So over the last 6 months (is it more.. Hmm) I've been pretty much stuck in RL, thanks to friends, work, girlfriends, theater, LARP's, family, death's in family, mistakes and more.
Now, I guess I've come to that point where in I've decided to write some of the stuff down, that has been on my mind, sort of a way to handle things better and to explain why I've been weird.
First off, I think it began with when I came back (for the third time?) and with having no job and basically no life at that time (This being October 09) I thought i'd spend some time RP'ing with you guys again, I've had so much fun in the past I thought why not!?
Now, first thing that happened when I came back was being asked by Obnoxious1 to become the Don of the BLS cause they needed a new don in the council of dons of the Outcasts.. So, I accepted, thinking: "This will be fun".
It was, the first few weeks, after that I became more and more.. Eh, egocentric, being able to tell someone: "No you can not haz that Tridente" had an unexpected impact on me..
I became more and more.. Well, mean towards people, I even began to hate people for no reason..
Things happened and I stopped thinking about the Don thingy and began to work on my own RP's, trying to find something I wanted to do, something I could lead..
Something I could be proud of saying if it ever became official and was accepted into the Discovery Lore as a part of the Sirius Galaxy..
That idea was 'The Hunter Directive' which I created back in 08-08 (true story) and later I morphed it into what I today lead that is called: Virulian Enclave. This I spent little over 120 A4 pages on writing possible back stories and lore for it, I wrote more and more each day as I thought up more and more. I tried NOT to use existing stories or creations ( Disco or anything else), people have pointed some things out to me... But, I can't do anything about it..
So, the VE took up my time, it not being meant as a GROUP, but as MY personal RP, at least then..
But as time went on, people became interested in it.. And I lost interest in my other duties, I dropped out of the Outcasts totally..
Then my life took on, I met a new girl, I started to become social again spending time with them took away allot of time from FL, something I saw as important (FL that is)..
Then, when things calmed down, I, together with Magoo started the Virulian Enclave, and surprisingly enough I got tons of interest and we took off..
And when things calmed down with VE, I could take a breather.. Then my Grand mother died, she was like my mother, meant the world to me.. I think it was then when I became an idiot again...
After that went away, I had to take care of my grandpa, which took allot on me, I lost my job, and spent more or less all my time at my grandpa's..
Until recently when I decided to take a hold of my life again, which I did.. I got a new job, one that suits me perfectly, my GF and me are doing great.. So, I decided to spread my RP a little.. I joined GRN, LSF (again) and later SCRA.
I never once was on my GRN, and I never interacted with anyone with my LSF..
I was an ass, I took for granted to much..
The same was with my Photoshop skills..
I was an idiot, I took to much and gave to little...
So, I have some people I need to thank and some I need to apologize to.
Let's begin with Apologies..
@Dab: I want to apologize for my behavior to you behind your back, you did not deserve it, I was blinded by what people had told me over the months and you deserved better from me.. Im sorry..
@Mike (Exile): I was an ass to you, for expecting stuff and not expecting that I should hold my end of the bargain, I am sorry I never began the sigs you asked me for, and Im sorry for asking you for stuff about others.. You where(are?) a great friend who'd helped me allot with past problems.. and I apologize for my behavior.
@Kingvalliant: Im sorry for asking to come back to the LSF, while not being active or doing anything at all.. It seams to be a common thing for me, and im sorry for that..
@SCRA (And katz): Im sorry for taking things for granted on you guys as well, I havent tried hard enough and havent had enough time for you guys..
Im sorry for not finishing my work I promised you, setbacks setbacks..
@Vogel: I hated you, I really did.. I behaved badly towards you and expected the worst from you, but after speaking with you I felt I did wrong, and thought wrong, sorry man..
@Doc Jameson: Dude, im so sorry for not being there for you with the ministry, and being a general pain in the ass.. But thanks at the same time for being who you are.
@Akura: Sorry for you know what, I felt like an total **** afterwards and I hated my.. Eh.. Behavior..
@The Venezi Syndicate (Korny & Deffy mostly): I was an ass to you guys, I was way to much and im sorry, you deserve so much more and even if you are not longer a member of the Venezi Syndicate, I still like you two.
@Random people who wanted me to make sigs and stuff for them: Im sorry I blew you off.. But, I couldn't do work for awhile, im slowly coming back to that again.. So we shall see..
And now Thanks
@Magoo!: Dude, you've helped me soooo much it's freaky.. Thank you for helping me with none the less TWO groups and being an all round great mate:)You are the best!
@Will Clayton/Smokey: Dude your just plain awesome for helping me constantly with stuff, always making me laugh or at least smile. ^^
@Thexare: Thanks for helping me with you know what, and thanks for sharing your ideas with me, and im sorry if I havent been much help to you >.<
@Cross: Thanks for all the help with the Zoner stuff and also with the BCA, it's ashame you left mate..
@Doc H: Thanks for the help with the VE's migration and general help in Zoners..
@The entire Community:
Thank you all for being an awesome group!
And sorry if I have been a total P(ain)I(n)T(he)A(ss)!!!
PS. if none of this made sense, it's because I was sort off super emotional when I wrote it..
Dude, It takes a tough person to admit their mistakes, you've demonstrated that you are capable of seeing your own faults...Therefore I'm gonna do something that I don't do for just anyone...
Quote:@Vogel: I hated you, I really did.. I behaved badly towards you and expected the worst from you, but after speaking with you I felt I did wrong, and thought wrong, sorry man..
That's uh... news to me.. o_O
Maybe I'm just plain stupid but I never got that impression from you, nor did I ever have any intention of "giving you the worst". No worries.. I think...
Vic, I must admit, you have been different in the past and now I can see why. You had a lot on your mind and I can only say I'm glad to see you got through it. My condolences for your grandmother. Not much I can say more other than hang tough, and stay awesome as you are.
@Mike (Exile): I was an ass to you, for expecting stuff and not expecting that I should hold my end of the bargain, I am sorry I never began the sigs you asked me for, and Im sorry for asking you for stuff about others.. You where(are?) a great friend who'd helped me allot with past problems.. and I apologize for my behavior.
Peh, **** it. Expect nothing on every request so everything you do receive is bonus:)You're a cool dude, but cut the emo stuff, seriously. Posts like this? Done with a joke or not at all, if not.. You = emo.
You must learn other ways to relief your stress, it's all in the process of experiencing adult life and you have no idea how much you can affect others.