Neural Net of Sakuma Hitomi - Part I

[Char Aznable]

Entry 1 - 28th of December, 813 AS

I write in here because of two reasons.
The first is, it is my birthday. I turned 30 now today, and I am told that's something to appreciate. Given the second reason decided to write this journal, I both agree and disagree.
This reason is that I saw death today. Not a simple death of a creature. Not a bird on Kyushu dying because he flew in the forcefield of my window. And not an acted death in Holo. I saw a man dying.
Not that I wasn't prepared for that. Military training for Officers is strict, and you will fastly learn to adopt and react. But even if you learn how you have to react, it doesn't prepare you for the eyes of a dead person, fixating you, trying desperately to stay alive - and then watching this fire fade. The eyes breaking contact with yours, and then the person you see, the one you have years spent with serving is just... gone.
I should really explain how this came to be.
My Name is Sakuma Hitomi. I am Kaigun Chūi [Lieutenant Junior Grade] of the Kusari Naval Forces, one of the few women to be serve the Emperor. About half a year ago, our unit got stationed on the Nagumo, with the intention of "Securing the interests of the Empire in Tau-29".
We all knew that this was merely a coverup. Samura shipments in this region of space seemed to go missing again and again, and the Admirality had to react somehow. What surprised us was that of all units, our Hikōtai [squadron] got commanded here, since being part of the 343rd usually means covering Shogun Sulus back. But we all were relieved to finally see some action. We had not last one man in years now, and didn't plan to change that.
Well, change came.
And it had the face of Bretonians.

Following a (most likely faked) emergency transmission of a Samura vessel, we got ambushed by a wave of Privateers. I don't think they expected such a force - their comms chatter indicated that they were quite surprised. Everything was going well, I thought. I actually enjoyed managing Aotaka's comms, shouting orders given by the Chūsa, until some fighter pilot managed to hit our port stabilizer hard. Helmsman lost control, and the Aotaka went into a flat spin. After recovering, the fighters were slaughtered. Not a single one of our pilots has returned, as we were forced to retreat.
Dishonoured and disgraced, the Chūsa draw his dagger and ordered me to be his Kaishakunin. And that is where I witnessed death. I killed my superior. The man I ever looked up to. Although letting him die in Honour, it was horrifying. I don't believe I will ever forget the look on his face when he gave me the order to kill him. And I still do not understand why he chose me.

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#notmyfrankfurt

[Char Aznable]

Entry 2 - 31st of January, 814 AS

The mobilization order arrived today. Emperor Kogen and Shogun Sulu personally addressed the forces in a speech, promising a swift end to the war and that they would minimize the losses. The Emperor stressed the righteousness of his cause. I could not agree more.
I was nearly court marshalled for obeying the Chūsa's orders, and even my closest friends shook their heads over me. They got a point, although it hurts to admit it. Sure, the old ways are something to be hold sacred, but are they worth more than the life of a man? Is a Samurai really worth more when he is dead, than when he retreats, able to fight once more for his master? And, more importantly, why did I obey him?
Now, after weeks of reflection and speaking with persons I had to speak with (Hell, otosama even got a licensed psychiatrist from Manhattan to speak with me over the net) I believe it was this look in his eyes. The man had given up. He had lost so many men, seen so much, that he just couldn't take it anymore.
I don't believe it was luck that got me out of the court marshall, though. I was told that the final decision was made on the assumption that the Chūsa was already dead and my sword merely made the difference between tradition and suicide. Otosama must have made quite a lot of calls, trying to get his little girl out of this.

In any way, I have to admit that my new position is interesting. Instead of getting kicked out of the Navy, I get to serve as Akagi's second comms officer.
The Assault on Bretonia is merely a matter of days now. Akagi and her escort stayed back in the recent time, now being moved to the front line at the gate to Tau-31. I am not really sure how this will turn out. Bretonia will fight fiercely. And I don't want to kill another man.

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#notmyfrankfurt

[Char Aznable]

Entry 3 - 7th of February, 814 AS

I did not believe victory would be possible the last days, with all the scouts reporting the amassing fleet in Tau-31, but apparently the Emperor indeed HAS the Mandate of Heaven. Our forces swashed away the bretonian defenders at the jumpgate, and this was truly a sight to behold. We did indeed suffer losses, but as the Emperor promised, they were reasonable.
It's very shocking, though, that I put the death of so many away this easily. Sure, I didn't kill them myself or knew them, but they're humans nonetheless, and their death usually has to mean a time of mourning for people like me.
The Akagi herself did good indeed. It was her missile that tore away a destroyer trying to outflank the Shogun's flagship, and I believe the rest of the 343rd did good today, too.

My private life, however, is nearing a cold war at the moment. Almost anyone aboard this ship is trying to stay out of my way, almost like I had the pox or something. I have never been the most popular soldier, due to me being female, but this coldness and silence is starting to stress me. The only person to speak with me is the first comms officer, and this interaction limits itself to me reporting the chatter of the night shift. I don't even know his name.

The Attack on Holman will start in a few days. Although I am confident that we will win this engagement, I fear the strong presence of bretonian capital ships will cause more losses than this battle did, and I know now for sure, that I will not see another day without any drastic changes for a long time...

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#notmyfrankfurt