I've been doing something a bit unusual with this RP, so I thought I'd open this thread for a bit of feedback. My concept here is an in-universe counterfactual story written years after the war actually ended. I'm open to any comments, criticisms, and suggestions? Love it? Hate it? Think I'm a bad person who should feel bad? Lay it on me!
Name-catchy. Draws me to read in instant as soon i sow it at right side of forum ,
Story-interesting and detailed enough, but without owerwelming and boring flood of info,
Plot twist with Steward - quite unexpected,
Looking forward to see what you prepared next . Dont change a thing in this concept ,it is great , just keep it coming!
(Only story here i aleady subscribed few hours ago ,that shuld tell you clear enough isnt lol ?)
(01-06-2019, 03:48 AM)sasapinjic Wrote: Name-catchy. Draws me to read in instant as soon i sow it at right side of forum ,
Story-interesting and detailed enough, but without owerwelming and boring flood of info,
Plot twist with Steward - quite unexpected,
Looking forward to see what you prepared next . Dont change a thing in this concept ,it is great , just keep it coming!
(Only story here i aleady subscribed few hours ago ,that shuld tell you clear enough isnt lol ?)
I'm glad you're enjoying it! I've pretty much been making this up as I go along, so I'm open to suggestions on where to go next. For the whole Steward twist, I knew I wanted Lord Mountbatten to give the Gauls a big, public middle finger. I know the title he chose isn't a traditional British or Bretonian title, but that was intentional. I like to think that art and literature from Earth was preserved and survived the exodus from Sol. Things like The Lord of the Rings would hold a place in their culture not unlike the place that books like the Illiad and the Odyssey hold in ours. So it makes sense that an educated man like Lord Mountbatten would pull a Tolkien reference out of his arse in a situation like that, when he was speaking off the cuff with no prior planning.
I'm not sure where the story is going next, so if you or anyone else has any suggestions, I'm all ears.
It has been awesome so far, but the last post is a bit cringey. Would make for a Hollywood movie, but those are not known for their quality. If the king has to die (guess you're aiming at a civil war or at the abolition of the Monarchy in the Council's favour), I'd prefer if he died of old age, or an illness, or got ill and was killed by a revolutionary surgeon on the operating table, or poisoned by an impatient heir. If you want to feel that it was Bretonia's accomplishment, the jungles of Gaia are good places for snipers. Especially if the king is as proud and confident as a certain Austrian duke. That one was almost as proud and confident as literally every Frenchman.
(10-24-2019, 01:51 PM)Thunderer Wrote: It has been awesome so far, but the last post is a bit cringey. Would make for a Hollywood movie, but those are not known for their quality. If the king has to die (guess you're aiming at a civil war or at the abolition of the Monarchy in the Council's favour), I'd prefer if he died of old age, or an illness, or got ill and was killed by a revolutionary surgeon on the operating table, or poisoned by an impatient heir. If you want to feel that it was Bretonia's accomplishment, the jungles of Gaia are good places for snipers. Especially if the king is as proud and confident as a certain Austrian duke. That one was almost as proud and confident as literally every Frenchman.
The more I think about it, the more I agree with your overall point here. I still want the King to be taken down by a planetary-scale event of dubious morality, but the one I picked has plot holes big enough to fly a Valor through sideways. I'll be rewriting that post at some point in the near future.
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