And therefore I’ll dispel the pain of others, For it is simply pain, just like my own. And others I will aid and benefit, For they are living beings, like my body.
I am thankfully and gracefully situated within my new abode on Freeport 9, still surprised at the turn of events of the last few days. I have, come to terms with myself and my inner-feelings many times, I found myself at a crossroads that Alexandria helped me through finding a path. Whether this path is the right path, is irrelevant to the impermanence of my existence. I worry of my own, being this body may very well perish at any moment with the decisions I have made, the conversations that I have dived into with no fear and the friendships of those who can be construed as traitors to their own kind. What worries me, and why I have begun to write these accounts is passing on without anyone knowing my story, my life and why I make these decisions.
Talking with the blue dragons, for instance seems most wise to a Buddhist. Not many can understand my viewpoint of all beings, we are all equal in the great expanse of interconnectedness. My mindfulness resonates with me that we are effective of each-other due to dependent originations. Talking with a blue dragons, majestic and truly the closest to Bodhisattvas that I have seen for instance seems wise for me as cause and effect. My being is dependent on others, the composition of my body and the environment, if I was to shy away from conversing then perhaps that blue dragon would've attacked those more violent to their peaceful kind. We are in a constant flux, creation and destruction rooted in ever-changing conditions of the universe. I grew up in a harsh place, beautiful as it is now I did not see it's beauty then. I believe that peaceful insight into other beings including the nomads is a core tenant of my very existence.
If I was to be executed, arrested or ostracised for my religious beliefs in other beings then, I would be briefly saddened but I was also accept what it is to come. I only wish that, when people find this diary they come to realise who I was, rather then judging me on out of context actions. Make no mistake, I dismay against the nomads that cause violence those nomads that cannot be convinced of anything but and I dismay against those who are infected. I personally would not want infection, it is a destruction of the self and against everything I have learnt of keeping the mind whole. If I was joined with another mind, intriguing and horrific as that prospect sounds I would not truly understand it. I am a me, not a we.
Alexandria enjoys these philosophical quandaries that constantly go through my mind. I have come to seek guidance in a blue dragon known as Daeira, beautiful as her song is I cannot help but think that she has a ulterior motive of converting me to worshipping her kind. I have explained and told stories to her, "her" I suppose I have imprinted a matriarchal view. But yes, I have told stories of Buddhism and the tales of dark and light are very similar. However I believe that there is darkness and light within all beings, including the Nomads. I do not think Daeira would accept such a viewpoint and I am well, apprehensive of speaking to her of my feelings on that. All beings are profound things but Daeira is the most profound, and I do not want to jeopardize the odd relationship between us. We are both, teacher and student to each other of our ways. If I am to reborn, and I cannot reach Nirvana perhaps I would enjoy a Nomad form. We live in the infinite regress, and our actions shall be judged accordingly.
2. Kalyāṇa-mitratās
Once the Buddha’s disciple Ananda asked him about friendship. Ananda knew that having good and encouraging friends was very important for the path. He even wondered whether having good friends is half the path.
“No, Ananda,” the Buddha told him, “having good friends isn’t half of the Holy Life. Having good friends is the whole of the Holy Life.”
When I joined New Dawn, Mark showed me much of what we hope to accomplish. I admit, our friendship is based on mutual respect and a view of the greater good for humankind. I have not seen him for some weeks, nor have I other members of New Dawn. I question whether I should remain in this small group but bes
I have met many strange, interesting and hostile people and leaving them unmentioned would seem rude of me. I only spent a few months out in space when I met someone known as Mysterious. I'm unsure about him, still unsure about him. He has strange dreams that one could construe as pure lunacy but with the way the Nomads are from stories, who I am I to disbelieve him. Do I think he should go to a medical professional to get checked? Yes, would I say such things to him? No. I find him very young and the way he speaks confusing at times. Still, I would consider him a friend. He considers me, greater than that seeing me as his love. I do not think he understands my viewpoint on love and relationships but again I would never truly let him down that would be unkind.
The other I met was "John" or "Wolf" a explorer of some renown and immensely popular with other explorers it seems. He seems touched by fate and rather mysterious at times, I have met many others who are friends of his a sort of Wolf fan-club I imagine although that seems to be a bit shall we say, corny? Nevertheless I am intrigued by him and his background that he keeps to himself. His quest for this, Narcharite or Nacharite worries me greatly. He nearly died and that would be most sad if he did. I have not seen him for some time since the voided incidents.
Then there is Captain Alexander Daniels, someone who I have much conflict personally and politically with. I do not know what his plan is with his quest to seek Nomads. I hope he does not become infected, he would never be the same spirit, the same soul. I do respect him for seeking the Nomads but I also think it is quite foolish to join them by being infected. Still, there is something carnal within me about him. Alexandria calls it a infatuation and I would agree, but whether I would willingly pursue this infatuation with him is another story entirely. Love for me is not so simple, I have loved before and it ended in tragedy which I will get into later. Still, should I not seek it again, would I betray myself if I do? Alexander is not the only one I am infatuated with.
Alexandria Conley is well, at this point my best friend. She has confided in me and I in her. We argue, well we debate constantly back and forth like grand philosophers we think we are. I like her and she has convinced me to become a Zoner, something I had not thought before and indeed something I avoided before. I am now, neutral in faction and in life I only hope the other Zoners will be as forgiving with my beliefs as Alex has been. There might be something more to her, she does not hide it well and I am curious about her. I need to get her a scarf.
If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.
Tragedy nearly befell me or that is what I thought when I was stopped by a BDM agent. Seems my openness towards the blue dragons was witnesses by others. What I have learnt is that, I would cause myself strife and violence perhaps if I publicly display my Buddhistic views towards the blue dragons. I was fined fifty million, a small sum and I have payed more but still I expected myself to be swiftly killed or imprisoned. There was a lengthy screening process for infection and I must admit a small part of me was briefly violated. Still, compared to my path possibly being cut short it was no matter.
I have since, wandered something that I have been tricked by someone. The fifty million reminded me of the two-hundred that I gave to "Lena" of the Scavenging Wolf. Another pirate said I was fooled, it has been some weeks since then and I have not seen them since. I believe this other pirate may be correct but still I hold out hope of seeing them once more in a Pilgrim liner. I don't know why this comes into my mind now, perhaps it is something to reflect on. I shall persevere onwards, trusting in others the Buddhist way.
Remembering a wrong is like carrying a burden on the mind
I awoke yesterday morning with another by my side. Something that I personally did not think would happen, I have felt again what it felt like to be intimate with someone and I let go of the inhibitions that plagued me. I am now free of burden, of suffering and of apprehension in my choices. Before that morning I did not know if I could trace patterns in another heart but I did. I'm sure Myst will be disappointed, wherever his crazy mind has gone and I'm sure Daniels will be disappointed even if he did not know my infatuation with him. That day was a good day for me, finally being able to come to terms with my past and accept myself anew.
Today, was not a good day. John, needed a few freelancers to go on another quest for him and being the friend that i am I accepted. Then, suddenly it felt like everyone was there coming in one by one. Friends, and foes as it later turned out. Seiko was amongst them, a fellow Kusari and researcher that I have become friendly with. It started out chaotic, then once we went into Omicron Minor it spun out of control. The Nomads attacked everyone, including me...we had to hide in the strange cloud anomalies but I saw a strange Gate structure, it was wondrous. Then I started getting, transmissions from some unknown vessel. A fellow Kusari wanted me to spy on Harmony, they said they knew me so I knew this was a infected.
I did not say much and truly I did not enough to be useful but the fact they are watching me, unnerves me. My relationship with Daeira is very unique, but to other nomads it is non-existent. I suppose it has something to do with the interconnected hive-mind of the Nomads but I am not a expert. Anyway, I told the truth I knew nothing of the Harmony's armenants or it's ship I ran as soon as the battle started the group separated and I lost Diana. Diana, oh Diana...a mysterious woman of such excitement and childlike wonder but yet I fear she hides a sinister side underneath it all. Am I a fool to befriend her? Perhaps but nevertheless, I see someone in danger I assist.
Then Auxesia came, my opinion of them has been lowered once more. Auxesia are hateful beings, sometimes I find it difficult to forgive them. There actions are of a brute force strategy of technological enlightenment. They are hoarders of technology and do not wish to share with others. I despise them for their violent actions in this endeavour and they disrupted everything it seemed. There was a large battle between the AI that arrived and the Harmony, then we went to Lost and eventually Rho.
Daeira was at Rho, she had the Narcrahtite and would not release it. I tried, I tried my best to convince her but it was not enough. I thought she was to die, her soul to be reborn but I found myself becoming saddened at this prospect. I do not know why, perhaps it was something of my attachment to a peaceful end and no violence to be drawn. I thought hope was lost so I fled. I prayed and cried alone in space, it's coldness was the only solace I felt. The others contacted me and on my way, I learnt that Daeira survived fleeing with the Narcrahtite to parts unknown. I felt relieved, no violence was brought, no souls reborn and my happiness restored.
Then I was contacted by the stranger, wanted me to talk more of what I wanted in life. I thought for sure he wanted to infect me, but I followed him to Lost along with Joshua Graham. They showed me to a Nomad, Kh'Alin. The nomad spoke to me in my mind and asked if I would worship it. I said no, all beings are equal to me and no being should be greater than another. They spared me, I was concerned I would be infected but my wisdom and faith protected me. After the days events, all I wish now is to be with the one in the other morning and release my woes onto her. I'm unsure if I will assist John again, it was very stressful.
Hope is important because it can make the present moment less difficult to bear. If we believe that tomorrow will be better, we can bear a hardship today.
When I was first arrived at the monastery, I thought there was something I could do to change the world. This was before I understood such thoughts were unskilled. Trying to change the world only leads to suffering, all we can change is ourselves. Still, I wish there was something I could do to stop the violence that the Kusari government is perpetuating. I am not a patriot, but I also have family there who are patriotic. When I was stopped by a Rheinland military cruiser I had my own thoughts on this, the Captain of the cruiser was not forgiving of my Kusari heritage and assumed that i was some type of spy. As a Zoner now I am a free citizen of Sirius but still my heritage will follow me wherever I may go. There was a suggestio of myself going into politics by a friendly Rhein military, I admit I did think about it but who would support someone who wants to stop and repair mistrust between the Sirius houses. My former people are now blind, they think in old terms. I am more traditional than some of them, and yet they still fight on nothing more than rivalries of a time gone by.
All the houses seem to do this, Gallia fighting Bretonia and Liberty. Rheinland fighting Kusari, when will this violence stop, when will they realise the futility of their wars. I have heard long ago about Buddhist monks who self-immolated in the name of preserving or preventing peace. No, I am not sure I wish to go out in such a manner, I'm doubtful that it would work at all. I would simply be a interesting footnote or image for people to ponder going forward. The wars between the houses makes me concerned for what the Nomads will do, I cannot truly say if I support one side or the other but my gut instinct says I should support my fellow humans if a coming war is to come. Is that, selfish of me? What about Daeira and her supposedly harmonious ways. Our thinking does out reflect their thinking, so I cannot say what Daeira would do if a war is to come.
All of this was much to meditate on, and speak my mantras on as I prayed in the morning. Alexandria pushes me to be more freeing of my inhibitions, and certainly I have but in other ways I must keep my inhibitions. If I live uninhibited, I would of betrayed all the work and why I became a Buddhist in the first place. I'm unsure if she understands why I persevere, why I throw myself into situations and why I continue to have such a polite and friendly way with everyone. It is who I am, it is me, myself and my whole being. The past has gone, the future is uncertain I must now live like a cloud in the sky until I reach Nirvana.
What you are is what you have been. What you’ll be is what you do now.
I have met another religious person, quite like me in many ways. Babur Khan was his name, and he was a Muslim. I am both surprised and delighted that another Religion of the old antiquity survived, we had a very pleasant conversation. This was after some days of aimlessly trading. I have found myself becoming bored by trading, it is highly useful and does allow me some funds to use for my peaceful ways. However, I tend to find that it takes too long and that luck has not been kind to me. Previously I had catched a miner or managed to get some from storage outposts but now the main ore storages are empty.
This is selfish suffering I know, the need for enjoyment and fulfilment should come from other things. I found Alexandria's sister, Mellisa and my brief belief in being a arbiter of that family was cut short by her attitudes and the attack of a Blue Dragon. It appeared quite suddenly out of cloak and attacked with streamers the Order vessel. Katherine Pennybrooke, a Freelancer went to the Nomad's aid in this, calling the Order "Banishers". She is a sympathiser like me, but I would never brazenly defend a Nomad who was being quite violent. She is a curiosity, I worry that she may be infected like so many others.
I have also sent a request to Sean Goodman, the Freeport 9 manager for a Buddhist temple on 9. I have hopes and dreams that people may come to me for spiritual guidance. I am still the only Buddhist and it is becoming worrying, am I truly alone in this religion out in space?
My belief was challenged greatly yesterday in Delta, apparently there was a great battle and my usual politeness was not appreciated in the morning. Most crucial for my determination to continue to believe in the limitless dignity and possibilities of both ourselves and others. If I cannot abide by that basic ruling then I shall need to return to the Monastery at Junyo. I am, perhaps foolish to believe always in peaceful compromise and in questioning me, I learned about myself. I can be violent, I justified it to myself that I would protect ones I cared for if the Nomads attacked and if I was the last ship standing? I felt ill afterwards, like I had betrayed my soul and heart. My capacity for compassion has its limits, I am not perfect, I am not a Bodhisattva but perhaps that is learning curve.
In time, my Karma shall balance from the words said to me and the trepidation of my mind. There was quite a many Zoners around Freeport 11. I felt overwhelmed and joyous at the same time, that I could find so many with so many different views. Giant ships that, admittedly I am impressed by and vigilant hearts against the nomads. I found myself asking to build a temple on 9, so that i may help others and perhaps convert others if they are willing. I was surprised when I received a reply to my request, and even more surprised by the offer of Pygar. Such Harshness, people do need to find faith in harsh situations and I have become lack in how others suffer. I must do it, I can do it.
I am a hopeful being, a Buddhist's greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall and I hope to rise once more to the occasion and not let the unskilled words of Joshua Graham influence my mind and judgement. To lose my heart just because of one or two failures is the height of foolishness. Life is a long, long journey. No matter how wonderful a life you have lived, if in the end you find yourself defeated and unhappy, nothing could be more miserable. Misery is not becoming of me, and others would fall if I myself let it become a part of me. The problems that I have faced are daunting in their depth and complexity. Sometimes it is hard to see where or how to begin. But I cannot become paralysed by misery. I must each take action toward the goals I have set and in which I believe. Rather than passively accepting things as they are, I must challenge this, creating a new reality. It is in this effort that I shall find undying hope.
Daeira has gone. I have lost her, she has lost me. My hopes-my undying hope is now questioned. Perhaps Melissa is right, perhaps I should just accept that violence is the only way. I cannot allow myself to give in to sadness, to give in to that misery. This morning I woke with undying hope, now it is questioned greater. I am a fool for thinking that peace could be obtained, a fool for thinking there was some understanding between me and Daeira. These thoughts run through me, like a myriad of mirrors.
Daeira has gone. Nomads cannot obtain peace, for they don't understand our individuality. I cannot give in to do violent acts myself, but now I am not dismissive of others doing it. I need to go, I need to walk on Earth again. I need to be mindful, I need to be myself once more. I need to Meditate on it all, it is so much.
Daeira has gone, she has gone and so too has my heart for Nomads it seems.
I am the owner of my karma.
I inherit my karma.
I am born of my karma.
I am related to my karma.
I live supported by my karma.
Whatever karma I create, whether good or evil, that I shall inherit.
Pygar is harsh, the desert landscape has been a refreshing change for one such as I. I was so used to modern comforts of space travel that I forgot my place in the world of nature, people are suffering, Zoner migrants barely have enough to survive and yet they cling to each-other. I have been a source of comfort for some and a source of hope for others. I do not want to be seen as a saviour but people seem to believe I am on this desert planet. The caverns offer what little shelter there is, already modern technology is being installed within creating a cavern of artificial light. I admit some trepidation for this, I am reminded of the Gaian plight for natural order of planets. I wonder if the new installations will wake up some being beneath the surface. The Pygarian Insects have so far been docile and often run away from human survey teams, there has even been talk of farming them for protein.
I myself have briefly gone back to my roots, working in the Agricultural sections of the caverns. Farming is in my blood, and it brings me a sense of joy to see the food that I have grown go to hungry mouths. So far the temple is just a skeleton, a shell of what will come. Money and resources are required to build more, I shall see if anyone is willing to assist this endeavour in future. I think I am ready to return to space, but the news of the Crayter Republic's decision fills me with hurtful feelings. War continues, violence continues. I must accept this and realise that I cannot do anything about it.
I am considering going into Zoner politics, if Mister Goodman is absent for some time then perhaps I will consider running for Administrator of Freeport 9, it is my home now and I at least understand how to keep neutral in new affairs. As for my relationship with Nomads and Daeira. That shall have to be resolved by me before I commit, I hope Daeira can forgive me for my independent thought as I have forgiven her but in the grand scheme of things and the fact that speaking to her is tantamount to summary execution in some places, I will have to be more obtuse about it. I am not a sympathiser, but I am a sympathiser to Daeira.
With sympathisers in mind, my thoughts turn to Diana and her status. Others called her a Oracle, a term I have heard before. Nomad worshippers is another word, if Diana is not infected then I wish to try to convert her to Buddhism, only to save her from further suffering in future. Perhaps even allow her to stay with me on Freeport 9. For now, I venture once more into space and begin the trade routes to gain more money for funding the temple.
Profound and tranquil, free from complexity,
Uncompounded luminous clarity,
Beyond the mind of conceptual ideas;
This is the depth of the mind of the Victorious Ones.
Daniels returned and so to did my growing suspicions of him. Another a Captain David suspected he was infected and I believe so too, at least a part of me does. Since returning to space I have had a new perspective on things. The new war between the Crayter Republic and the IMG presents much difficulty for the neutrality of the Zoners. Some Zoners have set off on a path of revenge against Bretonia for their actions at Gran Canaria and other places. I am not a veteran Zoner but I understood his plight and his need for violence, I disagreed with it wholeheartedly of course. There are few things I can do, a official protest with Bretonia will undoubtedly look foolish from a simple Buddhist monk with no real position within the Zoners. I am alone in my peaceful activism it seems, people have been hardened by war, suffering and that is all they have known.
I want to bring serenity and stability to people's minds but it would be foolish of me to seek out people to convert. I am still the only Buddhist and until recently I thought I was the only, religious person out here. I wish people would find that their views bring them suffering and they need to end it within themselves to have a healthy mind. I must seek out those who wish to know and learn from me. That is my aim with the temple, and that may be my aim in future. I have not told Mark yet, but I have been thinking I should resign from my position within New Dawn. I cannot do what I can do whilst part of a company, that well I have neglected since going on this journey.
How long has it been, since i started on this journey, nearly 3 months. 3 months and I have, met a alien, been involved in conspiracies, seen the gate of heaven, gone through so much happiness and yet I continue. I am who I am, and that shall continue and with the help of friends I shall not be alone.
The so-called being is like a flash of lightning that is resolved into a succession of sparks that follow upon one another with such rapidity that the human retina cannot perceive them separately, nor can the uninstructed conceive of such succession of separate sparks.
I have met a reincarnated being, not through a spiritual means but through the means of technology. I admit this does open avenues for me, that technology effectively has created it's own reincarnation. The poor girl, Nesrin Khan seemed lost in the cosmos. I stumbled upon her having a conversation with John Silverstone and others of the IMG, she wanted peace and thoughtfulness with one another. Her methods are not my methods but I found her plight to be warming to me. I honestly did not expect her to turn to be a Gammu AI, or, half-Gammu woman. She is human to me, and she has a soul to me. A soul that has effectively been reborn. She says she confided in Buddhism once in her life and I extended a invitation to the temple at Pygar.
Buddhists don't believe in a soul like others do, I do not totally deny the existence of it but to us a soul is the self, the karmic energy within. The Buddhist philosophical term for an individual is santana, or in other words a flux or a continuity. It includes the mental and physical elements of a being. The karmic force of each individual binds these elements together. This uninterrupted flux of psycho-physical phenomenon, which is conditioned by karma, and not limited only to the present life, but having its source in the beginning-less past and its continuation in the future — is the Buddhist substitute for the permanent ego or the immortal soul of other religions. There are other interpretations but explaining them on the fly to others whilst in deep conversations is very difficult indeed.
The consciousness of a being persistently flows like a river, with birth as the source and death as it's mouth. When I die, my karmic energy shall be reborn into another form, perhaps even a Buddha. This is a psycho-physical phenomena and death is merely a end of a temporary phenomenon. There is some scientific proof in this, atoms, are both "divisible and destructible." The electrons and protons that compose atoms can meet and annihilate one another while their persistence, such as it is, is rather that of a wave lacking fixed boundaries, and in process of continual change in shape and position. Another saying is that, we are all made of starstuff.
Oh my, that was a lot I feel bad for whoever may stumble upon this in the future, if anyone would at all. Perhaps myself is listening right now, regretting her decision to watch a metaphysical rant. What else happened today, ah yes. Daniels showed me another Nomad, who seemed peaceful enough with me yet now I have more apprehension of them. It too seemed displeased with my views, and Daniels himself well he finds himself unforgivable. I don't know what he intends to do with the Nomads, but it worries me greatly. I should report him as a Zoner, but I find that I cannot until I'm sure of myself with him. Either way, he is mysterious in his intentions.
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