arrived. I cleared out what little effects I'd kept on the Maelstrom and we all gratefully returned home. Eva accompanied me and my girls to the showers.
The way my system works is rather archaic but it does seem to work. I took an otherwise empty corner of the ship and built a completely water-tight box out of stainless steel, the corners TIG welded and the door sealed with rubber edges. Inside of it are a set of three shower heads that pump out hot water and a giant vacuum machine installed in the corner which sucks water in to it and disposes it into the recycling system. You'll drown in there if you're not careful but it makes you squeaky clean and that's what matters.
It ended up being myself, Eva, Misaka and Sakura all lined up on small stools affixed to the floor like a family of gorillas from a documentary show, preening each other in a line; with the "night shift" of Kana and Fumika content to enjoy each other.
Sakura was in Eva's lap, myself behind Eva and Misaka rubbing up against my back, taking care of my stupidly high-maintenance hair. The artificial gravity that Vieques offered made the job a lot easier than normal. Buttocks-length hair free to flop about on all axis in a weightless environment is somewhat annoying. I normally keep it tied back tight and tucked down whatever I'm wearing, but it's a nice change to let it flow freely like it should. Makes me feel like the woman I'm just not - my hair is really the only feminine thing about me besides obvious physical make up - and my child, of course.
I think I might have gone a bit to far with the matriarchal affection that I prescribe to everyone under my control, because something about Eva changed after the shower. She seemed a bit off, as did Misaka. I left the two of them alone for only a moment and in that time they went from being the closest of allies to what I can only see as sparring partners, going by their interactions since.
Which brings me on to the emotional events of the past two weeks as opposed to the more corporeal ones. I find myself greatly appreciative of the time I've spent away from Rheinland even though I don't think I should be. I've had time to slow down and think about what I want to do with my life.
It's finally dawned on me I'm going to become a mother soon and it scares me. There is no way I can raise a child in the environment I am in now. I wonder what my mother thought when she was in the same place I'm at now. That cold, chilling thought process of what the future will hold. It isn't the best feeling I've ever had.
I haven't even taken the time to understand what Misaka is going through because of me. She assures me every time I break down about betraying her that she is alright with what I did but can anyone actually buy that? I'm pregnant to _someone else_ and she knows it.
Regardless of whatever assertion that it's alright because "we couldn't make one our selves" the fact I did it without her understanding means it's hurting her. I can see it in her eyes when she brings it up. She's just a kid, a little girl and she's talking about becoming a mother. That's just completely irresponsible. When I was her age I was busy being a no-good-nick and committing misdemeanour crimes and enjoying every moment of it. Not worrying about an oncoming baby.
And of course there is the fact Gunther would have no doubt noticed I was missing by now. I can only hope he got my message that I sent to him about what had happened to me.
I'm clean and freshly shaven now, which is a nice sensation after two weeks of a vague fuzziness and mildly suspicious odours, but I'll be damned if I feel happy at the moment.
Entry#: 116
Date: 06 - 09 - 818 AS @ 19:47 SUT
Title: Untitled.
Another two weeks pass. Not much of interest to write about this time, besides one rather large and obnixious stand out event.
The Alsatia is is back collecting parking tickets at Mecklenburg. Over the last two months I think she's spent more time with her umbilical attached to the station than actually flying. Rather disheartening to see her sitting idle like she is, but the times and circumstances dictate so.
Gunther was around the day I returned, greeting me as I washed up as I did the first time around. But I haven't seen him since. He made mention of teaching me how to cook, which caught me off guard as I was not aware he was anything special in the cooking department. Perhaps I'm reading too deeply into how he acted back then but he seemed... distant.
I didn't get the verbal beating I was expecting for disappearing like I did, in fact I got almost nothing. I want to think he was just glad we all returned intact but I wonder if he actually cared. Wouldn't blame him if he didn't.
As for the interesting bits. I was called up to play courier for the Military and deliver some high-priority documents to Battleship Altenburg stationed in Dresden. I managed to squeeze my rather distended self into the cockpit of my Wraith and get her flying. With the documents locked in a secure case in my cargo bay I borrowed an escort and took off, leaving the Alsatia behind. Something about taking top-secret documents in a beat-up Junker transport seems a bit off, I can understand why they insisted I use the fighter.
The trip to Dresden was perfectly quiet - not a single hostile blip on the scanner. An over abundance of drop-kick miners was noted however; all seemingly headed to the pea-soup called Omega-7. I wonder how long it's going to be before the Kanzler tries to take over the system and creates a new war front.
Speaking of the Kanzler, that moves us nicely on to the incident in Dresden. I had arrived and delivered the documents to Altenburg by flying along the tradelane line to its' terminus at Leipzig Station and then through the Daumann asteroid field to reach my destination. A long and dull trip.
I then tried to take a cheeky shortcut through open space back to the jumpgate to Berlin, which appeared to be closer than flying back up the laneway.
A bad idea. Or at least I thought it was when the hostile unit appeared on my scanner and quickly came into visual range. It was a Hessian Odin, a heavy fighter. I had made the mistake of leaving my escort at Altenburg and flying solo. I guess the lack of any hostile contact up to that point had lured me into a false sense of calmness. And now I was about to pay for it.
Or at least I thought. As it turned out the man I'd had the pleasure of flying into was a rather reasonable and upstanding fellow. That he didn't shoot down a Military vessel on sight is something I'm very grateful for. Although, of course, he made it rather clear in his "opening statement" that he wasn't my friend, to put it politely.
The thing with Hessians in Rheinland is that I believe they are very similar to the Mollys of Bretonia. A group of men down-trodden by corporate greed to the point of fracture. The Molly's were broken by BMM - the Hessians by Daumann. I don't consider these guys enemies - not like Corsairs, for example.
I've been trying to gather as much information on the history of Hessians, Bundschuh and the Landwhatever movements so I can better understand what kind of people I'm likely to be looking through a crosshair at. The problem with that is everything "publicly available" has had the Kanzlers' propaganda grafted into it - always portraying them as evil and despicable terrorists and praising everything Rheinland has done against them.
I know I'm not a rocket scientist but I'm not dumb enough to buy that sort of dribble. So I seek out the story from the other side of the fence. Whenever I sneak out to Kreuzberg, I'll always meet a local activist or two who will spin me a yarn, usually without quite as much bullcrap as the Government's side.
That's what they are - activists. Or, rather, some of them. Those who stay true to their respective movement's ideals. I always try to seperate out those who hold the original values of the Hessian organisation and those who are only interested in a quick buck. The latter I've shot down, killed, arrested. The prior group gets sent away discreetly.
And that's what we talked about for what must have been over an hour. Just the two of us lost together inside a sulphur cloud, denouncing the Kanzler openly as if it wouldn't get us both executed. Because that's what happens when you do speak out against the government of Rheinland. You get shot.
It doesn't take a genuis to figure out Rheinhardt is a dictator. What kind of person calls themselves a god, anyway? One person cannot hope rule an entire nation. You need the power of the people. Something the "Gottkanzler" has ignored for a long time. The dumb bastard went and started a war because his ego was being trodden on. He thinks nothing of killing innocent people who speak out against him. It's even in the freakin' Kriegsmarine field manual - ordering the "silence" of any pilot who speaks his mind in a way not agreeable to "Rheinland's" views.
People lose their most basic of human rights the moment they stop being blind followers. It really makes me sick, and angry, thinking about it. I jokingly told the Hessian fellow "Maybe I should have been a Hessian instead of joining the Military". I find myself wondering how that would have turned out. I can't sit here supporting someone who would kill me if I ever openly criticised him.
I stay in the Military ranks as a non-combatant officer. Admiral's freakin' secretary. I'm here for the sake of my messed up little "family". Not to support Rheinhardt and his oppressive governance.
Dreaming about a Rheinland whose people in its entirety stand united seems to do nothing but raise my blood pressure. And I can't work out why because normally I don't give a rat's arse about it. Growing up in Bretonia I saw the crown and its subordinate bureaucracy as incompetent and outdated; after moving to Liberty I saw the presidency and all below it as corrupt, self-concerned and greedy. I didn't care about either.
Rheinland is different... I want this place to be better.
Entry#: 117
Date: 12 - 09 - 818 AS @ 17:40 SUT
Title: Untitled.
Well, here I am at Kreuzberg Depot. Now that I think about it I haven't been here for quite a while. Not that I miss most of it - it's not exactly a family friendly place. But the important thing is the food you can buy here. No doubt it's all stolen but I've never really been one to mind such trivial points. The important thing is it's real, actual food. Not Synth Paste and not freeze-dried.
On to... more important issues. I _think_ I just agreed to marry Gunther. I didn't outright say yes, but more something along the lines of giving him my hand and seeing where he'd take me. I don't know if Gunther meant what he said metaphorically or in a more literal sense... I'll have to ask him when I can muster the courage to do so. When I wash up at Mecklenburg again, I suppose.
Yeah, ran away again. I freaked out when I realised what I'd said and disappeared from beside the Ammersee at the helm of the Alsatia. Misaka and Sakura objected, I didn't listen. I can't handle stuff like that. I used a short period of radio silence to excuse myself and fly off. It didn't take long for me to regret doing that.
Gunther raised an interesting point earlier. Just what are the two of us? I used to call us just friends. But the **** we've gone through together makes us more than that. And how often do "friends" bear children together? We're more than friends, I know that much - but what beyond that exactly, I really have no clue. Are we lovers perhaps? Gunther wants us to be man and wife, I still don't know if I can sustain that...
This is one of those moments I regret what I did that night six months ago. It's not Gunther's fault; nor the child's, nor Misaka or any of my crew. It's a cross I need to bear for the rest of my life now. Right beside all the other crosses, I guess.
What happened to my life in the last year or so that broke everything? I find myself trying to pinpoint where things started going wrong. I just want... to go back to the way things used to be. Me and Misaka, together in each others' arms, flying through space in the Alsatia with a bay full of stolen goods. But that can't ever happen now. Not unless something changes...
Entry#: 118
Date: 23 - 09 - 818 AS @ 20:03 SUT
Title: Untitled.
If you told me a week and a half ago I'd be where I am, with who I am, how I am at this point I'd probably have laughed at you, shot you, had my way with your dying self and then thrown you out the airlock into the Wilde-infested pea-soup of Sigma-13.
But, despite how I never saw it coming, I now have a certain special Military Admiral asleep in bed next to me. Still in his uniform, I might add. His sleeping face is rather adorable...
Anyway.
I don't feel so bad right about now. I do wonder how long it'll last though - looking over the last few entries I've made in this thing, it reads like a roller coaster. But, you know, looking over at Gunther snoozing away tied up in a sleeping bag on a bunk with Misaka on the level above him, little Sakura locked in tight beside... makes me realise just how damned lucky I am to have these people around me.
It was Misaka's birthday on Tuesday. I had been saving the thing for so long I didn't know if I'd ever actually use it - a Sterling silver ring that I "found" during my time in Kusari when I first met her. Well, I decided that if I was going to become someone's wife, I would take Misaka as my own. We've been through hell together - caused by both external and internal catalysts, yet we've persevered through it all and I will now live the rest of my life with her a part of it.
Who cares if it's not normal for one person to both be a wife and have one herself? I sure as hell don't and Misaka doesn't either. The fact remains and cannot be changed that I love her dearly, even more so after these past months of unease. Such a wonderfully sweet and caring girl, going right past all my little, and not-so-little faults and foibles and carving her name in my heart.
Hell, looking over at her sound asleep with our de facto first "daughter" in her arms, I'd swear Sakura was biologically Misaka's own. They have nearly identical hair colour and cut, and Misaka makes such a wonderful mother - doting on our little white devil all day, every day. Misaka does a much better job of it than her other mother, that's for sure.
I did pay a visit to my doctor on Berlin, she's handled everything I've managed to inflict upon myself including the maintenance of the gunshot wound I earned. She's as amazed as I am that I'm having a fairly normal pregnancy in spite of my "lifestyle" as a pilot. I credit some of that to the fact Gunther grounded me under issuance of direct orders not only to me but the entire Military command - forbidding me from taking flight in my Wraith and warning of unspeakable pain to anyone who permitted it.
Besides all the irritating, embarrassing and awkward little things that go with becoming a mother there have not been any significant complications. Misaka has always been supportive of me during my less-than-ladylike moments and held my hand with pride - and there have been a lot of those moments, that is without a doubt. I never realised just how... unpleasant "certain" aspects of pregnancy are. Who the hell thought throwing excessive farting in with something like carrying a baby was a good idea? I mean seriously, it's just mortifying.
Although, with that said, if the same creator of the gassiness was responsible for the sex drive and heightened sense of pleasure, I wish to shake their hand - they got that bit right, at least. Up until I ballooned out to the size of a CSV whence it became rather awkward to have someone else take care of it, of course.
I do, however, have something of a problem before me.
Entry#: 119
Date: 03 - 10 - 818 AS @ 10:39 SUT
Title: Untitled.
Misaka thinks I'm being a bully, Fumika and Kana tell me I have a crazy groupie girl-crush. Sakura is as oblivious as I hope she forever stays.
But it's really not so bad taking pictures of the one you love while they're asleep and naked is it? I mean, his sleeping face is just so achingly adorable - you'd almost forget he leads an entire army engaged in a war across three fronts with how peaceful he looks. I guess, considering he'd had me bent over the arm of the couch not long before it's reasonable for him to feel pretty damned good about himself. He is a man, after all, even if he doesn't quite realise it.
I had the camera handy, and he was out cold. Such an opportunity doesn't often present itself. All things considered, this particular Admiral keeps himself quite visually appealing. Clean shaven, well-kept hair and thoroughly maintained stomach. I think of all the people I could have had a drunken bingle with, this bloke isn't the least attractive one I could have picked.
And Misaka doesn't yet know about the pictures I took of her not that long ago - My very life would be in grave danger if she ever found them. Fortunately for me she's not especially computer literate - and the encryption program I use is as-good-as-makes-no-difference on par with the Liberty Navy's own. Ex-Ageira employees with an axe to grind are such wonderful people...
I'm not a bad person, am I...?
As for other news.... well.
The "RNC" Maelstrom now lives discreetly inside the Salzwedel asteroid field. I found myself worrying about the old girl's well being, couped up in Puerto Rico far away from her stablemate the Alsatia. I organised a transport from Kreuzberg to shuttle myself and the girls to Vieques and get her up and running again - which proved problematic as her battery banks had run flat whilst in dry-dock.
Being the Admiral's mistress does get you some rather neat perks - I do wonder what would have happened to us when we rocked up in this distinctly hostile destroyer in core Rheinland Military space had we not been introduced beforehand. That, and, well... she's proven herself an ally of Rheinland on a few occasions before. When you reduce a dreadnought to spare parts news of it does tend to get around.
It feels nice knowing she's somewhere I can keep an eye on her - the sentimental attachment I have to all of my ships does at times get annoying, yet there is nothing I can do about it - nor do I really want to do anything. I like the bonds I share with the Alsatia, the Maelstrom, the Salvager and my fighters, even if others see them as nothing but eyesores and unreliable death traps - I see them as living beings; with a soul and emotions.
Sounds stupid when you put it that way. But how else can you explain Alsatia's random bouts of mechanical failure and equally random self-repair? She's just a bit moody. As soon as I show her attention she turns into a big sook and mends herself.
Reminds me of a certain raven-haired little she-devil who resides on board, actually.
Entry#: 120
Date: 17 - 10 - 818 AS @ 11:10 SUT
Title: Untitled.
It's been over two weeks since the last time I paid this diary any attention. I guess it gets a bit lonely just like anything else does when ignored so viciously. So....
I now find myself aboard the Alsatia, adrift in the Salzwedel asteroid field. Occasionally I see a fighter or two conducting asteroid training, but besides that it's rather quiet and docile out here.
The Maelstrom rests at my feet. A steel-and-copper Rottweiler standing as a vicious yet loyal guardian of her master. If I only had my Salvager here I'd be in complete content. As with the Maelstrom, I yearn for knowledge of her safety and well being - even if she is nothing more than a utility to most people.
I also miss being able to bounce around with a spanner and socket fixing and re-fixing whatever takes my fancy. The main reason I am sitting out here now is that the Alsatia blew a coolant hose and vomited the contents of her radiator into space. This was in high orbit over Houston, mind you. Right in the middle of the mouth of the lane to the New York gate.
I was happily chugging along with not a single care in the world, flying some scrap parts from Kreuzberg to Beaumont for a friend of mine, when the dash light lit up for about three seconds before both turbines shut themselves down. A safety feature to prevent them from going into melt down. Sure it saved my life, but did it really have to do it _right_ _there_?
Of course as Murphy's Law dictates I hold up a convoy of Naval vessels behind me. A rather angry and IQ-challenged Libertonian carrier captain of all things.
Good thing Hooptie just happened to be floating about. It was somewhat awkward and clumsy, but he managed to tow the Alsatia away from the tradelane and get her hooked up to the orbital docking ring. Such a sweet old fellow, he is. Even went and saved me when I started to fall into the planet. That wasn't exactly the most pleasant thing a heavily pregnant woman can go through. Falling out of orbit without any engines in a ship whose atmospheric capabilities even with all engines is very, very limited. Not fun.
I can count the times I've dropped the old girl on a planet on one hand. If there is anything except clear sky and no wind, she is absolutely rooted. She doesn't fly like a normal plane - she has no wings, after all. At least, not like atmospheric aircraft. The little nubs she has are really just for show. The only thing keeping me up is the VTOL thrusters and the will of the gods. Those boosters themselves haven't been used... or checked for usability... in some time.
The last time on Berlin, for example, was one scenario I do not wish to experience again in my life. I thought I was going to die! Clear sky, low wind, perfect "flying" conditions and then SUDDENLY OUT OF NOWHERE A ****ING BLIZZARD. Oh my god it was horrible. I swear I saw the ground in the top of my field of vision at least once. It took me days to get everything cleaned up after that.
Anyway. I'm dribbling.
I have been spending my days teaching Misaka how to properly wield a spanner. This, in of itself, is a challenge. She is such a sweet and caring thing but, sadly, mechanics just isn't an area she is naturally skilled in. I did however manage to get her to jury rig the radiator back together and fill the system with coolant pillaged from a long-dead Repair ship wreck. Her craftsmanship got us back home to Rheinland, so credit is due there.
However when I shut the engines down, the turbines in the system closed off. Then the coolant inside the engines boiled and the dramatic increase in pressure blew the hose clean off again. Thus leaving us stranded where we are now. At least this time there's no danger of sudden dramatic death. The ship can run off her battery banks for as much as two weeks now, plus the Maelstrom is only a few meters away should anything else show up.
As for my two night shifters. Well. I wonder if they're getting bored with sitting idle as much as I do now. They do seem content to cuddle up in each other's arms - among many other things - but I do get the feeling they are lacking in work. Daily maintenance of a stationary and disabled ship is rather low and neither of them are really capable of the major repairs needed.
Of course our little angel, the ever-delightful and tortuously adorable Sakura is never short of something to keep herself entertained. A good portion of everyone's day is now taken up by this beacon of happiness that supports all of our lives in simply ensuring she comes to no harm and is always accounted for. She has garnered a liking to exploring the innards of the ship, on more than one occasion getting lost or stuck and equally as frequently finding things that a girl of her age simply shouldn't be exposed to. I have, or rather, had, some "intimate apparel" tucked away in a little hidey-hole in the cargo bay of the ship - a remnant from the days before I was an expectant mother. And of course she dug them up and presented them to me like a cat bringing a dead bird to her owner.
If not for the fact I was alone at that moment in time it would have been a rather awkward scenario. I managed to convince her the box must have come in with some scrap and been lost. Said box is now locked away securely and shall do so until the day I have the body to wear such things again.
As for the other primary constituent of my existence... Gunther mentioned in passing his interest in holding our wedding in Bretonia. As much as I'd personally enjoy that, he has absolutely no connection to the house beyond me. Adding to that the fact Bretonia is on the verge of crumbling under Kusari... I don't think it's the right way to bind our lives together.
Although, I do find myself pining for the skies of New London...