A dark room is a wonderful place for awful things to happen.
"Onee-chan I can feel you in my womb! You have to stop or I will get pregnant!"
Elroy looked away, then looked back down.
"Oh, my hips are moving on their own!"
Beat.
"Who wrote this and are they in prison yet?"
The Senior Staff member put down his novel of a decidedly pornographic nature and saw his 10:30 was coming up the hall to meet him. The smut was in a drawer and the representative of the mining team was being welcomed in by the guard.
"Oh muey muey, mista Smith. Meesa so smilin' to be seein ya so!"
The man grinned evilly as da udda humie git gave it right back to him.
"I am vewy gwad you awe happy to see me - and you hawe a lawge pen in your twousahs, Cawpentah."
Dat Elroy git almost looked down before remembering there was one of them literal slabs of wood between his pants and da udda humie boy's gaaaaaaaze. He did titter, though, da git.
"Weesa have the plans if yoosa wantin' to see 'em. Yoosa in da business."
"I twust you hawe the pwans. We can begin wowk immediatewy."
"Oh muey muey!"
And so Doc Halite got one of them mining corporations, boss.
"Please never contribute anything to my biography ever again."
Elroy stares daggers at his split personality's adoptive daughter, who has proudly presented him with a series of words arranged in such a way to mildly displease him. "But yeah, that's pretty much how it happened, apart from the fact that Rachel exists and I don't need reading material like that. The guy was solid and the money was good, so we got him and his crew in pretty easily. If not for them, what we'll be doing soon would be a lot harder."
The two hug. "I've missed you, Willow. This research into Polstari Syndrome is really rustling my jimmies."
Willow shrugged, before disappearing back into the night.
"Heigh-ho, heigh-ho, it's off to work we go..."
- Some dwarves, probably
The Survey & Extracting Team Elroy Carpenter had contracted arrived aboard the Magic Brick, to meet Graham and Page. They were escorted into the briefing room, where the details of the project they had been contracted to do were found.
Reggie started the lecture. "One moment, we have to pull it up." The document you are attempting to access is classified for ClearanceBLUEand above.
Credentials accepted. The details of your access to this file, including the date, time, location, and duration, will be reported to the Information Technology & Security Agency (ITSA).
Outputting...
His authentication input, he flicked the switch for the display,
Evil Plan:Project CRIMSON SHORES CRIMSON SHORES is a joint project between the Abh Research Group and TITAN-Holt Products, under the auspices of the League of Einstenian Transitors. Due to the resources of Planetform, Inc. being perceived to be stretched too thin due to Gallia-related troubles, a quick and dirty means of rendering a planet habitable, at least temporarily, had to be devised. The end result was CRIMSON SHORES, which you, esteemed League personnel, now have the honor of carrying out.
Procedure:
Step I: Twenty Nightmare Torpedoes are to be detonated near the Northern Polar Ice cap.
Step II: No less than 1.500.000 cubic meters of water is to be decompressed into the atmosphere.
Step III: 500.000 tons of Fertilizers are to be spread out over the temperate regions.
Step IV: As many asteroids from the Coos field as possible are to be eased into a gentle descent to the surface.
Step V: Seed the planet with plant life.
Stev VI: Release the livestock.
Step VII: Senior Staff Liaison Willow Holt cuts the ribbon.
The operation is scheduled to begin on July 29th, 825 AS. Senior Staff have already directed transport ships to be "mothballed" in the Bethlehem Nebula, guarded by an Exitus Wing detachment. Those transport ships are taking on the Water needed to increase Colebrook's mass to the point where the atmosphere is breathable on a long-term basis, as well as to regulate the fluctuating temperatures on the surface. Will that be all?
End session.
Session ended. Welcome to the League Internal Database. To request information on a ship, project, or person, enter its ID now. You may be requested to present additional clearance to access files.
"So, any questions?" Reggie looked over the crowd. "Yes, you."
The miner, a fellow in his sixties, raised his hand.
"If you're going to make us wait for a month and a half, we'd like to survey the asteroid field you mentioned. At the very least, we may be able to make a home away from home to operate out of."
Page punched something into his genuine imitation laptop (Modern technology! Olden Days feel!) before ruling "You got the time, let's see what you can do."
And so the miners filed out. As soon as they were gone...
The large screen was turned back on, and a two-way video link was established.
"Yo, Elroy, you... why are you wearing that black robe and hood?"
"You will refer to me as 'My Lord'! Muhahahahahahahaha!"
"Um... Did Rachel break up with you or something?"
"What! How did you..."
"I'll send some ice cream over."
"I... I'd like that."
"Also, the miners you sent over are here, they know what's up."
"Excellent. Also, Rachel and I haven't broke up, but I want the ice cream anyway."
"Yeah, sure, no problem. I'll send it over."
"Thank you. And now, back to doing soul-destroying paperwork."
"I'll see you-- He hung up on me! If this job wasn't so good, I'd give him a piece of my mind. Grrr."
Poor overworked, undersexed Reggie. But at least he'd live comfortably when this line of work got boring.